Spray-on Mud

June 14, 2005 9:15 AM

Spray-on Mud - So you own a big 4x4, and you feel a bit stupid that you only use it to take the children to school. You want people to think you're a bit country - that you need 6 tonnes of car to get you from A to B because you like to take it off-road every so often. You need Spray-on Mud apparently.
posted by The Ultimate Olympian (101 comments total)

*sits down, awaits quonsar*
posted by peacay at 9:18 AM on June 14, 2005

*wipes a tear from his eye*

God bless America!
posted by keswick at 9:18 AM on June 14, 2005

Perhaps I'll start a spin-off company offering desk detritus designed to make it look like you've been working hard (scrumpled up bits of paper, used coffee cups etc).

I suppose this is just the vehicle equivalent of faded jeans.
posted by The Ultimate Olympian at 9:18 AM on June 14, 2005

I think it's an English company.
posted by The Ultimate Olympian at 9:19 AM on June 14, 2005

After reading the site, I get the distinct impression that this is meant mostly for obscuring licence plate numbers from speed-trap cameras.
posted by MrMoonPie at 9:20 AM on June 14, 2005

Spray on dust is the greatest thing
Sure is the greatest thing
Since the last, since the last...


(the beta band knew about it _years_ ago!)
posted by ab3 at 9:20 AM on June 14, 2005

The Beta Band have always been one step ahead though to be fair.
posted by The Ultimate Olympian at 9:22 AM on June 14, 2005

keswick, its a British company. Note that they have all those funny symbols that mean pounds before the numbers denoting price? Not that I wasn't right there with you.

This is the absolute height of poserdumb, oh sorry, poserdom. Do they also have some spray on chest hair and a prosthetic beer gut? If I buy five bottles will they give me a cool replica trucker hat? Ashton Kutcher says those are cool.
posted by fenriq at 9:23 AM on June 14, 2005

Oh, well, I didn't read the article or anything. I tell ya, those limeys might have what it takes after all!
posted by keswick at 9:24 AM on June 14, 2005

fenriq - you're gonna get head-hunted for a place on the board if you keep coming up with top class ideas like that.
posted by The Ultimate Olympian at 9:25 AM on June 14, 2005

How silly does it get? I suppose this will sell well with soccer moms who drive their toughguy-wannabe 8year olds to practice in Lincoln Navigators, and new Hummers. Must... control... fist.... of .. death....

Ultimate Olympian: hah!
fenriq: right on :)
posted by modernerd at 9:26 AM on June 14, 2005

spray on brains?
posted by Hands of Manos at 9:27 AM on June 14, 2005

Ooh! Ooh! I want to create a spoof that gets picked up and spread by people who think it's real!
posted by spock at 9:30 AM on June 14, 2005

The spray on mud was great until that fateful day when Dad confused it with the Hair-In-A-Can. Hilarity ensued.
posted by jonmc at 9:31 AM on June 14, 2005

After reading the site, I get the distinct impression that this is meant mostly for obscuring licence plate numbers from speed-trap cameras.
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:20 AM CST on June 14 [!]

Moonpie got it.

BTW, are you familiar with this? RC and Moonpie Festival.
posted by Ynoxas at 9:37 AM on June 14, 2005

"Sprayonmud is NOT to be used to obscure number-plates or the lights on your vehicle. This, of course, is illegal and while it is not an endorsable offence, if your number plates cannot be read at a reasonable distance – or photographed by a speed camera – you could face a hefty fine."

and yet the license plate is partly obscured in the picture they show!

you gotta love scams.
posted by muppetboy at 9:40 AM on June 14, 2005

Much cheaper mud (and priced in dollars, albeit Canadian ones.)
posted by kika at 9:45 AM on June 14, 2005

Is it just me, or does the photo showing it applied to a land rover look like crap? It looks more like someone threw a mud ball at the rear than it actually went off road. Real mud would look more like this.
posted by darkness at 9:46 AM on June 14, 2005

because real mud is so hard to find.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:47 AM on June 14, 2005

It would be pretty cool to use this for graffiti since it'll just wash off in the rain. Me, I'm going to keep a few cans in my trunk to coat the windows of the next person who steals my parking spot.
posted by fandango_matt at 9:52 AM on June 14, 2005

It looks like they just Photoshopped it on.
posted by obvious at 9:53 AM on June 14, 2005

Bad photoshop job. At least try to make the mud look convincing.
posted by spunpup at 9:53 AM on June 14, 2005

Wow, it actually really is mud, bottled. I figured it was something synthetic.
posted by odinsdream at 9:56 AM on June 14, 2005

Ooh! Ooh! I want to create a spoof that gets picked up and spread by people who think it's real!
posted by spock at 9:30 AM PST on June 14 [!]

