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December 11, 2005 5:22 PM   Subscribe

90 Reasons to Hate the 90s : A funny read from a couple guys that seem to really really hate hipsters.
posted by starscream (77 comments total)

 
Editor urgently required.
posted by fire&wings at 5:28 PM on December 11, 2005


The beginning and end of the list (around 1-11 and 62-74) include some funny and insightful items. The middle has a lot of attacks on tired old targets (Austin Powers, Starbucks, eAnything, goatees, etc.).
posted by brain_drain at 5:33 PM on December 11, 2005


what I really hated about the 90s, or the 00s or, heck any time, is the viciousness. It is insufferably easy to be condescending
posted by edgeways at 5:37 PM on December 11, 2005


Because the best way to be really, really hip is to really, really hate hipsters!
posted by jrossi4r at 5:38 PM on December 11, 2005


Wow a list of things that sucked about the 90s is just so... well, 90s.
posted by AspectRatio at 5:53 PM on December 11, 2005


I must be old and bitter, but I'm so with this.

And, no, we don't need 70's, 80's or 90's retro.

(grumble wheeze wave cane)
posted by eriko at 5:56 PM on December 11, 2005


"56. Liberals Who Voted For Nader Because There Was No Difference Between Bush and Gore

The Sham:Admit it: you fucked up. Big time. There was a huge difference between Bush and Gore. Voting for Nader was a vote for Bush. You just didn't have the courage to accept the ugly reality of politics in 2000 because as an over-read liberal, you wanted your candidate and your party to be more authentic than the plastic show that made you gag. You were too fucking pampered and vain to lower yourself to vote for Gore, and you're the reason why America is in the shit-hole it's in today."

posted by Manjusri at 6:03 PM on December 11, 2005


Zapatistas? Try "Fagatistas."

AAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA


B AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHBHBHBHABHAB

just kidding
posted by rxrfrx at 6:05 PM on December 11, 2005


It's true, cause they didn't vote for Gore in '04, and Bush totally lost. Right?
posted by arto at 6:06 PM on December 11, 2005


ahem, ahem, cough, cough... (self-link from that nostalgic year 2004)
posted by wendell at 6:07 PM on December 11, 2005


I find this to be a steaming pile of shit. *shrug* Maybe that's the "Aughties." *Rolls eyes* at the anti-hipster hipster idiots.
posted by teece at 6:10 PM on December 11, 2005


I think I know the girl in the picture for #61, "Goth". Or maybe all goths look alike.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:14 PM on December 11, 2005 [1 favorite]


This article is the kind of thing I would've liked (and written!) when I was 15.
posted by travosaurus at 6:14 PM on December 11, 2005


Nope, its true because in 2000 Bush didn't have post 9/11 hysteria and a shiny new war pulling for incumbency. The margin of victory in 2000 was so slight that the voters siphoned from the Democratic party by Nader's candidacy could have tipped the scales many times over.

But mainly its true because anyone with half a brain cell can see in hindsight that there is a vast gulf in ideology and practice between Bush and Gore. Whereas In 2000 it only required half a brain.
posted by Manjusri at 6:16 PM on December 11, 2005


i guess i stopped paying attention to what decade i was in along time ago. for me it will alway be 1880
posted by nola at 6:18 PM on December 11, 2005


" What to do if you're an American chick who wants to flirt with the cool college rock crowd, and you're not comfortable adopting the intentionally asexual angry-dyke-elastic-waistband-whine and bleeding-heart ideology of your PC sisters? Why, you simply rip off the unwashed grunge fashion of the boys who you're trying to get to notice you, adopting their greasy-hair-in-the-face, their four-chord-Stooges aesthetic, their ratty scream and "body art," and refurbish the hippie-dyke ideology about empowerment and reclaiming your body in angry "whatever, man" poetics, and voila! You're a grrl! "

Ouch.
posted by odinsdream at 6:32 PM on December 11, 2005


"im so much better than the people who look down on things like starbucks, clinton, and lowercase spelling because i look down on them!"
posted by ackeber at 6:34 PM on December 11, 2005


What? No Burning Man?


Really, it's easy to come up with this kind of stuff because anything that's ten years old is automatically unfashionable.

