Thou art no Romeo

August 12, 2005 4:16 AM

Thou art no Romeo
It turns out that the beloved pair of swan's in Boston's Public Garden are a same-sex couple.

Tests have shown that the pair, named Romeo and Juliet, are really Juliet and Juliet. The city's Parks and Recreation Department conducted the tests months ago, but didn't announce the results for fear of destroying the image of a Shakespearean love story unfolding each year in the Public Garden.

'If these two swans are happy together, they shouldn't have to have a guy," said Emma Stokien, a 15-year-old from New York. 'It's good to have the swans as a symbol of the acceptance in Massachusetts."
posted by ericb (55 comments total)

beloved pair of swans
posted by ericb at 4:21 AM on August 12, 2005

Dr. James Dobson could not be reached for comment.
posted by alumshubby at 4:31 AM on August 12, 2005

Maybe they'll run the Pride Parade through the public garden next year, rather than around it!
posted by VulcanMike at 4:40 AM on August 12, 2005

Dr. James Dobson could not be reached for comment.

I can't wait until that Rapture thingy happens and we're rid of him and his ilk forever.
posted by eustacescrubb at 4:55 AM on August 12, 2005

If they are acting as if they want to raise a family, I wonder if one of them should be artificially inseminated?

Make way for dyklings.

(Can I say that? Or is that just going to get me in trouble? I hope not, because blah blah best friends are blah...)
posted by pracowity at 5:13 AM on August 12, 2005

Now that they've been outed, it is probably only a matter of time until one or both turn up dead in some yahoo's quest to protect the sanctity of swan marriage.
posted by daveleck at 5:28 AM on August 12, 2005

'I think this proves that there's something in the environment in Massachusetts," Brian Camenker, director of the Article 8 Alliance, a Waltham-based organization fighting same-sex marriage, joked in a telephone interview. 'Maybe it's the water that's causing all this lunacy."

I love this.
posted by danb at 5:31 AM on August 12, 2005

To my little nest by the sea
With me that's where you belong with me
I know I can be strong when you're with me
She skims the water
At the new time to seek
Her fish and she emerges
With one squirming in her beak

She plays among the waves
And hides between the swells
She walks the beach at twilight

Searching for some shells
Come with me
posted by Smart Dalek at 5:33 AM on August 12, 2005

Dr. James Dobson could not be reached for comment.

he's out renewing his hunting license.
posted by mcsweetie at 5:36 AM on August 12, 2005

And the cold winds blow,
She was brave but she's laid low.
By her body in the isle of mist,
I saw her give her one last cold kiss, one last cold kiss.
posted by Wolfdog at 5:39 AM on August 12, 2005

But, its AGAINST NATURE!

What? Swans? Oh! But...

A friend of mine owned a pair of geese that were gay. But they were real sleazy, they'd offer to mate with just about anyone that came by and talked to them. Come to think of it, I've known some gay humans like that, too.
posted by Goofyy at 5:45 AM on August 12, 2005

Now that they've been outed, it is probably only a matter of time until one or both turn up dead in some yahoo's quest to protect the sanctity of swan marriage.

That yahoo had better have a gun-- those two swans are belligerent bull dykes who will cut you down if you cross them.
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:16 AM on August 12, 2005

Make way for dyklings.

Iced coffee hurts when it comes out your nose. Thanks a lot.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:16 AM on August 12, 2005

The swans have no swain? I swoon.
posted by WolfDaddy at 6:29 AM on August 12, 2005

Heh....

Actually, it's been shown that many species have a small percentage (2-10%) that exibit homosexual behavior. Is there anything wrong with it? No. Why not? They're animals!!! We don't get mad when one animal murders another one or anything like that! They have no moral foundation!

Showing that homosexuality is natural does nothing to the morality of it, one way or the other.

The best argument I've seen that homosexuality is a "morally neutral" issue is that it doesn't "hurt" anyone. I'm still pondering if that applies to all other things that we generally agree are "wrong."
posted by psychotic_venom at 6:34 AM on August 12, 2005

our gay penguins became a family (there's a children's book about it)--the swans can too.

Metafilter: Make way for dyklings : >
posted by amberglow at 6:43 AM on August 12, 2005

It's in the Water
posted by TrinityB5 at 6:55 AM on August 12, 2005

I love lesbian swans! Gay male swans? Not so much...
posted by ParisParamus at 6:57 AM on August 12, 2005

Each year when the swans go in, the kids immediately come to us and say, 'Which one's Romeo, and which one's Juliet?' " parks spokeswoman Mary Hines said yesterday in response to a Globe inquiry. 'It's just like one of those fairy tales; why spoil it?"

