Three free downloads??

October 6, 2005 12:37 PM

So, the US Army is having trouble meeting it's recruitment goals, and is lowering the bar for admission to try and make up the shortfall. Another tactic they are apparently trying is sweetening the deal with 3 free (FREE!!!) iTunes downloads if you agree to talk to a recruiter. It'd be foolish NOT to sign up, frankly!
posted by jonson (56 comments total)

THREE?! Holy shit!
posted by TwelveTwo at 12:38 PM on October 6, 2005

I hope they start a draft promotion with Pepsi...where all you have to do is tip the bottle at a certain angle to see under the cap and avoid being enlisted.
posted by tpl1212 at 12:40 PM on October 6, 2005

Does singing a bar from Alice's Restaurant count as 'talking to a recruter'?
posted by darkness at 12:43 PM on October 6, 2005

Set your sights and get a FREE Army Boonie Hat and Video.

Saw this on TV yesterday... I was certainly inspired, I mean... who could pass that up?
posted by prostyle at 12:48 PM on October 6, 2005

Somehow I keep thinking of the song from Peter Pan:

A special offer for today
I'll tell you what I'll do
All those who sign without delay
Will get a free tattoo
Why, it's like money in the bank
Come on, join up, and I'll be frank
Unless you do, you'll walk the plank
posted by unreason at 12:49 PM on October 6, 2005

Truly, you'd be insane to do it. Did you ever mistakenly or out of some kind of morbid curiosity attend the military recruitment fair in high school? I did. That was 20 years ago. I think they just stopped calling my parents' house yesterday. Seriosly, these guys are the WORST telemarketing stalking douchbags ever and it's easier to get rid of herpes than to get them to stop calling you if you express even the slightest interest. Spend the 3 dollars and buy yourself three songs or buy like a case of pepsi for the free download codes. Trust me.
posted by spicynuts at 12:51 PM on October 6, 2005

What a sorry state our military is in.
posted by phredhead at 12:52 PM on October 6, 2005

Our military is in Indiana?
posted by pmbuko at 12:55 PM on October 6, 2005

Weird... I did a strip in June that made fun of an iPod-based army recruiting campaign. This just seems almost desperate, though.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 12:56 PM on October 6, 2005

How many iTunes credits will they give me if I sign up and agree to let one of my arms get blown off?

Recuiters are like remoras, once they get ahold of you, they will never, ever, ever let go. Unless you start coming on to them (hey, to make them stop anything's fair game). Or ask them if they wouldn't mind if you shot up during your interview, that tends to persuade them to go hunting elsewhere.
posted by fenriq at 12:57 PM on October 6, 2005

It may seem like an odd question, but what is the Army's current policy on portable music? TV and movies tell me that during Vietnam, say, GIs patrolled in their swiftboats listening to some awesome rock and soul. Do our troops ride around Fallujah in Humvees while sporting iPods (or using an iTrip)?

Despite being an Admiral myself, I know nothing about the modern military.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 12:59 PM on October 6, 2005

When I was in college, my local congressman continually called trying to get me to sign up. During the fifth or sixth called he happened to ask what I was studying. When I told him that I was a Studio Art Major, there was absolute silence on his end for about 30 seconds, then a polite; "Thank-you for your time, son ... "
posted by R. Mutt at 12:59 PM on October 6, 2005

Didn't recruiters used to imply free healthcare for life after retirement? Unless you got it in writing you got screwed. Then came TRICARE.
Recruiter: Now, are either of you homosexuals?
John Winger: You mean like flaming? Or part time?
Recruiter: Well, it's a question we have to ask of all our new recruits.
Russell Ziskey: No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn.

posted by augustweed at 1:00 PM on October 6, 2005

I guess that the age limit for recruits must have gone up- when they ask for the year you finished high school, the dropdown box goes back to 1954...
posted by pjern at 1:00 PM on October 6, 2005

Or ask them if they wouldn't mind if you shot up during your interview, that tends to persuade them to go hunting elsewhere.

