Comments on: Worst toy ever.

Worst toy ever.

XQUZYPHYR — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 20:00:01 -0800

"The Human Torch has no need for an 'All-Terrain Vehicle'- because the last time I checked, the Human Torch can f-ck-ng FLY." Why the Fantastic 4 Human Torch ATV (with Light-Up Headlights!) is the Worst Movie Tie-In Toy Ever.

By: thecjm

thecjm — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 20:04:30 -0800

Um, in the movie Johnny Storm is a guy who races ATVs.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 20:07:09 -0800

As you know, the Fantastic 4 lives and works in New York City--where driving an ATV is ILLEGAL. According to section 4-14, subsection 1 of the NYC municipal traffic code: "In order to provide for the maximum safe use of the expressways, drives, highways, interstate routes, bridges, and thruways, and to preserve life and limb thereon, the use of such highways by pedestrians, riders of horses, and operators of limited use vehicles [ATVs] and bicycles is prohibited." (Yes, I actually looked this up.) Hmm.. Does he actualy think riding a bicycle in NYC is illegal? The statute says ATVs and bicycles. Perhaps he should learn the diffrence between a "highway" and a "road".

By: greasy_skillet

greasy_skillet — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 20:07:22 -0800

ATVs are exclusively for assholes and rednecks. I know, this has nothing to do with the Human Torch riding an ATV, but this guy who lives down the block from me is constantly ripping around our neighborhood on one of these stupid four-wheelers--and without a helmet, no less! So basically, this is just to let him know, I think he's an asshole and a redneck. I'm gonna shit in this guy's yard.

By: jimmy

jimmy — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 20:15:08 -0800

The Human Torch was denied a bank loan, and this post sucks.

By: MotorNeuron

MotorNeuron — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 20:38:30 -0800

It is funny, though, that the ATV has Spidey hubcaps. Oops, did they make too many Spiderman ATVs last summer?

By: keswick

keswick — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 20:38:58 -0800

hay guyz, i have a ~~blog~~ column, my opinion's important!!1!!1!1

By: doogyrev

doogyrev — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 20:39:54 -0800

There are bad things all over the place

By: Ayn Marx

Ayn Marx — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 20:42:58 -0800

hay guyz, i have a blog column, my opinion's important!!1!!1!1 Well, important enough to get discussed on MeFi, eh?

By: fungible

fungible — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 21:03:00 -0800

I thought it was funny, you whiny bunch of babies. I'm gonna shit in yer yard and light it on fire. And then put it on an ATV. How you likes them apples?

By: thirteen

thirteen — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 21:06:22 -0800

I saw a Flash doll that came with a motorcycle. That has to be dumber.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 21:35:19 -0800

What's next, an SUV for Superman?

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 21:48:03 -0800

What's next, an SUV for Superman? Is it wheelchair-accesible? I'm so very, very sorry

By: Balisong

Balisong — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 21:51:55 -0800

It's just marketing. They were never able to sell Wonder Woman's invisible jet either. Evil Kenevil had an awesome RV, as did Shazam!

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 22:04:34 -0800

Is it wheelchair-accesible? No, but it's roomy enough to accomodate his expansive yet downy angel wings.

By: photoslob

photoslob — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 22:38:08 -0800

Um, yeah.

So when did the Stranger move to Portland?

By: signal

signal — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 22:39:17 -0800

It's ironic that this post uses the words "worst" and "ever" in its title.

By: chrominance

chrominance — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 22:48:07 -0800

Off topic, but linked off that page: I'm a bit weirded out by someone whose byline reads Tucker Teutsch 3.0.

By: Staggering Jack

Staggering Jack — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 23:12:37 -0800

I've long suspected that the Portland Mecury might just be the best newspaper in the entire world.

By: Staggering Jack

Staggering Jack — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 23:14:26 -0800

er...make that the Mercury. Jeez.