Rule of thumb:
10 years: unfashionable, scorn-worthy
15 years: edgy-ish
20 years: fashionably mainstream retro
30 years: background noise
If you are referencing anything 40 years or older, you are a charming freak and not relevant.

posted by Extopalopaketle at 6:36 PM on December 11, 2005


extopalopakette: The Beatles and Elvis "happened" over 40 years ago. They tend to still be relevant, for some reason. While I get the idea, those are awful rule of thumb.
posted by travosaurus at 6:43 PM on December 11, 2005


Internet rants as comedy, how 00's.
posted by TwelveTwo at 6:48 PM on December 11, 2005


Maybe I just have a gigantic sticky tarlike wad of misanthropy that hides out in my sense of humor, but I'm pretty fond of the exile. This wasn't their best piece ever, but good for a procrastination read.
posted by xthlc at 6:49 PM on December 11, 2005


you are a charming freak and not relevant.

I can live with that.


posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:53 PM on December 11, 2005


Travosaurus - those rules of thumb aren't just awful, they're brutal. I did not make them. They were issued to me.

However, I will still maintain that Beatles and Elvis are not relevant, and haven't been for a long time, except for the musical elite (ists) that hang on to their memory.
posted by Extopalopaketle at 6:59 PM on December 11, 2005


Hipsters railing against hipsters. Is that called irony?

I did like this line, though: If Al Qaeda hates America because we are free, then we hate America because we are Friends.
posted by handshake at 6:59 PM on December 11, 2005


It all kinda reads like Metafilter, actually.

Also.
posted by furiousthought at 7:04 PM on December 11, 2005


Extopalopaketle , that explains trends , but does not by any means justify them. a distinction worth mentioning.
posted by nola at 7:07 PM on December 11, 2005


Although this piece was right-on about a few things (The Greatest Generation, Bush/Gore, Hating the UN/Clintons, Fake Caring About Human Trafficking), I pretty much knew what they were going to say about everything.

Self-loathing is perhaps the single defining characteristic of "hipster" culture, and these guys have it in spades.
posted by Afroblanco at 7:09 PM on December 11, 2005


It's so easy to mock. Please, inspire me instead.
posted by davebush at 7:20 PM on December 11, 2005


i just had the left knee of an old pair of blue jeans finally give out on me. i think i'll wear 'em over thermals and be "edgy-ish."
i miss the 90s.
posted by keswick at 7:23 PM on December 11, 2005


Seriously I'm pretty sure a similar list in 2115 about this decade, will have quite a bit to say about fake ironic racism and homophobia masquerading as honesty.
posted by I Foody at 7:26 PM on December 11, 2005


See also Vice magazine
posted by I Foody at 7:27 PM on December 11, 2005


I'm still waiting for a consistent definition of the term hipster. I never know eactly who I'm supposed to be fed up with.
posted by Evstar at 7:32 PM on December 11, 2005


exactly.
posted by Evstar at 7:32 PM on December 11, 2005


The twerk calls Chomsky leftist and devoid of surprise. :rolleyes: Chomsky said that he never wants to be alarmist and that he is certainly not left.
posted by Dean Keaton at 7:50 PM on December 11, 2005


i'm sure like everyone else who has never really read chomsky (but refuses to be left out to the conversation)the "twerk" as you call him , got his opinion on chomsky
from a list he read on someone else's web site.
posted by nola at 7:55 PM on December 11, 2005


Well nola to be honest with you I got it from his documentary "Rebel Without a Pause" but thank you for the vapid self important throwback. Hey, your formula works pretty well!

i'm sure like everyone else who has never really read [insert author here] (but refuses to be left out to the conversation)the "insert lack of typing ability here" as you call him , got his opinion on [insert author here]
from a list he read on someone else's web site.
posted by Dean Keaton at 8:10 PM on December 11, 2005


Yeah the 90s in Russia were awesome. American retro: Clinton. Russian retro: Chechnya.
posted by Football Bat at 8:12 PM on December 11, 2005


I seek affirmation, congratulate me on dodging most of these bullets.

I seek discipline, tell me that I've been a bad boy.

I seek guidance, thank you for 90 clues as to how to revise my past so that others of my generation still think I'm cool after revising their own history.

