The Empire will Rise Again!
July 14, 2005 12:57 PM   Subscribe

 
DANTooine was Destroyed. Dantooine. Not Tatooine. You... Philistine. Worst. Headline. Evar.
posted by Perigee at 1:01 PM on July 14, 2005


Clone Wars
posted by Pollomacho at 1:03 PM on July 14, 2005


I don't think Dantooine was destroyed. It was too remote to make for a suitable demonstration.
posted by COBRA! at 1:04 PM on July 14, 2005


I donno how much faith I can put in this new fangled Death Star... Looks pretty breakable to me...
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 1:07 PM on July 14, 2005


It's like mcgraw, without the zen...
posted by hototogisu at 1:08 PM on July 14, 2005


Nice that they couldn't identify what was in the package and just cleared the entire terminal in Buffalo. That makes sense.

Are you sure it wasn't Bobtooine that got destroyed? Or maybe it was the hick planet, JimBobtooine?
posted by fenriq at 1:08 PM on July 14, 2005


Twas Alderaan that was destroyed by the Death Star. And rightly so.
posted by fleacircus at 1:10 PM on July 14, 2005


Getting into the new complex will be more difficult than a rescue mission on the Death Star.

Say what? The Death Star was raided by an 80 year old man and a dirt farmer. Doesn't sound all that "secure" to me.
posted by ColdChef at 1:20 PM on July 14, 2005


Rightly so? They were a peaceful planet. They had no weapons!
posted by bingo at 1:20 PM on July 14, 2005


Employees will receive cards that can be used for ATM withdrawals, company store purchases or a cafeteria lunch - and also for airport-like security scans.

Oooooh! ATM cards! Way to dote on that 1980's technology!

Wake me when Lucas makes his employees get embedded microchips in their spines.
posted by ColdChef at 1:22 PM on July 14, 2005


Of course Alderaan is peaceful: it looks like space switzerland.
posted by muckster at 1:26 PM on July 14, 2005


Alderaan was destroyed because they harbored and aided rebel terrorists. They were enemies of the Republic. If you're not with the empire, you're against it.
posted by ColdChef at 1:26 PM on July 14, 2005


Say what? The Death Star was raided by an 80 year old man and a dirt farmer.

Dude, they had a wookiee. Wookiees make everything look easy.
posted by COBRA! at 1:38 PM on July 14, 2005


That's no asteroid.
posted by dragstroke at 1:41 PM on July 14, 2005


Star Wars Not A Good Movie. Idiotic Cultish Phenomenon. Star Wars Threads Boring.
posted by ori at 1:47 PM on July 14, 2005


I think evidence will arise that will prove that the Empire's basis for attacking Alderan was overstated -- at the very least.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 1:54 PM on July 14, 2005


'Star Wars' toys cause terminal evacuation

Damn. I mean, everyone's gotta die sometime (except for me), but... damn. That's just undignified.

Yes, it's a poop joke. What of it?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:04 PM on July 14, 2005


the Empire's basis for attacking Alderan was overstated

How can you overstate 'Because we can'? I suppose there was the added bonus of annoying Pricess Leia. "Don't get your hairstyle in a twist, Princess, oops, too late.".
posted by Sparx at 2:19 PM on July 14, 2005


Pollomacho, Jeff Kahn works just down the hall from me and is one of the smartest guys I know. He hits the nail on the head.
posted by Mental Wimp at 2:24 PM on July 14, 2005


DANTooine was Destroyed. Dantooine. Not Tatooine. You... Philistine. Worst. Headline. Evar.

What? DANTOOINE WAS NEVER DESTRYOED!!! N00B.
posted by tweak at 2:25 PM on July 14, 2005


It's well known on Coruscant that Alderaan probably moved their weapons to Dathomir before the Justice Star arrived.

At any rate Alderaan had to be destroyed because they were the home planet for Daily Ackbar. It's something any reasonable person must consider when parsing Leia's statements. She lied about Dantooine, didn't she? Leia is a known liar. Any reasonable person would doubt the statements of a proven liar. Right or wrong, don't you think the Empire is better off without the partisan shrillness of Daily Ackbar? It's a trap, indeed.

Do you know there weren't weapons on Alderaan? If you do, I'm sure there's a Grand Moff or two who could really use your services. I think it's pathetic how overconfident you all are about Alderaan's state of open, armed rebellion against their democratically chosen leaders. Next thing you know you're going to try to tell me that having a little black robot hover into your cell and inject you with interrogation-juice is "torture" when that term is defined so imprecisely. Or you'll drag up that crap about how Palpatine "stole" power.

You moonbats are turning the blue into AlderaanFilter and that's why I don't even try to explain things rationally to you idiotic "Vader=Hitler" and "FalpatinePuck OH NOES!11!!!!" know-nothings anymore. If it's a post about wookie fluffing or bacta tank maintenance on AskMe then I'll respond but life's too short to spend educating rebel scum.

The blue is so infested with rebel talking points that I'm beginning to feel that the journey to AlderaanFilter is now complete. When are you guys going to realize that Alderaan was a bunch of wimpy rich out-of-touch elites and YOUR SIDE LOST.

The tragedy is that the IMSM will probably repeat your lies and we'll witness the fall of a great... great.... (wipe tears) man.
posted by fleacircus at 4:00 PM on July 14, 2005 [1 favorite]


This thread made me cry with laughter. Thanks all.
posted by mwhybark at 5:59 PM on July 14, 2005


"before the Justice Star arrived"
That is beautiful.
posted by The Cardinal at 6:04 PM on July 14, 2005


fleacircus, I cannot pass you, nor can I hurt you. Most excellent use of already familiar analogy; if I were sole judge of this thread, I'd declare you the winner - but I'm not, so I'll just hold up my "10" paddle and compliment you on your pirouettes.

(You also turned an excellent phrase in March about "privatizing the town hall meetings"... I'm keeping an eye on you - in a nice way)
posted by wendell at 6:47 PM on July 14, 2005


fleacircus = Brilliant.
posted by shoepal at 10:21 PM on July 14, 2005


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