Oh? Is that right?
posted by Pollomacho at 1:01 PM on October 6, 2005

When I was graduating from high school, all they offered was a cheapass velcro wallet and a T-shirt.
posted by Foosnark at 1:04 PM on October 6, 2005

I filled out an interest form for the Coast Guard months ago, 5 months later they called me once and didn't leave a message.
posted by drezdn at 1:10 PM on October 6, 2005

Or ask them if they wouldn't mind if you shot up during your interview, that tends to persuade them to go hunting elsewhere
Or you get a guaranteed assignment to Afghanistan.
posted by augustweed at 1:10 PM on October 6, 2005

R.Mutt, that is hilarious. When I was in my senior year of high school a recruiter for the marines called me. He asked what I planned on studying in college. When I replied "Studio Art," three seconds or so passed and he just hung up on me. I was quite amused.
posted by ScottUltra at 1:14 PM on October 6, 2005

Pollomacho, I'd have hoped so but maybe I'll have to resort to plan B where I bring a lady sheep in......
posted by fenriq at 1:16 PM on October 6, 2005

Better make that a young ram, Fenriq!
posted by Pollomacho at 1:24 PM on October 6, 2005

"Oh? Is that right?"
posted by Pollomacho at 10:01 PM CET on October 6 [!]

Heh, they changed the headline a day later. Also, what's up with the recruiting booth in the middle of Times Square? Do they expect the tourists to be so dazzled by the neon lights that they sign right up and join the army?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:26 PM on October 6, 2005

Yet another person who answered "art major" and was (very politely and warmly, I have to admit) told, "Well, thank you for your time, and best of luck" and never called again.
posted by Bugbread at 1:29 PM on October 6, 2005

Do they expect the tourists to be so dazzled by the neon lights that they sign right up and join the army?

Well, there's a booth in Coney Island too, although the clientele on that particular strip of real estate is, shall we say, probably more fertile ground than Times Square.
posted by spicynuts at 1:30 PM on October 6, 2005

Do they expect the tourists to be so dazzled by the neon lights that they sign right up and join the army?

Maybe they're looking for confused photo buffs, looking for a piece of this action.
posted by drezdn at 1:42 PM on October 6, 2005

When recruitment drops to a very very low level, watch the call go out from the govt for a draft because we need the military in case of hurricanes etc.

When the economy tanks, there will be those people signing up to get what civilians will not have: clothing, food, housing, pensions, health programs, and insurance.
posted by Postroad at 1:43 PM on October 6, 2005

what's next breast implants and viagra?
posted by j.p. Hung at 1:51 PM on October 6, 2005

Sign up for Al-Qaeda and you get to blow up americans and die a martyr and hero. Sign up for the US Military and you get to die from an Al-Qaeda bomber...plus 3 iTunes. Where do I sign up?
posted by Todd Lokken at 1:52 PM on October 6, 2005

In the terms for the agreement is the following:

"Army National Guard expressly disclaims any responsibility and each registrant hereby agrees to release and to hold Army National Guard....harmless from any and all losses, damages, rights, claims and actions of any kind in connection with this offer or resulting from the delivery, acceptance and/or subsequent use or misuse of iTunes delivered to registrants, including without limitation, personal injury, death and property damage, and claims based on publicity rights, defamation or invasion of privacy. "

Man!!!! Which iTunes are they giving 'em.....
posted by HuronBob at 2:01 PM on October 6, 2005

does anyone have a copy of these tests that they're lowering the bar for?
posted by quarsan at 2:03 PM on October 6, 2005

When recruitment drops to a very very low level, watch the call go out from the govt for a draft because we need the military in case of hurricanes etc.

Keep holding your breath.
posted by mrgrimm at 2:04 PM on October 6, 2005

does anyone have a copy of these tests that they're lowering the bar for?

I think this is a practice test.
posted by Mr_Zero at 2:08 PM on October 6, 2005

just download three songs off p2p or bittorrent to spite everyone
posted by chuckforthought.com at 2:09 PM on October 6, 2005

Have these people never heard of the alt.binaries.sounds.mp3.* subhierarchy?
posted by davy at 2:10 PM on October 6, 2005

Can you choose any song available on iTunes, or is there an approved list?

Cause, honestly, I don't think the kids are going for Lee Greenwood these days.
posted by tallthinone at 2:12 PM on October 6, 2005

3 free (FREE!!!) iTunes downloads

Apparently top military picks are the Cure's "Killing an Arab", Starship's, "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now", and, oddly, "In the Arms of an Angel" by Sarah McLaughlin.
posted by Peter H at 2:12 PM on October 6, 2005

3 songs for the next 6 to 8 years of my life? Where do I sign?

Wait a minute...I still get to shave my head and live with men, too, right?

