Cruise Holmes Engagement

June 17, 2005 6:42 AM

Cruise proposedto Katie Holmes this morning while on the Eiffel Tower. They've been in the news a lot since they first got together. and more than one person has suggested that this is all too staged and too much of a marketing thing. After all, who really holds a press conference 2 hours after you propose to announce it?
posted by Like the Reef (134 comments total)

Maybe they'll surprise us again with some sort of suicide pact, so we won't have to hear about them anymore.
posted by wakko at 6:44 AM on June 17, 2005

Come on! You're posting this because nobody is going to hear about it, right? The least you could have done was post some links regarding divorce rates, statistics or papers on mid-life crises in men, the apparent lack of taboos regarding older men marrying younger women, etc.

First post!
posted by ashbury at 6:50 AM on June 17, 2005

You waited almost three years to make your first post and this is the result?
posted by mokujin at 6:50 AM on June 17, 2005

Harsh.
posted by mania at 6:52 AM on June 17, 2005

Sham.
posted by Jikido at 6:52 AM on June 17, 2005

*screams and runs away*

I agree with wakko. This would have been a way better FPP if they had proclaimed themselves head of a Scientology spin-off death cult, and then jumped off the tower.


Or at least added some ruminations about how, if the genders were reversed, they would be held up to snickering ridicule, like Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.
posted by jokeefe at 6:53 AM on June 17, 2005

I still suspect Tom's e-meter swings the other way.
posted by malocchio at 6:53 AM on June 17, 2005

Tom Cruise has been on Mefi for 3 years and nobody noticed?
posted by fire&wings at 6:54 AM on June 17, 2005

Hey, Pieces of April is a pretty good little indie flick (Patricia Clarkson as the mom is especially great). Worth watching as we watch Holmes flush her career down the tubes.

*sheds gallons of tears for Hollywood loonies*
posted by mediareport at 6:55 AM on June 17, 2005

If I were engaged to Katie Holmes, I'd hold a press conference 2 hours later to announce it too.

Just sayin'.
posted by graymouser at 7:00 AM on June 17, 2005

We should all chip in and get them something nice.
posted by PlusDistance at 7:02 AM on June 17, 2005

:: smites Tom and Katie ::
posted by God Almighty at 7:02 AM on June 17, 2005

That rat Xenu is involved in this.

We should all chip in and get them something nice.

Awesome! I tip my hat to you.
posted by Mayor Curley at 7:05 AM on June 17, 2005

There have been 156 links and 6280 comments posted since your last visit

*scratches nuts, looks around incredulously*
posted by Bdave at 7:05 AM on June 17, 2005

What's even more frightening is how many people actually give a lumpy shit.
posted by jonmc at 7:06 AM on June 17, 2005

Do we actually *know* that Mr. Cruise is the gay? Could it be possible he's just another serial polygamist?

I wonder if they watch his old movies together at night. "Look Katie! You were 13 when I made that movie. Did you love me then too? Huh?"

/jealous
posted by mecran01 at 7:08 AM on June 17, 2005

Fair dinkum.

WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.

Anybody?
posted by Bdave at 7:08 AM on June 17, 2005

jonmc writes "lumpy shit"

I prefer my shit to be smooth . . . smooth as peanut buttuh.
posted by ashbury at 7:15 AM on June 17, 2005

Scientology’s Marketing Strategy
posted by sonofsamiam at 7:20 AM on June 17, 2005

Mefi...it's not just for intellectuals anymore
posted by j.p. Hung at 7:21 AM on June 17, 2005

Not to defend this crazy sham marraige stuff, but I suspect the press conference was a pre-planned war of the worlds thing. Why else would Fanning be there?

Unless the whole induction into scientology requires a stupid-child-actor-sacrifice.
posted by jmgorman at 7:22 AM on June 17, 2005

I think years of having to kiss James Van Der Beek have caused her permanent brain damage.