It's not spoiling it-- now it's easier than ever if they're both Juliet.
posted by taursir at 7:08 AM on August 12, 2005

So - were all just agreeing mindlessly with Emma Stokien, a 15-year-old from New York?

Let me just point out what Kurt Willoughby, a 13-year-old from Kansas City said about this: "I think its cool, I guess".

And should we ignore the wisdom of Summer Wallace, a 12-year-old from San Fransico: "I don't like swans - I like ducks better" - ?

I think I'll just finish up by reminding you all of what Justin Burke, a 6-year-old from Little Rock, said about that: "Me too".

So, to conclude: fuck you, Emma. Fuck you and the fucking swans you love so fucking much, you fuck.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 7:37 AM on August 12, 2005 [2 favorites]

If I recall my Shakespeare correctly, the original Romeo and Juliet were involved in a disastrous underage romance that ended up with both of them dead. These two swans, by contrast, have committed to a mature long-term relationship. Why should the former couple be lauded, and the latter be condemned?

On preview, that's an odd bit of vitriol from the quidnunc kid. I mean, I hate kids just as much as anyone, but that doesn't mean they're not right sometimes.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:40 AM on August 12, 2005

I hate kids just as much as anyone, but that doesn't mean they're not right sometimes

Oh really? Well I've only got two words for you: go fuck yourself.

Right ... that's actually three words. So try these two words on for size: bugfucker. And by "bugfucker" I mean YOU.

OK - "you" is obviously only one word, not two. But the point here is that my two words are "bugfucker = you".

I mean, that's not just two words, obviously there's a mathematical symbol in there as well. Any idiot can see that. But I never said I had ONLY two words for you, did I?

OK, I did say that. I can see that, I recognise that. OK. But, look, if I had to restrict myself to two words, I think those words would be "go and get fucked".

Which is four words. I know that. I can count that, OK? I don't need you going on about this all the fucking time because I can just count up those words and obviously there are four words there. And I guess that means that I have quite a few words for you, asshole.

OK, "asshole" is just one word and that's not quite a few words, that's just one.

Look, I don't really have a lot of time to spend counting out fucking words, OK? I'm pretty fucking busy here actually. It's not like I go into a cafe or something and say "five words, baby: I want a coffee".

Which is actually four words, not five, but maybe I'd say "please" on the end and that would be five.

But I'm not going to say "please" on the end of my two words to you, because that would be polite, and the point of my two words is that they're pretty fucking rude words, so you just think about that.

I mean, don't think about the word "that", "that" is only one word and it doesn't make sense. I'm not just coming up to you and saying "THAT!" and then running away and hiding in a bush or something - that would just be COMPLETELY FUCKING CRAZY. No, what I'm doing here, and I think it's pretty simple actually, I mean it's so fucking simple that I don't even understand why I have to go on about it all the fucking time, so what I'm doing is that I'm coming up to you and I'm saying TWO WORDS. And the thing about those two words is that they form a complete sentence with nouns AND verbs. Or maybe its just one verb phrase or something. Anyway - that two-word sentence is this: just get fucked.

So just fucking think about those two words.

Three words.

Shit.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 7:52 AM on August 12, 2005 [36 favorites]

tqk, I just flagged that as "fantastic post/comment." You may be my new hero.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:54 AM on August 12, 2005

tqk: don't ever switch to decaf...
posted by candle in the dark at 7:57 AM on August 12, 2005

These two swans, by contrast, have committed to a mature long-term relationship. Why should the former couple be lauded, and the latter be condemned?

Because thinking about nuance hurts peoples' heads. Few people who actually do fall for the fantasy have probably even read the actual piece, much less considered the implications of the plotline. Those that don't fall for the fantasy aren't in the news, because it doesn't make for quaint teevee.
posted by odinsdream at 7:57 AM on August 12, 2005

I was flower girl at Juliet & Juliet's wedding.
posted by orange swan at 7:59 AM on August 12, 2005

For all the water in the ocean
Can never turn the swan's black legs to white,
Although she lave them hourly in the flood.
(Titus Andronicus 4.2.103-5)
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:13 AM on August 12, 2005

Goofyy said Come to think of it, I've known some gay humans like that, too.

I've known more hetero humans like that than gay . . .
posted by tr33hggr at 8:21 AM on August 12, 2005

meta.li.cio.us
posted by signal at 8:36 AM on August 12, 2005

Awesome. Hot swan on swan action!
posted by bondcliff at 8:44 AM on August 12, 2005

tqk - You are the man.
posted by psychotic_venom at 8:48 AM on August 12, 2005

I'm going to start a group called Focus on the Swans to protest this abhorrent behavior.
posted by mathowie at 8:49 AM on August 12, 2005

Do our lovely dyklings fail
To fill the quidnunc kid with soft delight?

