Playing a Platinum Record.

August 25, 2005 9:48 AM

Playing a Platinum Record.
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posted by togdon (29 comments total)

My favorite part, is that the Christian Rock single for which they won the Platinum record was titled... “The Devil Is Bad.”
posted by togdon at 9:52 AM on August 25, 2005

I wish there were more details, and that it had been updated with new info, but funny none the less.
posted by sourbrew at 9:57 AM on August 25, 2005

My favorite part, is that the [...] record was titled... “The Devil Is Bad.”

Exactly. And the guy's name is "Hellman"!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 9:59 AM on August 25, 2005

Heh. I saw The Ws live at Cornerstone a number of years back. They were certainly one of the better groups, musically speaking, to come out of the Christian scene at the time. IIRC, the song was rather tongue-in-cheek and campy.
posted by verb at 10:00 AM on August 25, 2005

Let me get this right...Christian rock lies about its sales?
posted by OmieWise at 10:03 AM on August 25, 2005

Let me get this right...Christian Rock singles go Platinum!?
posted by JeffK at 10:08 AM on August 25, 2005

I think I got this story from Bill Wyman's autobiography: Two of the Rolling Stones got into an argument about whether their gold record was an actual Rolling Stones record plated with gold, or some other record entirely. They ripped it out of the frame, put it on a record player, and put the needle down gently. The record turned out to be the soundtrack album from Bambi.
posted by barjo at 10:14 AM on August 25, 2005

About the time of this guy's Dove awards I was living in Nashville. A friend of mine who was the daughter of a music producer got a gig as a seat filler for the Dove awards. As the night neared, it turned out that they would need to recruit more seat fillers. They wanted wholesome, attractive (yet possibly rugged and hip) looking twenty somethings so she naturally invited her unattractive, shaggy, drunken idiot friends.

We all got hammered. It was a truly boring experience, especially for me who had never heard of any of these people. On and on it went, thank you's, camera pans of seats filled with excited award attendees, and a cluster of drunken idiots that seemed, somehow to be in every shot.

If I ever get to do it again, I'm getting drunker.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:15 AM on August 25, 2005

The record turned out to be the soundtrack album from Bambi.

To which Keith said, "See?! I told you it was our record!" and then passed out.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:19 AM on August 25, 2005

A friend's father was in a band who had a few gold records. The one they played was a spraypainted Bill Joel album. He wasn't Billy Joel btw.
posted by fire&wings at 10:24 AM on August 25, 2005

He wasn't Billy Joel btw.

Was he in his band?
posted by Pollomacho at 10:37 AM on August 25, 2005

I can't remember where I first heard it, but I thought that it was pretty common knowledge that the records in gold and platinum awards were just random records that got spray painted. Most of the time you can tell by looking at the relative track size and the number of tracks that they are not the same record as the one that got the award.
posted by monkeyman at 10:39 AM on August 25, 2005

Makes me want to walk down to SubPop records, and see if they'll let me play with the gold records on their walls to see what they are...
posted by nomisxid at 10:49 AM on August 25, 2005

I wish there were more details, and that it had been updated with new info, but funny none the less.
posted by sourbrew at 11:57 AM CST on August 25
From the site:
Valentine Hellman

I put this letter in the mail on Wedensday, 8-24-05

Sheesh, sourbrew. Instant gratification not fast enough for you?
posted by Floydd at 11:30 AM on August 25, 2005

Rules for being super-cool.

1. Distain all awards given you.

2. Make fun of those who give the award and do your best to discredit them.

3. Extra credit if they are christian. (making fun of christians or any people of faith is extra extra cool.)

4. Explain how clever you and your friends were by fooling "the man" and cashing in on a corrupt industry.

5. Tell everyone how drunk you were (are).

posted by shockingbluamp at 11:35 AM on August 25, 2005

... and that it had been updated with new info ...

