Comments on: Jesus Is Just Alright With Me

Jesus Is Just Alright With Me

fandango_matt — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:29:03 -0800

A man walked with Jesus on a beach. "This beach is your life," said Jesus. And looking back, the man could see two sets of footprints, side by side. "You see, I have always walked beside you."

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:29:36 -0800

But in the places where the beach was littered with sharp rocks, broken bottles, and used syringes, the man saw only one set of footprints. "But Jesus," asked the man, "During the hardest parts of my life I walked alone. Why did you leave me at the hardest parts of my life? There were tears in Jesus's eyes. "My son, at those times, the waves were ten feet high and glassy. I went surfing."

By: pg

pg — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:31:37 -0800

When it comes to religious beach-wear, I prefer the thong of Gilgamesh.

By: James I

James I — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:34:52 -0800

Hmmmmm. . .

By: Sellersburg/Speed

Sellersburg/Speed — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:35:32 -0800

Can they customize my (authentic) moon boots?

By: arse_hat

arse_hat — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:38:48 -0800

I have the Budda thong.

By: billysumday

billysumday — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:39:28 -0800

Obligatory link to The Onion editorial "Bullshit, Jesus, Those Are Obviously My Footprints."

By: H. Roark

H. Roark — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:40:11 -0800

Nothing is more American than cashing in on the jeezus craze.

By: prettyboyfloyd

prettyboyfloyd — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:45:20 -0800

What's that meme indexing site that tells you how popular a new 'meme' is on the web? 'Cause I just saw this on boing boing. I did remark on the funny sandals to my friend here, but you know...I already SAW this one somewhere else...

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:45:20 -0800

(sorta non-sequitur) In the classic period of Greek history, prostitutes -- hetaerae -- in the dusty Hellenic towns of Asia Minor used to promote their services by a similar method, or so I've read. Using small nails arranged in the soles of their sandals to impress messages like 'Follow Me' and 'One Obol a Ride,' etc., they could lure customers without actually having to converse on the street. I read that a zillion years ago, and reading this thread dredged it out of memory. It's a true miracle.

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:48:48 -0800

Note to self: find synonyms for the verb "to read."

By: Toecutter

Toecutter — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:56:33 -0800

Almost as ingenious as yellow ribbon car magnets.

By: God Almighty

God Almighty — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:57:08 -0800

Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 18:59:39 -0800

You know, sadly, 15 years ago we probably would have taken this as a sign that Jesus was, in fact, walking besides us. Nowadays it's a very different thing. Of course 15 years ago our parents hadn't died (practically speaking) in our arms. What different times those were.

By: ericb

ericb — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:09:33 -0800

I prefer Kalso Earth Shoes!

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:13:14 -0800

Colder climes: JeezUggs.™

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:22:34 -0800

I hate that cheesy poem. Toecutter, do not mock the yellow car ribbons, they improve gas mileage, and have inspiring messages like "support our breasts". Haruspex, scan, browse, peruse, and view all fail to carry the same meaning, but maybe you can find something else.

By: mmahaffie

mmahaffie — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:23:35 -0800

I may be going to heck, but..... If you get your right and left confused, it reads "Loves You, Jesus". Still makes sense!

By: ericb

ericb — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:23:51 -0800

What's that meme indexing site that tells you how popular a new 'meme' is on the web? 'Cause I just saw this on boing boing. Also on BoingBoing right now - Biblically-themed snacks . Got that outta the way!

By: Snyder

Snyder — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:35:31 -0800

Nothing is more American than cashing in on the jeezus craze. If by "cash in," you mean "give proceeds to charity for diabetics."

By: mdn

mdn — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:35:46 -0800

What's that meme indexing site that tells you how popular a new 'meme' is on the web? this ain't a new meme. This has been around for a while...

