Illegal drugs in the United States

August 13, 2005 10:40 AM

What does the DEA say about drugs in your state? (Some states take a very hard line against gateway drugs...)
posted by dilettante (36 comments total)

If I was a smarter person, I would love to do a ratio of the different types of drugs seized per state. I mean, we have
cocaine to marijuana
NY: 1921.4 kgs/6073.4 kgs.
CA: 3186.6 kgs/131,871.5 kgs

I have to wonder what that says about the differences in culture/economy. (or does it?)
posted by [insert clever name here] at 11:16 AM on August 13, 2005

WTF? Clove cigarettes?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:21 AM on August 13, 2005

Of course, CA has a much higher proportion of marijuana seizures, this is where it's grown! Sherrif Lobo from Lodi could wander off road 50 feet and - bang!- a 2000kg seizure.

A recent article on California Agriculture had to make it clear: "Almonds are California's #1 legal cash crop"

Of course, I hear the Feds are going after almonds next. People are just getting too damn much pleasure from them.

Then it'll be garlic from Gilroy.

Then porn from Chatsworth.
posted by wendell at 11:35 AM on August 13, 2005

What they said is that the Iraqi Christians are suppliers of ecstasy to Detroit.
posted by nervousfritz at 11:40 AM on August 13, 2005

"MDMA Commonly referred to as Ecstasy, XTC, Clarity, or Essence, 3..."

Whiskey, tango, foxtrot?!

"MDMA is sold primarily at legitimate nightclubs and bars, at underground nightclubs sometimes called "acid houses,"...

Acid HOUSE! ACID HOUSE!! It's a genre of music you stupid twats! As in psychedelic inspired HOUSE music - like Acid Jazz, but derived from metropolitan gay/transgender house music, as in what the DJs played for the runway walkers at transvestite fashion design house contests, like, you know, House of Chanel, House of Lagerfield... as in totally not derived from something like crack house.

This isn't the first time I've seen utterly ridiculous bullshit on a DEA page, and there's certainly more gross errors to nitpick. But for fuck's sake, where in the hell do they come up with this totally spurious and wholly made up bullshit?

Note to DEA: Stop smoking all the confiscated crack and meth, you brainstem-lacking clue-seekers. Try some of the "microdot" or whatever.

On preview: Porn grows on trees? I didn't think Chatsworth even had trees. Oh? It grows on bushes? Well I'll be damned.
posted by loquacious at 11:54 AM on August 13, 2005

Actually, the DEA sprayed paraquat to kill the porn bushes, so...

I don't really need to finish that sentence, do I?
posted by wendell at 11:56 AM on August 13, 2005

That's paratwat to kill the porn bushes.
posted by telstar at 12:06 PM on August 13, 2005

Let me echo an earlier sentiment.

CLOVES????!??? What's a goth supposed to do?

Oh yeah, get out of Utah.
posted by spartacusroosevelt at 12:12 PM on August 13, 2005

Fucking cloves. I almost hate people who smoke clove cigarettes more than I do cokeheads. You don't want to be trapped next to either at a party.
posted by maxsparber at 12:17 PM on August 13, 2005

People who smoke cloves smell like baked hams.

Mmmm, baked ham.
posted by jonmc at 12:20 PM on August 13, 2005

Only one meth lab in the whole state? Where's our self-respect? Texas and California have hundreds of them.
posted by LeLiLo at 12:28 PM on August 13, 2005

Also, Gilroy smells good.

Every time I drive through there I get the munchies and start thinking of spaghetti, lasagna, garlic bread, garlic toast, garlic and cheese and more garlic and other foods that go good with garlic, which is basically everything except cereal and peanut butter sammichs. Notice I didn't say "...except chocolate or ice cream", because those are good with garlic, too.

Cloves make me feel dizzy. Clove cigarettes, not cloves of garlic. Hrm, clove flavored garlic cloves? That'd be cool. You could rub some on a goth and they'd get all explody and catch fire. I bet that would really smell like baked ham.
posted by loquacious at 12:33 PM on August 13, 2005

'Do Two Ounces of Marijuana Constitute a Death Warrant?'
posted by homunculus at 12:36 PM on August 13, 2005

Just to take the train another half-mile from the track:
New Raid Earth Options. Kills with plant-based active ingredients. Natural Clove Scent!
posted by wendell at 12:39 PM on August 13, 2005

Meanwhile, in the world of prescription drugs: The Surveillance State Grows
posted by homunculus at 12:41 PM on August 13, 2005

lelilo, don't sweat it. The Cumberland Plateau is taking up the slack.
posted by sklero at 12:55 PM on August 13, 2005

Ahahahahahahaha. Hah.

Ahem.

Thanks, loquacious; that's the funniest thing I've read in a long, long time. (I can't believe the people who make their living studying this would hear the phrase "acid house music" and think it meant "music played at acid houses" -- and still not have been corrected. Acid house has been around for what, 12 years now?)
posted by Tlogmer at 12:55 PM on August 13, 2005

Due to successful drug initiatives and enforcement operations undertaken in the New York metropolitan area, many drug traffickers are moving their illegal operations to the upstate region to earn greater profits, elude law enforcement, and avoid competition from rival drug groups.

