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What not to do with Rabbits
October 14, 2005 12:24 PM   Subscribe

Our Australian cousins do make jokes about us Kiwis having sex with sheep - so even we can see the humour in this story.
posted by Samuel Farrow (70 comments total)

 
I'm confused...what exactly was he doing with the rabbits??
posted by elquien at 12:28 PM on October 14, 2005


wtf!? seriously, wtf!
posted by punkbitch at 12:32 PM on October 14, 2005


"It didn't happen overnight. You don't take a drug and go 'Mmm, rabbits'."
posted by jessamyn at 12:36 PM on October 14, 2005


Another photo of the culprit being aprehended.
posted by Pollomacho at 12:43 PM on October 14, 2005


I can't believe that this was the result of an actual investigation. I mean wow, detectives must be really bored down in NZ.

And the crazy thing is that he's like a big-time financial advisor. I was expecting some sort of crazy redneck who was caught in the act, not a rich person who had to be investigated

What a bizarre story. I feel kind of bad for the guy.
posted by delmoi at 12:44 PM on October 14, 2005


There's a hare-raising story for ya! /rimshot
posted by clevershark at 12:45 PM on October 14, 2005


McMahon was put under surveillance after pet store staff noticed he had marks consistent with rabbit scratches on his face.

Ewwww!! Rabbitlingus!!

(Actually, the taxonomy of pet rabbits is Oryctolagus cuniculus... so, cuniculingus?)
posted by billysumday at 12:47 PM on October 14, 2005


Australian Companion Rabbit Society? Seriously?
posted by Cranberry at 12:47 PM on October 14, 2005


Going down the rabbit hole...
posted by stinkycheese at 12:49 PM on October 14, 2005


Ewwww!! Rabbitlingus!!
The word you're looking for, I think, is bunnilingus.
posted by Verdant at 12:53 PM on October 14, 2005


McMahon was put under surveillance after pet store staff noticed he had marks consistent with rabbit scratches on his face.

Wascally Wabbit!
posted by tittergrrl at 12:55 PM on October 14, 2005


Going down the rabbit hole...

(laughs)
posted by Peter H at 12:55 PM on October 14, 2005


clevershark: There's a hare-raising story for ya! /rimshot

Or perhaps you mean..."hare-raping?"
posted by ktoad at 12:55 PM on October 14, 2005


"RABBITS RABBITS RABBITS"
posted by Peter H at 12:57 PM on October 14, 2005


it's not something that will stop either

Not until all the rabbits have been sodomized. Then, then will come time for the ferrets.
posted by nervousfritz at 12:58 PM on October 14, 2005


I like the way he tried Guinea Pigs once, but then returned to rabbits.
posted by Keith Talent at 1:00 PM on October 14, 2005


In my day if you wanted to fuck a rabbit you could do so in a way that didn't kill it. And you didn't need three, either. You had to get your rabbit (not plural! not three! one!) from a magazine, too. Bah on this wasteful new generation with their disposable incomes, disposable rabbits, and abundance of rabbit fuck shops.
posted by Peter H at 1:03 PM on October 14, 2005


This rabbits that we fucked were members of the family back in my day. Sure we fucked them, but with respect!
posted by Peter H at 1:06 PM on October 14, 2005


Not until all the rabbits have been sodomized. Then, then will come time for the ferrets.

He sodomized the rabbits, and I did not speak out because I am not a rabbit.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:06 PM on October 14, 2005


They lived longer than a week at least, is what I'm saying. You wasters. You probably throw out perfectly good salad once it goes a little brown, too. You'd never survive the depression!
posted by Peter H at 1:08 PM on October 14, 2005


And let me say, finally, few things made you happy during the darkest days of the Depression than the love of a good mailorder ready-to-fuck rabbit. Only thing better than bathtub gin!
posted by Peter H at 1:10 PM on October 14, 2005


Bugs Bunny was a rabbit and we loved him for it.
posted by Peter H at 1:10 PM on October 14, 2005


YES The good old days ...

upon waking out of this delirious rabbit flashback, must say I love ROU_Xenophobe's line
posted by Peter H at 1:13 PM on October 14, 2005


Peter H: Okay you're scaring me now...
posted by Stauf at 1:14 PM on October 14, 2005


I always wondered what might happen if bunnyfire and fishfucker mated.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:22 PM on October 14, 2005


What's the toughest part about going down on a rabbit?