By: slf

slf — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:42:26 -0800

Y'know... Those Jesus flipflops would be kinda fun to wear--in a prankish sort of way--if it weren't for the fact that they cost $20.95?! I see outsourcing to Thailand doesn't really cut cost. I guess God must take a big cut from it, using his name and all... :p

By: sourbrew

sourbrew — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:46:58 -0800

prettyboyfloyd What's that meme indexing site that tells you how popular a new 'meme' is on the web? ask and ye shall receive

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 19:48:14 -0800

Don't forget your TestaMints, so you can have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit and the fresh clean breath to prove it to those fucking heathens. My favorite thing in this vein must be Religious Bubbles -- small bottles of soap-bubble fluid with a bubble wand in the lid. What makes them Christian, or at least Religious? The bottle says, simply and directly, RELIGIOUS BUBBLES. So there you have it: bubbles, that are religious. Can't find a pic though. (see also Nunzilla) I wonder how hard it would be to mod the sandals so that they read right flipflop: CTHULHU left flipflop: SLUMBERS IN THE DARK UNTIL THE STARS ARE RIGHT THEN HE WILL COME FORTH FROM THE ABYSS AND DEVOUR US ALL.

By: kika

kika — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 20:03:55 -0800

What's next: Fuck-me-shoes?

By: BlackLeotardFront

BlackLeotardFront — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 20:06:14 -0800

ROU_Xenophobe: plus, a walking stick with "IA!" on the end.

By: gimonca

gimonca — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 20:06:55 -0800

A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!" --Myron Cohen

By: dejah420

dejah420 — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 20:07:15 -0800

ROU_Xenophobe, I think I love you. :)

By: ChrisTN

ChrisTN — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 20:10:37 -0800

More from classic MeFi (and tooting of own horn): more religious kitsch.

By: NoMich

NoMich — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 20:17:22 -0800

In the locker room, these young Christian men protect their feet and leave the greatest impression! Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

By: greatgefilte

greatgefilte — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 20:31:40 -0800

You know, there's a Jewish tradition that on the holiday of Purim, people write the name of Haman (the villain of the story) on their shoes in order to stamp out his memory. Something tells me the folks selling these shoes didn't read that megilla.

By: puke & cry

puke & cry — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 20:42:00 -0800

i wanted a pair until i found out they cost $30!

By: snsranch

snsranch — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 20:58:48 -0800

What? No celebrity endorsements? Come on Jesus, you could get 15%!

By: milkwood

milkwood — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 20:59:03 -0800

Do they come with a warning that states that if you step in dog shit and you will surely go to hell.

By: leftcoastbob

leftcoastbob — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 21:06:08 -0800

I cried because I had no shoes until I saw this shit and decided I was happier barefoot.

By: vagus

vagus — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 21:12:13 -0800

Why would jesus want his name on something that flip-flops.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 21:32:02 -0800

In the classic period of Greek history, prostitutes -- hetaerae -- in the dusty Hellenic towns of Asia Minor used to promote their services by a similar method, or so I've read. Using small nails arranged in the soles of their sandals to impress messages like 'Follow Me' and 'One Obol a Ride,' etc., they could lure customers without actually having to converse on the street. I read that a zillion years ago, and reading this thread dredged it out of memory. It's a true miracle. posted by Haruspex at 6:45 PM PST You know what else is a miracle? You have no idea how totally useful that is for my thesis chapter on the flaneuse/poetess. Thanks! I am so going to use this, and it's going to be hella clever, and, erm.... *wanders away muttering*

By: c13

c13 — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 21:40:58 -0800

I'll just wait till Jesus is on sale.

By: Ethereal Bligh

Ethereal Bligh — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 21:42:14 -0800

ROU_Xenophobe knows how to tell a joke.

By: MrBadExample

MrBadExample — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 22:20:51 -0800

Bah. Let me know once they start selling Air Jesus sneakers.

By: telstar

telstar — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 22:22:02 -0800

c13, jesus quotes here. Price does seem to be dropping.

By: amithee

amithee — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 22:37:15 -0800

Actually, I had one of those Bible Bars, they're really good. =D

By: bigtimes

bigtimes — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 23:48:19 -0800

I don't know what's wrong with you guys, these are awesome.

By: thedevildancedlightly

thedevildancedlightly — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 23:55:07 -0800

I guess God must take a big cut from it, using his name and all... :p If a diabetes charity is "God's big cut" then by all means he does. And, just FYI, the site does at least claim that workers are paid a "living wage."

