Al Qaeda Training Manual

July 27, 2005 5:42 AM

Al Qaeda Training Manual [note: PDF files]
posted by crunchland (25 comments total)

The attached manual was located in Manchester (England) by Metropolitan Police during a search of an Al Qaeda member's home. The manual was found in a computer file described as "the military series" related to the "Declaration of Jihad." The manual was translated into English and was introduced earlier this year at the embassy bombing trial in New York. The Department is only providing the following selected text from the manual because it does not want to aid in educating terrorists or encourage further acts of terrorism. Courtesy of the US Department of Justice.
posted by crunchland at 5:43 AM on July 27, 2005

Free ticket to Cuba with every download!
posted by shawnj at 5:47 AM on July 27, 2005

*gets downloading then*
posted by NinjaPirate at 5:49 AM on July 27, 2005

How the CIA does Terrorism Training Manuals:

In 1983, the Pentagon gave the Contras eight million dollars in military surplus to continue its operations; congressionally mandated spending limits forbade the Agency from such generosity. The Agency also found time to try more asymmetrical approaches, such as the comic book it produced a comic book which advised Nicaraguan citizens how to overthrow the Sandinistas: methods included mass toilet flushings, faucets left running, and calling in sick to work. (As you can see, comics aren’t just for children and Art Spiegelman.) They also put together a manual, “Psychological Operations for Guerrilla Warfare,” which provided torture and assassination techniques for Contras to apply to civilians.
posted by Rothko at 5:51 AM on July 27, 2005

NeoCon Likudnik training manual.
posted by nofundy at 6:04 AM on July 27, 2005

"These bases may be in cities, and are [then] called homes or apartments. They may be in mountainous, harsh terrain far from the enemy, and are [then] called hiding places or bases."

*Bless This House Cave*
posted by peacay at 6:05 AM on July 27, 2005

also available on the smoking gun as scanned gifs
posted by raaka at 6:22 AM on July 27, 2005

"It is preferable to rent apartments on the ground floor to facilitate escape and the digging of trenches."

Trenches? Huh?
posted by voltairemodern at 6:33 AM on July 27, 2005

Jesus Christ! With these folks running around, I think we need to double our defense budget to at least $1Trillion per year.

That's, what, only $6000/taxpayer/year. How much is your life worth, anyway?
posted by Heywood Mogroot at 6:38 AM on July 27, 2005

Free ticket to Cuba with every download!

HA! Good one Shawnj. Made me laugh out loud.
posted by a3matrix at 6:39 AM on July 27, 2005

"The Department is only providing the following selected text from the manual because it does not want to aid in educating terrorists or encourage further acts of terrorism."

Hilarious. Are these morons so clueless they think that posting a manual on the internet will "teach" people how to be a terrorist? Any moron with half a brain can figure out how to disrupt day to day activities already.
posted by evilelvis at 7:05 AM on July 27, 2005

"Belongs to the guest house.

Please do not remove it from the house without permission."

Wow, it's the terrorist equivalent of a post-it note from a snotty housemate on the fridge.
posted by axon at 7:10 AM on July 27, 2005

Nothing beats a good dose of convoluted religious fanaticism in the morning.
posted by prostyle at 7:11 AM on July 27, 2005

"The role of religion is to govern people's lives," says the general introduction on TSG.
Whatta buncha jerks. Though it is nice to see that if they just believed in the blonde, blue-eyed Jesus, they'd be welcome to suggest policy in our current administration...
posted by klangklangston at 7:14 AM on July 27, 2005

Any moron with half a brain can figure out how to disrupt day to day activities already

Oh, evilelvis! You poor, sad, woe-begotten, syphilitic, depraved, rabid, sociopathic, worm-ridden, cancerous, horrible, petty, dung-infested, rustic fool! How can you be so BLIND?

Basically, the Adminarchy removed all the most important parts from this manual - such as the chapter that tells terrorists how to ensure that their 70 virgins in paradise "don't start hatin' and disrespectin' on them with all their jealousy shit".

That way, even when the blessed mujahideen ascend to their heavenly reward, they'll be in for a torrid ol’ time - they'll never get any rest with all them virgins naggin' at them! Then WE'LL have the last laugh, because we mormons go up to a different heaven where they don't allow us to take our genitals in.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 7:21 AM on July 27, 2005

Ground floor apartments are more prone to break-ins. You wouldn't want thieves coming in and taking your bomb vest now would you?
posted by caddis at 7:24 AM on July 27, 2005

Does it have a number for Al Qaeda technical support?
posted by fungible at 7:24 AM on July 27, 2005

we mormons go up to a different heaven where they don't allow us to take our genitals in.

Interesting.
posted by caddis at 7:26 AM on July 27, 2005

I get the impression Tom Clancy's heart just isn't in it anymore...
posted by stenseng at 8:46 AM on July 27, 2005

Who translated this? It's not very clear.

Is it really the Department of Justice? What is UK-BM? Are they using a typewriter? And that photocopier needs fixing - it's wonky and smudged. Surely all those $ going into the war on terror should provide for modern equipment. Scandalous! Maybe we should organize a whip-round.

On the other hand, if the terrorists translated it, it'd be a relief. No point spending billions spying on emails and websites...time to redirect those resources to hunting down typewriter users, bad spellers and rip-off photocopy shops.
posted by laweeez at 11:04 AM on July 27, 2005

Lesson 2, pg. 2 states that "The Israeli Army requires that a soldier be of the Jewish religion." It's worth noting that of Israel's Bedouin Arab community, which numbers 170,000 mostly Islamic persons, roughly 75% of men volunteer for military service with the IDF.
posted by ori at 12:26 PM on July 27, 2005

I rather like how the insignia near the beginning of the book rather resembles the insignia of the Terran Empire from the Star Trek "Mirror Universe".
posted by AccordionGuy at 12:38 PM on July 27, 2005

I doubt that this has anything my old copy of the Vietnam-era "Special Forces Handbook" (pub. #ST31-180) doesn't already cover (except for the Muslim prayers of course).
posted by clevershark at 12:44 PM on July 27, 2005

You get searched/investigated for unrelated stuff with this in your cache, it won't matter that's it's redacted and police-cleared publication, your mugshot will grace the paper next to the words "Suspect's suburban home included Al Qaeda manuals and bomb-making materials" (ie cleaning products, bottles, and nails).

With all the community outrage at you, and pressure to convict your evil-ass ass, and politicians desperate for examples to show of their system catching terrorists, the authorities might not simply say "Oops, our bad". Two years later, you might be lucky enough to get a trial and get it all thrown out, but that little fact won't make the headlines. You'll be al qaeda for life. As has already happened to many. Damn, I wrote this as a joke, but this insane stuff is really happening to people.
posted by -harlequin- at 5:43 AM on July 28, 2005

Partial solution to the above: Be a bachelor. While this makes you better fit "the profile", it also means your home can be entirely free of bomb-making/cleaning products :)
posted by -harlequin- at 5:45 AM on July 28, 2005