*resists the urge to tie Dawson to Terry Schiavo*
posted by dflemingdotorg at 7:22 AM on June 17, 2005

Holmes did not speak to reporters, but at one point, Cruise whispered to her: "Are you OK?"
posted by Deathalicious at 7:25 AM on June 17, 2005

"My own stools, sir, are perfect--they are gigantic! And, have no more odor than a hot biscuit."
-Anthony Hopkins as George Kellogg, The Road to Wellville
posted by LarryC at 7:26 AM on June 17, 2005

Will their nuptials be under R6 tradition or something else? Somehow I doubt that an OT like Cruise, who is so in control of his body thetans, would fall for such obvious deception by Xenu. To show such weakness after having achieved Clear Status and passing through the Wall of Fire would surely make the former leader of our (Teegeeack's) local Galactic Federation delighted in his electronic mountain prison.

If Cruise and Katie find themselves falling victim to such an obvious false brainwashing implant like R6, I will happily audit them for a reasonable fee.

See you guys on Freewinds!
posted by unsupervised at 7:27 AM on June 17, 2005

The former star of television's "Dawson's Creek" grew up with a poster of Cruise on her bedroom wall and has said she grew up wanting to marry him.

*throws up a little in mouth*
posted by Saucy Intruder at 7:30 AM on June 17, 2005

Deathalicious, to quote the script Gods, that photo "works on so many levels."
posted by gsb at 7:30 AM on June 17, 2005

GossipColumnistFilter
posted by Doohickie at 7:30 AM on June 17, 2005

Mefi...it's not just for intellectuals anymore

Not like in the good ol' days, eh?
posted by mediareport at 7:33 AM on June 17, 2005

Saucy Intruder writes "The former star of television's 'Dawson's Creek' grew up with a poster of Cruise on her bedroom wall and has said she grew up wanting to marry him.

"*throws up a little in mouth*"

*wishes he could taste something as appetizing as throw-up, instead of all this Cruise/Holmes drek*
posted by OmieWise at 7:35 AM on June 17, 2005

Why does everyone think that Tom Cruise is gay?
posted by iconomy at 7:35 AM on June 17, 2005

Magnificent (TM), unsupervised, simply magnificent (TM). well played. Your comments made me jump on Oprah's couch in pure ecstacy!

Really, I usually find these celebrity marriage things so stupid, however this one, with all the Scientologific details and the speculations on Cruise's sexuality s simply hilarious. There is something intriguing about watching this unfold, perhaps it is the train wreck waiting to happen syndrome. Any bets on how long until Katie checks into an institution?
posted by Pollomacho at 7:39 AM on June 17, 2005

Oh, come now. Tom Cruise's giddy meltdown on Oprah was a Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie moment.

I'm ashamed of myself for even knowing those cultural references.

* Hits self in head with sneaker. Repeatedly *
posted by psmealey at 7:41 AM on June 17, 2005

The Holmes/Cruise thing is a bit more intelectualy stimulating, and bizzre then the the average celeb whatnot, due to the whole scientology angle.
posted by delmoi at 7:44 AM on June 17, 2005

iconomy: "Why does everyone think that Tom Cruise is gay?"

And why does he always get involved with women everyone presumes are gay themselves?
posted by tapeguy at 7:44 AM on June 17, 2005

Also, if you don't find the thread intresting or informative, you are free to complain on A) MetaTalk, or B) not at all.
posted by delmoi at 7:45 AM on June 17, 2005

Why else would Fanning be there?

Maybe she's next?
posted by spilon at 7:47 AM on June 17, 2005

This is all an insidious plot to distract us after the shaming of Senator Bill Frist following the shrunken-brain fiasco.

Rove is good -- he even got the Eiffel Tower security guards in on this.
posted by digaman at 7:47 AM on June 17, 2005

"she’s a prude, recently revealing to the press she won’t have sex before marriage"

1 + 1 = Quickie Divorce After Release of Nervous Tension
posted by NinjaPirate at 7:49 AM on June 17, 2005

More importantly, why would Katie Holmes marry someone who has failed twice before? Talk about setting yourself up for a divorce.

on preview - maybe NinjaPirate has it, but that just makes me worry about her more.
posted by jb at 7:52 AM on June 17, 2005

If I were engaged to Katie Holmes, I'd hold a press conference 2 hours later to announce it too.

Just sayin'.
posted by graymouser at 9:00 AM CST on June 17 [!]

Mouser for teh winz.

Why are conservatives not all over celebrity marriage/dating/engagement/etc?

