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Dr. Claw's face revealed.
October 14, 2005 1:57 AM   Subscribe

Ruin Your Childhood! Dr Claw's face in my mind was ALOT better.
posted by elemenopee (73 comments total)

 
I am forever scarred. Claw is supposed to be EVIL! This was just kinda... sad.
posted by antifuse at 2:13 AM on October 14, 2005


Dammit.
posted by nightchrome at 2:42 AM on October 14, 2005


I like his wonkey eye... He just MUST be evil!

But yes... its sad
posted by Meccabilly at 2:51 AM on October 14, 2005


When I was a kid, anytime it was a holiday I thought they would show Dr. Claws face. "Hey it's Christmas, maybe they'll show his face," or "Hey it's Easter, maybe they'll show his face." For years I thought this. "Hey Halloween's coming up..."

I always thought his face would be metal and spiky too. Guess they wouldn't call him Dr. Claw if his face was more interesting than his hand though, would they.
posted by Jawn at 2:57 AM on October 14, 2005


Made you look? Damn.
posted by cgc373 at 3:03 AM on October 14, 2005


Dr Claw had a stroke.
posted by fire&wings at 3:50 AM on October 14, 2005


Argh! Pet hate number one: it's "a lot" - two words, dangit.
posted by TheDonF at 3:56 AM on October 14, 2005


That's not the real Dr. Claw. This guy, disturbing as he is, is just the double who gets sent out in public-- the "face man," as it were. Dr. Claw's real face is exactly like you always thought it was. Only even freakier.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:10 AM on October 14, 2005


It could have been worse. He could have looked like Brain.
posted by orange swan at 6:05 AM on October 14, 2005


Dr. Claw is....Count Olaf!
posted by kalimac at 6:08 AM on October 14, 2005


I went to the page, read the entire top section, got to the warning... and clicked back. Some things are probably best left to your imagination. Childhood still intact.
posted by splatta at 6:13 AM on October 14, 2005


Dr. Claw: the angriest Minbari this side of Z'Ha'Dum.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:22 AM on October 14, 2005


Well, now that it's revealed, the truth is that Dr. Claw truly was evil. So evil that he would even subvert the childhood innocence of millions of people by not looking the way they thought he would.

I warn you, please, for the love of all that is sacred, do not go to this page if you want to stay sane. (or this one either)
posted by Pollomacho at 6:22 AM on October 14, 2005


I always imagined him really round and fat faced. Like an evil Dom Deluise.
posted by Peter H at 6:33 AM on October 14, 2005


This is as good a time as any to say that I was always convinced as a child that Doctor Claw was really the Chief.

Evidence:
They were never in the same place at the same time.
They both hated Gadget.

I kept waiting for the final episode, in which all this would be revealed -- but as I sadly learned, children's cartoons don't have final episodes.
posted by BackwardsCity at 6:37 AM on October 14, 2005


Thank's for saving my childhood, FoButt. Your quick talking has equiped me with just enough denial to prevent my world from falling into shambles.
posted by Jon-o at 6:42 AM on October 14, 2005


Dr. Claw The Action Figure looks like someone who would hoard cats instead of just keeping one on his desk. Perhaps Mad Cat was several cats that looked similar because they were products of several generations of feline incest.

But that raises a question about whether a septugenarian could run a global crime syndicate surrounded by stacks of newspapers and discarded furniture.
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:43 AM on October 14, 2005


I always thought Dr. Claw was Brain's evil twin.
(It never occurred to me that an evil dog probably wouldn't have a pet cat.)
posted by oddman at 6:48 AM on October 14, 2005


This is as good a time as any to say that I was always convinced as a child that Doctor Claw was really the Chief.

I used to think that the Chief was going to go crazy and evil and try to kill Inspector Gadget. Sorta like Dreyfuss in the Pink Panther movies.
posted by unreason at 6:50 AM on October 14, 2005


I always thought he looked somewhat like Darth Vader...I imagined he had a semi-metallic, ominous head that was even more evil looking than Darth becuase it had red metal as well. Maybe glowing eyes?

I was SO convinced of this that I created a false memory that he turned around to face the audience in one episode. This site is what finally liberated me from that made up memory, once and for all...but I'm not sure if it was worth the cost.
posted by piratebowling at 6:52 AM on October 14, 2005


This is as good a time as any to say that I was always convinced as a child that Doctor Claw was really the Chief.