By: pracowity

pracowity — Sat, 09 Jul 2005 23:44:27 -0800

"Hey toymakers, if saving money by recycling an unsuccessful Spider-Man ATV is all you're interested in, why not just line up the children of the world and piss in their mouths?" If there was a dollar in it, they would have been there by now.

By: nthdegx

nthdegx — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 03:13:38 -0800

"Has anyone told the Human Torch that it might not be safe to sit on top of a gas tank when one is on FIRE? Nice message to send the kids, assholes!" Good point! Remember kids: it is unwise to attempt to use a motor vehicle when you are on fire.

By: bardic

bardic — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 03:19:26 -0800

It's all down hill after Secret Wars.

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 04:34:57 -0800

signal writes "It's ironic that this post uses the words 'worst' and 'ever' in its title." OFFS! That. Is. Not. Irony! Uneless, you're trying to claim that the post author thinks the ATV is the best movie tie-in ever and is writing the opposite of what he intends to convey to emply irony, then please - stop getting your word definites from Alanis Morrisette! It's as annoying as "begs the question" and a hundred times more common.

By: Samizdata

Samizdata — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 05:40:48 -0800

Pretty damn lame.

By: boymilo

boymilo — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 06:22:16 -0800

The above link to the actual product would have been nice with the original post. It adds some punch with the fact that Johnny is actually aflame while riding the ATV. The "rant" alone is not very funny. Weak post.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 07:09:22 -0800

it is unwise to attempt to use a motor vehicle when you are on fire. However, when you're driving down the street on fire, people will get out of your way.

By: Samizdata

Samizdata — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 08:25:00 -0800

As per Richard Pryor? (Finally! Some positive feedback on one of my comments! I AM INVINCIBLE!)

By: drezdn

drezdn — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 10:04:01 -0800

Um, in the movie Johnny Storm is a guy who races ATVs. You saw the movie?

By: signal

signal — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 10:04:25 -0800

benzos: irony can be unintentional. What's a "word definite"?

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 11:15:08 -0800

signal writes "benzos: irony can be unintentional." Irony can indeed be unintentional. Please though, tell me where the irony, unintentional or otherwise, is in the fact that the title contains the words "Worst" and "Ever"? I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you were gunning for some joke pertaining to "Worst. FPP. Ever." but you misunderstand what irony is. Irony is not "coincidence". It's not "aptness". It is not ironic that the post's title contains two words to describe its contents that are the same words you'd use to describe the post - it's just convenient. "10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife is not ironic", it's unfortunate. "Meeting the man of your dreams, then meeting his beautiful wife" isn't ironic - it's depressing (depending on your sexual proclivities). Irony is the use of words to convey the opposite meaning to their apparent meaning. So, if you actually believed this to be the best FPP ever, you could say: "Worst. FPP. Ever." in an ironic tone to convey you actually mean the opposite. (It's worth remembering, of course, that it's not very easy to accurately articulate an ironic tone in ASCII.) What's a "word definite"?" It's a typo.

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 11:32:07 -0800

Jar-Jar binks candy tongue w/ plastic Jar-Jar head. Worst. Toy. Ever.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 11:36:16 -0800

Worst Kids CD Title Ever.

By: signal

signal — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 15:05:35 -0800

benzo8: I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest you stop obsessing over A. Morrisette, and stop getting your word definites from "Reality Bites".

By: Sparx

Sparx — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 15:26:11 -0800

Benzo8: "10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife" is not ironic. But oddly enough, calling it ironic when it isn't, is. Thus Ms Morrisette invokes Goedel FTW (and other, equally annoying cliches utilising varying levels of correct definiteness)

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 16:31:15 -0800

*coughmarketingploycough* 'scuse me.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 16:32:02 -0800

*coughmarketingploycough* 'scuse me. Hey, people with no creative skills or talent or any real worth beyond the shill, y'know, have to make money too.

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 16:35:26 -0800

signal writes "
benzo8: I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest you stop obsessing over A. Morrisette, and stop getting your word definites from "Reality Bites"." That was a well-rounded, original and, above all, honest response. Well done...