From the (authentic) Guardian article and the working online order form, I'd say it is real. That is a bad photoshop job on the Land Rover, though.

From the Guardian article:
"It went down really well with everyone, although he thought I was taking the mickey. Which is exactly what I was doing."

I like this phrase, perhaps I can transplant it to the Midwestern US if my friends take to it.
posted by Derive the Hamiltonian of... at 10:16 AM on June 14, 2005

Sprayonmud is NOT to be used to liberally coat the commode in your workplace restroom. This, of course, is rude and while it is not an endorsable offence, if your coworkers cannot be relieve themselves at a reasonable distance from their cubicle or desk – or become ill at the sight of the commode so defaced – you could face a hefty retribution.
posted by nervousfritz at 10:23 AM on June 14, 2005

Are these the same people that brought us Wipe-On-Diarrhea ® and Desperate-Need-To-Be-Validated In A Can®?
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 10:24 AM on June 14, 2005

So wait a second, this is just mud in an aerosol can? Do fraternities know about this shit yet? This could be the next toilet paper or cherry bomb in the toilet! This could be HUGE!
posted by fenriq at 10:25 AM on June 14, 2005

Is anyone else familiar with the following game:

Walking down the street, you notice the model name of a parked SUV. Navigator, for instance. Then, outloud, you prefix the model name with the word "anal" thereby making your friends chuckle.

My favorite is "Anal Armada."

Others include:
Anal Escape
Anal Trailblazer
Anal Explorer
posted by Jon-o at 10:25 AM on June 14, 2005

nervousfritz, its better to use chocolate pudding. Especially since you can dip a finger in it and taste it to horrify onlookers even more. But I like the way you think!
posted by fenriq at 10:26 AM on June 14, 2005

Wired has an article on these guys too. It's real, it's marketed cleverly in regard to obscuring license plates, which is really what it's made for, no matter what they claim otherwise.

In a country (England) with more public cameras per capita than any other, this can't really be all that surprising. I wouldn't be surprised at all if some entrepreneur starts attempting to make wearing masks in public a 'fashion statement' when really the intent is to avoid being constantly tracked by police' and other's cameras.
posted by Kickstart70 at 10:27 AM on June 14, 2005

Anal Excursion
Anal Rover
Anal Equinox
Anal Sportage
Anal Navigator

...heh, that is fun.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 10:34 AM on June 14, 2005

I still think bullet-hole decals are the best after-market automobile accessory money can buy.
posted by pmbuko at 10:36 AM on June 14, 2005

Oh for fuck's sake!

This reminds me of Neuticles.

On preview: Anal Probe. Anal Blazer.
posted by Specklet at 10:39 AM on June 14, 2005

It is illegal to obscure your number plates.

Isn't that exactly what they do on the home page of their site?
posted by clevershark at 10:39 AM on June 14, 2005

*Hawks a big loogie on this thread.*

Ahh. Better.
posted by erratic frog at 10:41 AM on June 14, 2005

nervousfritz writes "Sprayonmud is NOT to be used to liberally coat the commode in your workplace restroom."

That's making a half-effort. You should be sure to also decorate the walls and especially the ceiling over the commode for full effect.
posted by clevershark at 10:41 AM on June 14, 2005

"Anal Cherokee" leaves quite a bit up to the imagination...
posted by Jon-o at 10:43 AM on June 14, 2005

I'm going to start a charity that air lifts Sprayonmud into the Sahara.
posted by crapulent at 10:45 AM on June 14, 2005

Heh, that stuff wouldn't work where I'm at. The mud out here is either bright red or white-tan or gray. They need more colors.

At the moment, the car my girlfriend and I have is stylin' totally perfect mud streaks on the rocker panels. Like spikey-muddy flames or something in bright, bright Red Rocks clay-mud.

It really does look cool. No, really. Especially on a totally nerdy 87 Toyota Tercel Wagon. Cars don't get much dorkier than that - hell, it's shaped like the "Star Tours" shuttle.

That car has been to more remote places than most yuppie-stuffed SUVs. It's a tank. It only cost $600 bucks, cash. 160k miles and still rockin' almost 30mpg on the original engine. AC works very well.