Why is it that Brittney is okay for getting married/divorced in 36 hours or whatever, and Tom Cruise is a step above taking a child bride, but 2 people deeply in love and wanting a committed relationship are anathema because they have the same genitals?
posted by Ynoxas at 7:52 AM on June 17, 2005

Why is it that Brittney is okay for getting married/divorced in 36 hours or whatever, and Tom Cruise is a step above taking a child bride, but 2 people deeply in love and wanting a committed relationship are anathema because they have the same genitals?

Because, thus saith the Lord. :: smites Ynoxas ::
posted by God Almighty at 7:58 AM on June 17, 2005

Frickin' God, always messing shit up.
posted by danb at 7:59 AM on June 17, 2005

Thank goodness this got posted to MeFi, I nearly missed it on the news this morning.

There's something mildly disturbing about growing up with a poster of your soon to be husband on your wall. But then, she's been exposed to horror for years in the form of James "Look at how HUGE my freakin' forehead is" van der Beek, I'm convinced he's an alien.
posted by fenriq at 8:01 AM on June 17, 2005

Back in college, a housemate of mine, a big jerk named Tom, was in the process of breaking up with his girlfriend, a lovely and charming young woman named Nicole at the very same time that Tom Cruise was breaking up with Nicole Kidman. The dorm was plastered with mocking headlines clipped from tabloids, blaring lines like "TOM & NICOLE: IT'S OVER!!!" Several months later, Nicole died suddenly of blood poisoning.

There. Now you're all depressed.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:06 AM on June 17, 2005

Aw, come on, not every FPP has to be about fistulas and government sanctioned gang rape! Sometimes we need a little mindless drivel from fantasy land to relieve the stress of the real world. Besides did you SEE her cold sores?
posted by Pollomacho at 8:07 AM on June 17, 2005

FoB, I think you credit us with more humanity than perhaps you should.
posted by NinjaPirate at 8:11 AM on June 17, 2005

So?
posted by signal at 8:15 AM on June 17, 2005

More importantly, why would Katie Holmes marry someone who has failed twice before? Talk about setting yourself up for a divorce.

MORE More importantly, why does *anyone* even care?
posted by Doohickie at 8:16 AM on June 17, 2005

Damn, I had my money on Pacey all along.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:22 AM on June 17, 2005

of for fuck's sake. they should have been pushed off of the tower. just to stop all this crazy attention given to this everyday situation. and really, who gives a shit if Katie is Tom's beard. Or if he's even really gay for that matter? There's plenty of mindless drivel to be had here; what about Flash Friday? Someone, please.
posted by horseblind at 8:25 AM on June 17, 2005

Oh, come on. Why are you guys so cynical? Don't you believe that two people can meet and have this instant attraction, love-at-first-site kind of thing? And just want to shout it to the world because they're so happy? You all are so jaded.
posted by aacheson at 8:27 AM on June 17, 2005

Oh, come on. Why are you guys so cynical? Don't you believe that two people can meet and have this instant attraction, love-at-first-site kind of thing? And just want to shout it to the world because they're so happy? You all are so jaded.
posted by aacheson at 8:27 AM on June 17, 2005

Oh, come on. Why are you guys so cynical? Don't you believe that two people can meet and have this instant attraction, love-at-first-site kind of thing? And just want to shout it to the world because they're so happy? You all are so jaded.
posted by aacheson at 8:28 AM on June 17, 2005

Tom Cruise: Bat shit wacko
posted by wfrgms at 8:29 AM on June 17, 2005

OK. I didn't post that three times. And it was a JOKE, anyway.
I got an Cold Fusion error and hit F5 and when I came back, it posted 3 times!! Arg!
posted by aacheson at 8:29 AM on June 17, 2005

poor penelope...how long did she date him? How many years?
posted by Francesnash at 8:31 AM on June 17, 2005

Yeah. People do fall in love. Everyday. Just because you want to shout it out to the world and have the means to, doesn't mean that you should. Everyday for two months. Or more. Really, I do hope they can make it work, but damn, keep it private. Still waiting for Flash Friday...
posted by horseblind at 8:40 AM on June 17, 2005

There's plenty of mindless drivel to be had here; what about Flash Friday? Someone, please.

OK, where's the flash then? It's Friday.