I miss suck.com
posted by furtive at 8:28 PM on December 11, 2005


Wow, that article was bitter. I feel sorry for people who have nothing better to do than write long lists of complaints. Like you snarky mefites, god I hate you guys. And the government, gr, politicians make me angry. And that one tv show that everyone likes? It sucks. Also, popular music, that Macarena dance, who came up with that thing?


Did anyone else notice that the list, after complaining about the right and the left, went on to complain about people who hate both the right and the left? That made me laugh.
posted by Ndwright at 8:28 PM on December 11, 2005


I Foody,
I agree that Vice can be pretty pretentious and lame at times but it's never this terrible. I usually find something I like in it and it always makes me laugh. Though it may be from the same vein, this is just poorly written, rambling, derivative crap.
posted by joegester at 8:29 PM on December 11, 2005


The baby boomers felt shitty about themselves for throwing a decade long hissy-fit at their parents in the 60s, and for bringing on America's first loss ever in a war.

Was this written by Anne Coulter? That first loss was staged, planned and fucked up by the boomers parents. My parents' generation have nothing to feel shitty about as far as 'Nam. I have my problems with the Boomers (as does anyone raised by them, I assume), but you can't blame that loss on them.

Or maybe I'm missing the authors' irony here. But then again, irony is the mark of a hipster, and these guys are clearly not hipsters. Right? Right?? Desperately so.
posted by brundlefly at 8:32 PM on December 11, 2005


Oh, I sometimes get a kick out of vice too, but I think one of the hallmarks of this decade will be the sort of no ones safe, nothing's sacred stuff that this list and vice traffic in. I think in 10 years we'll be as sick of Holocaust jokes and "cool" kids listening to skrewdriver as we are of the mid 90s version of irony and "meta."
posted by I Foody at 8:47 PM on December 11, 2005


Wait I Foody, cool kids listen to Skrewdriver? I have their first non racist album so that makes me cool? Cool! God, finally.
posted by Dean Keaton at 8:59 PM on December 11, 2005


Annoying hipster affectation of the Aughts: Using "fag" to be condescending. We're so cool that we can be ironically homophobic.
posted by maxsparber at 9:01 PM on December 11, 2005


brundlefly - You're right, they were way off about 'Nam. But they were dead-the-fuck-on about WWII. The Russians bore the brunt of the sacrifice for WWII.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:09 PM on December 11, 2005


Ruby Ridge was the site of some armed white racist pig and his shit-for-brains wife and kids. Can anyone give us one reason why they shouldn't have been shot, gassed and burned with white phosphorus? Millions, literally millions of up-in-arms Middle Americans saw Janet Reno's mercy killing of these rabid apes as a form of totalitarianism. Folks, it's time to come clean here: Janet Reno should have killed many, many thousands more of them.

Idiots.
posted by Scoo at 9:16 PM on December 11, 2005


A pretty stupid compilation of material. But it does make me think how stupid so many of you will feel when you look back at the Bush Presidency and realize what a great man he was.
posted by ParisParamus at 9:27 PM on December 11, 2005


[insert PP's quote about WMDs/impeachment here]
posted by papakwanz at 9:48 PM on December 11, 2005


Can't see how they missed this one:

75. Glib nihilism.

The Sham:
For example, those guys who moved to Moscow and started writing long-form sneers disguised as subversive satire for expat newspapers in the apparent belief that the very fact of living in a collapsed, semi-lawless state lent their prose (or their lives) the seen-it-all wisdom and gravitas that their own skills couldn't possibly hope to bring to the work. Remember those guys? What was up with that?
posted by gompa at 9:50 PM on December 11, 2005


I never go to Starbuck's. Never.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:08 PM on December 11, 2005


And I really liked Twin Peaks. But then that started in the '80s. And the '80s lasted until 1992.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:10 PM on December 11, 2005


i think I'll stop at #8.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:13 PM on December 11, 2005


26. Blacks who said

OJ was guilty

The Sham:We gots a name for these fellas: Uncle Toms! It's not even so much the blacks who thought he was guilty ('cuz really, everyone did) as the blacks who thought his acquittal was a disgrace, like Bill Cosby and Oprah. Thankfully, most African-Americans were just pleased to see OJ and Cochran pull off a great hustle.