I thought that too! Then again, I also thought that Minnie and Mickey Mouse were brother and sister. Because they had the same last name, you see.
And I didn't ever know Inspector Gadget was a robot. I thought he was just a guy with stuff in his hat and his belt. Finally someone told me. Around the age of...20, I think it was. Oh, the mockery that ensued...
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 6:57 AM on October 14, 2005


Piratebowling: If i recall correctly, there was indeed an episode where Dr Claw stood up and turned around, but it turned out to be a double, or a clone, or a robot, or a lackey, or somesuch. That may be what you're remembering
posted by Davidicus at 7:01 AM on October 14, 2005


Inspector Gadget was a robot?
posted by anagrama at 7:01 AM on October 14, 2005


He was a robot?
posted by ootsocsid at 7:03 AM on October 14, 2005


Don't you fools know the difference between a robot and a cyborg?
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:06 AM on October 14, 2005


I always imagined a mask, not this "Tell-Tale Heart" fella...

I think it was his eye! yes, it was this! He had the eye of a vulture --a pale blue eye, with a film over it.

No way was Gadget a robot. Definitely a cyborg.
posted by solotoro at 7:12 AM on October 14, 2005


How can that face produce that voice? It's impossible.
posted by solipse at 7:17 AM on October 14, 2005


If I’m remembering correctly, in the opening sequence of every episode, Gadget rushes into Claw’s lair and slaps cuffs on the claw. The chair then turns to reveal that the claw is a decoy and there is a bomb in the chair.
posted by ijoshua at 7:19 AM on October 14, 2005


Wait, he wasn't a robot? Well now I don't know what the hell is going on. I mean, yeah, a cyborg would make more sense, but I definitely was told he was a robot.
Great. Next you'll tell me there's no Tooth Fairy.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 7:20 AM on October 14, 2005


No way was Gadget a robot. Definitely a cyborg.

Yeah! He was a cyborg, not a robot. Penny was his niece, which means that Inspector Gadget has either a brother or a sister, neither of which would be possible if he was a robot. So there.
posted by unreason at 7:20 AM on October 14, 2005


I always thought he was like the Bionic Man, incidentally.
posted by unreason at 7:22 AM on October 14, 2005


How can that face produce that voice? It's impossible.

Dr. Claw has mastered the fine art of rectal speech.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:22 AM on October 14, 2005


Wasn't Penny supposed to be his daughter? If so, that would obviously eliminate the "robot" scenario.
posted by Optamystic at 7:27 AM on October 14, 2005


Yeah! He was a cyborg, not a robot. Penny was his niece, which means that Inspector Gadget has either a brother or a sister, neither of which would be possible if he was a robot. So there.
posted by unreason at 7:20 AM PST on October 14 [!]


What if Penny is his niece by marriage? Or do you have some moral objection to human/robot marriages?
posted by ootsocsid at 7:28 AM on October 14, 2005


I always thought he was like the Bionic Man, incidentally.

Well, yeah. The Six Million Dollar Man was a cyborg, too. Born human, severely injured, rebuilt. That was the one thing the otherwise abominable Matthew Broderick movie got right.

Conspiracy theory time: I believe that the live-action Disney Inspector Gadget movie was deliberately constructed to insult and offend fans of the cartoon. The most sacrosant tropes of the original were all grossly perverted. Notice:

- A fully visible Claw. No longer Doctor, mind you, but simply Claw. In addition, he's been equipped with an actual claw, which the true Dr. Claw never had.
- Brain speaks English at the end of the movie. Brain never spoke. But when he does, it's in the voice of none other than Don Adams himself, rubbing the insult into our faces.
- Most damningly, Claw's final line of the film. Every Gadget fan can quote Dr. Claw's exit line: "I'll get you next time, Gadget! Next time!" But when Rupert Everett is being hauled away to face justice, what does he shout? "I'll get you next time, Gadget! I'll get yoooouuuu!"

My friends, we have been sorely aggrieved, and the offense, I fear, was calculated.

posted by Faint of Butt at 7:34 AM on October 14, 2005


I saw this a few years back when they revealed it. Pretty sad, I'm afraid.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 7:37 AM on October 14, 2005


I warn you, please, for the love of all that is sacred, do not go to this page if you want to stay sane. (or this one either)

Wow, they're all a lot more attractive than I expected for radio people.
posted by Plutor at 7:42 AM on October 14, 2005


Believe it or not, I used to watch Inspector Gadget all the time, and I never even noticed that they didn't show Dr. Claw's face.