This is the most commented on post today, followed by a Michael Jackson FPP, apparently people want to talk about this drivel.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:44 AM on June 17, 2005

I for one find this interesting, not in the pathetic celebrity worship kind of way, but rather because one of the world's biggest stars is in a cult and is going nutzcrazy before our very eyes. I find that facinating.
posted by jikel_morten at 8:52 AM on June 17, 2005

Stop feeding the tomkat.
posted by peacay at 8:53 AM on June 17, 2005

I also only think it's drivel if you're genuinely interested in the love lives of these two people. I doubt most people on mefi fall into that category but instead can enjoy the story from the different angles including a hollywood marketing marriage, scientology, Cruise's downward spiral...many things really. It's what you make of it, no?
posted by jikel_morten at 8:57 AM on June 17, 2005

Hey j.p. Hung, since when have there been intellectuals on Metafilter?
posted by davy at 8:57 AM on June 17, 2005

I also only think it's drivel if you're genuinely interested in the love lives of these two people.

A lot of perfectly good male fantasies have been ruined by the fact that Katie Holmes is with Tom Cruise. I think that's genuine cause for concern. I watched Dawson's Creek because of that woman, and this is how I get repaid??
posted by graymouser at 9:00 AM on June 17, 2005

I know a couple of dudes that can't sit still. Ever. They act just like TC if they don't have anything to do. Some people get that gene. I think that being in Hollywood's insular embrace isn't helping the dude. Of course, anyone that gets "clear" on a regular basis needs help.

Being in a press conference just after the proposal makes perfect sense if you know the entire world's press is gunning for you. Head them off at the pass and make sure that some dude doesn't ask you if it happened while you're trying to take a dump at a restaurant. TC knows how the press works. Also, in case you haven't noticed, War of the Worlds will be out soon.
posted by apiaryist at 9:02 AM on June 17, 2005

dude.
posted by NinjaPirate at 9:03 AM on June 17, 2005

A lot of perfectly good male fantasies have been ruined by the fact that Katie Holmes is with Tom Cruise

That sentence can be read any number of ways.
posted by jonmc at 9:07 AM on June 17, 2005

Oh, come on. Why are you guys so cynical? Don't you believe that two people can meet and have this instant attraction, love-at-first-site kind of thing? And just want to shout it to the world because they're so happy? You all are so jaded.

(Just in case you didn't see it the first three times.) Sure, that can happen. It happens all the time. I just don't care to hear about it when it happens to happen to famous people... who have already this happen to them twice already.
posted by Doohickie at 9:08 AM on June 17, 2005

holy crap why am i reading about this on metafilter?! WHY?!
posted by glenwood at 9:11 AM on June 17, 2005

That sentence can be read any number of ways.

Alone, it's dangerous. In context, it's clear - hot young actress gets engaged to weird cultist superstar, ruins many mens' fantasies. Dammit.
posted by graymouser at 9:11 AM on June 17, 2005

I grew up with a poster of Carol Channing on my wall so there is still hope that some day I'll get to bang that saucy broad.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:12 AM on June 17, 2005

Also, in case you haven't noticed, War of the Worlds will be out soon.
posted by apiaryist at 11:02 AM CST on June 17 [!]

Tom Cruise doesn't look anything like Orson Wells.
posted by Ynoxas at 9:13 AM on June 17, 2005

That would be Orson Welles, who did a work by H.G. Wells. I'm dumb.
posted by Ynoxas at 9:17 AM on June 17, 2005

Good thing for Katie that Jessica Alba and Jennifer Garner passed on the "Untitled Cruise Relationship" project first...
posted by herc at 9:22 AM on June 17, 2005

psmealey writes "Hits self in head with sneaker. Repeatedly"

Dude, that was my skull. I'm soooo wasted. -Spicoli
posted by terrapin at 9:24 AM on June 17, 2005

I grew up with a poster of Carol Channing on my wall so there is still hope that some day I'll get to bang that saucy broad.

If someone grows up with a poster of Carol Channing on their wall, aren't they far more likely to want to bang someone who occasionally dresses like Carol Channing rather than the genuine article?

If you catch my drift.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:26 AM on June 17, 2005

Oh, good fucking God.

Have I been here long enough to start slating FPPs yet?
posted by anagrama at 9:28 AM on June 17, 2005

If you catch my drift...

