Sexy Furniture

December 5, 2005 2:21 PM

Sexy Furniture."The shape of a woman, her organic architecture, combined with my passion for wood inspired me to sculpt these sexy designs." Passion for wood, indeed. NSFW.
posted by OpinioNate (41 comments total)

There's so much wrong with that furniture I don't know where to start.

And I thought the mouth urinal was bad.
posted by SassHat at 2:47 PM on December 5, 2005

I think the word you were searching for is tacky. Not sexy furniture, tacky furniture.

Funny, I didn't realize high heels were part of a woman's "organic architecture".
posted by Hildegarde at 2:50 PM on December 5, 2005

Or wood of passion
posted by elpapacito at 3:09 PM on December 5, 2005

Initially I wanted to go with "I've got wood," but that seemed lazy. Instead I'll go with this.
posted by justkevin at 3:13 PM on December 5, 2005

Leg lamp redux?
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:14 PM on December 5, 2005

truly horrible.
posted by marvin at 3:15 PM on December 5, 2005

It's a brave and celibate man who decorates as thus.
posted by Sticherbeast at 3:16 PM on December 5, 2005

Teh furniture that artc's Wood...
posted by thomcatspike at 3:19 PM on December 5, 2005

The cherry legs with Dutch maple box piece (if that’s the right word) is particularly bad, as is its description: “The drawer opens through a springlock button in the virgina.”

p.s. I'm really surprised this showed up here before it appeared on Postroad's endlessly fascinating site.
posted by LeLiLo at 3:24 PM on December 5, 2005

"The Korova Milk Bar sold milk-plus, milk plus velocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence."
posted by quite unimportant at 3:26 PM on December 5, 2005

I am imagining a man leading me into his apartment with the bend over table and then giving me the heavy-lidded look that says babe this is just the start of your rocket ride to bliss. And then I'm imagining myself, moonwalking out of there so fast I'd leave my own high heels in the doorjamb, perhaps to be incorporated into a later sculpture. So in a sense, this furniture did effectively engage my erotic imagination.
posted by melissa may at 3:27 PM on December 5, 2005

I would urge workplace caution before clicking on the link to Postroad's site. It is full of naked people! Which, I hear, bosses don't like to see their workers looking at. Bad worker bees!
posted by UKnowForKids at 3:30 PM on December 5, 2005

The ideal place for this is definitely in Bob Guccione's living room.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 3:31 PM on December 5, 2005

Hey, those aren't real boobs. (NSFW)
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:32 PM on December 5, 2005

tasteful.
posted by nola at 3:38 PM on December 5, 2005

OMG those are the least real boobs I think I've ever seen on the internets.
posted by Hildegarde at 3:38 PM on December 5, 2005

I would urge workplace caution before clicking on the link to Postroad's site.

Apologies for my not mentioning same. It never occurred to me that anyone who hangs out here more than 15 minutes wouldn't already be well aware of that fact.
posted by LeLiLo at 3:42 PM on December 5, 2005

Talk about "Woody"

heheh..sigh..am as bad as the designer : )
posted by Mr Bluesky at 3:58 PM on December 5, 2005

wow, it's H.R. Giger meets Hugh Hefner.

truly disturbing. dude's got issues.
posted by poweredbybeard at 3:59 PM on December 5, 2005

This is disturbing and interesting.. He got some skill, thats for sure, but people should be afraid of him!
posted by yonnage at 4:07 PM on December 5, 2005

*cue base riff*
That's no moon....it's a chaise lounge.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:15 PM on December 5, 2005

The site translation is messed up, it keeps translating "incredibly creepy" as "sexy".

And 20,000 euros for the bent over three way table is a little insane (and I have no idea how much a euro is worth but 20,000 anythings for it is crazy). From the prices link to Amadeus Art.

yonnage, yeah, how much of a stretch is it to imagine he's carved himself a "companion"?
posted by fenriq at 4:15 PM on December 5, 2005

Women: organic architecture.




(satire)
posted by ori at 4:18 PM on December 5, 2005

how much of a stretch is it to imagine he's carved himself a "companion"?

I dunno. Pulling out the splinters probably cured that little fetish.
posted by Rothko at 4:28 PM on December 5, 2005

Funny, I didn't realize high heels were part of a woman's "organic architecture".

Personally, my feet are permanently molded into a four-inch heel position. It matches my 20-inch waist, double-D boobs, and totally lack of body hair. Also, I poop flowers, the better to decorate my home.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 4:50 PM on December 5, 2005

Eh, sanding and a good varnish solves that problem.

I mean, that's what I would speculate.
posted by cortex at 4:55 PM on December 5, 2005

I'm sorry, LittleMissCranky wins. The rest of you can go home now.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 5:07 PM on December 5, 2005

I poop flowers, the better to decorate my home

They're going to fire me if I don't stop laughing soon.
posted by SassHat at 5:17 PM on December 5, 2005

For the love of God, I hope the ReallDoll people don't get any ideas from this.
posted by hangashore at 5:54 PM on December 5, 2005

For the love of God, I hope the ReallDoll people don't get any ideas from this.

(NSFW of course [sorry].)
posted by hangashore at 5:57 PM on December 5, 2005

Well, at least I finally know what kitsch means.
posted by cytherea at 6:31 PM on December 5, 2005

Now that's an "end table"...

Wow, seriously disturbing - I keep thinking that this would be found in the home of Glen Quagmire on Family Guy.
posted by jkaczor at 7:05 PM on December 5, 2005

Creepy, crass, shuddersome.

This urinal, however, is awesome.
posted by Lush at 7:06 PM on December 5, 2005

I wonder whose MTV crib this will show up in. Those classy rockstars can't be missing this "latest fad from Holland".

(gotta love that "latest fad", they make it sound like it replaced Ikea or something)
posted by funambulist at 7:14 PM on December 5, 2005

Any of those things would look right at home in Tony Montana's palatial estate.

Seriously, unless someone is some sort of porn king, would he really want that furniture in his house?
posted by clevershark at 7:26 PM on December 5, 2005

Also, I poop flowers, the better to decorate my home.

Won't crap your man a nice steak, huh? Bitch.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:10 PM on December 5, 2005

Well, at least I finally know what kitsch means.

What do you expect from a country where the entire male population dresses like Rod Stewart, circa 1975?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:22 PM on December 5, 2005

It's actually pretty well executed and I'm sure it will find a home in a club or in the home of someone associated with the skin biz.
posted by zeoslap at 6:08 AM on December 6, 2005

Metafilter: I want to fuck your couch.
posted by Smedleyman at 7:45 AM on December 6, 2005

Wow...classy...:-)

Would have been great props for "Boogie Nights".
posted by kjs3 at 9:58 AM on December 6, 2005

I wonder if he has another site with furniture all carved to look like ZZ Top and AC/DC logos.

Because I think I saw his Trapper Keeper in his backpack, and he had sketches for those, too.
posted by Sallyfur at 12:53 AM on December 7, 2005 [2 favorites]