I know I was a weird kid, but proof this strong is somewhat distressing. :)
posted by Malor at 7:47 AM on October 14, 2005


I thought he was fat faced and jowly, like that one NPR reporter.
posted by drezdn at 8:05 AM on October 14, 2005


Ok, I give on the robot thing. I may not be stupid but I am an idiot.
And I always pictured Dr Claw looking like Baron Silas Greenback - obviously some twisted cartoon crossovering going on in my still-forming brain.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 8:05 AM on October 14, 2005


Penny was a robot too.

/it's a big conspiracy.
posted by wah at 8:13 AM on October 14, 2005


That's IT? That's what I got up for at 6 AM every Saturday in the mid-eighties? (it aired at 7, but I had to be mentally prepared and awake)
I thought he would look more intelligent
posted by easternblot at 8:13 AM on October 14, 2005


I've never heard of Dr. Claw; but to have the face of evil represented by an old white man who could be a senator or CEO or something works fine for me
posted by kozad at 8:27 AM on October 14, 2005


.

(For our collective innocence, finally lost in this thread)
posted by PhatLobley at 8:29 AM on October 14, 2005


I just always wanted Penny's book.
posted by stenseng at 8:34 AM on October 14, 2005


.
posted by anomie at 8:38 AM on October 14, 2005


This reminds me of a "business" idea I had. Basically, we've all had things that we loved in our childhood, and then when we reinvestigated them as adults we realized how bland or boring they were. Well, you give me a list of things you loved in childhood, I go through and watch the episodes or read the books and let you know if it holds up to adult eyes. Thundercat DVD sales may go down, but love of the Thundercats will remain intact.
posted by drezdn at 8:39 AM on October 14, 2005


drezdn, would you get back to me on Tigersharks?
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:48 AM on October 14, 2005


I always pictured Dr. Claw as looking more like Fu Manchu. I am sorely disappointed.
posted by Uccellina at 8:59 AM on October 14, 2005


1. Baron Silas Greenback was evil genius personified when I saw those Dangermouse cartoons on Nick. He may have inhabited a crazy British cartoon world, but the frog was *intense*.
2. Concerning Inspector Gadget, the cartoon seriously jumped the shark once they added that kid with the cape. Argh!!
posted by JHarris at 9:23 AM on October 14, 2005


I used to imitate Dr. Claw which always had my friends in hysterics. Had to stop after awhile though as it really hurts your throat.

I wonder if the guy doing his voice on the show had that problem.
posted by stinkycheese at 9:24 AM on October 14, 2005


Where's the scar??
Where's the broken capillaries??
Where's the third chin??
He's coiffed!
His teeth are perfect!
He has trendy facial hair!

Is the Claw the new James Bond?

I shouldn't have looked. But at least I was sincerely warned.
posted by aieou at 9:28 AM on October 14, 2005


You guys are so totally wrong that it makes me cry. I've seen every episode of Inspector Gadget. I'll tell you all the truth.

Inspector Gadget really is a robot (built by a secret organization with no government ties), not a cyborg. His "niece" and the "dog" are both secret operatives planted to keep an eye on this new robotic operative and assist whenever needed. The robot is programmed with false memories of these agents, obviously.

The cheif hates this new type of robot agent because he's been in the secret organization for so long. This hate is what inspires him to kill Gadget.
posted by hellphish at 9:30 AM on October 14, 2005


You've done a man's work, Gadget! Too bad she won't live.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:36 AM on October 14, 2005


I didn't scroll down.

But I'm having a vague memory that I have perhaps seen this page before, as I can almost conjure the face of the action figure in my mind.
posted by Four Flavors at 9:38 AM on October 14, 2005


I don't think that's actually him. I think DIC is actually a cover organization for the real Dr Claw himself! He put this "toy" out to throw everyone off his trail.


I personally always pictured him wearing a pinhead (from Hellraiser) style facemask, as he was badly burned.

That, or he's a robot too.
posted by fnord at 10:01 AM on October 14, 2005


What a letdown. He looks just like one of the homeless people who lives outside my office. Maybe I'll ask him if he's an evil genius bent on world domination?
posted by fenriq at 10:18 AM on October 14, 2005


I think DIC is actually a cover organization for the real Dr Claw himself!