Plus, we can carry more stuff than most SUVs, considering most SUV's really don't hold that much gear because most of them are all curvy and and over-designed inside. Granted, we can't tow a boat or anything, but the whole car cost less than the monthly payment or gas bill for an H2. And a pair of kayaks would fit nicely on the roof rack, even next to my bike.
posted by loquacious at 10:49 AM on June 14, 2005

sigh - some of us grew up getting driven around by dorky hippies in Tercel wagons with mud all up the sides. Bouncing up and down driveways the 4x4ers were scared of, shooting fireworks at each other out the sunroofs...ah, loq, I hope you realize the profound responsibility you and your girl have taken on by driving a car with such a profound cultural/historical role, at least out here northwest way....long may you run. 'cause that car sure will.
posted by freebird at 10:56 AM on June 14, 2005

Personally I'm a fan of the Anal Sportage and, although it's not sold anymore, the GMC Anal Jimmy.
posted by nathan_teske at 10:59 AM on June 14, 2005

Is it just brown Spirit Foam?
posted by macadamiaranch at 11:00 AM on June 14, 2005

Anal Boss (Mustang)
Anal Nova
Anal Festiva
Anal Neon
posted by Specklet at 11:01 AM on June 14, 2005

loquacious -- what kind of car do you own? Sounds like a good one. Seems like fewer cars actually are 30mpg anymore.
posted by Deathalicious at 11:04 AM on June 14, 2005

I think it's an '87 Toyota Tercel Wagon, but I might be wrong.
posted by hototogisu at 11:05 AM on June 14, 2005

Oh, for those of you who don't know:

In London, there's a £5 congestion fee. In other words, just for driving your car into the center of London, you have to pay £5 for that day. Cameras snag a photo of your license and scan it into a database. You then have until the end of the day to make a payment. You can even pay by sending a text message, apparently (not sure how that works). In any case, "accidentally" obscuring the license plate could certainly do the trick in avoiding paying the fee.
posted by Deathalicious at 11:06 AM on June 14, 2005

Anal Blazer- that's the condition people have when they liberally coat the commode naturally, without the use of spray-on mud.
---
By the way, I'm selling special gallons of a special mud-eliminating water spray to wash off the special mud. Also designer-chamois cloths to dry your car. Special to MeFites, gallon water and chamois, $39.99 US.

[For years, as I've watch the insufferable yuppies around me going to the special yuppie bread store for $7.50 loaves, I've been trying to think of some useless, overpriced crap *I* could sell to them.]
---
I didn't read the article or anything.
You're supposed to read the links first? Meh. Who has time.
posted by NorthernLite at 11:08 AM on June 14, 2005

*mops up erratic frog's mucus, packages it, and sells it as Spray-on Loogies*
posted by iconomy at 11:14 AM on June 14, 2005

Anal Wrangler
Anal Forester
Anal Element

Can we include low-end sports cars? Anal Probe....
posted by gurple at 11:14 AM on June 14, 2005

I like this game. I don't drive now, but if you apply it to my last car-

Anal Escort.
posted by jonmc at 11:23 AM on June 14, 2005

Anal Gremlin
posted by iconomy at 11:33 AM on June 14, 2005

Anal Grand Prix
Anal Safari
Anal Vision
Anal Viper
Anal Storm
Anal Stealth
posted by iconomy at 11:37 AM on June 14, 2005

I used to have an Anal Bug and an Anal Forrester, but I rectum both.
posted by Eekacat at 11:39 AM on June 14, 2005

freebird: We totally scored with that car. I'd like to check out the 4WD model from the same era, or see if it was possible to do a 4WD retrofit to the FWD model. In our old ghetto neighborhood in LA there were like 3 of her sisters still on the road, and we saw many more in the immediate area.

About two months ago we got an oil leak fixed and some other stuff done, so we haven't been checking the oil level as often as we were when we knew that it was leaking.

Turns out my GF had been driving it for a week at about 100+ miles a day in the 100 degree Phoenix heat with practically no oil. It just got a little sluggish, like it didn't even really notice it didn't have any oil. Poor thing.

So yeah, I had a feeling about profound historical responsibilities. It's just too cool of a little old car for it's own good. Yeah, I wouldn't mind having a well-equipped oldschool Land Cruiser or something for more serious back-country exploring, but this fits the bill nicely. At least it's still possible to tune it up and work on it with hand tools and not need a bank of diagnostic gear or a shop full of specialized tools. Plus, I can practically pick up the back end, and I can certainly push it out of holes or to the nearest station by myself.

