Complete Guide to Jennifers

December 8, 2005 11:53 AM

Complete Guide to Jennifers Jennifer was the most popular girls' name in the 1970s, which explains why we're now up to our ass in Jennifers...
posted by beautifulatrocities (95 comments total)

I went to school with 27 Jennifers...
posted by damehex at 11:59 AM on December 8, 2005

I saw this. I liked this.

But dude. Did you even read the guidelines?
posted by iconomy at 11:59 AM on December 8, 2005

Yow. That's soooo banworthy.
posted by Floydd at 12:02 PM on December 8, 2005

Ha ha, this is going to be funny.
posted by jenovus at 12:03 PM on December 8, 2005

Crap. Might have been decent if not for, you know, that.
posted by PantsOfSCIENCE at 12:03 PM on December 8, 2005

"[Blah] also name of eponymous [blah]" is the dumbest sentence construction ever.
posted by rkent at 12:03 PM on December 8, 2005

lolz
posted by cmonkey at 12:04 PM on December 8, 2005

Stone him!!
posted by fet at 12:04 PM on December 8, 2005

your brazenness is quite admirable.
[dons goggles]
posted by Busithoth at 12:04 PM on December 8, 2005

I like that 6 of the Jennifers weren't born in the 1970's, and several of them are in fact fictional characters. Way to be!
posted by jenovus at 12:05 PM on December 8, 2005

We used to have a joke about something being pointless: "Like yelling Jennifer in a Long Island HS cafeteria..."
posted by dustman at 12:05 PM on December 8, 2005

Can we get a tree of woe over here?
posted by selfnoise at 12:05 PM on December 8, 2005

On preview (... yeah), I see that I'm insulting the poster as well as the author of the target page. Consider that the penalty for them being one-and-the-same, I guess.
posted by rkent at 12:07 PM on December 8, 2005

Uh don't waste time, self promotion to a wannabe interesting site....
posted by elpapacito at 12:07 PM on December 8, 2005

Self-link, in case all the oblique references aren't clear enough.
posted by Gator at 12:08 PM on December 8, 2005

Why is ass in bold? I mean, I like a good ass, just like everyone else, but it seems out of place.
posted by cmonkey at 12:09 PM on December 8, 2005

Did somebody say 'bomb'?
posted by mazola at 12:09 PM on December 8, 2005

THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL ATROCITY.
posted by quonsar at 12:09 PM on December 8, 2005

Burn the witch!!!
posted by mr_roboto at 12:10 PM on December 8, 2005

posted by The Jesse Helms at 12:11 PM on December 8, 2005

Is this some sort of record for self-linking this week? There seems to have been a couple each day.
posted by octothorpe at 12:11 PM on December 8, 2005

What's that?
posted by rkent at 12:11 PM on December 8, 2005

The love panda is in session.
posted by longbaugh at 12:12 PM on December 8, 2005

self promotion to a wannabe interesting site....
is oblique?
posted by Busithoth at 12:12 PM on December 8, 2005

WHY IS BEAR DRIVING
posted by jenovus at 12:13 PM on December 8, 2005

Who driving car? Oh my God, Bear driving car, how can that be?!
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:13 PM on December 8, 2005

I'll show you what that is, rkent.
posted by Gator at 12:14 PM on December 8, 2005

Dear B-A,

Thanks for the five bucks. See you later.

Love,
#1

PS: Jennifer sends her regards.
posted by sdrawkcab at 12:14 PM on December 8, 2005

I was born in 1973 and I have had sex with at least four Jennifers.

(Yes. "at least." eat it, haters.)
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:15 PM on December 8, 2005

PANDAS ARENT BEARS DUMBASS
posted by rkent at 12:15 PM on December 8, 2005

Ahem.

It's "suck it, haters."
posted by selfnoise at 12:16 PM on December 8, 2005

Faint of Butt: Everybody work. EVERYBODY WORK! WE ARE SLAVES!
posted by Gator at 12:16 PM on December 8, 2005

I think this is going really well.
posted by Go, now. Go! at 12:17 PM on December 8, 2005

I like jam
posted by edgeways at 12:18 PM on December 8, 2005

posted by quonsar at 12:19 PM on December 8, 2005

Bear is driving
posted by I Foody at 12:20 PM on December 8, 2005

Look at how cute quonsar is !
posted by elpapacito at 12:20 PM on December 8, 2005

Good lord, that kid's eyes are staring RIGHT INTO MY SOUL.
posted by Spatch at 12:22 PM on December 8, 2005

jennifer save me
ooooweeooooh.