I like this theory. What does DIC stand for, anyway? Maybe if we knew, we would know Dr. Claw's first name.

(Doctor Igor Claw? Ivan? Isabel?)
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:20 AM on October 14, 2005


stenseng - I just always wanted Penny's book.

I used to want Penny and her book.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 10:34 AM on October 14, 2005


I used to want Penny and her book.

Now that just spoiled my childhood imagination! (not to mention my lunch)
posted by Pollomacho at 10:56 AM on October 14, 2005


I like this theory. What does DIC stand for, anyway? Maybe if we knew, we would know Dr. Claw's first name.

(Doctor Igor Claw? Ivan? Isabel?)


I'd go with Insidious.

Which would tie into a theory that this is just another vehichle for a George Lucas screenplay.

Gadget is the next jedi, claw is Darth Insidious.

Buy More Toys!
posted by fnord at 11:11 AM on October 14, 2005


Inspector Gadget holds the distinction of being a property that was bought by disney and then successfully purchased back by the independent company that held the original rights.

And yeah, I was expecting him to look more like Dr. Doom than Magneto.
posted by Down10 at 11:26 AM on October 14, 2005


He looks like Magneto at the dentist.

What's the point of never showing his face if THAT'S what he looked like?

Same thing when they took Darth Vader's helmet off and there was a Mr. Potato Head underneath.

Kids imaginations are always so much better.
posted by JWright at 12:07 PM on October 14, 2005


Faint of Butt, you saw the movie?

Oh God. I'm so sorry. I didn't think anyone actually had.

Are....are you ok now?
posted by graventy at 1:08 PM on October 14, 2005


I saw this package in Toys R Us when I was a kid. My curiosity overwhelmed me and I opened it up without buying it.

I don't remember Dr. Claw having a lazy eye. I guess I was too polite to take much notice.
posted by painquale at 1:17 PM on October 14, 2005


Are....are you ok now?

Yeah, thanks. I had to theater-hop into "Muppets From Space" for an antidote, but I recovered. Keep in mind that I also pride myself about never having walked out of a movie in a theater. I stayed all the way through not only "Inspector Gadget," but also "Evolution," "Men in Black II" and "Dungeons & Dragons," to name just a few. So I'm pretty much scarred for life, but I figure whatever doesn't kill me can only make me stronger. I really do appreciate your concern, though.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:25 PM on October 14, 2005


I just always wanted Penny's book.
posted by stenseng at 11:34 AM EST on October 14 [!]


Here you go!
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 2:04 PM on October 14, 2005


I could have sworn there was a final episode that revealed Dr. Claw as the chief. I might be making this up, but I remember being severely disappointed.
posted by spiderskull at 2:48 PM on October 14, 2005


graventy, they showed Inspector Gadget on a cross country flight I was on once. I tried to ignore it but its massive suckitude drew me in and I spent the rest of the flight all irritable and peckish. It was a horribly bad movie. Almost bad enough to watch and laugh at because its so bad but that only works if you're really drunk to begin with.
posted by fenriq at 3:23 PM on October 14, 2005


I'm going to consider this non-canonical, like the movie, and be nice to my childhood self.
posted by interrobang at 3:25 PM on October 14, 2005


I think with his steel spiked claw and the MAD logo, there was a certain ubiquitous template of metallic skull villain faces that kids watching that show would automatically roughly imagine taken from all their other cartoons and comics. This guy in the link says he pictured Destro - that can't be chance. Any number of cartoon/comic villains fit the same basic template: Destro, Darth Vader, Megatron, Dr. Doom, Shredder, Kano, Skeletor (shiny movie incarnation), The Terminator.

A very similar super-villain template is the (non-metallic) bald (and therefore still skull-like) sour-faced mastermind like Kingpin, Lex Luthor, or:


posted by dgaicun at 8:45 PM on October 14, 2005


How about this:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

"Gaaaddggettt!!"
posted by dgaicun at 11:03 PM on October 14, 2005


Do you really think an evil GENIUS like Dr. Claw would allow you to see his face? Of course not. This guy is merely a frontman, a fallguy, a lacky. And obviously an insane one. The real Doctor Claw was the chief.

But Cheney is convincing too. Now THAT is evil!
posted by sacrilicious at 1:59 PM on October 26, 2005


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