Or are you just happy to see me?

October 23, 2005 11:37 AM

Erection Photographs.What it says. "This site contains research information on penile erections. It also contains photos of erect penises. The text information is not sensational and the pictures are not pornographic. They are provided to allow anyone who feels they need this information (or is just curious) to see the natural variation that exists in male erections." Of particular (or prurient) interest is the Hard-Soft Gallery. Big-time NSFW (or rather: smallish, average and very occasionally big).
posted by jokeefe (68 comments total)

might this post push the limits of good taste just a tad?
posted by Eric123 at 11:42 AM on October 23, 2005

That outdoor gallery is uh.

Yeah.
posted by selfnoise at 11:44 AM on October 23, 2005

This should have been posted as a link in the Dr. Phil posting.
posted by Ber at 11:46 AM on October 23, 2005

This site is hard to navigate.
posted by WolfDaddy at 11:47 AM on October 23, 2005

wow.

i never want a maleable rod implant. ever.


lock and load.
posted by ewwgene at 11:49 AM on October 23, 2005 [1 favorite has favorites]

From the "motion" section

His first gif is not meant to show "realistic" action
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 11:51 AM on October 23, 2005

maleable rod implant

Worst euphemism for sex ever.
posted by found missing at 11:52 AM on October 23, 2005

Isn't that outdoor gallery kind of a small sample for research purposes?
posted by StickyCarpet at 11:57 AM on October 23, 2005

Thanks for giving me a good reason to stop using the internet today.
posted by blendor at 11:58 AM on October 23, 2005

sure are a lot of dinky ones
posted by angry modem at 12:06 PM on October 23, 2005

It's a total sausage fest.
posted by ColdChef at 12:09 PM on October 23, 2005

Ha, it must be sex ed day at metafilter.
That outdoor gallery is kinda scary - I would be pretty freaked out if I chanced on that prancing, preening nude guy while hiking. Yikes.
posted by madamjujujive at 12:24 PM on October 23, 2005

What ColdChef said. And angry modem, too.
posted by WaterSprite at 12:25 PM on October 23, 2005

"It's a total sausage fest"

HA!
posted by cusack at 12:26 PM on October 23, 2005

might this post push the limits of good taste just a tad?

Nah, I don't think so. It is a bit mischievous on my part, but in all seriousness, a lot of men have anxiety around the issue-- here's a comment from the Hard/Soft Gallery: My life since puberty has been based on hiding the size of my penis and believe me it has all but eliminated my participation in sports. For some reason most men seem to relate their conversations somehow into dick size. If this man, or others like him, are able through photographic evidence to see that they are perfectly normal, and that "normal" can encompass a wide variation, that's a good thing, no?

And then of course I fell into hysterical laughter at the Erections in Motion galleries and felt moved to share this with Mefi. What can I say.
posted by jokeefe at 12:31 PM on October 23, 2005

I think this is actually useful, if creepy at times. There are a lot of men who use their penis size as a proxy for all kinds of insecurities, and there's a big taboo against peeking in the locker room ("eyes . . . FORWARD . . .").

I just feel sad for my gender every time I see a penile enhancement ad -- sites like this battle against the anxiety and ignorance that allow hucksters to exploit fear in order to make a buck.

I was highly amused at the number of men writing in who just didn't get it ("Thank you for showing me that I'm above average!")

"[e-mail]" 's outdoor romp was a bit much though.
posted by xthlc at 12:34 PM on October 23, 2005

I just noticed that Testicle Theater is gone. Darn it.
posted by homunculus at 12:41 PM on October 23, 2005

The only thing that would make the erection animated .gifs better would be the addition of a slide whistle sound.
posted by Guy Smiley at 12:49 PM on October 23, 2005 [1 favorite has favorites]

To the women and homsexual men of Metafilter - since your demographic has more potential exposure to different erect penises (penii? penemasuses?) - how accurate is the range of sized as reported on that page?
posted by PurplePorpoise at 12:51 PM on October 23, 2005

Metafilter: Worst euphemism for sex ever.
posted by centrs at 12:51 PM on October 23, 2005

It was certainly educational although I personally couldn't tell which one was Tony Danza's.
posted by longbaugh at 1:08 PM on October 23, 2005

Metafilter: Thanks for giving me a good reason to stop using the internet today.
posted by emelenjr at 1:20 PM on October 23, 2005

posted by Foosnark at 1:22 PM on October 23, 2005

"might this post push the limits of good taste just a tad?"

No, why? I wish a website like this had been available when I was younger.
posted by SharQ at 1:28 PM on October 23, 2005

sharq: why you think they'll reject you because of your age ? Nahhhh :)
posted by elpapacito at 2:06 PM on October 23, 2005

I'm sorry the circumference bothers you.... Your erection has other nice features such as the angle.

