Tired of effeminacy interfering with your life?

October 28, 2005 1:20 PM

Now there's hope.Ask your doctor about Hetracil. [Honestly, I've posted this thinking it's a parody... These days, though, one never knows.]
posted by ancientgower (48 comments total)

Funny idea, but they coulda ran with it a little more. The humor and satire runs dry after the initial joke.
posted by jonmc at 1:24 PM on October 28, 2005

This does really raise several interesting points. If it were possible via medication to change one's sexual preferences how ethical would it be? Would it be wrong if a teenager feeling unsecure and all the other feelings of being different were to take medication that would irreversably make him straight? There already exists HGH to make one taller, stop balding, etc. is it better that we'd all have the choice to be gay, straight, transvestite or will it instead lead to a greater homogeneous culture.... HMMMM
posted by geoff. at 1:26 PM on October 28, 2005

I wonder what happens if you take this and Gaystrogen at the same time.
posted by teg at 1:29 PM on October 28, 2005

Well, the whois database tells me this domain name is registered to:

Registrant:
Church of the Subgenius
420 Broadway
New York, NY 10010
US

Administrative Contact:
Dobbs, JR Bob [e-mail]
420 Broadway
New York, NY 10010
US
[phone]
Technical Contact:
Dobbs, JR Bob [e-mail]
420 Broadway
New York, NY 10010
US
[phone]

I'm voting parody. Quite nicely done though.
posted by chuma at 1:29 PM on October 28, 2005

Here's an interview with the guy who did the site.
posted by iconomy at 1:31 PM on October 28, 2005

Homocil. (embedded Quicktime)
posted by Armitage Shanks at 1:31 PM on October 28, 2005

And to confirm, there's no Shetty (heehee) pharmaceuticals.

There is, however, a Mr. B.R. Shetty who's interested in pharmaceuticals.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 1:32 PM on October 28, 2005

is it better that we'd all have the choice to be gay, straight, transvestite
posted by geoff. at 4:26 PM EST on October 28

Well, being a transvestite doesn't have anything to do with sexual orientation. A transvestite is someone who gets sexual pleasure from wearing clothing of the "opposite sex."

Maybe you were thinking of "transgender," but even then it doesn't apply. Transgender is "changing one's gender expression to match one's gender identity."

This question has perplexed many in the trans community: if there were a pill to "make you normal" (i.e., gender identity matching your birth sex) would you take it?
posted by andreaazure at 1:35 PM on October 28, 2005

Well, the whois database tells me this domain name is registered to:

Registrant:
Church of the Subgenius

And you are voting parody? For shame.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:37 PM on October 28, 2005

didn't you guys see that episode of star trek that fully answered this question?
posted by maulik at 1:38 PM on October 28, 2005

Thanks, iconomy, for the interview link. (And for doing my homework for me!)
posted by ancientgower at 1:43 PM on October 28, 2005

From iconomy's interview link:
"I’m not going to delve into social experimentation again anytime soon, unless you count my ongoing attempts to make eye contact with people at Starbucks."
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:45 PM on October 28, 2005

hmmm .... I'm trying to think of a good 60s vintage pop song to help market this on TV ...
posted by terrier319 at 1:52 PM on October 28, 2005

The Anti Proposition 313 site is a nice touch. No link from the drug webpage, obviously, but a mention of proposition 313 in the FAQ prompts a curious reader (me) to do a google search and land on the fake blog.
posted by nobody at 1:54 PM on October 28, 2005

Actually, I suspect that the Anti Prop 313 blog is the main attraction, the pharmaceutical page merely providing an extra touch of realism.
posted by nobody at 1:57 PM on October 28, 2005

got it ... how about this? ... My Boyfriend's Back ... by the Angels ....

My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
You see him comin' better cut out on the double
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
You been spreading lies that I was untrue
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
So look out now cause he's comin' after you

(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
(Hey, he knows that you been tryin')
(And he knows that you been lyin')

He's been gone for such a long time
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
Now he's back and things'll be fine
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
You're gonna be sorry you were ever born
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
Cause he's kinda big and he's awful strong
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)

(Hey he knows I wasn't cheatin'!)
(Now you're gonna get a beatin'!)