Well there was that sailor with a ten-o'clock shadow once but I swear he looked just like her.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:31 AM on June 17, 2005

So who is this "Katie holmes" person? I mean, besides being a TV star (I don't watch TV) whose pretty face I've seen in checkout lines (I don't buy those tabloids) and now all over the web? (I did read her Wikipedia entry, but that read like it was written by a smitten 13 year old.) Is she, as one might expect from her profession and her choice of husbands-to-be, dumb as all get-out? Or is she up to something, like a multi-million-dollar divorce settlement? If so, is Team Cruise smart enough to insist on a prenup? Or is this whole convert-her-to-$cientology thing a strategy to keep her mind under Cruise' control? Did the breakup with Penelope Cruz (I don't watch Tom Cruise movies either) happen because she would not convert to his "religion"?

Or maybe this whole engagement ploy is to make up for the blow-up of $cientology's last female celebrity spokesmodel Kirstie Alley? (When I did watch TV, in the 1980s, I preferred "Cheers" with that "Diane" character.)

If there are any real intellectuals on Metafilter, am I correct to see parallels between $cientology and the Ismailis under Hasan II?
posted by davy at 9:32 AM on June 17, 2005

So who is this "Katie holmes" person?

She is the weak link in the new Batman movie.
posted by COBRA! at 9:35 AM on June 17, 2005

So, how much you figure she is getting paid for all of this? I mean WaroftheWorlds probably has a marketing budget in the 8 figure range, no?
posted by jmgorman at 9:36 AM on June 17, 2005

(I don't watch TV)

I bow to thee, O Holy no-TV watchine one...
posted by jikel_morten at 9:37 AM on June 17, 2005

MeTa per the drunk writer at the keyboard.
posted by MLIS at 9:40 AM on June 17, 2005

Just for the record (if they keep records of these things), this is a shit FPP and I'm just killing time here to pad my post count. Three years and this? Jesus..

Please post any news item that outlines in detail, how Tom and Katie are dipped in a vat of molten lead along with mp3s of their death rattles. Thats FPP worthy.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:44 AM on June 17, 2005

watching even.
posted by jikel_morten at 9:44 AM on June 17, 2005

This is the most commented on post today, followed by a Michael Jackson FPP, apparently people want to talk about this drivel.

Nah, people want to talk about the post, not the post subject.
posted by Specklet at 10:00 AM on June 17, 2005

Once again trivia, trivia, trivia. Can we stop that mundane celebrity crap please. There are other places for that.
posted by homodigitalis at 10:06 AM on June 17, 2005

Why is it that Brittney is okay for getting married/divorced in 36 hours or whatever, and Tom Cruise is a step above taking a child bride, but 2 people deeply in love and wanting a committed relationship are anathema because they have the same genitals?

The same genitals? Now that is a couple I would really like to see. What happens if both of them want to use the genitals at the same time?
posted by flarbuse at 10:12 AM on June 17, 2005

So, what is this MetaFilter? (I don't have a computer).
posted by spilon at 10:21 AM on June 17, 2005

Good thing for Katie that Jessica Alba and Jennifer Garner passed on the "Untitled Cruise Relationship" project first...

Exactly. Their auditions to be his beard didn't go as well.

It's absolutely hysterical that Perez Hilton called it: If this turns out to be true, we expect Tom to pump his first a few times in the air, jump up and down a bit on a couch at the Ritz in Paris (for old time's sake), whisk Katie off her feet, give her a good pat on the ass and plop her on a motorcycle as they jet off to the Eiffel tower, where some paparazzi will already be waiting for them to snap their picture as they make out in public, cuz that's what red-blooded heterosexuals do.

posted by amberglow at 10:21 AM on June 17, 2005

delmoi writes "Also, if you don't find the thread interesting or informative, you are free to complain on A) MetaTalk, or B) not at all."

Don't confuse complaining about the golden couple with complaining about the post. I don't think the post is that great, but it's so refreshing after yesterday's nude push-ups post that I'm willing to forgive it.
posted by OmieWise at 10:25 AM on June 17, 2005

From way up yonder in this discussion...

Why are conservatives not all over celebrity marriage/dating/engagement/etc?