This is awesome.
posted by naomi at 2:33 PM on October 23, 2005

Could we please have a vagina analog?
posted by nervousfritz at 2:48 PM on October 23, 2005

Can't help you out with analog vaginas but I got me 10gb of digital ones somewhere about here...
posted by longbaugh at 2:54 PM on October 23, 2005

nervousfritz, I'm pretty sure that a similar site for breasts has come up on Metafilter before. No idea where, though.
posted by ubersturm at 2:56 PM on October 23, 2005

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

(This site needed some Python...)
posted by Lectrick at 3:02 PM on October 23, 2005

I don't know what else I expected, but there's a surprising amount of wang on that site.
posted by hjo3 at 3:30 PM on October 23, 2005

I have to admit, I really enjoyed the site because it's just so baffling. Non pornographic pictures of erect penises? I didn't even realize such a thing was possible.
posted by neek at 3:33 PM on October 23, 2005

I think Enormous Penis is a much better song. By Davinci's Notebook.
posted by blacklite at 3:42 PM on October 23, 2005

Oh jeez. I was getting all depressed from this post, but now I have to go join a lesbian terrorist group.
posted by dilettante at 4:01 PM on October 23, 2005

Lordy. I never felt quite so sizeable before.
posted by Decani at 4:08 PM on October 23, 2005

[QueerEye] After perusing the hard-soft page, boys: you do know that if you trim your shrubbery from time to time, your penis will appear to be larger in both the flaccid AND the erect state, right?
[/Queer Eye]
posted by WolfDaddy at 4:11 PM on October 23, 2005

heh
posted by glider at 4:24 PM on October 23, 2005

Damn you glider.
posted by jefbla at 4:39 PM on October 23, 2005

damn you glider
posted by Dean Keaton at 4:51 PM on October 23, 2005

oh double damn you, glider!
posted by ramix at 5:01 PM on October 23, 2005

glider... - 20 karma points.
posted by Mr Bluesky at 5:04 PM on October 23, 2005

Damn you glider.

Enh, if I was 500 years old and sporting wood, I'd be smiling like that too.
posted by xthlc at 5:07 PM on October 23, 2005 [1 favorite has favorites]

It's pointing towards Hell...
posted by BobFrapples at 5:25 PM on October 23, 2005

Wow. Lots of angles in the dangles.
posted by NorthernSky at 5:31 PM on October 23, 2005

This is teh awesome link to pass around teh internets lol.
posted by Citizen Premier at 5:48 PM on October 23, 2005

Must not... click... glider's.... must resist...
posted by Acey at 6:35 PM on October 23, 2005

Jesus Christ glider. Way to scar a gal for life!
posted by kosher_jenny at 7:06 PM on October 23, 2005

Damn. Talk about a bucket of cocks.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:41 PM on October 23, 2005

Well, if it were a nonprofit .... say, "ErectionPhotos.org" ... perhaps it would be something we could all get behind.
posted by R. Mutt at 7:58 PM on October 23, 2005

perhaps it would be something we could all get behind.

...So to speak.
posted by agropyron at 8:14 PM on October 23, 2005

how accurate is the range of sized as reported on that page?

I'd say, very. Perusing that site was like my life flashing before my eyes..."oh yeah! Just like Josh!" etc.

Anyway, I'm glad to have seen this site. If I had any vestige of female insecurity or body-image issue left in me, it has now been completely scrubbed away. As Elaine once said, "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
posted by Miko at 8:23 PM on October 23, 2005

Thanks for the fine photos and for your detailed comments on the history of your foreskin.

Yeah, thanks.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:23 PM on October 23, 2005

Damn you glider.

Enh, if I was 500 years old and sporting wood, I'd be smiling like that too.

he's got a secret behind that smile.
posted by carsonb at 9:19 PM on October 23, 2005

commenting about the actual post really goes against all of the instincts I've got--eyes FORWARD and such--but I'll say thanks for this. I've always been curious and shy about my dick's place in the world, and this link helps with that a bit.

not that I'll be waving it around now, or anything. don't worry.
posted by carsonb at 9:23 PM on October 23, 2005

"Along the broad stone stairway leading up from the river, I spied a huge crowd. Hundreds of Nepali men and boys had gathered around a rough canvas pup tent, where a pot-bellied Shaivite was working them into a frenzy. The Penis sadhu!< I pressed into the mob, wincing with amazement as the penitent clamped his dick into a set of long, narrow tongs -- and twisted it up like a rubber band propeller. The crowd cheered wildly as he released the tongs; I half expected him to take off. He followed this act by tying his member into knots. It wasn't a pretty sight, but hey -- the crowd loved it. Their feverish chants -- "Jai Nepal!" -- indicated that this seemed the zenith of manliness. In fact, the exact opposite must have been true; a pool cue probably has more nerve endings than this guy's schlong

As I watched, the crowd's pitch built to a crescendo -- the grand finale was upon us. As the mob shouted encouragement, the old man tested the weight of a big stack of bricks. I kid you not: They must have weighed 100 pounds. He wrapped them up in a cloth, secured it with a strap, and again clamped the tongs around his cock. He tied the strap to the metal tongs, tightened the strap, and -- as the crowed roared, surging forward like an El Niño undertow -- began to lift.

