Comments on: "You're a helper monkey! This isn't helping!"

"You're a helper monkey! This isn't helping!"

Kattullus — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 05:50:15 -0800

Helper monkeys! Severely disabled people can get trained monkeys to help them out in their daily chores, though sometime this causes problems. Haven't you always wanted a monkey? The Mesa SWAT Team certainly want one.

By: 1016

1016 — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 06:30:47 -0800

Pray for Mojo...

By: naturesgreatestmiracle

naturesgreatestmiracle — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 06:39:25 -0800

You're a helper monkey! This isn't helping!

By: Turtles all the way down

Turtles all the way down — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 06:47:18 -0800

Haven't you always wanted a monkey? Yes. Oh, yes.

By: knave

knave — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 06:53:26 -0800

You're supposed to be a helper monkey! This isn't helping!

By: knave

knave — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 06:54:07 -0800

Arg.. my bad.

By: carmen

carmen — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 07:07:05 -0800

From the third article: "to purchase and train a capuchin monkey, considered the second smartest primate to the chimpanzee. " NO!!! This is wrong on so many levels! If you want to rank intelligence in primates (which doesn't really have much point), it goes something like humans, bonobos, chimps, gorrillas, orangutans and gibbons, with the chimp to orangutan pretty close together. None of those primates are monkeys. A capuchin is desirable as a trained animal precisely because it is *not* like a chimp. It is safer than a chimp because chimps -- with their high intelligence -- have their own interests firmly in place and will generally be dangerously uncooperative (as adults) if you ask them to do something they are not interested in doing. Even so, monkeys are not domesticated. It strikes me as rather risky to train a wild animal to help a disabled person (or really, to be a pet of any kind). Sorry for the outburst. Primatology is my second love. Reading a sentence like the one quoted is like a cheese grater on my spine.

By: Neosamurai85

Neosamurai85 — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 07:22:42 -0800

Monkeys? Helping? That's a bad idea! A VERY, VERY BAD IDEA!

By: naturesgreatestmiracle

naturesgreatestmiracle — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 07:49:34 -0800

Arg.. my bad. Eh, it's a good line. No worries.

By: stbalbach

stbalbach — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 07:50:29 -0800

Overall this is a potentially very profitable idea. According to the video they cost $26,000 to train and work for 30 some years, thats less than $1000 a year! I wonder what other industries they could be adapted too? Could we use the new crop of intelligence enhancing drugs to improve performance levels? Image a service monkey with proper enhancements to prevent aggressive behavior, not unlike how dogs have had the wolf bred out of them.

By: Jon-o

Jon-o — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 08:12:39 -0800

I laughed for about 10 minutes when I first saw the logo for helpinghandsmonkeys.org! Can I get that on a TShirt? I also briefly imagined the SWAT monkey, clad in its kevlar and its little video helmet, flinging poo at some bank robbers or some poor guy who's about to jump off of a building. on preview: Metafilter: Flinging Poo

By: Jon-o

Jon-o — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 08:19:23 -0800

oh, and by the way: I might have to start a band, just so I can name it "Attack Macaque."

By: Francesnash

Francesnash — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 08:32:21 -0800

I want one!

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 09:28:39 -0800

Jon-o: That's an awesome band name. Sign me up!

By: zaelic

zaelic — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 09:34:25 -0800

Dressed in a Kevlar vest, video camera and two-way radio, the small monkey would be able to get into places no officer or robot could go. Somehow I expected to hear a punchline somewhere... "But I never had money before!"

By: aramaic

aramaic — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 10:19:22 -0800

Mmmmm, I can't wait to eat that monkey.....

By: muppetboy

muppetboy — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 10:50:00 -0800

i bet they can be taught to program in C#.

By: Gamblor

Gamblor — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 11:37:15 -0800

You know, I loves me some monkeys, like most everyone else I know. And yet, I don't know a single person who's had one as a pet. I mean, they must just be remarkably unpleasant to have around the house or somebody I know would have had one, at least briefly. Plus, what are monkeys best at? Squabbling and masturbating. I don't need any help in those areas.

By: badger_flammable

badger_flammable — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 11:54:04 -0800

Another advantage: "Any cost of securing or maintaining service animals, such as a seeing eye dog, hearing guide dog, or housekeeper monkey is (an) allowable (medical cost), including food and veterinarian bills" in the Food Stamp program in the U.S.

By: MiltonRandKalman

MiltonRandKalman — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 13:14:38 -0800

i bet they can be taught to program in C#. A thousand monkeys randomily hitting keys in C# will get you an open-source browser. Up it to ten-thousand, you get an OS

By: aGreatNotion

aGreatNotion — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 13:17:02 -0800

Having a helper monkey is one of my strange dreams. They're so awesome.

By: knave

knave — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 13:48:05 -0800

By the way, the Banterist had a funny piece on this subject.

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 15:10:07 -0800

This reminds me of my favorite Miss Manners advice column ever. Someone wanted to bring the helper monkey they were training to a wedding with them, and the Bride wanted advice on how to dissuade them tactfully. Miss Manners responded that she should reply: "We are so sorry that we can't have your darling monkey, who would no doubt behave beautifully, but we feel we just can't make an exception because other people might bring theirs, who would not behave as well." - From 'Miss Manners: On Weddings'

By: Balisong

Balisong — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 19:30:01 -0800

Monkey hate clean.