Thanks NYC. The crumbling cities of upstate NY really needed that.
posted by recurve at 1:22 PM on August 13, 2005

Uh, try almost twenty, tlogmer.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:40 PM on August 13, 2005

...but everybody who enjoyed acid house music 20 years ago have no long-term memory left...
I KEED! I KEED!
posted by wendell at 2:16 PM on August 13, 2005

" Recreational use of marijuana is popular among high school and college age students, while adults remain the predominant users of marijuana, especially in large social gatherings, such as rock concerts. Reports indicate that marijuana is typically smoked in combination with crack cocaine, heroin, and PCP."


Uhhh, maybe typically doesn't mean what I think it means...that would explain why that sentence doesn't make sense to me. Apparently I confused the phrase, "in rare cases," with the word typically. Silly me.

Pot, coke, heroin, and PCP all in one joint!? Crazy kids.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 3:34 PM on August 13, 2005

the Iraqi Christians are suppliers of ecstasy to Detroit.

This explains everything about my neighborhood.
posted by joe lisboa at 3:50 PM on August 13, 2005

The DEA is, in a word, fucked. As in fucking stupid, fucking useless, fucking criminal, and fucking ignorant.

The organization is operating in a panic state these days, because they realize their employment days are numbered.

Vancouver, BC, and a few other cities are comprehensively demonstrating that the best approach to hard-core drug abuse is to provide a safe environment for same, because it creates a safe environment in which those self-same abusers can seek help. Few people actually want to be a useless drug-addict; it's just that they don't know how to stop, are afraid that seeking help will end up with them being punished, etc.

Add to that mix the idea that marijuana is going to become as legal as gay marriage, and they're seeing pink slips in their future.

Good riddance to bad trash, IMO. The DEA has done more harm than good.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:38 PM on August 13, 2005

Thats one thing I wonder. If some drugs are made legal what happens to all the DEAs and drug dealers? Would there be a job shortage? Because it doesnt seem like either of those jobs would have much transferable skills.
posted by Iax at 5:57 PM on August 13, 2005

The DEA has done nothing but keep the narcotics trade in the hands of violent criminal organizations. They're the mob's, and gangs', ultimate enforcers.
posted by clevershark at 6:07 PM on August 13, 2005

Well, the drug dealers will probably be SOL and have to get a gig at the Wendy's drive-thru. The DEA guys can just transfer to CIA and use their knowledge of drug smuggling procedures to get more heroin and coke into the country.
posted by stenseng at 6:11 PM on August 13, 2005

As with Elliot Ness at the end of The Untouchables, if drugs were legalized our DEA agents would probably go out and get high. And, as with the end of Prohibition, the drug dealers would probably legalize their dealing and continue to make money. After all, many speakeasy owners simply turned their illegal bars into legal ones.
posted by maxsparber at 6:38 PM on August 13, 2005

The DEA needs to go away.
posted by wakko at 7:09 PM on August 13, 2005

If the government would simply erect cocaine palaces with big neon signs out front that said Cocaine will definitely kill you - $5 they'd soon find that only a small subset of the population would take them up on the bargain, while everybody in the cocaine importation and distribution business would suddenly end up seeking alternative employment. Addicts would benefit from a reliable and affordable supply, which would enable them to maintain a more normal lifestyle, since they'd no longer have to commit property crimes to support their habit. Less crime, more taxes paid and $5 per user session. The government would win all around.
posted by gregor-e at 8:43 PM on August 13, 2005

Hey-- The DEA is right about the whole gateway drug thing. I started out smoking gateways and before I knew it I was smoking garden gnomes and welcome mats.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 9:05 PM on August 13, 2005

Fuck! Are you serious? Welcome mats? Ripper, I thot u wuz dead! :(

I never got could handle more than the occasional length of twine. Err, well. There was that one time I smoked an entire macrame owl in one weekend. Holy fucking shit!
posted by loquacious at 10:36 PM on August 13, 2005

Anybody see anything wrong with this graph?

Like, that the difference between 21 and 121 is huge, but the difference between 275 and 157 is negligable? Or that 228 appears to be higher than 275?
I think they may just only have one clip-art graph, which they add numbers to in MS Paint.
posted by klangklangston at 7:25 AM on August 14, 2005

Thats one thing I wonder. If some drugs are made legal what happens to all the DEAs and drug dealers? Would there be a job shortage? Because it doesnt seem like either of those jobs would have much transferable skills.

I could think of a few things. The out-of-work DEA agents can start searching those shipping containers for bombs as opposed to drugs. And the dealers? In a word - marketing.
posted by afroblanca at 9:13 AM on August 14, 2005

Nice catch, KK!

So perhaps y'all should be contacting your state reps and telling 'em the DEA is a waste of money, and that a combination of legalization+taxation+safe galleries would result in a decrease in drug use and a marked increase in income.

It worked for booze and gambling, after all. Lotteries are a big, big winner for the government.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:27 AM on August 14, 2005

I saw an article recently about how, OVERALL, the Meth Scourge™ that is being played up to increase antidrug funding and create even more mandatory absurd sentences is essentially a sham. The graphs on the website seem to bear this out. Meth lab busts went DOWN from 2003 to 2004.

Meth will kill you. Any moron that even tries it after seeing those before and after photo montages deserves their Darwin Award.

There isn't all that much more usage, but rather an epidemic of hype being generated to procure even more $$$ in the name of the failed war on (some) drugs.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 9:47 AM on August 14, 2005

The DEA is nothing if not efficient...


...at making damn sure it gets more funding, more power over citizens, and more power politically.

...at actually educating the population, offering effective drug rehabilitation programs, and reducing hard drug usage, not so much.
posted by five fresh fish at 4:38 PM on August 14, 2005