The graceful curve of almost-intertwining necks,
Pure white floating feather-touched
To love, to live, to die together?

posted by cleardawn at 8:56 AM on August 12, 2005

awww.....pen-friends. How cute.
posted by peacay at 8:58 AM on August 12, 2005

Hmm, there's an interesting linguistic subtlety developing here...

The swans aren 't having sex - if they're a 'same-sex' couple then the term doesn't mean homosexual.

The swans are engaging in cygnet-rearing behavior - so does 'same-sex couple' mean a couple involved in child-rearing, no - lots of gay people consider themselves couples without raising young'ins.

The swans are living in the same pond - does the term mean two individuals of the same sex sharing living arrangements? No it seems to imply more than just being room-mates.

What does 'same-sex couple' actually mean?

Maybe: 'A possibly but not necessarily gay not that there's anything wrong with that twosome living in the same place who may or may not be engaging in sex of some form or other who may or may not want or have plans to raise children and whose personal lives are none of our business anyway but we still want to ever so gently characterize them as being of special interest in some or all of those ways to make some larger sociological point'?
posted by scheptech at 9:20 AM on August 12, 2005

I'll have some of what he's having. [tips his head in tqk's direction.] Thanks.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:43 AM on August 12, 2005

If I recall my Shakespeare correctly, the original Romeo and Juliet were involved in a disastrous underage romance that ended up with both of them dead.

I think it would be appropriate if the swans were renamed Rosalind and Celia from "As You Like It".
posted by Asparagirl at 10:41 AM on August 12, 2005

or Laverne and Shirley. ; >
posted by amberglow at 10:45 AM on August 12, 2005

I have to join in

Come with me
Lesbian Seagull
settle down and rest with me
fly with me, Lesbian Seagull
posted by illuminatus at 11:12 AM on August 12, 2005

Gay down upon the Swanee River,
Far, far away.
That's where my heart is yearning ever,
Home where the gay swans stay.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:51 AM on August 12, 2005

"If these two swans are happy together, they shouldn't have to have a guy," said Emma Stokien, a 15-year-old from New York. 'It's good to have the swans as a symbol of the acceptance in Massachusetts."
posted by Viomeda at 11:54 AM on August 12, 2005

Nothin' quite like a pair of fine lookin' birds gettin' it on. Am I right fellas?

tqk, that right there is one hell of a comment. Good work.
posted by graventy at 12:13 PM on August 12, 2005

Viomeda: There is something in the water - in San Francisco today someone ran over some ducks at a car wash for no apparent reason. (I'd provide the link, but the SF Chronicle is down now.)
posted by Moral Animal at 1:24 PM on August 12, 2005

Perhaps it's just a "Boston marriage"?

*ducks*
posted by KirkJobSluder at 1:39 PM on August 12, 2005

Faint of Butt writes "If I recall my Shakespeare correctly, the original Romeo and Juliet were involved in a disastrous underage romance that ended up with both of them dead."

Indeed. I hear that every year in Verona letters come in at least in the thousands addressed to "Juliet" asking for love advice. I must assume that this comes from people who haven't read the play or seen the movie, because frankly I wouldn't be so keen on seeking love advice from any of the characters in that story...
posted by clevershark at 3:17 PM on August 12, 2005

Indeed. I hear that every year in Verona letters come in at least in the thousands addressed to "Juliet" asking for love advice.

Interesting ... and sure enough:

Officials Ban Love Letters on Juliet's House

'From Juliet with Love'

The Juliet Club

posted by ericb at 3:43 PM on August 12, 2005

"Maybe it's the water that's causing all this lunacy."

Love that dirty water!
posted by davros42 at 3:53 PM on August 12, 2005

Funniest comment ever
posted by angry modem at 7:55 PM on August 12, 2005

did I mention the quidnunc kid is my new idol?
he is. or she. or whatever. now go and get fucked.
posted by signal at 8:16 PM on August 12, 2005

Damn. I've posted MeFi entries on my site before, but never just a comment. I didn't even mention what the FPP was about.
posted by danb at 8:40 PM on August 12, 2005

scheptech: Your comments reminded me of this.
posted by birdsquared at 9:49 PM on August 12, 2005

)))!
posted by fish tick at 10:31 PM on August 12, 2005

Great! Now there's no reason not to ban quonsar.
posted by nthdegx at 3:21 PM on August 13, 2005

tqk: Denis Leary called and he wants his schtick back. Replace a few words here and there, and you'd have any good rant from Rescue Me, a show made for the specific talents of Denis Leary.
posted by e40 at 7:24 PM on August 14, 2005

... but enough about quidders. Halifax has a pair of male swans requiring mates. Time for some Free Trade.
posted by fish tick at 6:29 AM on August 17, 2005