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October 9, 2005 1:33 AM   Subscribe

You can't POSSIBLY be serious. The fact that modern breakfast foods (or at least, foods normally associated with breakfast) have expanded to include items such as cereals whose marshmallow content threatens to outweigh the actual nutritious content, slightly more nutritious items covered in frosting, and of course, the wide variety of chocolate flavored items, cereals, milk, muffins, and so on. But that's just breakfast. Now, however, we're getting into personal hygiene. And that may just be Snakes On A Plane dangerous.
posted by deusdiabolus (33 comments total)

 
Chocolate actually has polyphenols in it that help prevent decay, though the benefits are usually offset by the amount of sugar added. So not quite Snakes On A Plane...
posted by cali at 1:38 AM on October 9, 2005


No link to my lifelong favourite, Count Chocula?!
posted by Meatbomb at 2:11 AM on October 9, 2005


Yummm, flouride.

Sorry but seeing brown things on my toothbrush disgusts me.
posted by AMWKE at 3:11 AM on October 9, 2005


My little boy's toothpaste is strawberry flavoured because he dislikes mint.

He is of course English, which means his mouth will look like a graveyard when he's 30 no matter what.
posted by longbaugh at 3:28 AM on October 9, 2005


What next, medicine that tastes like candy so kids will take it? That one might not be so bad, let parents unknowingly give Darwin that second chance.
posted by Saydur at 4:26 AM on October 9, 2005


modern breakfast foods (or at least, foods normally associated with breakfast)

You waffled on "breakfast" when you should have waffled on "food."
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:48 AM on October 9, 2005


It probably has nothing to do with real chocolate. The flavoring is probably made in a New Jersery factory and is only the synthetic chemical taste of chocolate.

If it gets overstimulated and easily bored kids to brush, who cares?
posted by recurve at 6:33 AM on October 9, 2005


I'm not exactly sure what the big deal is. Sure, it's chocolate, but then the flavoring itself probably isn't very different from what's used in those "Whitening Expressions" and kid-themed toothpastes.
posted by clevershark at 6:36 AM on October 9, 2005


What next, medicine that tastes like candy so kids will take it?

Done, years ago.

As for chocolate toothpaste, which is less healthy: a bowl of sugar frosted, hyper buzz bombs for breakfast (with a Pop Tart on the side) or brushing your teeth to remove the aftermath of breakfast with a chocolate flavored, sugarless, toothpaste?
posted by caddis at 6:37 AM on October 9, 2005


Hah! I had chocolate flavored toothpaste when I was a kid...about 20 years ago. (God am I getting old) Came in a chocolate themed gift pack. As I recall, there was straight chocolate, mint chocolate, and my favorite - orange chocolate toothpaste.
All three had the little American Dental Seal of Whatever, which is the only reason I was allowed to actually use them to brush my teeth.

As I recall, it wasn't nearly as disgusting as it sounds, although that may just have been because I was 12. I'm sure with all the wonderful advances in artificial flavors that New Jersey has brought us that this version would actually taste pretty good.
posted by Eddie Mars at 6:49 AM on October 9, 2005


By and large, the marshmallow-heavy sugar-laden cereals tend to be more nutritious than most, I've found. A bowl of Lucky Charms isn't going to be in the same tier as, say, Total, but they'll have crammed more vitamins and whatnot into it than, say, a Cheerios or suchlike. The idea is that the kids want to buy it because it's tasty and sweet, and then the parent(s) look at the nutritional label, see all the high numbers, and figure it's worth it. Thus, everybody wins.
posted by kafziel at 7:10 AM on October 9, 2005


Yeah, they strip all of the nutrients out of the grains and other whole foods ingredients during processing, and then pump them full of vitamins and copious amounts of sugar. Cheerios with some raisins blows that crap out of the water (or milk).
posted by recurve at 7:27 AM on October 9, 2005


My brother and I were never allowed sugary cereal at home, so the morning after sleepovers at friends' houses was always a treat: a romp through the forbidden sugar fields. I'm still reeling in amazement from my first experience with Cookie Crisp: a big bowl of cookies! For Breakfast!!!