The little paws keep hitting you in the face.

slap slap
posted by dual_action at 1:24 PM on October 14, 2005


"What's the toughest part about going down on eating a rabbit?"
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:30 PM on October 14, 2005


Okay you're scaring me now...

Don't get rabbinical on me.
posted by Peter H at 1:32 PM on October 14, 2005


Nice dialogue Peter H. I'm dyin' over here.
Rabit erotica? Anyone, anyone want to give it a shot? hmmm? a little short piece on luxuriating furs...
Masoch? Anyone?
posted by punkbitch at 1:32 PM on October 14, 2005


fishfire, is that you?
posted by jenovus at 1:32 PM on October 14, 2005


Great, first you put us in stew, then you wear our skins on your head, and now you sodomize us.. that's it.. the bunny revolution is at hand!

Oh and: Metafilter: You don't take a drug and go 'Mmm, rabbits'
posted by Pink Fuzzy Bunny at 1:32 PM on October 14, 2005


This thread is as funny as that story - thanks.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 1:39 PM on October 14, 2005


"What's the toughest part about going down on eating a rabbit?"

Crap! I knew I wasn't remembering it correctly. My joke-telling skills need some work suck.
posted by dual_action at 1:43 PM on October 14, 2005


Goddam Thumper-Humper...
posted by ob at 1:48 PM on October 14, 2005


Lagomorphic perversity.
posted by palinode at 1:49 PM on October 14, 2005


Sing along everybody!

"You're nobody til some bunny loves you..."
posted by ColdChef at 1:52 PM on October 14, 2005


punkbitch: "Rabit erotica? Anyone, anyone want to give it a shot? hmmm?"

It would, of course, be called Going Down on Watership.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:53 PM on October 14, 2005


Still, if one rabbit foot in your pocket is good luck, then four rabbit feets in your pants must be wicked super awesome lucky!
posted by ColdChef at 1:55 PM on October 14, 2005


Freakin' Bunny-Spoiler
posted by ob at 1:55 PM on October 14, 2005


It would, of course, be called Going Down on Watership.

Or, perhaps: Watership Down-chicka-dow-dow..
posted by ColdChef at 2:00 PM on October 14, 2005


Or, maybe:
The Pubic Hare
posted by ColdChef at 2:01 PM on October 14, 2005


(painfully) "what's up doc?"
posted by Peter H at 2:05 PM on October 14, 2005


However, he was released on bail after a hearing last month on condition he did not enter pet shop premises.

And the Pet Shop Boys were no more.
posted by Sparx at 2:07 PM on October 14, 2005


Love your bunny club
posted by fluffycreature at 2:08 PM on October 14, 2005


Hare cums Peter Cottons Tail
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:09 PM on October 14, 2005


Flopsy and Mopsy could be the fluffers...
posted by ob at 2:12 PM on October 14, 2005


Cotton's
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:14 PM on October 14, 2005


This is the first time I've ever had a newslink to the age-old "You know what they say about rabbits and fucking."

Finally - an answer. This thread is what they say.
posted by Peter H at 2:16 PM on October 14, 2005


What's so bad about wanting to fuck a bunny?
posted by eyeballkid at 2:36 PM on October 14, 2005


New Zeland Man-Bunny Love Association? NZMBLA doesnt have the same ring to it.
posted by SirOmega at 2:47 PM on October 14, 2005


"And lastly, we have included a picture gallery of buns and bunny slaves. " Who would have thought that that's what it means to be a Rabbit Companion?
posted by michswiss at 2:49 PM on October 14, 2005


Once there was a little bunny who wanted to run away.
So he said to his human-lover, I am running away.
If you run away, said his human lover, I will run after you because you are my little bunny.

If you run after me, said the little bunny, I will become a crocus in a hidden garden.
If you become a crocus in a hidden garden, said his human-lover, I will become a gadener and I will find you, and then we will make sweet love.
posted by dov3 at 2:51 PM on October 14, 2005


On a more serious note, I was astounded by the one person in TFA lauding the store owner who now required owner's papers for anyone purchasing a rabbit.

This is the kind of thing that Bruce Shneier called "Movie Plot Security" (or something) and is terribly ineffective at combating the threat of animal abuse as a whole.