Awesome!
posted by Gamblor at 2:15 PM on October 6, 2005

here are my picks:

"Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clearwater Revival
"When The President Talks To God" by Bright Eyes
"Who Let The Dogs Out?" by Baha Men

freedom<3!
posted by mcsweetie at 2:18 PM on October 6, 2005

Then again, those three songs are more than the big fat zero I got when I enlisted. In retrospect, I was a very, very dense child.
posted by Gamblor at 2:18 PM on October 6, 2005

"When The President Talks To God" by Bright Eyes
posted by wakko at 2:31 PM on October 6, 2005

Seriously, I would join the armed services if I was allowed to do so. But because I'm transgendered, I am disqualified. (Actually, more to the point, since I'm married to a woman legally, the required-disclosure of who I am married to is, in the words of a local recruiter, a "disqualifying disclosure.")

Gah. I almost want to go through the phone call again to make my point AND to get 3 iTunes downloads. My time is so totally worth $2.97.
posted by andreaazure at 2:35 PM on October 6, 2005

Actualy, you get the songs just for talking to the recruter, you don't have to sign up.

That said, I'd be warry. These recruters can be very agressive, in one instance telling someone they'd be arrested if they skipped a meeting.
posted by delmoi at 2:39 PM on October 6, 2005

Most amusing Army Recruitment Moment #591: Chicago, 2004. Outdoor concert with Modest Mouse and Death Cab For Cutie. Emo boys in black T-shirts as far as the eye can see. To the left? Over by the hot dog vendors? Two huge-ass guys in fatigues, standing ramrod straight, manning the US Army Recruitment Booth and looking like lost in a strange, strange land.
posted by verb at 2:41 PM on October 6, 2005

Go for it andreazure!
posted by R. Mutt at 2:42 PM on October 6, 2005

That's worth... er, $2.97.

I'm sure that's worth months of having recruiters call your place at all hours in order to harass you into signing up.
posted by clevershark at 2:52 PM on October 6, 2005

"'When The President Talks To God' by Bright Eyes"

How about the less-popular "When God talks to me and tells me to start a war" by George W. Bush? (last paragraph)
posted by clevershark at 2:54 PM on October 6, 2005

When you try to go to the site root for that page (clk4.com), it forwards to advertising.com which "conducts strategic direct-response and brand marketing campaigns that guarantee bottom-line results for our clients." Just, you know, randomly.
posted by mumble at 3:01 PM on October 6, 2005

Looks like those clk4 people need to be shown how to change the document root on their web server...
posted by clevershark at 3:23 PM on October 6, 2005

Did any one see the daily show that hit on recruiting tactics. Quality stuff

Talk to the recruiter and get three free songs, Sign up and recieve a fresh new boom box. Join the army, yo, its the bomb .
posted by InternZ at 4:12 PM on October 6, 2005

InternZ : "Talk to the recruiter and get three free songs, Sign up and recieve a fresh new boom box."

Actually show up for duty, and receive batteries for the boom box.
posted by Bugbread at 4:28 PM on October 6, 2005

In high school I had a recruiter call me who sounded exactly like an Uncle of mine, who I hadn't seen in some years. Because he didn't introduce himself, he allowed me to make the mistake -- and kept up the ruse! I chatted with him a while about this and that and he eventually mentioned the army bits, but real nonchalant-like. Observing my lack of interest, he cordially said goodbye. He called me the next week, this time introducing himself as my uncle.
posted by undule at 6:23 PM on October 6, 2005

PSA!
The mr.marx Foundation will give dhoyt no less than 30 free (FREE!!!) Itunes downloads if he enlists and goes off to to Iraq to fight for freedom.
posted by mr.marx at 8:31 PM on October 6, 2005

I'd sign up, but then there's that pesky DRM.
posted by fungible at 9:31 PM on October 6, 2005

Cause, honestly, I don't think the kids are going for Lee Greenwood these days.

Viz.
posted by dhartung at 11:59 PM on October 6, 2005

Iraq - where are all those Bush voters? Didn't an assload of people vote to support this guy and what he's doing? I guess they support it as long as its not their lives at stake.
posted by Tryptophan-5ht at 11:48 PM on October 7, 2005

This is really nothing more than a modern version of what's been going on for awhile. When I graduated from high school (1999) they sent me a flyer offering free socks if I filled out a card with some personal info. I thought I was being clever and did so. As others have suggested, I paid for those socks through a great many phone calls--"No, I'm really not interested--from a recruiter. I believe my mom actually continued to field them long after I went to college.
posted by epugachev at 2:30 AM on October 8, 2005