Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes

August 18, 2005 7:16 PM

Corporate name calling "I had no bad words at all. I guess the earliest letter is dated in May and from then on up until now my name has been listed as Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes and I have no idea why."
posted by saketini99 (28 comments total)

A synchronicity from the Post (via Waiter Rant):

Two diners on a date at a fancy Jersey Shore restaurant were furious when they saw the check — which listed their table as that of the "Jew Couple."

posted by smackfu at 7:24 PM on August 18, 2005

Many years ago I was document control (read: mail boy) for a government department. I forwarded a lot of internal and external mail.

One fella I had to send lots of things to was a one Syd Barnes. One day, a co worker was walking past and commented, "I used to work in his section. He's mad." It wasn't a vicious snipe or anything, just an observation on her part.

So, being young and stupid and not really giving a shit about my job, I started addressing internal mail to Mad Syd Barnes.

About a month later, I get a phone call from a frothing mad Syd Barnes threatening to "report me" and "have me sacked" and "I'm not Mad Syd Barnes" etc etc.

Sheesh.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:30 PM on August 18, 2005

Bitch Dog is actually kind of cool, she should become a rapper.
posted by fenriq at 7:45 PM on August 18, 2005

In the late 1980s, CNN had Armand Hammer on (I think) "Larry King Live," and thanks to a jokester in the control room, accidentally fonted him onscreen as:

Armand Hammer
International Busybody

This story is still told to new employees as an example of why you don't screw around with anything that might ever hit air.
posted by BoringPostcards at 7:46 PM on August 18, 2005

"...my name has been listed as Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes and I have no idea why."

Sack up, Nancy.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:54 PM on August 18, 2005

Armand Hammer, International Busybody

See, if it was ME, I would've written:
Armand Hammer
Baking Soda Tycoon
posted by Robot Johnny at 7:57 PM on August 18, 2005

And then there's the famous "Dear Rich Bastard" story, usually sourced to the New Scientist but considered (by Snopes, for what little they're worth) uncorroborated.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:12 PM on August 18, 2005

my name has been listed as Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes and I have no idea why.

- signed

Jeffery Balzac Barnes
posted by Sparx at 8:16 PM on August 18, 2005

If you call me Chris Everett to my face one more time…
posted by uncanny hengeman at 8:21 PM on August 18, 2005

uncanny, what the hell is that from?
posted by odinsdream at 8:40 PM on August 18, 2005

That was the old Jim Rome talk show on ESPN. Rome baited Jim Everett, Everett warned him, then went across the table at him as Rome assumed the fetal position.

To this day, I still don't understand why Rome has a job and why any athlete would talk to him.
posted by 27 at 9:01 PM on August 18, 2005

I'm sure the fellas at the SWB internet services dept. have names just like that for me in the notes. Except for the reps in Bangalore. I'm sure it's much, much worse than the names the american guys call me.
posted by damnitkage at 9:44 PM on August 18, 2005

Communist-hippie-pervert-impotent-nose-picking-three-legged-grandmother-mailman-with-a-beard.
Just a little nickname I picked up in school.
posted by Balisong at 10:09 PM on August 18, 2005

"Barnes said he received an apologetic call from a company official. He also has contacted an attorney to determine if he can take legal action."

Oh, Jesus. I'd like to sue my power company for not giving me a fun name like that.
posted by mullacc at 11:02 PM on August 18, 2005

Related to BoringPostcards comment, I recall a few years ago watching REALLY late night tv (as in, so late as to be morning, ~5am) and some 2 hour block of ABC Morning News or somesuch was on with some random talking head. Now, this was post AOL/TimeWarner/Disney/ABC/et al mergers, and as the talking head read the various news, I noticed that on a monitor off in the "newsroom" behind her, a generic Windows marquee screen saver repeatedly scrolled:
AOL IS NOT THE INTERNET... THE INTERNET IS NOT AOL
I had a good chuckle about that, knowing some disgruntled employee left that running, probably unnoticed by all but a few drunk/high/insomniac geeks like myself. :)
posted by hincandenza at 11:15 PM on August 18, 2005

"a generic Windows marquee screen saver repeatedly scrolled"

Scrolled what? All I see here about 10 lines of blank Blue space.

From "view source" though, I think you meant to "marquee" this:

AOL IS NOT THE INTERNET... THE INTERNET IS NOT AOL

Apparently "marquee" has been disallowed, not that I miss it.
posted by davy at 2:30 AM on August 19, 2005

Kewl.
Hey, everybody, davy can't see the Fnords! He's one of them!
posted by eriko at 5:03 AM on August 19, 2005

* points at davy, laughs *
posted by yhbc at 6:17 AM on August 19, 2005

Being in actuality nicknamed Bitch Dog and part of a Jew Couple, I'm quite saddened that no employee of any establishment has ever treated me in such a fashion. *sniffle*
posted by Captaintripps at 6:34 AM on August 19, 2005

Oh man! First I need to piss somebody off at the electric company. Then I take my bill with my "new and Improved name" to the library and get myself a new card. Hilarity ensues! Imagine the looks from the good-natured librarians as I grumble about my parents' choice in names.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:59 AM on August 19, 2005

They just address all my cable bills to "stallion".
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:36 AM on August 19, 2005

Weeeeeee!! The internet is fun again!!
posted by ericbop at 12:31 PM on August 19, 2005

hincandenza, I'm sure that was on World News Now, the wonderfully irreverent overnight news show on ABC. (Check out the World News Polka!)
posted by Vidiot at 4:45 PM on August 19, 2005

Kudos to hincandenza for wonderfully appropriate tag usage with bonus!
posted by mwhybark at 6:31 PM on August 19, 2005

I just had to do it...
posted by bjgeiger at 8:12 PM on August 19, 2005

Where's gramschmidt?
posted by kenko at 11:53 PM on August 19, 2005

What's up with all those blank posts? Don't you folks do Preview?
posted by davy at 8:30 PM on August 21, 2005

Boom shake shake shake the room!
posted by uncanny hengeman at 11:37 PM on August 22, 2005