Because it distracts people from the fact they're being fucked over by the government. (not that Democrats havent contributed, but most of them dont have a moral platform to dive from on this one).
posted by SirOmega at 10:30 AM on June 17, 2005

flarbuse owes me a keyboard.
posted by bashos_frog at 10:30 AM on June 17, 2005

and Tom Cruise is a step above taking a child bride, but 2 people deeply in love and wanting a committed relationship are anathema because they have the same genitals?
posted by Ynoxas

I hate tom cruise as much the next mefite, but child bride? 25? Considering the point of your post you might want to step off the moral high ground (especially since it doesn't actually exist).
posted by Dennis Murphy at 10:32 AM on June 17, 2005

The only reason Mr Cruise is getting mefi time is the Scientology angle, no? He's engaged in a lot of somewhat interesting hyper-expansive behavior recently and one might speculate it's caused or enabled by Scientology telling him what an incredibly amazing being he is, in other words what he wants to hear, playing on the man's ego (which we all have btw, no offense Tom). One might further imagine, given this unrealistic me-centered world view, that a rather unpleasant crash will occur sooner or later. Perhaps we can return to the topic at that point?
posted by scheptech at 10:37 AM on June 17, 2005

What about the beautiful people? Won't someone please think of the beautiful people?
posted by Johnny Assay at 10:44 AM on June 17, 2005

the reason mr. cruise is getting mefi time is because mefi has gone to shit the past month or two.
posted by glenwood at 10:44 AM on June 17, 2005

Dear davy-critics, one reason I don't watch TV is I spend so much time doing Metafilter. That y'all do both shows you have a) copious free time or b) no love life. Thanks bye!
posted by davy at 10:49 AM on June 17, 2005

I hate tom cruise as much the next mefite, but child bride? 25? Considering the point of your post you might want to step off the moral high ground (especially since it doesn't actually exist).
posted by Dennis Murphy at 12:32 PM CST on June 17 [!]

Well, there is a nearly 20 year differential I think, but honestly, I didn't look up her age, and it's hard to believe its been THAT LONG since she was a teen on TV. I had thought she was more around 20.

A sign of me getting older as well as Miss Holmes.

Also, note I am not claiming any moral high ground, I am asking why the people who generally DO claim the moral high ground don't do so with celebrity marriages. Apparently they will go to the voting booth to preserve the "sanctity of marriage" but do not care one whit when it is flaunted and gutted by celebrities.

I am most firmly rooted in the moral low ground.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:50 AM on June 17, 2005

Oh MeFi has NOT "gone to shit." Quit your fucking whining, flag it, don't waste everyone's time commenting on it, and POST SOMETHING BETTER to get it off the front page.

I do wish we could have an intelligent discussion on the fact that men can do whatever they fucking please with regards to the age of their girlfriends/wives (or, in Brad Pitt's case, you know, quite probably have committed adultery and get away with it), while women are constantly condemned on the same grounds. But eh.
posted by scarymonsterrrr at 11:01 AM on June 17, 2005

The only reason Mr Cruise is getting mefi time is the Scientology angle, no?
The Scientology, the closetcase angle, the interviewing for a "girlfriend" angle....
posted by amberglow at 11:04 AM on June 17, 2005

davy - am I still cool if I have the TV on whilst I furiously wank to MeFi? Just so I know mkay?
posted by longbaugh at 11:14 AM on June 17, 2005

I've been thinking about the 2 hour delay and came to the conclusion that it must have been so Tom could hook Katie up to his e-meter and start her on the right path to L.Ron-land. Right after she gave him a check for $5000.

Either that or they humped like minxes on the elevator for two hours. But I'm leaning towards the e-meter, its alot more plausible.
posted by fenriq at 11:27 AM on June 17, 2005

People keep saying it's the scientology angle but really very little has been said about scientology. I do find it weird that after only two months of dating this kind of wacko anyone would decide to commit to this kind of person and scientology. Cruise, IMHO, is a certifiable fucking freak. And yeah, despite him, I will go see War of the Worlds. Maybe the sudden lack of Michael Jackson news has something to bear on why this post is exploding.
posted by horseblind at 11:28 AM on June 17, 2005

How 'bout if Michael Jackson and Tom Cruise appear in a film together written by L Ron Hubbard (as channeled by OJ Simpson) featuring Nazi gold, Atlantis and the Spear of Longinus?