As for toothpaste, I seem to recall having bubble gum-flavored toothpaste (perhaps Star Wars themed) once in my life... although that might have been some wonderful dream.

Hey! I just thought of something! If chocolate-flavored toothpaste is a hot item, perhaps this would work in reverse! New For The Holidays: Hershey's With Fluoride! The only chocolate bar with a creamy toothpaste filling!
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 8:25 AM on October 9, 2005


Seinfeld used to have a great bit on these breakfast cereals. I think it went something like: "why don't we call this the hell with everything diet? Cookies for breakfast, cake for lunch, bacon and cigarettes in between!"
posted by any major dude at 8:44 AM on October 9, 2005


Being obsessive about children's diets shows less concern for the child than for the adult's obsessiveness. In such cases, that neurosis is far more dangerous to the child's long-term well being than is the child's diet.

In the course of 100 years, fad diets and their followers have had all the worst characteristics of religious cultists, and yet the simple principals of a good diet remain fairly stable.

1) Eat only when you are hungry. When you stop being hungry, stop eating.

2) When you are eating, don't do anything else but eat, especially talk. Concentrate on your food and you will evolve a better diet.

3) The "midwestern meal" ubiquitous in the United States is just one form of dining. Learn to eat meals that aren't like you would get in a restaurant. That is, have some meals more like a British "tea" in how they are consumed; or a meal that's like a wine and cheese tasting; a meal that stretches out over an hour or more. There are other variations than sitting around a table and gorging three times a day.

4) Force yourself to vary your diet. Familiarity leads to discrimination, eating food that both tastes better and is better for you.

5) If you are eating with an ulterior motive, you have a problem not solveable by diet. Be aware that many eating problems are based in social and psychological problems.
posted by kablam at 9:18 AM on October 9, 2005


Pretty much all the toothpaste I used as a kid was unnaturally sweet-tasting. My little sister had bubblegum-flavoured paste in a Miss-Piggy shaped container; mine was midnight blue with sparkles -- sparkles. My favourite, despite all that, was plain old minty Aim.

My roommates bought some kind of vanilla mint Crest not too long ago. Now, I like vanilla, and I like mint, but, like snakes and planes, some things were just not meant to be combined.

I strongly doubt that flavouring kids' toothpaste chocolate or whatever involves adding dangerous amounts of sugar to the mixture. To be honest with you, the words "chocolate toothpaste" kind of turn my stomach, but I don't think the toothpaste is itself inherently dangerous.

Unless, I suppose, it leads to kids demanding everything be chocolate flavoured.

As for medicine that tastes like candy so kids will take it, anyone else ever have that banana-flavoured antibiotic syrup? They should take the penicillin out and market it as a drink for nostalgic adults, IMO.
posted by S.C. at 10:07 AM on October 9, 2005


Pardon the derail, but...

"Snakes on a Plane"?
posted by 40 Watt at 10:30 AM on October 9, 2005


Snakes on a Plane is the new jump the shark.
posted by SPrintF at 11:04 AM on October 9, 2005


Reminds me of the chocolate fries and purple ketchup.
posted by Talanvor at 11:51 AM on October 9, 2005


What next, medicine that tastes like candy so kids will take it? That one might not be so bad, let parents unknowingly give Darwin that second chance.

anyone else ever have that banana-flavoured antibiotic syrup? They should take the penicillin out and market it as a drink for nostalgic adults, IMO.

I would lie about having a headache so my mom would give me baby aspirin (remember they use to sell aspirin for kids right out in the regular part of the drugstore and you didn't have to ask the pharmacist?)..Mmmm...orange flavour and they'd disolve into a sweet powder in your mouth.

I would totally buy baby aspirin-flavoured candy. If I ever end up on a daily aspirin dose, I'm getting the baby aspirin.
posted by duck at 12:04 PM on October 9, 2005


Uhm could it be that we are becoming so used to sweet food that we look forward anything sweet and disregard anything else ?

It soooo much looks like addiction.
posted by elpapacito at 3:40 PM on October 9, 2005


What next, medicine that tastes like candy so kids will take it?

