Women, Men, Coffee

December 22, 2005 6:50 AM

The women's petition against coffee and the mens answer to the petition against coffee circa 1674. The Humble Petition and Address of several Thousands of Buxome Good-Women, Languishing in Extremity of Want.[more stuff inside]
posted by KevinSkomsvold (32 comments total)

I'm not sure what to make of this. Apparently this was written about in Harpers magazine but I could find no online reference to it.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 6:50 AM on December 22, 2005

"...and we have read, how a Prince of Spain was forced to make a Law, that Men should not Repeat the Grand Kindness to their Wives, above NINE times in a night: But Alas! Alas! Those forwards Days are gone, The dull Lubbers want a Spur now, rather than a Bridle: being so far from doing any works of Supererregation that we find them not capable of performing those Devoirs which their Duty, and our Expectations Exact."

I bet my wife would sign that petition if it didn't blame coffee.
posted by Plutor at 6:57 AM on December 22, 2005

Apparently, opposition to social networking is nothing new but rather predates the internet by several centuries at least.
posted by illovich at 7:01 AM on December 22, 2005

I just got the new issue of Harper's and I know at least the women's petition is in there. The language is quite strange, but then again... they're boycotting coffee!!!
posted by r3tr0 at 7:02 AM on December 22, 2005

Barista, make mine a double!
posted by Wolfdog at 7:04 AM on December 22, 2005

Never did Men wear greater Breeches, or carry less in them of any Mettle whatsoever.

My new pickup line.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:05 AM on December 22, 2005

Woah, Wolfdog, good catch. Admins - do that thing you do.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:06 AM on December 22, 2005

Woah, Wolfdog, good catch. Admins - do that thing you do.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 4:06 PM CET on December 22 [!]

Coffee ?
posted by elpapacito at 7:10 AM on December 22, 2005

This was included in The Devil's Cup, a good read itself.
posted by TungstenChef at 7:14 AM on December 22, 2005

Metafilter: Been Pimps to our own Wives

Very amusing though, yes.
posted by GuyZero at 7:14 AM on December 22, 2005

Does anyone have any details of how it was originally published? As a pamphlet?
posted by Hogshead at 7:24 AM on December 22, 2005

"Harper's Readings are last year's Metafilter." - iamck
posted by eddydamascene at 7:59 AM on December 22, 2005

As far as double post call outs go, Wolfdog just won Best of Show.
posted by Hubajube at 8:08 AM on December 22, 2005

I heard about this on a recent (very good) TV documentary about coffee. The (Canadian, I think) doc was called "Black Coffee", but I can't find a good online reference on it (other than blogs)
posted by easternblot at 8:08 AM on December 22, 2005

Ah... supererogation... now theres a word that could prove useful in future negotiations. Thanks Metafilter!
posted by R. Mutt at 8:13 AM on December 22, 2005

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.
posted by revgeorge at 8:35 AM on December 22, 2005

Metafilter: Satisfies better in
a Female Limbeck
posted by parallax7d at 8:57 AM on December 22, 2005

They come from it with nothing moist but their snotty Noses, nothing stiffe but their Joints, nor standing but their Ears

That coffee is clearly the devil's work.
posted by SassHat at 9:40 AM on December 22, 2005

when your kindness at the Close Hugg
has bestowed on us a virulent Gonorrhæa

Oh snap. The men came back with a stinger.
posted by SassHat at 9:42 AM on December 22, 2005

Didn't someone say they were going to give me the "Address of several Thousands of Buxome Good-Women, Languishing in Extremity of Want"?

Better yet, can you just give me the link to Google maps?
posted by kcds at 10:10 AM on December 22, 2005

Please don't delete this. OK, it's a double, but if it had been deleted before I checked MeFi, I wouldn't have seen it. And I'm very glad I saw it. Thanks, KevinS.

I think we lost something in the language when we Stopped capitalizing and italicizing Things Of Great Import. I plan to try and revive this as a Hobbye-Horse.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 10:25 AM on December 22, 2005

I still capitalise things of Great Import; I think I got it from A. A. Milne (still love the original Winnie-the-Pooh, hate-hate-hate the mockery that it has become under Disney)

/derail
posted by 5MeoCMP at 10:28 AM on December 22, 2005

What a fun coincidence! I'm having coffee right now!
posted by gramschmidt at 10:39 AM on December 22, 2005

I still capitalise things of Great Import; I think I got it from A. A. Milne

I do too, and I'm sure I got it from Milne.
posted by easternblot at 11:30 AM on December 22, 2005

I too find it a Pleasant Enhancement of most Writing to capitalize in a Manner some might find Wanton. While I would like to lay the Blame on Milne, I am afraid it must be left square on the Doorstep of Pynchon and his Mason-Dixon.

Nonetheless, let us be Herewith Resolved to continue this Wondrous Practice throughout Metafilter, as a Poignant Counterpoint to those who display a Distressing Paucity of Capitalization.
posted by freebird at 11:38 AM on December 22, 2005

Agreed!

Note: Shit -- one word sentences are not really a good way to Prove Ones Mettle on the whole Capitalize Everything Bandwagon.
posted by zpousman at 12:18 PM on December 22, 2005

freebird, that gave me a good laugh!

Double or not, I'm glad I got to see the link.
posted by Marit at 3:02 PM on December 22, 2005

I didn't read it, but I do loves me some buxome womens.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:43 PM on December 22, 2005

We too, are of the Milne School of Important Capitalization. Italics are rarely one of Our Weaknesses, but We have been known to Abuse the Ellipsis...and Of Course, the Royal "We"

And while the Barista of the Post, may Indeed, have Executed the Dreaded Double...We Believe the post should Stand, as it does proffer New Information, as well as being an Outstanding topic about "That harmless and healing Liquor, which Indulgent Providence first sent amongst us, at a time when Brimmers of Rebellion, and Fanatick Zeal had intoxicated the Nation, and we wanted a Drink at once to make us Sober and Merry". (As the Men would say.)
posted by dejah420 at 6:57 PM on December 22, 2005

My own tract against the Evils of Grand Theft Auto, tinkering with one's Motorcycle, and the Perusing of Metafilter til the Small Hours is forthcoming.

Coffee be damn'd! These indeed are the slackeners we Buxome Women must rally against!
posted by Tomatillo at 10:15 PM on December 22, 2005

If I might make so bold an Interjection, though it be against the Grain Of Conversation, I commend most highly to you David Mitchell's (sadly, he is not a Kin to me ) Fantastical Literary Sextet, rejoicing in the Appellation of Cloud Atlas. The first Chapter is set contemporaneously with the Coffee Screed, and contains finely Wrought prose.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 10:42 PM on December 22, 2005

I sometimes Capitalise Noteworthy Words, and am fairly sure I got it from 1066 And All That.
posted by altolinguistic at 7:12 AM on December 23, 2005