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 16:35:38 -0800

*coughrippingoffjackkirbycough* Man, bad cold here.

By: anildash

anildash — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 17:18:47 -0800

As long as this thread is hijacked, benzo8, I hate to point it out, but the definition of words evolves. (See also: homophobia.) Though I found Alanis' insistence annoying, the reality is that some large percentage of people who use the word "ironic" accept a definition which encompasses the use in this thread. Lingustic prescriptivim's success rate, given enough time, always approaches zero.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 17:55:07 -0800

Though I found Alanis' insistence annoying, the reality is that some large percentage of people who use the word "ironic" accept a definition which encompasses the use in this thread. Irony (in the definition that has been embraced by our demographic: flip. dimissive) is toxic.

By: zoogleplex

zoogleplex — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 20:50:33 -0800

Hey, the movie's not that bad. Most of it is pretty funny, it's worth seeing as a matinee, and great to take the kids to even tho it's PG-13 (because someone says "goddammit," how lame). Disclaimer: I work at the company which developed the accompanying tie-in video game. The game is better than the movie, IMO. We put in DoomBots. And the Mole Man. And yeah, in the movie, Johnny is an Xtreme Sports Guy who does actually appear riding an ATV. Just not while he's on fire. So, while it's definitely a clumsy repackaging of the Spidey ATV (which I'd point out that Spidey never rides one and is also a New Yorker), it's actually more accurate. Clumsily.

By: MiltonRandKalman

MiltonRandKalman — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 22:18:22 -0800

my personal favorite movie-tie in snark fest

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 23:15:43 -0800

anildash writes "As long as this thread is hijacked, benzo8, I hate to point it out, but the definition of words evolves. (See also: homophobia.) Though I found Alanis' insistence annoying, the reality is that some large percentage of people who use the word "ironic" accept a definition which encompasses the use in this thread. Lingustic prescriptivim's success rate, given enough time, always approaches zero." Yup - definitions evolve, but I will continue to fight this particular mutation much as the people continue to fight the losing batle against the modern (and popularly accepted) definition of "begs the question". "Morrissette Irony" (and I apologise if I appear obssessed with the woman - I'm not, but her song is the most commonly recognised cultural reference of the "new" definition and is thus an easy short-hand) is a complete volte-face from the correct meaning. If we let this one slip we'll start having to accept that "bad" means "good", "wicked" means "good" and "safe" means, erm, "good"... (To derail my own derail - maybe "irony" is an autoantonym - a word which means on this and it's polar opposite at the same time...)

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 23:21:22 -0800

Grr - so desperate was I to remove the <hr> tag which Metafilthy added to my message (as it also did above - is that a bug, if you quote the message it's lined as the latest read, it doesn't recognise its own horizontal rule?) I completely loused up the last line. It should, of course, read: (To derail my own derail - maybe "irony" is an autoantonym - a word which means one thing and its polar opposite at the same time...)

By: signal

signal — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 06:42:34 -0800

benzo8: sorry I can't illustrate it with a pop-song, but even the "classic" definition of "irony" is quite broader than the simple one you give above. One must be very careful when getting one's pedant on, my friend.

By: mkultra

mkultra — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 06:43:53 -0800

it is unwise to attempt to use a motor vehicle when you are on fire. Unless you're Ghost Rider, in which case it makes you badass.