That's when it happened. Quick as lightning, I felt a hand dart into my front left pocket. I felt at once for my wallet; it was gone. But when I whipped around I saw only a seething crowd of Nepalis, pressing against me, cheek to jowl. Every eye was staring forward. Every hand was empty, or jammed into a pocket. "Look for someone looking at you funny," I thought cleverly to myself. But everyone looked at me funny.

It is amazing how diabolical everyone appears the moment after one has been pickpocketed."
posted by troutfishing at 9:25 PM on October 23, 2005

The Penis sadhu!
posted by homunculus at 9:44 PM on October 23, 2005

Iron Penis!
posted by homunculus at 9:47 PM on October 23, 2005

Iron Penis!

I want a Tarantino-sponsored ultra-violent martial arts film.
Christmas 2006.
posted by carsonb at 10:11 PM on October 23, 2005

Did you guys notice how the webwaster often forgets to change the name of the jpgs sent in by the anonymous volunteers (often revealing the identity of the owner) or in some cases, the name of the penis itself? Behold, The Prowler.
posted by mowglisambo at 10:13 PM on October 23, 2005

P.S. Tony Wright
Note to self: never send in pictures of penis to the internets.
posted by mowglisambo at 10:16 PM on October 23, 2005

Years and years ago I read somewhere that an orthopaedic surgeon had noticed that, where the man is lying prone, his flaccid penis will always rest on the same side as the weaker hip.

Maybe it has something to do with the side they favour for sleeping on? Assuming it's true in the first place, it seems reasonable to hypothesize that the hip you sleep on will have slightly constricted blood flow and over the years the bone won't develop as strongly as on the other side, and your penis tends in that direction because of gravity.

Don't know. But there's a PhD in there somewhere, I'm certain of it.
posted by Ritchie at 6:05 AM on October 24, 2005

Damn, men are grody looking. This is my one misgiving about women.... how the hell can you be attracted to that?
posted by hatchetjack at 12:52 PM on October 24, 2005

As a woman whose had experience with a limited range of penises, and who is promising herself to one penis forever soon, I totally love this sight.

It's so nice to see normal looking dicks. I am surprised by how many of the fellows on these pages seem to shave down there.

Also, I am now much more motivated to make sure my sweetheart avoids gaining weight. It never occured to me to think about how penis size is affected by obeisity before.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 8:15 PM on October 24, 2005

homunculus - thanks. that was a great belly laugh. Regardless of truth value.

"Girls Like It Too

Master Tu has been practicing his penis qigong for over 25 years. He has published a book and videotape on the subject, but at this time, they are only available in Chinese. As one might imagine, this is a very delicate practice, so it is of utmost importance that a student follow the direction of a qualified master. Penis qigong uses a variety of special exercises, including massage, slapping, pulling and hitting it with a tool. The breath is concentrated in the dantian and a cloth is used to bind the penis in special ways. It is important to note that this method is not practiced when aroused. Also, not everyone can learn this method. Students must have strong qi to practice this. If a student is 40 or older, he must practice another additional form of qigong to supplement the training or it will have no effect.

Surprisingly, women can actually practice Jiu Yang Shen Gong too. Female students can train by inserting a special ping pong-like ball in their vagina. This ball is attached to a rod, and then hung with heavy weights just like a man's penis. While a man can begin studying this qigong at any age, a woman can only practice it before she reaches menopause.

Iron Crotch [ Illustration ] With just a half-hour to an hour of practice a day, Master Tu promises quick results."



They all say that : "quick results" . Nothing good is quick, nothing quick is good.

Except the good'n quick.
posted by troutfishing at 8:54 PM on October 24, 2005

Female students can train by inserting a special ping pong-like ball in their vagina. This ball is attached to a rod, and then hung with heavy weights just like a man's penis.

Damn, this must be an order of magnitude more strengthening than mere kegel exercises. It'd yield a vagina that could crush a man.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:00 PM on October 24, 2005

ummmm...is it bad if i recognize someone on this site....?
posted by sexyrobot at 1:27 AM on October 25, 2005

Not as bad as recognising several...
posted by longbaugh at 3:09 AM on October 25, 2005

FFF - I doubt a whole man would fit. But a male penis might.
posted by troutfishing at 10:18 PM on October 25, 2005