Huh. Deep, insightful stuff here.
posted by item at 11:09 PM on December 11, 2005


.
posted by Mr T at 11:15 PM on December 11, 2005


I thought it was funny, but then again I didn't think it was a dead serious treatise.
posted by Falconetti at 11:22 PM on December 11, 2005


NO ONE WANTS TO SOCKET-FUCK YOUR HAIRLESS CHILD'S STRANGLED CORPSE.
posted by Tryptophan-5ht at 11:37 PM on December 11, 2005


rxrfrx already commented on this, but it bears repeating:

Zapatistas? Try "Fagatistas."

Are you fucking kidding me?
posted by donpedro at 12:03 AM on December 12, 2005


What, did anyone in the 70s consider themselves horribly retro then? They really are hipsters.
posted by taursir at 12:22 AM on December 12, 2005


26 did it for me, I could go no further. Life is just too short to read the arrogant musings of some moronic student on the interspazz.

Though obviously not too short to point this out on mefi.
posted by ciderwoman at 4:26 AM on December 12, 2005


Gompa nailed it.
posted by chrisgrau at 5:43 AM on December 12, 2005


Possibly the most inane rant courtesy of MetaFilter that I've EVER read.

Congratulations on being a twat.

Is anyone else sick of these folks who think they've managed to elude every trend in the history of the world? As though he remained infallible on top of Mt. Cool somewhere in the Andes, where we all know coolness was invented.
posted by r3tr0 at 6:35 AM on December 12, 2005


Is it too early to hate the 00's?

I actually love them, but I'm asking for a Russian friend.
posted by funambulist at 6:48 AM on December 12, 2005


These guys are in Russia btw
posted by johngoren at 7:00 AM on December 12, 2005


I stopped at #8, because if you're gonna rant about something stupid, at least get your facts straight. Not only were Twin Peaks and Wonder Years not on the same night, THEY WERE ON THE SAME GOD DAMN NETWORK.
posted by emptybowl at 8:07 AM on December 12, 2005


so, basically, he hates everything and everyone. how original.
posted by dingobully at 8:47 AM on December 12, 2005


MetaFilter: you are a charming freak and not relevant.
posted by Foosnark at 10:05 AM on December 12, 2005


Way to stick it to golf, guys! Whew! Can't get much edgier than that!
posted by Spatch at 10:12 AM on December 12, 2005


One great reason to hate the 90s is the rise of Dennis Miller... who this writer sounds exactly like.
posted by squirrel at 12:36 PM on December 12, 2005


ach, before he became a Bush apologist, Miller was often funny as hell, I thought. YMMV.
posted by jonmc at 1:47 PM on December 12, 2005


Ditto jonmc. If nothing else, he popularized The Snark whilst the other comics at the time were all like, "So, how about that airplane food, huh?"
posted by Afroblanco at 5:03 PM on December 12, 2005


I thought so, too, jon. But one of the really efficient things about becoming a stinking sellout turd is that it causes people to go back and revisit/revise their earlier impressions of you. In hindsight, all of his rants make him sound like an enemy of joy and freedom. Fuck smirking nihilism.
posted by squirrel at 6:29 PM on December 12, 2005


hey Dean Keaton. um i don't know if you thought i was being snarkish to you in my post, but i was not.

you may want to take your pills , and then reread my comment.

or just keep being a defensive ass.
posted by nola at 8:59 PM on December 12, 2005


Nice read, morons who can crap a joke blog.
posted by IronWolve at 1:28 AM on December 13, 2005


Wow, you guys sure mocked that list of mocking things from the '90s! Good job!
You know what that makes you?
Pussies.
posted by klangklangston at 7:05 AM on December 13, 2005


So... we didn't like the article, and we posted as much. That makes us morons and pussies. What the fuck ever, dudes.
posted by squirrel at 9:01 AM on December 13, 2005


You're killing their hatred of irony with your irony bath, aren't you, you little scamp!
posted by klangklangston at 9:25 AM on December 13, 2005


*blush*
posted by squirrel at 10:19 AM on December 13, 2005


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