Rachel Stevens gets fruity

June 29, 2005 3:05 PM

"keep your eyes on me and put one hand down your trousers" - Rachel Stevens really wants to help you keep healthy (flash, sound, may be NSFW)
posted by quiet (35 comments total)

"Schaaawing!"
posted by shoepal at 3:11 PM on June 29, 2005

I can't believe she bites into the plum at the end. Ouch.
posted by bdk3clash at 3:14 PM on June 29, 2005

> I can't believe she bites into the plum at the end.

The message is that if afflicted, ablation might be necessary (but not necessarily that brutal, or pleasent, depending...)
posted by NewBornHippy at 3:19 PM on June 29, 2005

So this is a nut check public service message? Okay.

Is it just me or is there something "off" about Rachel Stevens' face?
posted by fenriq at 3:31 PM on June 29, 2005

Is it just me or is there something "off" about Rachel Stevens' face?

There must be, because I want to get "off" all over it.
posted by Mayor Curley at 3:34 PM on June 29, 2005

i don't find her that attractive. if they really cared about my testicles, they'd get natalie portman, or maybe bjork.
posted by ori at 3:48 PM on June 29, 2005

or maybe bjork

I hear they're giving those away.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 3:51 PM on June 29, 2005

Yes, but then that'd mean that Americans could tolerate a witty ad campaign that used sexual innuendo to promote health, not beer. I don't imagine that the abstinence-only moral police would take very kindly to that...
posted by googly at 3:51 PM on June 29, 2005

She's minging and seems to be wearing black contact lenses. And she will clearly do anything to revive her flagging karaoke career.
posted by fire&wings at 3:58 PM on June 29, 2005

I remember the old Tom Green song "Feel your balls, rub your balls, that way you don't get cancer." I'm more likely to listen to Rachel Stevens.
posted by Eekacat at 3:58 PM on June 29, 2005

I would definitely be grabbing my balls if Natalie Portman told me to.
posted by fenriq at 4:03 PM on June 29, 2005

Yeah! Anything else she wants me to check? Colon cancer perhaps?
posted by furtive at 4:06 PM on June 29, 2005

Especially after seeing Closer. Or, um, during.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 4:06 PM on June 29, 2005

i so knew that was coming.
posted by ackeber at 4:12 PM on June 29, 2005

Innuendo - An indirect or subtle, usually derogatory implication in expression; an insinuation.

Nothing indirect or subtle here, more like hit 'em between the eyes with a brick. If you're a hetero male of course. There must be a gay equivalent in the works as well?
posted by scheptech at 4:24 PM on June 29, 2005

how about a version for us girls, for our breast self-exams i mean!
posted by subatomiczoo at 4:31 PM on June 29, 2005

I think I squeezed them too hard. Now they're all blue and shit.
posted by loquacious at 4:37 PM on June 29, 2005

subatomiczoo, I think you'll be getting CarrotTop to help you with the boob exam. Either him or Gilbert Gottfried.
posted by fenriq at 4:38 PM on June 29, 2005

"Testes, testes...one, two...three?" Butthead
posted by ColdChef at 4:48 PM on June 29, 2005

> So this is a nut check public service message? Okay.

Yes, as opposed to the sometimes preferred public nut check massage service.
posted by NewBornHippy at 4:56 PM on June 29, 2005

Who's Rachel Stevens?
posted by zardoz at 4:59 PM on June 29, 2005

I used to like Rachel Stevens well enough, until someone pointed out that she has Haley Joel Osment's face.
posted by Marquis at 5:04 PM on June 29, 2005

Bollocks, I say.
posted by clevershark at 5:08 PM on June 29, 2005

Testicular cancer is scary, but I'm much more concerned about testicular torsion.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 5:14 PM on June 29, 2005

So I reached for my balls, tugged on them a bit, then fell asleep... (pain meds, my back is killing me today)
posted by mk1gti at 5:26 PM on June 29, 2005

Ok, so when does she provide instructions on nipple self-exams? And what fruit would she use for that?
posted by bugmuncher at 7:12 PM on June 29, 2005

Hey Peter man check out channel 9, check out this chick!
posted by cpchester at 7:20 PM on June 29, 2005

I thought for a moment she was gonna go all misandrist and demand we "crush our plums" or something.

Also, having once suffered a bout of orchitis, the choice of fruit for comparison brought back painfully accurate memories. (Take it from one who knows - mo bigga ain't mo betta in that department).
posted by gregor-e at 7:55 PM on June 29, 2005

Damn it cpchester, could you at least pretend that we can't hear each other through these shitty walls?
posted by bashos_frog at 7:56 PM on June 29, 2005

subatomiczoo - check here and <ctrl>-f "cam exam"

(this one's the shorter version - I remember another one with more scenes - btw, it's a Canadian ad)

/don't know of any breast-cancer ads that use the same hook as the Rachel Stevens ad did
posted by PurplePorpoise at 8:38 PM on June 29, 2005

I don't have testicles. I have besticles.
posted by dobbs at 8:47 PM on June 29, 2005

bugmuncher writes "Ok, so when does she provide instructions on nipple self-exams? And what fruit would she use for that?"

Something along the lines of this, I guess:


posted by clevershark at 10:21 PM on June 29, 2005

I enjoyed the implication that I could increase the enjoyment of scouring my nuts for cancer by making it into a sort of foreplay to masturbation. That's hot.
posted by nanojath at 10:58 PM on June 29, 2005

buriednexttoyou -- From the Scrotal Safety Commission:

"Enlist one of your friends as a "Crotch-Buddy". Have him concern himself with the safety of your scrotum. Remind him publicly that he is your "Crotch-Buddy". Remind him in front of girls."

Bwaahaha!
posted by Pressed Rat at 10:59 AM on June 30, 2005

"Testes, testes...one, two...three?" Butthead

Heh, heh. Boobs. /same genius
posted by TheDonF at 2:16 PM on June 30, 2005