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 00:56:14 -0800

jokeefe, sorry my wretched memory doesn't also supply citations, but perhaps this particular reference would only be redundant with a footnote. Mea culpa, etc.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 01:04:14 -0800

> I guess God must take a big cut from it, using his name > and all... "There's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, but somehow just can't handle money!" George Carlin

By: ackeber

ackeber — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 01:26:29 -0800

Jesus is coming!! (and we'll get him again!)

By: LinusMines

LinusMines — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 01:49:30 -0800

More toe gems: Turning the whole idea outside in Socks to go with those sandals?

By: Espoo2

Espoo2 — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 02:22:49 -0800

Also on BoingBoing right now - Biblically-themed snacks . Got that outta the way! Weird. Several years ago I had an idea like this, but mostly as a joke. Our flagship item was to be some breakfast cereal called 'Jesus Pieces' with a big smiling Jesus giving a thumbs up on the front. Followed by 'Pope Rinds', everyones favorite religious-themed fried pork snack.

By: biffa

biffa — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 02:26:54 -0800

There's a lesson to be drawn from this: Diabetics are no better than pimps.

By: deusdiabolus

deusdiabolus — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 02:31:40 -0800

Which of course reminds me of the David Cross bit: (paraphrasing) "...and I said, "Jesus...I noticed that at the lowest points in my life that there was only one set of footprints in the sand. What up with that?" And Jesus said, "Well, the reason why there was only one set of footprints was because those were the times I was helping one of the other several billion people in the world, you selfish prick."

By: jiawen

jiawen — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 02:56:28 -0800

If these are made in Thailand, that's weird. In Thailand, using your feet to point at somone is a pretty big insult, and I'd assume that putting Jesus' name on the bottom of your shoes must also be pretty bad. Reminds of another Onion article...

By: wadefranklin

wadefranklin — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 04:01:14 -0800

To many Muslims, the soles of the shoes are considered unclean, and it is a great personal insult merely to display the soles of one's shoes to another person. Hence the footage of Iraqis slapping the posters and statues of Saddam with the soles of their shoes after the fall of Baghdad. I don't think you'll see a version of these inscribed with the name of Allah.

By: c13

c13 — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 04:54:37 -0800

Wearing a Christian message reinforces goodness and has the potential to save lives and save souls. Not if one walks on water. And, just FYI, the site does at least claim that workers are paid a "living wage." Yeah, in Thailand.

By: alumshubby

alumshubby — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 05:57:33 -0800

kika: Try this link, which I can't open because of our corporate nanny software.

By: languagehat

languagehat — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 06:02:10 -0800

jokeefe, sorry my wretched memory doesn't also supply citations That's OK, these days it's perfectly acceptable to reference things thus: ¹⁹Some dude on the internet. Yeah, in Thailand. Your point being? If it's a living wage in Thailand, and that's where they live, it's a living wage. The fact you couldn't live on it in New York is irrelevant.

By: alumshubby

alumshubby — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 06:25:05 -0800

After the Columbine school tragedy, legislation was proposed to post the Ten Commandments in public places because Biblical reminders can make the difference between life and death. In the case of those infamous two boys with the guns, they were singling out and killing some of their more vocally religious fellow high-school students, no? Another argument for keeping your light under a bushel.

By: dances_with_sneetches

dances_with_sneetches — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 06:25:51 -0800

This Jesus guy is bigger than the Beatles!

By: cosmicbandito

cosmicbandito — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 06:53:42 -0800

Haruspex, here's a citation you can use: http://collection.nlc-bnc.ca/100/201/300/journal_hebrew/html/1996-2002/03-22/Articles/article_19.htm
check paragraph 12 and footnote 43.

By: cosmicbandito

cosmicbandito — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 06:55:20 -0800

damn....try the google cache instead.

By: languagehat

languagehat — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 07:14:09 -0800

From cosmicbandito's link: Sextus Empiricus remarks on prostitutes in Egypt, "women who have had the greatest number of lovers wear an ornamental ankle ring as a token of their exalted profession" (Outlines of Pyrrhonism, III.201; translation from Montserrat, 130.) He put the sex in Sextus! Sorry, couldn't resist.