(What made you think he'd believe all your lies?)
(Wah-ooo, wah-ooo)
(You're a big man now but he'll cut you down to size
(Wah-ooo, wait and see)

My boyfriend's back he's gonna save my reputation
(Hey-la-day-la my boyfriend's back)
If I were you I'd take a permanent vacation
(Hey-la, hey-la, my boyfriend's back)

Yeah, my boyfriend's back
(La-day-la, my boyfriend's back)
Look out now, yeah, my boyfriend's back
(La-day-la, my boyfriend's back)
I could see him comin'
(La-day-la, my boyfriend's back)
So you better get a runnin'
(La-day-la, my boyfriend's back)
Alright now
(La-day-la, my boyfriend's back)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
(La-day-la, my boyfriends's back)
My boyfriend's back now
(La-day-la, my boyfriend's back)
posted by terrier319 at 2:02 PM on October 28, 2005

I wonder, does it have an anti-mincing agent?
posted by petrilli at 2:05 PM on October 28, 2005

I'm trying to think of a good 60s vintage pop song to help market this on TV ...

"There is a season, Turn, Turn, Turn..." ?
posted by amberglow at 2:06 PM on October 28, 2005

I'd go with The Who:

"I'm getting in tune to the straight and narrow..."
posted by jrossi4r at 2:12 PM on October 28, 2005

From site: More than 80 million Americans suffer from some type of Homosexuality

Wow. Like 1/3 of Americans are gay?

Even the most liberal estimates put the percentage of homosexuals in the population at 4%-8%.

That must be parody, right?
posted by hurkle at 2:21 PM on October 28, 2005

how about the Beatles "I Feel Fine" with dynamic images of a guy in man-woman situations, reassuring himself that the drug has worked ... (ok I'm getting silly now I think)

Baby's good to me, you know
She's happy I can be, you know
She said so
I'm in love with her
And I feel fine
Baby's says she's mine, you know
She tells me all the times, you know
She said so
I'm in love with her
And I feel fine
I'm so glad
That she's my little girl
She's so glad
She's telling all the world
That her baby's buys her things, you know
Her buys her diamonds rings, you know
She said so
She's in love with me
And I feel fine
She's in love with me
And I feel fine.
posted by terrier319 at 2:22 PM on October 28, 2005

Even the most liberal estimates put the percentage of homosexuals in the population at 4%-8%.

10% is what I always heard. And I bet that number leaves out the Kinsey-1's.
posted by nobody at 2:35 PM on October 28, 2005

The Who - I'm a Boy. It has to fit in with this somehow. Just has to.
posted by obvious at 2:39 PM on October 28, 2005

10% is what I always heard.

4% homosexual
+6% bit minty

=10% total gayish
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 2:43 PM on October 28, 2005

"Mothers Little Helper"
posted by Megafly at 2:44 PM on October 28, 2005

I'm guessing the majority of the text was scraped from a real pharma-site and given a quick replace "????" with "Homosexuality" - almost nowhere does the author give in to the temptation of obvious parody until 1-800-ShettyRX
posted by CynicalKnight at 2:47 PM on October 28, 2005

netzapper@technoculture~$>whois hetracil.com

Found a referral to whois.opensrs.net.

Registrant:
Church of the Subgenius


All Hail Bob!
posted by Netzapper at 2:51 PM on October 28, 2005

Ah, the gogole search turns up an interesting piece of meta-data that doesn't show up on the site.....

Welcome to Hetracil.com
Hetracil is the world's most widely prescribed anti-effinate. [contains fictitious
information]
www.hetracil.com/ - 6k - 26 Oct 2005 - Cached - Similar pages
posted by CynicalKnight at 2:53 PM on October 28, 2005

FAQ should have been FAG.
posted by shoepal at 2:58 PM on October 28, 2005

Minty?
posted by odinsdream at 2:59 PM on October 28, 2005

If anyone ever comes out with something like Homocil (Stop sitting on the fence and join the gay life, already, jeez!) I'd vote for Screeching Weasel's 'I Wanna Be a Homosexual' for an ad jingle.

As for a Hetracil theme song, how 'bout Pete Shelley's 'Homosapien'? That way we can have a nice little double-entendre in there as well.
posted by Zack_Replica at 3:02 PM on October 28, 2005

If you click on the "disease information" page, the link it takes you to ends with "Disinfo". Very clever.
posted by JokingClown at 3:08 PM on October 28, 2005

Give me slack.
posted by coach_mcguirk at 3:27 PM on October 28, 2005

this reminds me of that stupid xeroxed copy of the 'Fukitol' pill. Funny to people who like forwarded emails and believe a child named Penny Brown is missing and that an eagle can shed a tear. This is truly the best of the web.
posted by pieoverdone at 3:32 PM on October 28, 2005

This one time, I saw something on Metafilter that I didn't think was that funny, but instead of ignoring it, I posted how unfunny I thought it was so lots of people could see how much funnier I was than anyone!
posted by Smedleyman at 4:10 PM on October 28, 2005

Point: Smedleyman.
posted by JHarris at 4:57 PM on October 28, 2005

Does it come as a suppository ?
posted by johnny7 at 5:00 PM on October 28, 2005

hurdle:
" From site: More than 80 million Americans suffer from some type of Homosexuality

Wow. Like 1/3 of Americans are gay?"