Certainly, in that one shop, it is now more difficult to purchase rabbits for abuse. However, consequently, it is also more difficult for well-meaning citizens to purchase rabbits at all.

Taken to an extreme, if you were required to provide licenses and registrations when purchasing all kinds of pets from pet shops, it would be exceptionally invasive, unneccessary, and ineffective, as there would still be farms and private breeders to sell to you. Plus, there would be the overhead costs to the government of keeping a registry of people & pets.

All to stop one man from messin' with a rabbit.

(Also, to all you laughing at this thread, I might remind you that rape is never funny.)
posted by Imperfect at 2:52 PM on October 14, 2005


....If you become a sailboat and sail away from me, said the New Zealand finance executive, then I will become the wind and blow you-
If that's what it takes to get a little reciprocal action, interjected the little bunny.
posted by maryh at 3:33 PM on October 14, 2005


He was arrested in August after a three-week police surveillance operation and originally remanded in custody after dismembered rabbit carcasses were found in a lane outside his central city office.


Another case of criminal stupidity. After you rape, torture, and dismember your bunny victim you might want to do something else with the parts besides toss them into the street. Maybe think about getting a pet boa constricter.
Or put them in the freezer. Or at the very least bag up the remains and put them in the trash.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:52 PM on October 14, 2005


Stew? Hello?
posted by ColdChef at 4:38 PM on October 14, 2005


Taken to an extreme, if you were required to provide licenses and registrations when purchasing all kinds of pets from pet shops, it would be exceptionally invasive, unneccessary, and ineffective, as there would still be farms and private breeders to sell to you. Plus, there would be the overhead costs to the government of keeping a registry of people & pets.

Pet stores are horrible places to get pets from anyways. Forcing people to get pets from a breeder would curtail impulse purchases which lead to abused or abandoned animals, as well as cut down on the number of animal "mills" that mistreat breeding animals. And now, add sodomized rabbits to the list of reasons why pet stores are bad.

Breeders, in general, do it less as a business and more as a hobby, and are more like to care about who is getting their pets and notice if a man comes back repeatedly for more bunnies.

Sorry, no funny bunny puns.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 6:17 PM on October 14, 2005


Fuck me like you fucked that rabbit!
posted by loquacious at 7:05 PM on October 14, 2005


I'm really glad I can't visualize what he was doing with those poor bunnies. I can do without that mental image.
posted by Hildegarde at 8:04 PM on October 14, 2005


This is why I fuck raw chicken. It's not alarming to anyone to go through pounds of the stuff.
posted by Peter H at 8:31 PM on October 14, 2005


And jokes aside, I completely agree with [insert clever name here]
posted by Peter H at 8:33 PM on October 14, 2005


What a maroon! What an ignoranimus!
posted by Space Kitty at 8:47 PM on October 14, 2005


The guy might have gotten out on bail, but wherever he goes now people snicker and think "look, that's the rabbit f*cker."
posted by clevershark at 10:09 PM on October 14, 2005


The story? Sick.

This thread? Fucking Hilarious.
posted by kosher_jenny at 11:40 PM on October 14, 2005


Just want to point out, for those of you dissing NZ and Kiwis, that McMahon had to go to Oz to fulfill his pikaphilia. Rams or ewes, sure -- we'll cop to that; Jessica and Peter -- hell no, that's sick!
posted by rob511 at 2:42 AM on October 15, 2005


My mother-in-law does rabbits, real good.
But she uses Scotch Beer and dates, and a slow cooking.
It is incredible!
posted by Goofyy at 6:48 AM on October 15, 2005


That rabbit was asking for it
posted by Bonzai at 12:29 PM on October 15, 2005


I always wondered what might happen if bunnyfire and fishfucker mated.

HaHaHa.....
posted by bjgeiger at 12:54 PM on October 15, 2005


I feel kind of bad for the guy.
Perhaps you'll be reincarnated as a rabbit to comfort him. I sincerely hope so.
posted by fish tick at 6:19 AM on October 16, 2005


Our Australian cousins do make jokes about us Kiwis having sex with sheep - so even we can see the humour in this story.

Speaking as a New Zealander, I don't see any humour in torturing, murdering, and abusing small animals. This is a horrible story, and a terribly worded FPP.
posted by The Monkey at 5:03 PM on October 16, 2005


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