I'm sick of all the faces
staring back as if to say,
"I know that you're half crazy,
but I wish you'd go all the way."

ooooh.

I'm driving your friend's car
'cause i ain't got my own.
posted by COBRA! at 12:22 PM on December 8, 2005

Congratulations on your first, last and only MetaFilter post.
posted by briank at 12:22 PM on December 8, 2005

That kid is the Second Variety.
posted by selfnoise at 12:24 PM on December 8, 2005

Eight six seven five three oh...um....three oh....FUCK.
posted by lbergstr at 12:24 PM on December 8, 2005

Faint of Butt quotes my favorite moment from the entire half season.
posted by Busithoth at 12:25 PM on December 8, 2005

posted by elpapacito at 12:26 PM on December 8, 2005

For the record, I don't even get why this would be self-linked. What a waste of 5 bucks, at least try to sell some ad space or something.
posted by allen.spaulding at 12:27 PM on December 8, 2005

Should I go ahead and link to my own site too? I'd hate to feel that I've been left out of Self-Link Week(tm).
posted by clevershark at 12:27 PM on December 8, 2005

the Second Variety

OH SHI
posted by jenovus at 12:27 PM on December 8, 2005

Jennifer (Welsh) "white, fair"; a form of Guinevere

Image: Recently Jennifer has become a popular name (some say too popular). People think Jennifer is a perfect name for a cute, blonde cheerleader who is popular and sweet.
Famous Jennifers: Jennifer Warren, Jennifer Beals, Jennifer Jones, Jennifer O'Neill, Jennifer Grey.

I've done them all. Twice.
posted by longbaugh at 12:28 PM on December 8, 2005

Incidentally being up to my ass in Jennifers is actually one of my fantasies.
posted by clevershark at 12:28 PM on December 8, 2005

Hey Jeff (Mr. Beautiful Atrocities), next time you might want to, you know, not link to your own blog and perhaps READ THE GUIDELINES. The real question is, did you get enough traffic to get your Google AdSense clickthroughs up to pay for the $5 you just wasted?

I hope not because then you might consider this a win when it most assuredly is not.
posted by fenriq at 12:29 PM on December 8, 2005

posted by knave at 12:29 PM on December 8, 2005

longbaugh, yeah but I bet you hit Jennifer Grey before the nose job, sucker! She's way better afterwards!
posted by fenriq at 12:31 PM on December 8, 2005

Incidentally being up to my ass in Jennifers is actually one of my fantasies.
Same here, but whilst I'm doing a handstand. Oh yes.
posted by punilux at 12:31 PM on December 8, 2005

I am just testing to see if my comment count decrements back after this is deleted.
posted by StickyCarpet at 12:33 PM on December 8, 2005

beautifulatrocities is the C/Generation.
posted by jenovus at 12:34 PM on December 8, 2005

Does this thread smell like mushroom?
posted by fenriq at 12:35 PM on December 8, 2005

This is not even a mildly attractive atrocity.
posted by Floydd at 12:37 PM on December 8, 2005

posted by Protocols of the Elders of Awesome at 12:37 PM on December 8, 2005

ALL JENNIFERS FROM UTAH ARE SCAMS
posted by driveler at 12:38 PM on December 8, 2005

YOU BRING GREAT SHAME TO +30K CLAN.
posted by Paris Hilton at 12:39 PM on December 8, 2005

THIS SITE IS A SATIRE, STUPID
posted by panoptican at 12:40 PM on December 8, 2005

This stupid is a site, satire.
posted by fenriq at 12:41 PM on December 8, 2005

PANDAS ARENT BEARS DUMBASS

Pandas are so totally bears.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 12:43 PM on December 8, 2005

And look at all the creepy, right-wing crap he links to!
posted by interrobang at 12:43 PM on December 8, 2005

Perhaps it's time we visit Jennifer's Panda Page?
posted by mazola at 12:44 PM on December 8, 2005

A headier sip sis sits it tut!
posted by Floydd at 12:45 PM on December 8, 2005

Why does that Panda have the steering wheel on the wrong side of the car?

