Scooter Libby, erotic novelist

November 1, 2005 5:06 AM

I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby is (a) Vice President Dick Cheney's former chief of staff, (b) facing a five-count indictment from the special prosecutor in the CIA leak case, (c) the author of The Apprentice, a book that is, in the words of The New Yorker's Lauren Collins, "Libby's 1996 entry in the long and distinguished annals of the right-wing dirty novel," or (d) all of the above. Via Making Light.
posted by mcwetboy (37 comments total)

Wow, he makes this guy look, well, moderately less untalented. What is it with these guys?
posted by allen.spaulding at 5:21 AM on November 1, 2005

ARRAGGHRRORWR!
posted by languagehat at 5:43 AM on November 1, 2005

Patriotic porn. So has Scooter cracked yet?
posted by Rothko at 6:01 AM on November 1, 2005

He was also "Adviser To The President," something little noted lately in the press covering this story but was at one time loudly trumpeted. Wonder why the difference?
posted by nofundy at 6:08 AM on November 1, 2005

*cue inappropriate "flagpole" references*
posted by clevershark at 6:09 AM on November 1, 2005

Now I know why they want to take away our porn. Competition!
posted by mcwetboy at 6:11 AM on November 1, 2005

I wonder if he and Lynne Cheney collaborate writing dirty novels? Does Dick know about it if they have? Do they do their best work in the boudoir?
posted by nofundy at 6:14 AM on November 1, 2005

File with Lynne Cheney's lesbian romance novel Sisters (discussed here previously).
posted by kirkaracha at 6:21 AM on November 1, 2005

Puritanical self-loathing people write terrible porn. News at 11.
posted by petrilli at 6:38 AM on November 1, 2005

At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest.

How does one arouse a bear with a stick?!?
posted by COBRA! at 6:53 AM on November 1, 2005

How does one arouse a bear with a stick?!?

Very carefully.
posted by unreason at 6:56 AM on November 1, 2005

At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons.

Sure, bears are the best way to do that. What the hell.

Puritanical self-loathing people write terrible porn.

The point, I think, is that the puritanical self-loathers on the right who go into politics seem to be more interested in *publishing* their porn. Deer-fucking *and* bear-fucking, wow.
posted by mediareport at 6:56 AM on November 1, 2005

[libby's book] ... tells the tale of Setsuo, a courageous virgin innkeeper who finds himself on the brink of love and war.

SETSUUUUUOOOOO!!!!!


It rhymes with tetsuo. Get it?
posted by delmoi at 7:04 AM on November 1, 2005

At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest.

Woah. Woah. Hold on. What?

That's just too shocking for a witty comeback. The VP's chief of staff wrote about bestiality?

I can't even think now.
posted by delmoi at 7:08 AM on November 1, 2005

delmoi - I got it. Funny.
posted by papercake at 7:24 AM on November 1, 2005

I'm sorry, I didn't think I was going to talk about "man on dog" with a United States senator, it's sort of freaking me out.

posted by kirkaracha at 7:30 AM on November 1, 2005

You people can snark away, but it's really nothing to laugh about. An ex-girlfriend of mine was touched inappropriately by a bear once, and she spent years working through the ordeal in therapy.
posted by Gamblor at 7:40 AM on November 1, 2005

What do you expect from a grown man named "Scooter?"
posted by Jon-o at 8:18 AM on November 1, 2005

This is fucking stupid. Everyone knows that ursine lovers are kind and gentle, and copulate longtemps and dexterously to bring their partners, shaking with orgasmic delight, to the very acme of rapture - until they float gently back to the safety of their warm embrace and lie exhausted but satisfied in their oh no wait I'm thinking of sailors. Sorry.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 9:35 AM on November 1, 2005

OK. Over lunch, I acquired several caged bears, and have been trying various methods of arousal on them. I must report that sticks do nothing but anger the bears. Offering them raw fish just makes them hungry. So far, the best bet seems to be to slip them copies of Nugget magazine. The April 2004 issue seems to be their favorite, but I have yet to determine why.
posted by COBRA! at 9:48 AM on November 1, 2005

So... does this mean Cheney is so far gone that he needs his wife to indulge in lesbian fantasy while his co-worker goes on about beastiality just so the man can get a hardon?