Now, I just need to fix the stereo. Cheap ass decomposing speakers and bad wiring makes for crap sound. And I need to build the glovebox laptop bay and wire it for GPS and audio. And we're still looking for a decent cupholder solution, because it has none.
posted by loquacious at 11:40 AM on June 14, 2005

Anal X-7 (must be a toy)
Anal Titan
for cars you have the
Anal Protege
Anal Accord
Anal Civic
Anal Cavalier
Anal Beetle
posted by horseblind at 11:40 AM on June 14, 2005

I DRIVE AN ANAL STRATUS. PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF ME.
posted by loquacious at 11:41 AM on June 14, 2005

I have occasionally been known as the Anal Impala or the Anal Impreza.

I couldn't resist.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:41 AM on June 14, 2005

My favorite:

Anal Intrigue
posted by iconomy at 11:42 AM on June 14, 2005

Anal Wagoneer?

Anal Suburban.
Anal Cobra.
Anal Comet.
Anal Jaguar.
Anal Hummer *zing!*
posted by loquacious at 11:43 AM on June 14, 2005

Anal Impala?
Anal Dart?
Anal Charger?
Anal Challenger?
Anal Drifter?
Anal Diplomat?
Anal Fury?
Anal Twister?
Anal Swinger?
Anal Scamp?

MOPAR = Millions Of Pornographic Anal Rejects?
posted by longbaugh at 11:52 AM on June 14, 2005

It was then that France and Belgium signed the Historic Anal Accord.
posted by ORthey at 11:54 AM on June 14, 2005

Anal Four-runner?

This thread suddenly has way too much anus in it. Fitting, I guess.
posted by loquacious at 11:59 AM on June 14, 2005

BTW, are you familiar with this? RC and Moonpie Festival.

Not as good as Mule Day in nearby Columbia. Be sure not to miss the "Mock Stumping" Contest. I'm sure you have some questions, let me try to answer them.

Yes, this is actually part of the festivities although it is now unofficial and frowned upon by organizers.

"Stumping" a mule is a euphemism for performing a sexual act upon said animal while standing on a perch, such as a stump.

The contest is to see who can simulate this act the best.

No, I'm not joking.

Yes, this was a thread jack.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:59 AM on June 14, 2005

The 'anal' game sort of loses its charm when you're not playing it on the highway.

Butt it is a fun game, none the less.
posted by item at 12:00 PM on June 14, 2005

Anal Prowler.
Anal Ranger.
Anal Eclipse.
posted by brheavy at 12:08 PM on June 14, 2005

Anal Imperial needs a large space to dock. Ouch.
posted by zoinks at 12:20 PM on June 14, 2005

Anal Legacy
posted by kika at 12:27 PM on June 14, 2005

Fake mud splatters for fake people in their fake SUVs?
posted by nofundy at 12:30 PM on June 14, 2005

Anal Bearcat
Anal Tucker
Anal Rambler
Anal Pacer
Anal Fiero

I have a taste for the classics. Gee, this is fun.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:37 PM on June 14, 2005

Anal Lancer
Anal Echo
Anal Raider
Anal Gran Prix
posted by Foosnark at 12:38 PM on June 14, 2005

At least now I know who to contact to market my Spray-on Cum Stain which I liberally apply to front of my pants after time spent alone in my office.
posted by flarbuse at 12:42 PM on June 14, 2005

What about his majesty of the highways?
Anal LeBaron!
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:43 PM on June 14, 2005

Can't forget:
Anal Outback
posted by spock at 12:44 PM on June 14, 2005

The Anal LeBaron rides alongside the Anal LeSabre.
posted by brheavy at 12:47 PM on June 14, 2005

Anal New Yorker
Anal Caprice
Anal Talon

Wheeee!
posted by brain_drain at 12:49 PM on June 14, 2005

Where's:

Anal Fiesta and
Anal Festiva?
posted by Pollomacho at 12:50 PM on June 14, 2005

Where's:

Anal Fiesta and
Anal Festiva?
posted by Pollomacho at 12:51 PM on June 14, 2005

Wierd.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:52 PM on June 14, 2005

We must not forget:
Anal Accent,
Anal Ram,
Anal Rodeo Sport,
Anal Marauder,
Anal Vibe,
and
Anal Matrix.
posted by brheavy at 12:55 PM on June 14, 2005

Anal Parisienne, from Pontiac. The Pontiac Parisienne by the way is the least French thing ever made, if it ever touched, say, a duck leg confit, the universe would implode.