The bottom of the page says he mailed the letter on 8-24-05, as in, yesterday. I don't think it gets any more up-to-date than that.
posted by odinsdream at 11:41 AM on August 25, 2005

monkeyman: ...I thought that it was pretty common knowledge that the records in gold and platinum awards were just random records that got spray painted...

That would make perfect sense, but according to the story, this record was 1) larger than standard record-size and 2) backwards, as in the turntable had to go counter-clockwise to get the music to play correctly. What the heck is up with that? Why would you make a playable jumbo-sized record to be used as a decoration? Why would you make it backwards?
posted by Western Infidels at 11:44 AM on August 25, 2005

They had something on the World of Warcraft soundtrack?

I thought christian albums went myrrh?
posted by drezdn at 11:47 AM on August 25, 2005

*pats schockingbluamp on the head*

very good, but you missed one, kid:

6. Concoct a ham-fisted list of your own pet hang-ups and pass it off as a checklist of what it takes to be super-cool.

*wanders off to pawn an industry award to buy more beer from non-Christians*
posted by joe lisboa at 12:08 PM on August 25, 2005

Western Infidels, I'm not entirely sure how records are made, but my guess would be that it was probably just one side of a record, with the other side never glued on. This would also explain why it was so thin. Perhaps if Hellman had flipped the record over, it would've played forwards.

Also, unless I'm missing something, the RIAA made a mistake - a platinum record is for 1 million sales, a gold record is for 500,000.
posted by hellbient at 12:11 PM on August 25, 2005

There's at least two anecdotes in the biography Heavier than Heaven about Kurt Cobain trying to play gold/platinum records. I forget what the platinum record for Nevermind was supposed to be, but I think it was some classical music. In another anecdote about a party at Geffen, Cobain allegedly shoved a gold record from REO Speedwagon into a microwave and melted it.
posted by jonp72 at 12:24 PM on August 25, 2005

Actually, I just checked Heavier than Heaven using Amazon's "Search Inside the Book" feature. It turns out that the melted record was not REO Speedwagon, but instead Kurt took a gold record by the band Nelson, called it "an affront to humankind," and then melted it in the microwave. He also melted a 2nd Nelson record.
posted by jonp72 at 12:44 PM on August 25, 2005

I believe that Marvin Gaye did the same when he was alive, and found that one of his platinum records was a Supremes record.
posted by apple scruff at 12:45 PM on August 25, 2005

This came up on the Negativland mailing list "Snuggles" too, and the common consensus was that he got a Stamper -- basically the metal bit that shapes the vinyl -- which explains why it plays backwards.

(Anyway, where I used to work was lousy with gold and platinum records, and none of those fit the description he gives, either. Although, I always wondered what they were, and now I guess I know: Random, Spraypainted LPs. That's good to know!)
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 12:55 PM on August 25, 2005

Also, unless I'm missing something, the RIAA made a mistake

A few, actually.
posted by NickDouglas at 1:00 PM on August 25, 2005

If it was a stamper or an upside down half record, wouldn't it have ridges instead of grooves?
posted by Pollomacho at 1:27 PM on August 25, 2005

From the mailing list post about that very question:

Sounds to me like what he was trying to play was a metal part or stamper. Record manufacturers replace these every so often during a pressing run. They come with ridges rather than grooves, so ideally you need this special stylus which rides both sides of the ridge, though a normal stylus will pick up something. Not surprising that they just used whaever stamper was available since they never expected anyone to actually play the darned thing!

(posted by Paul G, who I hope doesn't mind me copy-pasting his response since it's basically better than anything I'd write on it, and well, basically anything I'd write on it would be based on his post anyway, so....)
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 1:41 PM on August 25, 2005

The platinum record trophy company never got back to him? What a gyp!
Give me their address!
posted by Balisong at 6:39 PM on August 25, 2005

hellbient, the comments at kempa echo your confusion (and mine) regarding "platinum vs. gold" record sales.

From some site via google: " The RIAA has established the benchmark for a Gold Record as the sale of 500,000 units."
posted by shoepal at 7:50 PM on August 25, 2005