The things you can find...

October 22, 2005 11:12 AM

I know there's always been a dearth of particularly strangely named or just altogether strange means of taking in caffeine. Seriously, geeks will apparently buy caffeinated anything! However, I don't think I've seen anything quite as awesome as Steven Seagal's lightning bolt energy drink!
posted by twiggy (42 comments total)

Dearth?
posted by monju_bosatsu at 11:14 AM on October 22, 2005

I was scratching my head about that word as well. I suspect is is misused. Perhaps you want something like plethora
posted by edgeways at 11:15 AM on October 22, 2005

Is Steven related to Jonathan Livingston?
posted by interrobang at 11:16 AM on October 22, 2005

2 servings PER CAN? Who drinks half a can of anything? And how many of these do I need to drink before my heart explodes?
posted by blue_beetle at 11:25 AM on October 22, 2005

Features:

• 100% Pure Steven Seagal Juice
• Designed for intense mortal combat or any extreme situation requiring ultimate energy
• Can has Steven Seagal’s face on it (who could ask for more!?!)

(emphasis added)

I'm not so sure I'm interested anymore.
posted by mystyk at 11:26 AM on October 22, 2005

This post is pure advertising, with no entertainment or informational value.

Also, dearth: Scarcity of anything, material or immaterial; scanty supply; practical deficiency, want or lack of a quality, etc.
posted by sindark at 11:27 AM on October 22, 2005

Features:

• 100% Pure Steven Seagal Juice
• Designed for intense mortal combat or any extreme situation requiring ultimate energy
• Can has Steven Seagal’s face on it (who could ask for more!?!)

I'm not so sure I'm interested anymore.

I'm pretty sure I'm more interested than I was before.
posted by Mikey-San at 11:31 AM on October 22, 2005

Maybe both the use of the word dearth and the existence of this post itself are sarcastic in nature.

Reason for deletion: sarcastic or not, ad posts both suck and blow.
posted by gramschmidt at 11:35 AM on October 22, 2005

Tons of links, all to Thinkgeek? C'mon now.
posted by selfnoise at 11:39 AM on October 22, 2005

Oh...I saw this previously and gave it to my aikido dojo...because, you know, Seagal is an aikidoka...

But we mocked this product thorougly. And there's an it's/its mistake if you look closely.
posted by artifarce at 11:39 AM on October 22, 2005

For some reason I trust steven segal.
posted by Billistics at 11:40 AM on October 22, 2005

I suspect the poster was ameliorating the recent dearth of Pepsi Blue posts.
posted by pmbuko at 11:42 AM on October 22, 2005

I'm so tempted to tagline this.
posted by Songdog at 11:46 AM on October 22, 2005

Since when is Steven Seagal an "herbal expert"?
posted by lunalaguna at 11:50 AM on October 22, 2005

I know the Steven Seagal juice is fake because he only drinks his own urine.

Besides, everyone knows the best name for an energy drink is Whoop Ass. As in, open a can of.
posted by fenriq at 11:52 AM on October 22, 2005

Or did you mean: Dearth, James (New York Jets)?
posted by joe lisboa at 11:58 AM on October 22, 2005

I wonder if he drinks this before making all those D grade movies. My boss will get a great impression of me when he spies me drinking one of those at work. He will think, "FlowFeel is really only going to do a half-ass job today, like that Steven Seagal fuck!" I'll stick to Red Bull! :)
posted by flowfeel at 11:59 AM on October 22, 2005

Metafilter: Now with 100% Pure Steven Seagal Juice

Oh, c'mon, somebody had to do it..
posted by doctor_negative at 12:12 PM on October 22, 2005

Are you stuck drifting through life in a state of existential confusion wandering aimlessly through the multitudes of energy products not knowing which one is the right one for you?

