"SPIN THE PLANET! SPIN IT! SPIN IT FASTER!" posted by loquacious at 12:30 AM on November 3, 2005
Hey, I actually have most of the parts out in the garage! You bastards are going to be sorry for ever snarking my threads... posted by LarryC at 12:34 AM on November 3, 2005
Rothko, this is a cool site and I already have it in my favorites, but please tell me you didn't get it from the "Yahoo's Top 100 sites for men" thread from the other day ;) posted by Devils Slide at 1:27 AM on November 3, 2005
That bit about how the planet-destroying turbolaser works is one of the better bits of pseudoscientific handwaving I've seen this side of the Time Cube. posted by alumshubby at 3:11 AM on November 3, 2005
I have a bad feeling about this. posted by nthdegx at 4:48 AM on November 3, 2005
Your tags are a bit unhelpful, Rothko. You're lucky I don't have my military pain beam to hand. posted by nthdegx at 4:53 AM on November 3, 2005
everyone knows how the deathstar works...you just have Vader say "fire" and then that one dude flips a switch and you hear that "beeeeeeeeeeeeyuuuuuuuuuuuuu" sound then KAHBOOM!!!!! OB1 has heart failure... posted by Hands of Manos at 5:29 AM on November 3, 2005
you just have Vader say "fire" and then that one dude flips a switch
I always thought that "that one dude" had the coolest uniform, I wish we'd seen more of him rather than the same footage over and over. posted by Pollomacho at 5:38 AM on November 3, 2005
Very nice. This is the kind of obsession with fiction that does a body good. posted by OmieWise at 5:45 AM on November 3, 2005
That Slate article nthdegx links to is teh bullshit. "Most significantly, we start to notice that the films are an elaborate meditation on the dialectic between chance and order." "At the end of Jedi, in a scene out of Pirandello or one of Ashbery's own plays, the characters assert their autonomy and kill their author." And so forth. Gah. I attended enough film classes in my day to recognize masturbatory self-validating criticism when I read it.
I can't believe no one has posted this yet, so here goes:
(Courtesy of Eddie Izzard Circle)
So, uh, yeah, but the Deathstar, the one thing about the Deathstar is that there was no food. No one had food at all. No food at all! No one said, "Hey, Darth Vader, Emperor, just nipping down to alpha beta 9. What d'you want? Couple of sarnies? Um, chicken, ham, ham, chicken, egg, what? Coke? Diet Coke? What d'you want? What d'you want? You weird bleeders!"
But there must have been a Deathstar canteen, yeah? There must have been a cafeteria downstairs, in between battles, where Darth Vader could just chill and go down (Vader voice) "I will have the penne a la arabiata." (canteen server) "You'll need a tray." "Do you know who I am?" "Do you know who I am?" "This is not a game of who the fuck are you. For I am Vader. Darth Vader. Lord Vader. I can kill you with a single thought!" "Well you'll still need a tray." "No I will not need a tray. I do not need a tray to kill you. I can kill you without a tray, with the power of the Force - which is strong within me - even though I could kill you with a tray if I so wished. For I would hack at your neck with the thin bit until the blood flowed across the canteen floor…" "No, the food is hot. You'll need a tray to put the food on." "Oh I see, the food is hot. I'm sorry I, I did not realise. Hah hah! I thought you were challenging me to a fight to the death." "Fight to the death? This is canteen, I work here." "Yes, but I am Vader, I am Lord Vader. Everyone challenges me to a fight to the death. Lord Vader. Darth Vader, I am Darth Vader, Lord Vader. Sir Lord Vader, Sir Lord Darth Vader. Lord Darth Sir Lord Vader of Cheam. Sir Lord Baron von Vaderham. The Deathstar. I run the Deathstar." "What's the Deathstar?" (Darth is losing a bit of patience) "This is the Deathstar. You're in the Deathstar. I run this star." "This is a star?" "This is a fucking star - I run it. I'm your boss." "You're Mr Stephens?" "No, I'm… who is Mr Stephens?" "He's head of catering." "I'm not head of catering! I am Vader. I can kill catering with a thought." "What?" "I can kill you all. I can kill me with a thought. Just… I'll get a tray, fuck it!
(Still Vader) This one's wet, and this one's wet, and this one's wet. This one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet, this one is wet. Did you dry these in a rain forest? Why, with the power of the Deathstar, do we not have a tray that is fucking dry? I do not…(someone has pushed in) No, no, no. I was here first." "You have to form a queue if you want food. Can I have, oh, penne a la arabiata, that looks nice." "No, no, no. D'you know who I am?" (server buts in) "That's Jeff Vader, that is." "I am not Jeff Vader, I am Darth Vader." "What, Jeff Vader runs the Deathstar?" "No, Jeff… No, I run the Deathstar." "You Jeff Vader?" "No, I'm Darth Vader!" "Are you his brother? Can you get his autograph?" "I can't get it… No, I'm… All right, I'm Jeff Vader! I'm Jeff Vader!" "Can I have your autograph?" "No, fuck off, or I'll kill you with a tray! Give me penne a la arabiata or you shall die. And you, and everyone in this canteen! Death by tray it shall be!" (scornful server) "Do you want peas with that?" "Peas? You don't have peas! You can't put red with…It doesn't work with penne, you don't put, unless you push them up the penne tubes, and then they'd be weird! Just…(gives up) oh, all right, put some peas on." posted by krunk at 6:26 AM on November 3, 2005 [1 favorite]
"/ no offence, nthdegx"
What? Why would I be offended? Did I say "I agree with this article wholeheartedly and will be offended if anyone disagrees with it"?
I don't buy it at all, but I found it readable and link-worth in a "more inside" kind of way. posted by nthdegx at 6:51 AM on November 3, 2005
This is the kind of obsession with fiction that does a body good
Many Bothans learned Frontpage to bring us that information. posted by PlusDistance at 7:25 AM on November 3, 2005
Didn't somebody, a ways back, divulge that the instrumentation used to fire the Death Star's superweapon ("Commence primary ignition!" -- I'm such a geek) was actually an audio mixing board used as a prop? posted by alumshubby at 7:30 AM on November 3, 2005
Didn't somebody, a ways back, divulge that the instrumentation used to fire the Death Star's superweapon ("Commence primary ignition!" -- I'm such a geek) was actually an audio mixing board used as a prop?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*Fingers in ears* lalalalalalalalala, I'm not listening, lalalalalalala posted by Pollomacho at 8:40 AM on November 3, 2005
Sorry 'bout that, Pollomacho. posted by alumshubby at 8:47 AM on November 3, 2005
Subscribe
Indeed...
posted by dazed_one at 12:03 AM on November 3, 2005