Rusty is a homosexual

October 28, 2005 8:55 PM

Rusty's family tried to accept his kinkier interests. "Father, will you buy me that leash for my birthday?" "But Patches already has a leash," said Father. "I didn't want it for Patches," said Rusty. Father chuckled uncomfortably.
posted by jonson (36 comments total)

Highlight of the night:

"Oh," said Rusty, disappointed. Then he kicked the man in the balls to show him what he thought of child molesters."
posted by anthill at 9:06 PM on October 28, 2005

I'm all for sexual liberation, but seeing as how the linked story concerns a pre-pubescent boy, I couldn't even post it to the mailing list for my local BDSM group. Unless I wanted to risk losing my membership.

But I did enjoy reading the story. And, hell, it's not like there isn't some basis in reality here. I was kinky as early as five years of age. My favorite toy was a pair of handcuffs and I was always trying to get someone to tie me up.
posted by Clay201 at 9:11 PM on October 28, 2005

I'm strait, and I know I was also kinky at that age. Childhood innocence, my arse.
posted by Citizen Premier at 9:42 PM on October 28, 2005

It's best not to view the story as a tale of childhood sexuality but rather as an allegory for parental acceptance. If Rusty was an 18 year old, the story would lack poignancy & humor.
posted by jonson at 9:55 PM on October 28, 2005

No offense, but this story is about as poignant as a barrage of concrete dildos, and the quality of its humour is highly contestable as well.
posted by Krrrlson at 9:59 PM on October 28, 2005

How many concrete dildos are there to the barrage?
posted by Armitage Shanks at 10:06 PM on October 28, 2005

Mmm. Concrete dildos.

What?
posted by kalimac at 10:09 PM on October 28, 2005

Metafilter: A barrage of concrete dildos.
Sorry.
posted by johngumbo at 10:18 PM on October 28, 2005

How many concrete dildos are there to the barrage?

That depends. Is it a rolling barrage? A defensive barrage? A flank barrage? Or a LESBIAN barrage?

THESE ARE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS, PEOPLE!

(Also, the link? I wanted it to be funny. I was hoping it would be funny. But funny? Meh. Not so much.)
posted by dersins at 10:18 PM on October 28, 2005 [1 favorite]

Concrete dildoes don't vibrate.
posted by Balisong at 10:34 PM on October 28, 2005

This is a double-post from April 2000. Just sayin'.
posted by mediareport at 10:36 PM on October 28, 2005

Yup, it's a classic alright. : >
posted by amberglow at 10:42 PM on October 28, 2005

The Encyclopedia Britannica defines a barrage of concrete dildos as containing between 20 and 500 dildos, with lower and higher quantities termed as "salvo" and "shitstorm," respectively, in most scientific communities.
posted by Krrrlson at 10:53 PM on October 28, 2005

Why do all of the links have to do with homosexuality now?
posted by dersins at 10:56 PM on October 28, 2005 [1 favorite]

Krrrison, is that a metric or 'standard' shitstorm?
posted by aristan at 11:07 PM on October 28, 2005

Concrete dildoes? Wouldn't they chafe?
posted by c13 at 11:32 PM on October 28, 2005

I'm just surprised that Rusty's white Christian, anti-gay family were willing to listen to a Jewish shrink. Maybe that would have been too stereotypical?
posted by ODiV at 11:58 PM on October 28, 2005

More stereotypical than the shrink being Jewish in the first place?
posted by dersins at 12:08 AM on October 29, 2005 [1 favorite]

THANK GOD ITS 1999 ALL OVER AGAIN BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I COULD DO RIGHT IF I HAD A SECOND CHANCE

Man, that page is old. Well done, but really old.

Fuck it. I'm not the hatin' kind. Let's call it a classic and let it go.
posted by sourwookie at 12:11 AM on October 29, 2005

Don't call it a comeback!
posted by loquacious at 1:45 AM on October 29, 2005

A comeback of concrete dildos?

Nah, it just doesn't sing like barrage...

BTW, doesn't homophobia seems counterproductive for straight males? If those guys are all chasing each other, that means more nookie for me! From an evolutionary point of view, of course.

Now I know why the Fundamentalists are against Evolution...
posted by Enron Hubbard at 3:47 AM on October 29, 2005

I'm categorically against any kind of humor, especially parody and satire: It confuses too many people on MeFi and so makes us all sad.
posted by Reverend Mykeru at 6:31 AM on October 29, 2005

I'm all for sexual liberation, but seeing as how the linked story concerns a pre-pubescent boy, I couldn't even post it to the mailing list for my local BDSM group. Unless I wanted to risk losing my membership.

Ahhh, judgemental minorities. How refreshingly different from the mainstream.
posted by DrDoberman at 7:13 AM on October 29, 2005

I'd imagine that (ahem) certain minorities probably have to exercise extreme caution to avoid the appearance of being associated with (ahem) certain other groups.
posted by cribcage at 7:26 AM on October 29, 2005

An insistent little voice says to me that Rusty's last name must be Jones.
posted by localroger at 7:41 AM on October 29, 2005

Concrete dildoes do indeed vibrate, do a GIS on "concrete vibrator" - or check out http://www.denverconcretevibrator.com/
- though I challenge anyone to use one recreationally......
posted by Runcible Spoon at 8:17 AM on October 29, 2005

Wow, check out the flexible shaft ones on the above page!
posted by c13 at 8:27 AM on October 29, 2005

I couldn't help but giggle at "American manufacturer of the highest quality, dependable flexible shaft".
posted by clevershark at 8:52 AM on October 29, 2005

My niece is 5 and seems to like being tickled too much.

The back of my mind says "She's going to be a handful for my sister one day."

I recall being curious about girly parts as early as kindergarten or first grade.

Needless to say I think society's understanding and handling of sexual matters at all ages is seriously flawed.
posted by Lectrick at 8:58 AM on October 29, 2005

Nothing wrong with being kinky. Sharing it with dad however....it's not a gay or straight thing.
If my daughter at age 9 wanted me to buy her some crotchless panties and a riding crop I'd probably have a stroke.

...most dads get enough stress just worrying about the lawn.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:00 AM on October 29, 2005

Excellent character development, but the plot twist surrounding the family's willingness to talk to the shring is not very believeable. It could have been set up better. B+.
posted by psmealey at 9:21 AM on October 29, 2005

I don't care if it's old OR about homosexuals. I really enjoyed the narrative arc, and the little pictures give me a boost!
posted by slatternus at 10:11 AM on October 29, 2005

I for one, welcome our new concrete dildo overlords.
posted by timsteil at 10:43 AM on October 29, 2005

The story was fine and all, but what the hell does this (from the author's bio) mean?

I'm a square dance caller in the Modern Mainstream tradition.

"Grab your fireman by the leash,
Drag that sucker, till he squeeks..."
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:48 AM on October 30, 2005

"Denver Concrete Vibrator
American manufacturer of the highest quality, dependable flexible shaft,
pneumatic, high cycle, and external concrete vibrator tools
- an industry leader in sales and service since 1980"

ha ha
posted by stilgar at 5:53 AM on October 31, 2005

It is certainly an interesting literary use of "prepubescent" sexuality, in that Rusty knows what the old guy in the park wants, then asks to see if the guy has what he wants. He doesn't, so Rusty continues to control the situation by committing physical assault.

Mixed messages?
posted by joeclark at 10:30 AM on October 31, 2005