Would that be okay?
posted by longbaugh at 11:34 AM on June 17, 2005

the reason mr. cruise is getting mefi time is because mefi has gone to shit the past month or two

Somebody's a grumpy Gus. Man, it's amazing that its only taken 2 months to rack up nearly 10,000 MeTa threads nearly all complaining about MeFi threads. Come on, people have been complaining about FPP's since the beginning of MetaFilter, there is no sudden trend towards bad. There are still some great things here and there have always been some crap things here.

This may have not been the best thread, but for christ's sake folks, get over it. What did it hurt you? Do you get off on belittling people because they don't share your tastes? OK, maybe that's not fair, but please if it's a waste of your time, then just move on and stop wasting it then.

Thank you OmieWise for summing up my feelings on the thread.

Amberglow has a nice summary of why I think this celebrity schlock is something more interesting than your usual schlock. I at least find that the distance from reality that these people in particular live in to be at least amusing. I also enjoy reading about dictators and politicians that live in these fantasy worlds where everyone around them indulges their whim. Oh well.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:09 PM on June 17, 2005

Tom Cruise is acting manic. Too bad he doesn't believe in meds....


What is ironic is that my new meds make me dream a lot more (side effect) and one of those dreams was about Tom himself. I was NOT amused.
posted by konolia at 12:13 PM on June 17, 2005

yes i am grumpy today. i apologize.

here is my contribution to this thread.
posted by glenwood at 12:22 PM on June 17, 2005

I hate to diagnose from a distance, but I'm not a doctor anyway, so fair enough..... I like the way konolia's thinking.

Did y'all see this, by the way? It by the same guy who did that "I ass-banged Ann Coulter" piece. Funny guy.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:27 PM on June 17, 2005

mr_roboto, whew that was high-larious. Thanks.
posted by glenwood at 12:35 PM on June 17, 2005

very nice mr_roboto!
posted by Pollomacho at 12:38 PM on June 17, 2005

You got your MSNBC gossip column in my Metafilter!
posted by PuppyCat at 12:48 PM on June 17, 2005

This is a powerful career move on Katie's part. Kudos to her agent. All this free publicity is going to launch her up into the high ranks of the A-list. And all she has to do is sleep with Tom Cruise.
posted by illuminatus at 1:35 PM on June 17, 2005

mr_roboto-

Your link wins. That should be the FPP.
posted by OmieWise at 1:50 PM on June 17, 2005

She actually doesn't have to sleep with Tom Cruise--at all. I'm sure he'd rather she didn't.
posted by amberglow at 1:56 PM on June 17, 2005

Donutcare.
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:02 PM on June 17, 2005

"I am asking why the people who generally DO claim the moral high ground don't do so with celebrity marriages."

I thought there was the general condemnation of all Hollywood as residing in a permanent state of sin? This would just be further confirmation of the trend, nothing new. And, if "they" thought that Hollywoodism was contagious, I'm sure there'd be a movement to outlaw it.


"How 'bout if Michael Jackson and Tom Cruise appear in a film together written by L Ron Hubbard (as channeled by OJ Simpson) featuring Nazi gold, Atlantis and the Spear of Longinus?"

I'd seriously watch that if it was directed by Spielberg. That man can make Lucas scripts worth watching.
posted by catachresoid at 3:09 PM on June 17, 2005

5th choice
posted by amberglow at 3:53 PM on June 17, 2005

Thanks for that one, amberglow. If you can get past the kneejerk "who cares" reaction, there's a pretty interesting story here about the inner workings of the celebrity machine, the timidity of the mainstream celebrity press and what I'd bet is the growing popularity of a sharper, more aggressive generation of blogger gossips.
posted by mediareport at 7:55 PM on June 17, 2005

If this report is true, what we are witnessing is one of the most pathetically desperate religious scams in recent memory. Weeks before the new romance with Holmes, Cruise allegedly

made repeated phone calls to 19-year-old Scarlett Johansson - then set to co-star with him in Mission Impossible III - imploring her to meet him at the Scientology Celebrity Center in L.A. But when the actress finally agreed, the supposedly professional get-together took an oddly spiritual turn. “[Cruise] took me into this room, which was stifling hot, and was showing me all kinds of info about joining the church,” Johansson told our source...

