Finally, become more than human

November 14, 2005 7:50 PM

Human Uprgades[flash interface]
posted by philcliff (29 comments total)

What is it? Loading is a bitch.
posted by sjvilla79 at 7:56 PM on November 14, 2005

Including splelling?
posted by metaculpa at 7:57 PM on November 14, 2005

Parts NSFW.
posted by Kwantsar at 7:57 PM on November 14, 2005

And is that a new word?
posted by sjvilla79 at 7:57 PM on November 14, 2005

That site has major speeling and gramar issues. I don't know if I'd trust them to mess with all the letters of my DNA...
posted by hypersloth at 7:57 PM on November 14, 2005

Yes, you too can have a "palmclit", "tonguecunt", or "multinipple". Not that you'd want to, but you can apparently get it...

I don't think I ever expected to utter that.
posted by mystyk at 7:58 PM on November 14, 2005

I dunno, could they have picked a smaller font? I can almost make it out at this size.
posted by Hildegarde at 7:59 PM on November 14, 2005

Also, NSFW. Christ.
posted by metaculpa at 8:02 PM on November 14, 2005

It's like a Mitch Hedberg joke taken way too far.
posted by GooseOnTheLoose at 8:09 PM on November 14, 2005

Well, here's some of it answered...

Domain Name: HUMANUPGRADES.COM
Registrar: COMPUTER SERVICES LANGENBACH GMBH DBA JOKER.COM
Whois Server: whois.joker.com
Referral URL: http://www.joker.com
Name Server: NS.CEKIT.CZ
Name Server: NS2.CEKIT.NET
Status: REGISTRAR-LOCK
Updated Date: 23-oct-2005
Creation Date: 23-nov-2004
Expiration Date: 23-nov-2006

So I dug a bit further...

domain: humanupgrades.com
owner: Petr Skala
email: [e-mail]
address: Langrova 37
city: Brno
state: --
postal-code: 627 00
country: CZ
phone: [phone]
admin-c: [e-mail]#0
tech-c: [e-mail]#0
billing-c: [e-mail]#3
reseller: Domena byla registrovana na www.domena.cz.
reseller: Domain registered at www.domena.cz.
reseller: (c) IGNUM s.r.o.
nserver: ns.cekit.cz
nserver: ns2.cekit.net 81.31.7.82
status: lock
created: 2004-11-23 12:16:30 UTC
modified: 2005-10-24 03:23:26 UTC
expires: 2006-11-23 07:16:29 UTC
source: joker.com live whois service
query-time: 0.015267
db-updated: 2005-11-15 04:04:37

Well, at least it explains the language issues.
posted by mystyk at 8:10 PM on November 14, 2005

Perhaps we should just leave nature alone, to its simple one assed schematics.
posted by kosem at 8:13 PM on November 14, 2005

All the genital upgrades appear to be for the ladies. What if a guy, you know, wanted an "enhancement?" I mean, not that I need any....I'm just asking for a friend.
posted by photoslob at 8:23 PM on November 14, 2005

The Simplenose looks familiar.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 8:46 PM on November 14, 2005

Status: Hoax (probably an art project)
posted by tellurian at 8:48 PM on November 14, 2005

Maybe they were just misspelling DAN.
posted by TwelveTwo at 8:51 PM on November 14, 2005

All the genital upgrades appear to be for the ladies. What if a guy, you know, wanted an "enhancement?" I mean, not that I need any....I'm just asking for a friend.

Check your email. In fact, check anyone's email.
posted by kickingtheground at 9:01 PM on November 14, 2005

simplenose cracks me up!
posted by kuatto at 9:02 PM on November 14, 2005

mystyk, I don't think the site is real, but the joker.com thing's got nothing to do with it. It's simply a domain registrar.
posted by dobbs at 9:04 PM on November 14, 2005

Yep, many of the doctor pictures are wierd, but that one wins it.
posted by Wen at 9:29 PM on November 14, 2005

sorry about fogetting the nsfw tag.
posted by philcliff at 9:47 PM on November 14, 2005

The thumb is considerred to be the reason of the human's motoric ability which is what makes him to be the master of the world.
NOW IT IS THE TIME TO BE THE MASTER OF THE MASTERS.
Be unconquerable, grasp your chance strongly in you hands!

If I live see a late night infomercial starring Arnold Schwarzenegger hawking extra thumbs and spouting this bit of copy with that accent of his I'll die a happy man.

If he then says, "I'm not just a customer, I'm also a client," and gives us the quatro-thumbs-up (although two would actually be down) I'll stroke my Simplecock with glee before I do.
posted by Jawn at 10:38 PM on November 14, 2005

Cuntongue tag.
Sounds like fun.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:02 PM on November 14, 2005

Yeah, a second set of thumbs opposed to both the original ones and the fingers, right about where the heels of the hands are...now THAT would be transhumanism at its finest. That, and replumb those annoying sinuses.
posted by alumshubby at 6:08 AM on November 15, 2005

Horrible, horrible flash. Tiny, unreadable text, spastic menus and long load times. If these are art students, please tell me they get dinged on that.
posted by xthlc at 6:39 AM on November 15, 2005

It's a hoax!? I had no idea . . .

Actually I find the project rather interesting - thanks for the link. The idea of sexual upgrades is interesting, and a logical extension of the current trend of breast implants. I wonder why they focused solely on female anatomy. Perhaps because they've the same mindset as other lonely geeks.

Their liberal use of the "C" word probably stems from a cultural misunderstanding. Same with the spelling.

But all that aside, I find it a clever work of speculative fiction.
posted by aladfar at 6:53 AM on November 15, 2005

oh come on anyone who didn't know this was a joke/art project right away is an idiot. however the idea of just fucking around with the human body because we can is an amazing idea. i would love to have some night vision eyes, perhaps some super hearing, and WOLVERINE CLAWS!!! come now, wouldn't we all?
posted by stilgar at 8:37 AM on November 15, 2005

Hoax or no, Vren-Dobra Fajka can speicialize in implementing my DNA anytime, if you know what I'm saying.

Wait, what am I saying?
posted by mikrophon at 10:04 AM on November 15, 2005

Daniella Westbrook was apparently their first customer.
posted by raygirvan at 10:07 AM on November 15, 2005

*Shudders at tonguecunt*
posted by gauchodaspampas at 2:22 PM on November 15, 2005