No, it means like 1/3 of Americans suffer from some kind of gay. Eg. maybe it's second-hand gay, maybe they know someone who is trying to kick gaying, but secretly still takes gay-breaks at work. Maybe they know someone who has terminal gay, maybe they even lost a loved one to gay. Maybe it's just striggling with peer pressure to gay at school.

Wait... gay doesn't mean any of that. I was thinking of Marklar. Nevermind.

:-)
posted by -harlequin- at 5:23 PM on October 28, 2005

Don't discount the Church of the Subgenius so quickly.

They've been around for decades. People have been burying cigar boxes with $173.23 in it for at least as long. The church's underground operatives have been steadily collecting 'entrance fees' for deacdes. Once you exchange the dollars into hempscrip ot flaxscript (only available in the shady underdealings of the Black Market(tm) )and then finally leafblowered through the cerimonial corridors of Gaia's Sphincter in Trenton, New Jersey, and thus cleansed, it is hum-hawed about that the next step would be to use such booty for the advancement of the cause and/or to screw other people up.

I wouldn't put it past them to actually employ chemist/gender orientation specialists to come up with a chemical 'monkey wrench' to plant a well placed FUBAR on the whole debate.

Those subgeni are aweful crafty and, well, random. I bet it's true.
posted by Balisong at 5:35 PM on October 28, 2005

I like how, in the picture, he can't decide between his wife and the rainbow-colored kite.
posted by dontoine at 5:47 PM on October 28, 2005

Persistent organic pollutants tend to have an estrogenic effect, especially on the endocrine systems of infants in utero.

Meaning : our pollution may be causing significant changes in human male sexual orientation.

And you know what ? That's fine with me. Look at what the testosterone charged Bush Administration White House has given us : a metasticizing religious war, a energy crisis, environmental apocalypse.

However, POP's are bad.
posted by troutfishing at 7:51 PM on October 28, 2005

troutfishing writes "Look at what the testosterone charged Bush Administration White House has given us : a metasticizing religious war, a energy crisis, environmental apocalypse. "

Oh, this seems more typical of the behaviour exhibited by the testosterone-challenged -- an inferiority complex inevitably complemented by a natural meanness and taste for senseless violence intended to compensate for their natural shortcomings (so to speak).
posted by clevershark at 7:57 PM on October 28, 2005

Ha ha, no I'm straight; as long as I take these injections every ten minutes.

I love boobies!
posted by herting at 8:00 PM on October 28, 2005

"Oh, this seems more typical of the behaviour exhibited by the testosterone-challenged" - Insecurity ? Penis size ? Maybe, but high testosterone levels don't necessarily improve learning among primates. In visual-spatial terms perhaps, but humans are social creatures foremost and only spear throwers secondarliy.
posted by troutfishing at 8:16 PM on October 28, 2005

troutfishing writes "Maybe, but high testosterone levels don't necessarily improve learning among primates."

Actually I was merely joking that having less testosterone they feel an excessive need to compensate by engaging in activities that would confirm them as "manly" and hence mask their deficiency. You know, in much the same way that the most rabidly vocal homophobes often turn out to be self-hating gays.
posted by clevershark at 8:29 PM on October 28, 2005

I added that qualification because Testosterone improves some learning processes ( usually among males ) but too much may impede learning and - further - social status among male primates seems to impact testosterone production.

So, as politicians ascend the power curve they become at once more agressive and dumber.
posted by troutfishing at 9:08 PM on October 28, 2005

The Kinks Lola?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It’s a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo lola

Well I left home just a week before
And I’d never ever kissed a woman before
But Lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said dear boy I’m gonna make you a man

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man
But I know what I am and I’m glad I’m a man
And so is Lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola
posted by ahimsakid at 7:03 AM on October 29, 2005

If it were possible via medication to change one's sexual preferences how ethical would it be?

Is it unethical to take antidepressants?

Is it unethical to smoke pot?

Is it unethical to drink coffee?

We change our mental state at will in endless ways.

If it isn't causing harm to others or others' property how can it be unethical?
posted by five fresh fish at 11:17 AM on October 29, 2005