And, of course, the Anal Seville, differing from the Anal Sedan De Ville only by the removal of the letters *Dan De*.

Anal Kompressor!
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:12 PM on June 14, 2005

Fucking Anal Amigo!

Oh a new world opens before me, alive, alive, never again will I flinch from the sweaty ruts of the BQE, all is bliss.
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:22 PM on June 14, 2005

Anal Durango
Anal Aviator
Anal Duster
posted by NewBornHippy at 1:29 PM on June 14, 2005

Anal Fiesta and
Anal Festiva?

Here. I used to have a red Anal Festiva.
posted by Specklet at 1:31 PM on June 14, 2005

I've always been a Honda man myself:

Anal Odyssey
Anal Pilot
Anal Insight
Anal Ridgeline
posted by Scoo at 1:41 PM on June 14, 2005

And then there's the European:

Anal Trafic Generation (yes)
Anal Scénic (renault)
Anal Panda (fiat)
Anal Mini
posted by NewBornHippy at 1:55 PM on June 14, 2005

How much for an Anal Cherokee?
posted by 31d1 at 2:36 PM on June 14, 2005

Shucks, and mine is an Anal Econoline.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 3:00 PM on June 14, 2005

I've never seen a thread dive in the ditch quite like this one.
posted by spock at 3:25 PM on June 14, 2005

One could say this thread was aiming for ditch in the first place, but because they lived in the city, it couldn't quite get there. We're just giving it a helpful push.

Anal Lancer
Anal Corolla
Anal Meteor
Anal 280B

This is fun
posted by JGreyNemo at 4:30 PM on June 14, 2005

pmbuzo — yeah, those bullet hole stickers challenge even the spray-on mud for sheer poserdom. People don't even put them on believably. First time I saw one I spent a while puzzling how someone could have shot their way out of the bottom of a hatchback like that... at least with the bullet-hole stickers there's the faint chance that they're being applied with a sense of irony or something.
posted by hattifattener at 6:24 PM on June 14, 2005

If I knew the "Anal Game" was going to get this out of hand, I wouldn't have posted it. Sorry.





No, wait. I'm not. It's still pretty damn funny.
posted by Jon-o at 6:34 PM on June 14, 2005

Anal Bronco
Anal Eagle
Anal Diablo
Anal Space Wagon
Anal Conquest

It also works for magazines:

Anal Time
Anal New Yorker
Anal New Republic
Anal Weekly Standard
Anal Oprah
posted by luckypozzo at 7:18 PM on June 14, 2005

Anal Pass At
Anal Quest
Anal Golf
Anal Intrepid

The list is endless. Analfilter!
posted by NewBornHippy at 7:37 PM on June 14, 2005

If you feel you have to spray mud on the thing to justify owning it to others, that's a sure sign you shouldn't own it.
posted by deusdiabolus at 1:10 AM on June 15, 2005

Anal Barracuda
Anal Spitfire
Anal Alfa Romeo
Anal Bizzarrini
Anal Hupmobile
Anal Pierce-Arrow
Anal Wartburg
Anal Biscuter Furgoneta
Anal BAG Spatz
Anal Vespa Ape
Anal Frisky Family Three
(microcars have odd names to begin with)
posted by pracowity at 2:24 AM on June 15, 2005

Anal Bugatti
Anal El Camino
Anal Mercedes
Anal Cherry
Anal Reliant

and the Italian Stallion, Anal Maranello
posted by mono blanco at 3:00 AM on June 15, 2005

I guess I was driving the Anal Express
posted by holloway at 3:36 AM on June 15, 2005

My wife has an Anal Focus.

Me, I just have an Anal Ranger.
posted by yhbc at 4:19 AM on June 15, 2005

Anal Cedric.

sorry
posted by bdave at 7:25 AM on June 16, 2005

Tie for winner:

Anal Hummer *zing!*
posted by loquacious

Anal Spitfire
[*snip*]
Anal Frisky Family Three
posted by pracowity

...and...

Awaiting the next election's version of "mud-slinging": Using this product to obscure the opposing candidate's supporter's bumper stickers.
posted by Dunvegan at 9:02 AM on June 16, 2005

Anal Robin
Anal Path Finder
posted by NewBornHippy at 5:58 PM on June 16, 2005