After two hours of proselytizing, our source says Cruise opened a door to reveal a second room full of upper-level Scientologists who had been waiting to dine with the pair, at which point the cool-headed ingenue politely excused herself. Soon after the meeting, Johansson dropped out of Mission Impossible III, reportedly due to scheduling conflicts.

Now *that's* creepy. A $cientology Celebrity Center? Yech. Free Katie indeed.
posted by mediareport at 8:07 PM on June 17, 2005

From Page Six:

--WHICH top leading man interviewed three different starlets for the job of girlfriend/future wife before picking his new beloved? "Mark my words: They'll have a baby," said our source. "Maybe he or she will be conceived in a petri dish, but they'll procreate."

I'm not saying, I'm just saying...
posted by SisterHavana at 8:43 PM on June 17, 2005

Cruise is infamous for suing anyone who says that he's gay in print, so people who work for publications have to be careful.

... In arguably the most direct attempt yet to stamp out rumors about his sexual orientation, Cruise filed a $100 million defamation lawsuit Wednesday against a gay porn star, who allegedly claimed in tabloid reports that he had an affair with the actor. ...
posted by amberglow at 9:50 PM on June 17, 2005

Now *that's* creepy. A $cientology Celebrity Center? Yech. Free Katie indeed.

Looks like Mr. Sun has already formulated a plan for doing just that....

I heart you, Mr. Sun.
posted by Dr. Zira at 11:20 PM on June 17, 2005

Yes mediareport. It's in Hollywood. It's an old compound with a rather nice set up. I've been there. Drive by it on occasion.
posted by filchyboy at 12:53 AM on June 18, 2005

Ynoxas writes "Well, there is a nearly 20 year differential I think, but honestly, I didn't look up her age, and it's hard to believe its been THAT LONG since she was a teen on TV. I had thought she was more around 20."

Are you really so naive as to believe that the actors in TV shows and films are the same ages as their characters? Olivia-Newton John was thirty when she played high-schooler Sandy in Grease... (Stockard Channing was thirty-four...) And Katie was twenty when Dawson's Creek started it's run in 1998...
posted by benzo8 at 2:42 AM on June 18, 2005

I don't know, a long time ago Cruise was married to Mimi Rogers, who is clearly one of the sexiest women in the solar system (was then and still is). so I tip my hat to mr Cruise's long-lost taste in, ahem, beards
posted by matteo at 3:27 AM on June 18, 2005

People keep saying that Mimi, and Nicole, and Penelope are all either paid off, or actually contractually obligated never to talk about their relationships with him.
posted by amberglow at 7:49 AM on June 18, 2005

hmm... a trend?
posted by 517 at 2:13 PM on June 18, 2005

Heh - this is pretty random.
posted by crocos at 8:41 PM on June 18, 2005

Are you really so naive as to believe that the actors in TV shows and films are the same ages as their characters?

Yeah, imagine my surprise when I found out the Olsen Twins were already well into their 20's when they appeared on Full House.

Also, as noted here, she would have just turned 18 when the series was initially filmed. So she was, indeed, a teen on television. But thanks for the snark anyway.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:14 PM on June 18, 2005

I just checked birthdates on IMDB. Holmes is 26 and Cruise is almost 43, a 16 1/2 year age difference.

I find myself curiously not caring.
posted by Zed_Lopez at 12:53 AM on June 19, 2005

Daily News today: So here's what I'm hearing about that relationship.

A source VERY close to the deal is saying there's a contract.

It's worth $5 million.

It's for five years.

There will be no sex.

The deal was sealed June 7.

That's what I'm hearing.
posted by amberglow at 10:23 AM on June 20, 2005

Cool, thanks amberglow.

UPDATE: Cruise asked about scientology at WOTW press conference. Cruise no likey!

Linky
posted by jikel_morten at 4:09 PM on June 23, 2005

I'm not surprised he "clammed" up so quick when questioned on his beliefs. It would have been nice if he could have offered some "pearls" of wisdom and flexed his intellectual "mussels" but what are we to expect?

/this comment brought to you by the word "pun", the time "1am" and the twelve pack of "beer".
posted by longbaugh at 4:53 PM on June 23, 2005