By: agregoli

agregoli — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 07:32:49 -0800

I saw these at least 5 years ago. I'm always surprised how the web recycles things over and over and over again.

By: papercake

papercake — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 07:36:33 -0800

By: UKnowForKids

UKnowForKids — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 08:15:16 -0800

My favorite version of the "Footprints" story is the one where, after the guy asks Jesus why there is only one set of footprints during the hardest times in his life, Jesus responds, "That's where we were both hopping on one foot!"

By: Bugbread

Bugbread — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 08:19:21 -0800

"And, just FYI, the site does at least claim that workers are paid a 'living wage.' c13 :"Yeah, in Thailand." ...What, Thais don't count? Anyway, all I can think when I see these sandals is some dorky, young Mexican couple (the kind of couple that wears the same t-shirts on the same day because they're so in luvvvvv) buying these so that wherever they walk, Jesus Fernandez declares his love for Gloria Martinez. So cuuuuuute.

By: cortex

cortex — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 08:38:03 -0800

JESUS PWNS U

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 08:43:09 -0800

Cosmicbandito, that is freaking awesome. Thanks.

By: horseblind

horseblind — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 08:54:37 -0800

ROU_Xenophobe: I'm with you. There is always a place for Cthulhu. BTW, who is this Jesus character?

By: MotherTucker

MotherTucker — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 09:17:49 -0800

Jesus is coming...look busy.

By: soyjoy

soyjoy — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 09:40:58 -0800

Jesus! I can't believe you people! Am I really going to have to be the first to add this to the thread? HARRY: Hold up the sandal, as He has commanded us! ARTHUR: It is a shoe! It is a shoe! HARRY: It's a sandal! ARTHUR: No, it isn't! GIRL: Cast it away! ARTHUR: Put it on! YOUTH: And clear off!

By: amro

amro — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 10:16:44 -0800

I wish I could give credit to the comedian I heard do yet another another version of the Footprints story, but I can't remember who it was... Anyway, when he asked God why, during the hardest times, there was only one set of footprints, God said, "Those were the times I was riding on your back."

By: Secret Life of Gravy

Secret Life of Gravy — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 10:19:02 -0800

jokeefe, sorry my wretched memory doesn't also supply citations, but perhaps this particular reference would only be redundant with a footnote. Mea culpa, etc. posted by Haruspex at 3:56 AM EST Haruspex, I also had memories of this which I tracked down to my volumn of History Laid Bare by Richard Zachs. In the chapter entitled "The Ancient World" he refers to a pair of sandals that have survived with the words "Follow Me" on the soles in raised letters.

By: scratch

scratch — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 10:49:04 -0800

When it comes to religious beach-wear, I prefer the thong of Gilgamesh. And I, the thong of Tholomon.

By: Bugbread

Bugbread — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 12:19:35 -0800

Heehee. Nice, scratch.

By: I EAT TAPES

I EAT TAPES — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 16:43:21 -0800

I wept because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. It's not like he was using them.

By: Ethereal Bligh

Ethereal Bligh — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 17:50:21 -0800

"...they were singling out and killing some of their more vocally religious fellow high-school students, no?" No. And they were not singling out jocks and popular students, either. Eyewitness accounts and the final report of Columbine both show that they targeted people at random, on opportunity and whim. The story about the girl under the table in the library is not true, either.

By: c13

c13 — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 21:17:22 -0800

She wasn't wearing the right sandals anyway....

By: bigbigdog

bigbigdog — Thu, 23 Jun 2005 20:56:43 -0800

I suppose this is an appropriate thread in which to unleash something that I have wanted to put on a bumper sticker or T-shirt for, oh, the last 20 years: Jesus is coming soon -- look out for the wet spot!

By: Hactar

Hactar — Thu, 23 Jun 2005 21:51:45 -0800

The discordian version. I always liked it better. I dreamed that I was walking down the beach with the Goddess. And I looked back and saw footprints in the sand. But sometimes there were two pairs of footprints and sometimes there was only one. And the times there was only one set of footprints, those were my times of greatest trouble. So I asked the Goddess, "Why in my greatest need did you abandon me?" She replied, "I never left you. Those were the times we both hopped on one foot." And I was really embarrassed for bothering Her with such a stupid question.