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 07:24:25 -0800

Well, let's look at some cites then: The Cambridge American English Dictionary: Irony noun [C/U] a type of usually humorous expression in which you say the opposite of what you intend Compare sarcasm. He had a powerful sense of irony, and you could never be absolutely sure when he was serious. Irony is also something that has a different or opposite result from what is expected: It is one of the ironies of life that by the time you have earned enough money for the things you always wanted, you no longer have the energy to enjoy them. That's the only definition it gives. Let's look elsewhere - dictionary.com for instance: i·ro·ny n. pl. i·ro·nies 1. 1.1. The use of words to express something different from and often opposite to their literal meaning. 1.2. An expression or utterance marked by a deliberate contrast between apparent and intended meaning. 1.3. A literary style employing such contrasts for humorous or rhetorical effect. See Synonyms at wit1. 2. 2.1. Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs: "Hyde noted the irony of Ireland's copying the nation she most hated" (Richard Kain). 2.2. An occurrence, result, or circumstance notable for such incongruity. See Usage Note at ironic. 3. Dramatic irony. 4. Socratic irony. [French ironie, from Old French, from Latin rna, from Greek eirneia, feigned ignorance, from eirn, dissembler, probably from eirein, to say. See wer-5 in Indo-European Roots.] Now, definition 1. is what I'm referring to. So your claiming that one of the other definitions covers your use of "ironic" above? Which one, exactly? Definition 2? Where's the incongruity between the title using the worlds "Worst" and "Ever" and your (not yet made) assertion that the post was the "Worst. x. Ever."? You're still looking at coincidence or convenience there, which is the exact opposite of an incongruity. Definition 3? Dramatic Irony: "Dramatic irony is a relationship of contrast between a character's limited understanding of his or her situation in some particular moment of the unfolding action and what the audience, at the same instant, understands the character's situation actually to be. " Don't think so... Definition 4 then? Socratic Irony: "Feigning ignorance in order to expose the weakness of others" Still doesn't seem to fit the bill (although that might be what you think you're doing now - is it working out for you?) What about wikipedia? Well, the wiki even discusses the controversy surround the usage of "irony", but even then, neither the Descriptivist nor the Prescriptivist sides of the debate support your usage above. The Descriptivists, who claim that there doesn't need to be an intentional negation of meaning still accept there needs to be some form of incongruity. So I ask again - where is the incongruity? Your statement: "It's ironic that this post uses the words "worst" and "ever" in its title" could have been intended to be followed with "because the post is neither of those things." That would have been ironic, even in the lax sense of meaning. Is that what you meant? I realise that this entire argument is based on my assuming your opinion of the thread - I accept I may be wrong. Is this actually the Best. Post. Ever? And please, leave you patronisation at home (my friend) at least until you have actually made your case.

By: signal

signal — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 07:35:41 -0800

Actually, "my friend" was ironic.

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 08:37:36 -0800

Is that an admission that you finally understand?

By: signal

signal — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 09:42:06 -0800

The whole be-careful-while-being-a-pedant, that part was patronizing. And yes, I finally understand: I understand that what you lack in insight, erudition or subtlety you more than make up for in awesome copy-and-paste skillz. Kudos!

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 10:08:54 -0800

Shall we start to discuss ad hominem now? I would ask where you felt my insight and erudition had failed, but I've learned already that you have a habit of dodging the question - you know, if you learned to admit when you'd made a mistake (rather than just insulting those who point them out) you might be happier...

By: Saddo

Saddo — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 12:30:28 -0800

Pting foowy.

By: piratebowling

piratebowling — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 18:14:55 -0800

Um, yeah. So when did the Stranger move to Portland? Wow, you're a bright one. The same people make the papers. They often have the same picture as their covers and Wm.. Steven Humphries (The writer of the Stranger's "I <3 Television") is the Editor of the Mercury. I know it's easier to be snarky than informed, but give me a fucking break.

By: icontemplate

icontemplate — Tue, 12 Jul 2005 09:56:57 -0800

Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash. Garland 'The Marietta Mangler' Greene

By: mkultra

mkultra — Tue, 12 Jul 2005 13:40:18 -0800

benzo8, signal- would you just fuck and get it over with?

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Wed, 13 Jul 2005 04:41:20 -0800

mkultra writes "
benzo8, signal- would you just fuck and get it over with?" Said, a good 27 hours after either of us has made a comment, long after the thread has left front page... Pots, kettles and the colour black.