I love the way this is presented as a cure for existential angst - and not just ordinary angst, but angst caused by having too many energy drinks to choose from. Oh, the dilemmas of 21st century life... it's all just too difficult.
posted by greycap at 12:25 PM on October 22, 2005

Somewhat surprised to see "dearth" called out as an unusual word. I use it all the time. It's pretty common in the UK, I think. As for caffeinated drinks, um, I'll stick to coffee.
posted by Decani at 12:28 PM on October 22, 2005

Have you heard of thinkgeek?
posted by menace303 at 12:33 PM on October 22, 2005

It's being called out as a misused word.
posted by youarejustalittleant at 12:33 PM on October 22, 2005

Does the can vibrate?
posted by blue_beetle at 12:34 PM on October 22, 2005

We're all aware that dearth indicates scarcity, not overabundance, yase?
posted by stenseng at 12:47 PM on October 22, 2005

Rule #1: don't use words when you don't know what they mean. Of course, first you have to know that you don't know what a particular word means. But don't worry; 1483902 metafilter users will be sure to tell you.

BOND WITH YOUR DICTIONARY ALREADY.
posted by Hildegarde at 1:48 PM on October 22, 2005

I wish I had this the last time I had to punch my adversary’s faces through a plate glass window.
posted by Edward King at 1:48 PM on October 22, 2005

'Superabundance' would be better than 'plethora'.
posted by ikkyu2 at 1:49 PM on October 22, 2005

We're all aware that dearth indicates scarcity, not overabundance, yase?

Well, I am. I assumed twigy was, but having actually done more than skim the post, now I'm not so sure. I have a dearth of attentiveness today.
posted by Decani at 2:11 PM on October 22, 2005

Sorry.. I meant there has been NO dearth...
posted by twiggy at 3:08 PM on October 22, 2005

(Christ... a grammatic typo and all of MeFi are suddenly bigger dicks than ever...)
posted by twiggy at 3:09 PM on October 22, 2005

Saying "...always been no dearth" would not parse as well as "...has never been a dearth," anyway.

GOD.
posted by jenovus at 3:48 PM on October 22, 2005

Why does everyone in the world have to use hyperbole all the time?!?
posted by blue_beetle at 4:05 PM on October 22, 2005

100% Pure Steven Seagal Juice

Okay. So you get orange juice by squeezing an orange. That means you get Steven Seagal juice by squeezing....

ewww.
posted by Clay201 at 4:12 PM on October 22, 2005

Don't worry, Clay201! Steven Seagal Juice is just like baby oil! You get it from—

ewww.
posted by jenovus at 4:26 PM on October 22, 2005

Hm, I've always liked 'paucity' instead of 'dearth'. Someone once pointed out that it sounds like some kind of marsupial...
posted by NucleophilicAttack at 4:55 PM on October 22, 2005

Since when is Steven Seagal an "herbal expert"?

Well, there is that whole "his head looks like a lima bean" connection.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:05 PM on October 22, 2005

I just thought he was a really excitable vegetable.
posted by loquacious at 6:19 PM on October 22, 2005

Energetic, even.
posted by loquacious at 6:19 PM on October 22, 2005

My recent close brush with his greatness, Steven Segal.
posted by euphorb at 7:45 PM on October 22, 2005

Euphorb, I've also been in close proximity- was at a Gucci store opening in Thailand a couple of years back. He was so large, like an icebreaker in an arctic landscape as he moved through the crowd of Thais.

Seems he comes to Thailand a lot. I bought a new mobile phone last month and on the wall of the store were some pictures of Segal with the store owner.

On a related note I later visited my favorite store of pirated video games and saw they had a photo of Ice-T there. I asked the woman who told me he had picked up quite a few PS2 games.
posted by jeremyw at 8:11 PM on October 22, 2005

I'll probably try it at least once, but only if I can not think about the implications of "Steven Seagal Juice". I'm sure it's probably not as bad as Booty Juice would probably be, but you never know.

:P
posted by deusdiabolus at 1:12 AM on October 23, 2005

I can't watch Segal movie without thinking of the Gene LeBell story . Heh.
posted by the cuban at 7:33 AM on October 23, 2005