Maybe Bob Dole should give him a call.
posted by Talanvor at 10:27 AM on November 1, 2005

Man I love Amazon user reviews:

Personally, I find the Japanese weird and constipated beyond all reason. But they have developed a helluva good cuisine (love that wasabi!), have fought some amazing fights and are pretty fabulous engineers. So, if you find them strange but fascinating, this book will enhance your understand of their tortured, demented souls.
posted by freebird at 10:30 AM on November 1, 2005

COBRA! -- I suspect you might have the hairy-gay-man kind of bear... do they have moustaches? Wallets? You might have better luck arousing the giant-claw-can-disembowel-you-with-a-glance, mouth-full-of-huge-fangs, weighs-five-hundred-pounds, runs-thirtyfive-mph kind of bear. For that kind of bear, nothing gets them hornier than threatening their cubs.

I'll be watching from over here.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:41 AM on November 1, 2005

Oh, and if you found them through personal ads, they're almost certainly the hairy-gay-man kind. As you know, Bob, the other kind are too proud for personals and prefer to be set up by their friends.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:42 AM on November 1, 2005

Reminds me of the CGM from the 'X-Files.'

Political hacks are so often failed novelists or artists or musicians it's cliched.

Perhaps it's because they are so poor at expressing or exploring those feelings and ideas.

Ah, well. Might as well put them out of their misery.
*loads 30.06"
posted by Smedleyman at 10:46 AM on November 1, 2005

ROU, you just earned 10% of my research grant.
posted by COBRA! at 11:41 AM on November 1, 2005

You guys are hilarous! Thanks!

Talanvor and ROU are tied for winner.
posted by nofundy at 12:44 PM on November 1, 2005

It seems to me the White House is filled with people who have sexual proclivities that make those of the much-feared HoMoSeXuAlS look downright tame.

I mean, really, prepubscent girls being raped by bears? Quite simply, that is way more sick than almost anything I've read or seen on the Internet.

And this man has the ear and presumable mind of the President? Sheeeyit, reality is always far stranger than fiction.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:49 PM on November 1, 2005

Once you go bear, you never go back.
posted by iron chef morimoto at 5:21 PM on November 1, 2005

Because it's all clawed up and sore.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:26 PM on November 1, 2005

Your back, that is.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:27 PM on November 1, 2005

He's really trying to give John Irving a run for his money.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:20 PM on November 1, 2005

At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest.

Misplaced modifier alert.
posted by kenko at 11:57 PM on November 1, 2005

Nonsense. That the madam is a ten year old girl only makes it more deliciously kinky.

I mean, really, prepubscent girls being raped by bears? Quite simply, that is way more sick than almost anything I've read or seen on the Internet.

I dunno. Is bear-rape porn really weirder or sicker than tentacle-rape porn? At least bears aren't monsters, and might be sort of warm and cuddly when they're done raping you, unlike Cthulhu-esque nightmare horrors. And if you happen to be rescued, an ursine rapist can be *ahem* converted into a classy rug, but not an alien/demonic tentacle monster.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:18 AM on November 2, 2005

And if you happen to be rescued, an ursine rapist can be *ahem* converted into a classy rug, but not an alien/demonic tentacle monster.

The hell you say! Just last night, my wife and I were cuddling on our Cthulu-skin rug, reading each other passages from the works of Lynne Cheney.
posted by COBRA! at 6:41 AM on November 2, 2005

Sure, you can make a rug from Cthulhu.

But not a classy rug. Only a shameful, tasteless, squamous rug that makes you gibber in horror.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:23 AM on November 2, 2005

Oh, we were shameful, tasteless, and gibbering in horror; I just wasn't sure if it was the rug or the Lynne Cheney.
posted by COBRA! at 9:11 AM on November 2, 2005