Stupid panda.
posted by pardonyou? at 12:46 PM on December 8, 2005

"which explains why we're now up to our ass in Jennifers..."

NSFW.
posted by insomnia_lj at 12:47 PM on December 8, 2005

So where's the accompanying Plague Of Jasons.

to be followed by Armageddon.
posted by jonmc at 12:47 PM on December 8, 2005

Spatch writes "Good lord, that kid's eyes are staring RIGHT INTO MY SOUL.
"posted by Spatch at 2:22 PM CST on December 8 [!]"

Well at least one of his eyes anyway.
posted by HyperBlue at 12:48 PM on December 8, 2005

I was born in 1973 and I have had sex with at least four Jennifers.

I was born in 1970, and have had sex with 0 Jennifers and only made out with 2. Much higher degree of difficulty.
posted by jonmc at 12:51 PM on December 8, 2005

See also:
If you're going to gay someone in the ass, then gay Jennifer Anniston in the ass.

NSFW. Features indiscriminate use of Austin Powers.
posted by insomnia_lj at 12:53 PM on December 8, 2005

Project Jennifer was popular in the '70s.
posted by Fat Guy at 12:53 PM on December 8, 2005

I dunno, Fenriq, post-rhino Jennifer Grey is pretty generic without the schnozz... it-it's like she's not even Baby anymore!
Full disclosure: I asked a Jennifer to marry me once; now, thanks to the bad associations that will stay with me because of this self-link, I'm glad it didn't work out.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:55 PM on December 8, 2005

Metatalk tells me where the action is!
posted by cortex at 12:56 PM on December 8, 2005

Last comment before deletion. I have also had no sex with any Jennifers and made out with one.
posted by poppo at 12:56 PM on December 8, 2005

am i the only one who awaits these threads simply for the smiles the comments bring to my face?
posted by NationalKato at 12:56 PM on December 8, 2005

HI, THIS IS FUNY, GO TO THIS SITE ROFL, IT HAS HAMSTERS DANCING
posted by rolypolyman at 12:57 PM on December 8, 2005

am i the only one who awaits these threads simply for the smiles the comments bring to my face?

no. last comment here before it is deleted
posted by poppo at 12:57 PM on December 8, 2005

fenriq - I did Jennifer Grey just after Red Dawn. I even made her shout "Wolverines!" for me mid-humpage...
posted by longbaugh at 12:58 PM on December 8, 2005

I have neither made out nor had sex with a Jennifer, although one did turn me down for a date once.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:58 PM on December 8, 2005

Oh man I loved Red Dawn. Last comment before deletion
posted by poppo at 12:59 PM on December 8, 2005

There are no Jennifers, you've all been hoodwinked.
posted by prostyle at 12:59 PM on December 8, 2005

Keep trying, poppo! You're almost there!
posted by shoepal at 1:00 PM on December 8, 2005

It was divided into literary-musical deer-stalkers, and crusht its phenternine, its river-goddesses, and its restore for the submultiple ; for it sportsmanlike in the corpses of the cacique's vasseur's that the Spaniards first beheld these sinne remains, reimbursed and arranged as above described.
posted by selfnoise at 1:00 PM on December 8, 2005

I hope the poster explains himself or flames out or something before this is deleted. It's always more entertaining that way.
posted by interrobang at 1:00 PM on December 8, 2005

shoepal, thank you for the encouragement, of course i will make the last comment before deletion
posted by poppo at 1:01 PM on December 8, 2005

Nope
posted by Floydd at 1:01 PM on December 8, 2005

I will
posted by Floydd at 1:02 PM on December 8, 2005

Yes
posted by poppo at 1:02 PM on December 8, 2005

nope. this time it's me. last.
posted by NationalKato at 1:02 PM on December 8, 2005

You wont
posted by poppo at 1:02 PM on December 8, 2005

That's what you think!
posted by Floydd at 1:02 PM on December 8, 2005

I made Jennifer Warnes shout out "What a feeling!" mid-humpage too.

I'm all about celebrity catchphrase sex.
posted by longbaugh at 1:02 PM on December 8, 2005

your powers are weak old man
posted by poppo at 1:02 PM on December 8, 2005