I would lie about having a headache so my mom would give me baby aspirin (remember they use to sell aspirin for kids right out in the regular part of the drugstore and you didn't have to ask the pharmacist?)..Mmmm...orange flavour and they'd disolve into a sweet powder in your mouth.

I have an aunt who told her daughter that baby aspirin was candy so that she would take it when necessary. My cousin had to have her stomach pumped when she got hold of the aspirin bottle when unsupervised.
posted by deborah at 4:07 PM on October 9, 2005


Ugh... I remember about seve years ago, being at a friend's house way out in the boonies the morning after a hellatious party. I'd stayed the night (thanks to getting completely hammered at said party), and had even packed my toothbrush, but no toothpaste.

Hungover and with a case of bedhead that made me look like Cousin It on a skydive, I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and get the crud out out my mouth. I unknowingly grabbed his kid's BUBBLEGUM flavor toothpaste, and, well...

I'm just glad the toilet was right there.
posted by BoringPostcards at 4:18 PM on October 9, 2005


How can you have this kind of conversation and NOBODY brings up Flintstone Vitamins? That used to be one of the highlights of my mornings, getting my grape Dino before breakfast. :)
posted by antifuse at 1:43 AM on October 10, 2005


Does anyone remember this book where the kid eats chocolate toothpaste?
posted by bertrandom at 1:55 AM on October 10, 2005


I saw frozen pancakes with M&Ms in them in the freezer section the other day.
Very unappealing. Would any parent buy this crap for their kids?
posted by Radio7 at 2:11 AM on October 10, 2005


Heck yes I remember that book.

Also, I LOVE the vanilla mint toothpaste.

I don't eat cereal. Stuff floating in milk? Gross.
posted by pieoverdone at 5:31 AM on October 10, 2005


The only chocolate bar with a creamy toothpaste filling!
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 11:25 AM EST


I, too, was raised in a sugarless world so I was all over the baby aspirin and the Flintstones vitamins. One time I got a serious whipping for filching some of my cousin's Smith Brothers Cherry cough drops. But at my grandma's house she always had a bowl of that Christmas Ribbon candy on the table and I wouldn't touch that stuff with a ten foot pole because it tasted exactly like toothpaste to me.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:06 AM on October 10, 2005


OK, the Snakes on a Plane thing has official gone too far in it's attempt to be a forced meme.

[This is bad]
posted by davros42 at 10:02 AM on October 10, 2005


I also love the vanilla mint toothpaste, though my friend thinks it's like brushing your teeth with icing. I really can't think of any reasons why that would be a bad thing, really. But I recently picked up lemon ice toothpaste, and I have to say that one's pretty nice too.

The spearmint-means-clean meme really needed to end.

Also: more Snakes on a Plane flash meme fun.
posted by Hildegarde at 10:46 AM on October 10, 2005


Isn't toothpaste that thing you put in your mouth every day, and yet aren't supposed to swallow? Isn't that why it's flavored with mint, because mint tastes "pleasant" but not like something you'd want to swallow? And so how exactly do you teach a child how to brush with something that isn't food, but tastes just like candy, without having at least a few accidental swallows here and there?

Or perhaps I'm wrong, and we should make kids' mouthwash that tastes like chocolate milk. That won't cause ANY problems.

Side note: I remember in high school, a friend accidentally grabbing hair gel in a typical 80's "just like the toothpaste" pump and brushing his teeth with it. He spit it all over the wall. Mixing and matching packaging and flavors is a bad idea.

[shuddering at the thought of walking into the bathroom and discovering one of my children retching violently having eaten a tube of toothpaste and half a bottle of mouthwash]
posted by davejay at 11:26 AM on October 10, 2005


Isn't that why it's flavored with mint, because mint tastes "pleasant" but not like something you'd want to swallow?

What, have you never had mint-flavoured candy? Poor mentos.
posted by Hildegarde at 11:44 AM on October 10, 2005


We have Tom's apricot toothpaste. I was very skeptical at first, but once I got used to it, I found that regular mint toothpaste was so minty it made me cough.

I kind of what to try the chocolate stuff, as long as it doesn't have a lot of sweetener in it.
posted by jennyb at 12:25 PM on October 10, 2005


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