Above Ground Covert-Ops

December 4, 2005 8:24 PM

Global Options, Inc. Have you been unfairly attacked by: the media? trial lawyers? disgruntled workers? terrorists? overzealous federal regulators? competitors? hackers? industrial spies? one-issue activists? extortionists? intellectual property thieves? or even the Russian mafia? Global Options has your back. [warning: radar beeps.]
posted by panoptican (19 comments total)

I just love companies like this. Global Options seems espcially great. They even do some speech writing for the White House. WOWEE ZOWEE!

via From the Rooftops.
posted by panoptican at 8:24 PM on December 4, 2005

I think that if the financial information I had to read during school was bright green on black I might not've dropped out.
posted by carsonb at 8:46 PM on December 4, 2005

Topics from their "executive training" curriculum:

· Mailroom security
· Executive protection/security awareness
· Countering violence in schools
· Hostage negotiation and rescue
· Preventing maritime attacks
· Marksmanship and firearms skills
· Evasive/aggressive driving
· Investigating mass casualty attacks

Sounds like James Bond fantasy camp.
posted by gsteff at 8:46 PM on December 4, 2005

That's one of the most unprofessional websites I think I've seen.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:15 PM on December 4, 2005

Yeah, and the text isn't very well edited either. If this were for real, I'd expect it to look... well, real.
posted by Clay201 at 10:10 PM on December 4, 2005

ummm... i think those would be sonar pings, not radar beeps. or something. whatever.
posted by ab3 at 10:11 PM on December 4, 2005

and you know, with an advisory board like this you'd think they could afford a better website.

and good hell, that stupid noise, whatever it's called, is annoying.
posted by ab3 at 10:13 PM on December 4, 2005

I wondered myself if it was fake, but a Google News search reveals a few articles with quotes from Livingstone in which he is regarded as the CEO of Global Options, Inc. It's really quite a curious business.
posted by panoptican at 10:20 PM on December 4, 2005

The risk assessment industry is buzzing. Though no insurance company ever insures anything to do with BASE jumping. I've no idea why... Oh yes, it's suicide. Oh well.
posted by malusmoriendumest at 12:08 AM on December 5, 2005

This kind of thing's pretty common: Control Risks Group and kroll to name but two.

I'm not sure that there's anything especially sinister about it, unless of course you really really want there to be. Sadly these guys don't have websites that look like bad 1980s video games.
posted by rhymer at 1:41 AM on December 5, 2005

I wondered myself if it was fake

Particularly when I read about their British board member.

According to the website, he's an ex-Tory cabinet minister who goes by the name of Richard Needham. Geddit? Dick Needham? You got dicks? I Needham!

Apparently though, he is a real person. Obviously not someone who distinguished himself during his political career, because I've never heard of him before today.

Of course, I may be thick and/or ill-informed. Still, trade and industry is the perfect position for somebody who wants to make a big fat wedge in consultancies and directorships when the other lot kick 'em out of power.

Oh look. That's just what he's done. Who would have ever guessed he'd do something as unpredictable as that?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:31 AM on December 5, 2005

Though no insurance company ever insures anything to do with BASE jumping.

Hard to get decent cover for my weekly drug orgy as well.

They really don't mind that I'm freebasing cocaine, and speedballing cocaine and heroin while I get rogered senseless by a cartload of psychopathic ex-convicts.

But the fact that I smoke twenty Benson & Hedges a day was the deal breaker.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:40 AM on December 5, 2005

Maybe if you switched to Camels?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:47 AM on December 5, 2005

You got dicks? I Needham!
I just coughed up my lungs laughing at that, and am typing this with my dying breath.
Yeah sonars ping, radars don't, and I love the way the crosshairs in the sights dont meet in the middle (in FF 1.5 anyway).
posted by Joeforking at 5:55 AM on December 5, 2005

I am particularly enjoyed of the <IMG> tags pointing at
C|/Documents and Settings/ledbetter_m/Desktop/GO homepage_files
posted by ~ at 6:15 AM on December 5, 2005

Well, there's lots of these businesses floating around in DC these days, a former roommate of mine is an ex-SEAL and he's bombarded with job offers from places like this.

I actually interviewed for a writing gig here but ended up taking another job shortly after. I have a friend who works there and believe me, most of what they do is very corporate and very unexciting. Not exactly Dr. Evil's lair. Just another K Street office (actually, I think they're a block off K Street but you get the idea).
posted by Heminator at 6:16 AM on December 5, 2005

Also, I once interviewed at another seemingly innocuous PR firm in DC and they straight up said in the middle of an interviews "So we do a lot of black bag jobs... you got a problem with that?"

Corporate espionage is a fact of life I guess.
posted by Heminator at 6:19 AM on December 5, 2005

Outstanding. The phrase "recent corporate paralysis due to risk aversion" creeps into my mind.
posted by nervousfritz at 7:27 AM on December 5, 2005

That faux nightvision theme is really annoying - and about as "professional" as this site.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 12:48 PM on December 5, 2005