Comments on: If Only Ron Jeremy Could Hit the Slider

If Only Ron Jeremy Could Hit the Slider

fenriq — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:07:27 -0800

MLB's All Porn Mustache Team
Cue: Funky bassline and Wa-Wa guitar.
Is it just me or does Jeff Kent's 'stache (bottom of the page in the honorable mentions section) look like more peach fuzz than manly man style?
Who did they miss?

By: Mayor Curley

Mayor Curley — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:21:22 -0800

The red sox have a pitcher who currently works in porn.

By: iconomy

iconomy — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:22:38 -0800

They forgot Catfish Hunter. This is good.

By: fenriq

fenriq — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:24:28 -0800

I love Rod Beck's entry, "I'm Rod Beck. I live in a trailer. I drink beer. I have a porn 'stache. Fuck you!" And they did overlook Catfish, that is a shame!

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:29:26 -0800

Who did they miss? Sparky Lyle. Catfish Hunter. Dennis Eckersley, Al Hrabosky and Thurman Munson

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:29:39 -0800

D'oh!

By: iconomy

iconomy — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:30:07 -0800

And Oscar Gamble, who should get extra points for his "Nancy" hairdo.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:32:25 -0800

They also forgot former Expos pitchers Stever Rogers and Russ Grimsley, who had quite the soup-strainers. No link, 'cause I ain't about to send visitors to the Washington Nationals web site.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:34:00 -0800

Oops, that should be Ross Grimsley.

By: ssukotto

ssukotto — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:54:50 -0800

They understandably, but regrettably, left Pat Borders out. Pat's one of those moment-of-glory-but-mostly-minor-league guys whom it's impossible to root against. Especially with a tobacco-stained, seen it all 'stache like that.

By: bmckenzie

bmckenzie — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:56:16 -0800

Mike Piazza doesn't have it (the 'stache) any more. New manager Willie Randolph is enforcing the Yankees clean-shaven look. Actually, Piazza has lost more than his mustache -- here's a graf from Lee Jenkins NY Times story on last night's game:

Mike Piazza started this trip by getting an autograph from Rush Limbaugh, his main political influence, then compared the experience to meeting George Washington, Abraham Lincoln or the pope. From that point on, Piazza went 0 for 9 with six strikeouts and hit into a double play. The Curse of the Limbaugh was in full effect Wednesday, as Piazza also bounced four throws on attempted stolen bases.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 26 May 2005 10:57:25 -0800

And let's not forget mr.I-get-traded-every-season Kurt Bevacqua

By: nyterrant

nyterrant — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:00:49 -0800

And let's not forget mr.I-get-traded-every-season Kurt Bevacqua Wow, I had forgotten about those old-school Pirates hats.

By: fenriq

fenriq — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:01:03 -0800

bmckenzie, wow, I had no idea that Piazza played for the Yankees, I was pretty sure he's a Met right now. Shame he's yet another dumbass dittohead who thinks Rush Limbaugh is worth listening to. But then, he never did really come across as the sharpest knife in the back, did he?

By: fenriq

fenriq — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:01:43 -0800

Sorry if that came off snarky, bmckenzie, it was more lighthearted during the previw.

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:04:38 -0800

Jim Grant doesn't have a mustache or beard, but with the sideburns it's a beautiful use of negative space.

By: longbaugh

longbaugh — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:07:10 -0800

Perhaps some of these individuals can find their way onto the Moustache-o-meter?

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:07:47 -0800

Actually, the award for Most Unfortunate Facial Hair Configuration in Sports History would have to go to Bill "Jebidiah" Walton.

By: tkchrist

tkchrist — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:09:59 -0800

They forgot Ted Turner.

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:10:07 -0800

Ahh the Amish beard, nothing says "I'm peeking through a hairy porthole" quite like it.

By: ozomatli

ozomatli — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:21:35 -0800

I dunno jonmc, I think Scot Pollard can seriously compete for that title, but then again he can always use the excuse that he's from KU.

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:24:52 -0800

great post fenriq. when i saw rollie fingers at the top of the list, i broke out laughing. Rollie is famed for his extravagant handlebar mustache, grown in 1972 as a prank to force team owner Charlie Finley into ordering the removal of facial hair for all team members. But instead of ordering all the A's to shave (including Reggie Jackson's prized beard), Finley offered $300 to any Oakland Athletic who grew a mustache by Father's Day that year. The A's won three World Championships from 1972-1974, and the mustache stayed.

By: mrgrimm

mrgrimm — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:35:29 -0800

Pat's one of those moment-of-glory-but-mostly-minor-league guys whom it's impossible to root against. Nobody is impossible to root against. Not even Jim Abbott. Baseball-wise, I hated Pat Borders and most all of the Blue Jays. Stache-wise, he and Steib definitely had it going, though nothing compared to Jack Morris. Screw Piazza. He's the only player keeping me from fantasy domination. I've finally given up and subbed in Bengie Molina. Ugh.

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:41:10 -0800

Rollie Fingers is hardly a "porn" mustache unless you like porn from the 1800s. His has more of a foppish dandy feel to it.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:50:36 -0800

I get the feeling that the page's author thinks every 'stache is a porn 'stache.

By: Dr. Wu

Dr. Wu — Thu, 26 May 2005 11:56:54 -0800

I stopped following baseball years ago, and it never occurred to me that I'd hear the name "Dickie Thon" again. I was wrong. Also, Frank Viola genuinely looks more than a little bit like John Holmes.

By: me3dia

me3dia — Thu, 26 May 2005 13:07:27 -0800

I get the feeling that the page's author thinks every 'stache is a porn 'stache. I agree. Great concept stretched a little thin to fill a whole team. Heheh, I said "fill a whole." Heheh

By: MiltonRandKalman

MiltonRandKalman — Thu, 26 May 2005 13:57:29 -0800

Who did they miss? – Dennis Eckersley Actually he's in there as the Closer. As a matter of fact I petiton the Dirty Sanchez with a spitball thrown in for good measure be called to the Dirty Eckersley. Mike Piazza doesn't have it (the 'stache) any more. Yeah but he's an honorary, because he's still in the closet. Oh he's says he straight, sure you're not Mike. You and Warner both.

By: NickO

NickO — Thu, 26 May 2005 15:33:42 -0800

This post reminded me of this game. (warning, audio)

By: furtive

furtive — Thu, 26 May 2005 18:15:12 -0800

I made this for fark ages ago. Who knew it would ever end up on topic.

By: padjet1

padjet1 — Thu, 26 May 2005 22:56:14 -0800

Jose Valentin: