Steve Martin has a posse
December 30, 2005 11:21 AM Subscribe
Steve Martin has a posse. He's only made one post so far but Steve Martin (yes, that Steve Martin) is blogging for the Huffington Post.
A little bit rough out of the gate, Steve, but ever since I saw your Picasso at the Lapin Agile I've been willing to give you second and third chances when it comes to your creative writing.
posted by NationalKato at 11:36 AM on December 30, 2005
posted by NationalKato at 11:36 AM on December 30, 2005
Bummer, I always thought he was more of a libertarian.
posted by StephenV at 11:37 AM on December 30, 2005
posted by StephenV at 11:37 AM on December 30, 2005
Didn't someone discover at one point that Martin had written some reviews on Amazon, or something along those lines? Stupid brain, can't remember anything.
posted by selfnoise at 11:37 AM on December 30, 2005
posted by selfnoise at 11:37 AM on December 30, 2005
After a shaky start, the Huffington Post has really come into it's own. I check it at least a couple of times a day for news headlines.
I never read the blogs, though, especially the celebrity blogs.
posted by empath at 11:42 AM on December 30, 2005
I never read the blogs, though, especially the celebrity blogs.
posted by empath at 11:42 AM on December 30, 2005
He hasn't been the same since that trouble with his cat.
posted by ilsa at 11:47 AM on December 30, 2005
posted by ilsa at 11:47 AM on December 30, 2005
Ever notice Steve's comedy stick to an audience; he doesn't tell jokes.
posted by thomcatspike at 11:49 AM on December 30, 2005
posted by thomcatspike at 11:49 AM on December 30, 2005
Meh. Easy subject, with a lot of potential, but he didn't seem to go anywhere. Still, it's his first time blogging. Maybe he'll do better next time.
posted by unreason at 11:52 AM on December 30, 2005
posted by unreason at 11:52 AM on December 30, 2005
As a serious side note, leap seconds really are a problem. They're not scheduled, and are simply added willy-nilly whenever the people who add them feel like it. Some clocks will update automatically, and others will not. So if you're looking at data from multiple, time-dependant sources, say, astronomical data, you're fucked if someone puts in a leap-second.
As for one more second to hate bush, you'd think they'd take out a second, and accelerate his departure.
posted by delmoi at 11:56 AM on December 30, 2005
As for one more second to hate bush, you'd think they'd take out a second, and accelerate his departure.
posted by delmoi at 11:56 AM on December 30, 2005
The HuffPo rocks. Ariana figured out early that the key to internet success is to go lowbrow. Her site recalls fark or sploid and the druge report, posting lots of silly links and stuff along with the more interesting commentary.
posted by delmoi at 12:00 PM on December 30, 2005
posted by delmoi at 12:00 PM on December 30, 2005
Thanks for the post. Strangely, I was just wondering this afternoon if he had a blog, and not ten minutes ago had googled his site to see. Serendipitous!
posted by gai at 12:06 PM on December 30, 2005
posted by gai at 12:06 PM on December 30, 2005
NationalKato, our school put that play on when I attended (a few years back). I played Schmendiman (, Charles Dabernow) and absolutely fell in love with Martin's wit and humour.
I would very much like to watch it put on by someone else at one point, though. You miss a lot when you're sitting there.
"Excuse me, I have to L. ...I mean pee!"
posted by Imperfect at 12:07 PM on December 30, 2005
I would very much like to watch it put on by someone else at one point, though. You miss a lot when you're sitting there.
"Excuse me, I have to L. ...I mean pee!"
posted by Imperfect at 12:07 PM on December 30, 2005
Steve Martin is a god. When he accepted the Mark Twain Award a month or two ago, he delivered a very funny 10-minute speech and then closed out the show by joining the band, on the banjo. That's what I call a renaissance man.
Pity about all the shitty movies he keeps making.
posted by gurple at 12:45 PM on December 30, 2005
Pity about all the shitty movies he keeps making.
posted by gurple at 12:45 PM on December 30, 2005
delmoi, the reason for that is pretty simple... the Earth is an analog device.
Time, for most folks, is a way of measuring when the Sun will rise. But the Earth is a big, semi-liquid ball that wobbles its way through space. Each rotation is unique; they CAN'T tell you absolutely precisely when the Sun will rise, because it's different every day. And it's very gradually slowing down.
So they add the leap seconds, willy-nilly, when the Earth has lagged enough to require one. That simple. It's not a fixed process because the Earth isn't a fixed object.
There's another kind of time you can use that doesn't use leap seconds. I don't remember the shorthand for it, but either someone will chime in or you can find it via Google. I believe it's about 12 seconds slower than 'common' time.
posted by Malor at 12:45 PM on December 30, 2005
Time, for most folks, is a way of measuring when the Sun will rise. But the Earth is a big, semi-liquid ball that wobbles its way through space. Each rotation is unique; they CAN'T tell you absolutely precisely when the Sun will rise, because it's different every day. And it's very gradually slowing down.
So they add the leap seconds, willy-nilly, when the Earth has lagged enough to require one. That simple. It's not a fixed process because the Earth isn't a fixed object.
There's another kind of time you can use that doesn't use leap seconds. I don't remember the shorthand for it, but either someone will chime in or you can find it via Google. I believe it's about 12 seconds slower than 'common' time.
posted by Malor at 12:45 PM on December 30, 2005
Wouldn't the elegant solution be to increase the rotational speed of the earth? By, for example, moving a lot of heavy objects closer to the poles?
We'd be talking mountain ranges here, at the least, but it'd be more precise than this leap second business.
posted by spazzm at 12:57 PM on December 30, 2005
We'd be talking mountain ranges here, at the least, but it'd be more precise than this leap second business.
posted by spazzm at 12:57 PM on December 30, 2005
There's another kind of time you can use that doesn't use leap seconds.
TAI, International Atomic time. UT1, Universal Timescale 1, defines seconds by the mean solar day. TAI defines seconds by atomic clocks. They are close, but not exactly the same.
When UT1 diverges more than half a second from TAI, a leap second is added or subtracted at the next leap interval -- Jun 30 or Dec 31, and it is added or subtracted at the end of the day. So far, we've always added. Orginally, when they set this up, they though we'd subtract, so UTC was set at TAI+10. Oops.
UTC, Coordinated Universal Time, is TAI plus these leap seconds. By definition, it's also within one second of UT1. The current correction is +32 seconds. Since the second added at the end of the day is considered part of that day, we'll have 23:59:60 31-Dec-2005 as the last second of 2005, not the normal 23:59:59. Following, of course, will be 00:00:00 Jan 1 2006, and at that time, the TAI->UTC correction will be +33 seconds.
The GPS timescale was set to equal UTC 00:00:00 05-Jan-1980, and has no leap seconds, so it is currently 13 seconds behind UTC. GPS satellites transmit this correction, so your GPS device should show correct civil time.
Computer clocks (and most other clocks) don't do leap seconds. Computer clocks running ntp will slew the clock ahead one second over the first few hours of the year. Almost no clock will display 23:59:60, instead, they'll just show the wrong time until corrected. Note, if there's no second hand or digits, that one second is well under the error of that clock.
Upshot -- this years' count down is "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, (waitforit) HAPPY NEW YEAR."
posted by eriko at 1:02 PM on December 30, 2005
TAI, International Atomic time. UT1, Universal Timescale 1, defines seconds by the mean solar day. TAI defines seconds by atomic clocks. They are close, but not exactly the same.
When UT1 diverges more than half a second from TAI, a leap second is added or subtracted at the next leap interval -- Jun 30 or Dec 31, and it is added or subtracted at the end of the day. So far, we've always added. Orginally, when they set this up, they though we'd subtract, so UTC was set at TAI+10. Oops.
UTC, Coordinated Universal Time, is TAI plus these leap seconds. By definition, it's also within one second of UT1. The current correction is +32 seconds. Since the second added at the end of the day is considered part of that day, we'll have 23:59:60 31-Dec-2005 as the last second of 2005, not the normal 23:59:59. Following, of course, will be 00:00:00 Jan 1 2006, and at that time, the TAI->UTC correction will be +33 seconds.
The GPS timescale was set to equal UTC 00:00:00 05-Jan-1980, and has no leap seconds, so it is currently 13 seconds behind UTC. GPS satellites transmit this correction, so your GPS device should show correct civil time.
Computer clocks (and most other clocks) don't do leap seconds. Computer clocks running ntp will slew the clock ahead one second over the first few hours of the year. Almost no clock will display 23:59:60, instead, they'll just show the wrong time until corrected. Note, if there's no second hand or digits, that one second is well under the error of that clock.
Upshot -- this years' count down is "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, (waitforit) HAPPY NEW YEAR."
posted by eriko at 1:02 PM on December 30, 2005
It's all good though 'cause I have a giant asteroid hurtlling towards your puny planet to give it a good smack'em to roll back those leap seconds. For the next hundred years after the impact you'll have to roll them back! Mwwwwwwwaaaaaaahhhaaaaaaahhhaaaaaaaa ! ! !
posted by mk1gti at 1:26 PM on December 30, 2005
posted by mk1gti at 1:26 PM on December 30, 2005
Upshot -- this years' count down is "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, (waitforit) HAPPY NEW YEAR."
Shouldn't they just start the countdown at 12:59:51?
posted by delmoi at 1:59 PM on December 30, 2005
Shouldn't they just start the countdown at 12:59:51?
posted by delmoi at 1:59 PM on December 30, 2005
I'm picking out a thermos for youuuuuuu...... Not an ordinary thermos, for you.....
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 2:35 PM on December 30, 2005
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 2:35 PM on December 30, 2005
Steve Martin several years ago wrote a very funny backpage piece for the New Yorker of about 1000 words, without once using a full-stop (period). It was a masterful bit of creative writing, and I've had great respect for his writing since reading that.
And after 15 seconds of googling, I found it:
Times Roman Font Announces Shortage of Periods
posted by soiled cowboy at 2:40 PM on December 30, 2005
And after 15 seconds of googling, I found it:
Times Roman Font Announces Shortage of Periods
posted by soiled cowboy at 2:40 PM on December 30, 2005
Yes, can we start some sort of movie rescue program for Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy?
Those guys are two of the funniest ever, and I fear that their recent films are making people forget that.
He hates these cans.
posted by First Post at 2:45 PM on December 30, 2005
Those guys are two of the funniest ever, and I fear that their recent films are making people forget that.
He hates these cans.
posted by First Post at 2:45 PM on December 30, 2005
That's what I call a renaissance man.
Cheaper by the Dozen 2
This Christmas, you better watch out!
Same Big Family... Even Bigger Adventure!
posted by PenguinBukkake at 2:55 PM on December 30, 2005
Cheaper by the Dozen 2
This Christmas, you better watch out!
Same Big Family... Even Bigger Adventure!
posted by PenguinBukkake at 2:55 PM on December 30, 2005
PenguinBukkake, even a renaissance man needs a villa on the beach and a garage full of foreign automobiles.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:34 PM on December 30, 2005
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:34 PM on December 30, 2005
Yes, can we start some sort of movie rescue program for Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy?
I'd add Robin Williams to that list, but I fear it may be too late for him.
I actually got in a rather heated argument over Christmas with someone about good comics making bad movies. It's just so depressing. It would be like seeing your childhood heroes from Star Wars go on to make sub-standard, forgettable movies.
Oh.
posted by LondonYank at 4:38 PM on December 30, 2005
I'd add Robin Williams to that list, but I fear it may be too late for him.
I actually got in a rather heated argument over Christmas with someone about good comics making bad movies. It's just so depressing. It would be like seeing your childhood heroes from Star Wars go on to make sub-standard, forgettable movies.
Oh.
posted by LondonYank at 4:38 PM on December 30, 2005
Bummer, I always thought he was more of a libertarian.
There's no reason you can't hold libertarian ideals, and also think that O'Reilly is a pathetic piece of shit who deserves mocking.
As somebody who holds some conservative ideals, I find the O'Reilly's of the world absolutely infuriating, because they single-handedly undercut the legitimacy of all right-wing beliefs with their batshit insanity.
As for his writing, I liked it for approximately one sentence. After that, the horse was dead.
posted by I Love Tacos at 5:48 PM on December 30, 2005
There's no reason you can't hold libertarian ideals, and also think that O'Reilly is a pathetic piece of shit who deserves mocking.
As somebody who holds some conservative ideals, I find the O'Reilly's of the world absolutely infuriating, because they single-handedly undercut the legitimacy of all right-wing beliefs with their batshit insanity.
As for his writing, I liked it for approximately one sentence. After that, the horse was dead.
posted by I Love Tacos at 5:48 PM on December 30, 2005
“As somebody who holds some conservative ideals, I find the O'Reilly's of the world absolutely infuriating,”
- posted by I Love Tacos
Seconded.
I saw Martin holding one of Hofstadter’s books (Metamagical Themas, I believe) and seriously upgraded my already high opinon of him. Then we got attacked by ninjas. That cat can Kung fu, man.
Ok, that part isn’t true. But the mid-second part is. The part about energy levels and wave functions of Bloch electrons in rational and irrational magnetic fields.
That Steve Martin is funny his non sequitur style of humor is so...good.
I wish there was a mod of him for GTA: San Andreas.
posted by Smedleyman at 7:24 PM on December 30, 2005
- posted by I Love Tacos
Seconded.
I saw Martin holding one of Hofstadter’s books (Metamagical Themas, I believe) and seriously upgraded my already high opinon of him. Then we got attacked by ninjas. That cat can Kung fu, man.
Ok, that part isn’t true. But the mid-second part is. The part about energy levels and wave functions of Bloch electrons in rational and irrational magnetic fields.
That Steve Martin is funny his non sequitur style of humor is so...good.
I wish there was a mod of him for GTA: San Andreas.
posted by Smedleyman at 7:24 PM on December 30, 2005
Yes, can we start some sort of movie rescue program for Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy?
I think we need to stage an intervention.
"Steve, we all care about you, and -- put down that script for Bringing Down The House Again and look at me..."
posted by Aster at 9:09 PM on December 30, 2005
I think we need to stage an intervention.
"Steve, we all care about you, and -- put down that script for Bringing Down The House Again and look at me..."
posted by Aster at 9:09 PM on December 30, 2005
KevinSkomsvold: correction: 303-499-7111 (just in case anyone else calls that number like I did...)
posted by AstroGuy at 9:42 PM on December 30, 2005
posted by AstroGuy at 9:42 PM on December 30, 2005
It would be like seeing your childhood heroes from Star Wars go on to make sub-standard, forgettable movies.
Mark Hamill went on to make "Corvette Summer" and do a lot of really good cartoon voices. This makes it very easy to play "six degrees" of Star Wars. Carrie Fisher's credits include "Under the Rainbow", "The 'Burbs," and "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle."
posted by ilsa at 9:42 PM on December 30, 2005
Mark Hamill went on to make "Corvette Summer" and do a lot of really good cartoon voices. This makes it very easy to play "six degrees" of Star Wars. Carrie Fisher's credits include "Under the Rainbow", "The 'Burbs," and "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle."
posted by ilsa at 9:42 PM on December 30, 2005
Martin is a democrat. I heard him on Talk of the Nation last year discusssing writing a mock campaign speech for Kerry just to see how difficult it was to write one.
Whenever I see Steve Martin make movies like Cheaper by the Dozen 2, I think back to after he made Sgt. Bilko and he said he'd never make a movie for a paycheck again.
posted by my sock puppet account at 10:08 PM on December 30, 2005
Whenever I see Steve Martin make movies like Cheaper by the Dozen 2, I think back to after he made Sgt. Bilko and he said he'd never make a movie for a paycheck again.
posted by my sock puppet account at 10:08 PM on December 30, 2005
Steve Martin, What I Believe:
"What I Believe."
I believe in rainbows and puppy dogs and fairy tales.
And I believe in the family - Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his penis.
And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments.
And I believe in going to church every Sunday, unless there's a game on.
And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can buy.
And I believe it's derogatory to refer to a woman's breasts as "boobs", "jugs", "winnebagos" or "golden bozos".. and that you should only refer to them as "hooters".
And I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress.
And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are.
And, people say I'm crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage.
And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment.
And I believe the Battle of the Network Stars should be fought with guns.
And I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice.
And, lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the music you're listening to right now. That's what I believe.
posted by dhartung at 11:39 PM on December 30, 2005
"What I Believe."
I believe in rainbows and puppy dogs and fairy tales.
And I believe in the family - Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his penis.
And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments.
And I believe in going to church every Sunday, unless there's a game on.
And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can buy.
And I believe it's derogatory to refer to a woman's breasts as "boobs", "jugs", "winnebagos" or "golden bozos".. and that you should only refer to them as "hooters".
And I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress.
And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are.
And, people say I'm crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage.
And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment.
And I believe the Battle of the Network Stars should be fought with guns.
And I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice.
And, lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the music you're listening to right now. That's what I believe.
posted by dhartung at 11:39 PM on December 30, 2005
MetaFilter: No, wait, it is the right thread. I think.
posted by Chuckles at 1:11 AM on December 31, 2005
posted by Chuckles at 1:11 AM on December 31, 2005
As for the reason he keeps making shitty movies: He's got a very expensive hobby. (No, not cocaine, smartass. He gave that up in the Eighties).
posted by Optamystic at 8:51 AM on December 31, 2005
posted by Optamystic at 8:51 AM on December 31, 2005
In the picture accompanying Optamystic's link, it looks like Steve has a *pussy*; specifically, a camel toe. ;)
posted by notsnot at 3:40 PM on December 31, 2005
posted by notsnot at 3:40 PM on December 31, 2005
the great thing about blogging is how it gives normal everyday joes like steve martin a platform.
posted by poweredbybeard at 11:48 PM on December 31, 2005
posted by poweredbybeard at 11:48 PM on December 31, 2005
My favorite bit from his SNL appearances:
Ode to My Woman
When a man meets the woman he loves, everything changes. His heart races, his head spins, and suddenly all the dozens and dozens of women he's sleeping with no longer matter. A few years ago, I found the woman I love, and I've put some of my feelings into this little ode.
Every man needs a woman, and I need you --
to lift me when I am sad,
to comfort me when I am down,
to clean me when I am drunk,
to walk beside me when I want to look like I'm not gay,
to walk in front of me when I need someone to act as a human windbreak,
to kiss me when I am horny,
to massage me when I am tense and/or horny,
to make me horny when I am not horny, and then to watch me fall asleep.
I need you darling to clean between my toes when they are not cleaned to my satisfaction,
to pick the nits out of my hair when I have head lice,
to try milk for me when I am not sure of the expiration date,
to be there when I need you to be there, and to be out of town the rest of the time.
My darling, although it may seem sentimental, I want to take this moment to tell you I love you -- because I don't want to lose half my stuff. And even though you are far away across the ocean, I always have this [pointing to ring finger where there is no wedding ring] to remind me --[realizes the ring is not there] sorry [and hides hand].
Goodnight, my love.
posted by onlyconnect at 6:54 AM on January 3, 2006
Ode to My Woman
When a man meets the woman he loves, everything changes. His heart races, his head spins, and suddenly all the dozens and dozens of women he's sleeping with no longer matter. A few years ago, I found the woman I love, and I've put some of my feelings into this little ode.
Every man needs a woman, and I need you --
to lift me when I am sad,
to comfort me when I am down,
to clean me when I am drunk,
to walk beside me when I want to look like I'm not gay,
to walk in front of me when I need someone to act as a human windbreak,
to kiss me when I am horny,
to massage me when I am tense and/or horny,
to make me horny when I am not horny, and then to watch me fall asleep.
I need you darling to clean between my toes when they are not cleaned to my satisfaction,
to pick the nits out of my hair when I have head lice,
to try milk for me when I am not sure of the expiration date,
to be there when I need you to be there, and to be out of town the rest of the time.
My darling, although it may seem sentimental, I want to take this moment to tell you I love you -- because I don't want to lose half my stuff. And even though you are far away across the ocean, I always have this [pointing to ring finger where there is no wedding ring] to remind me --[realizes the ring is not there] sorry [and hides hand].
Goodnight, my love.
posted by onlyconnect at 6:54 AM on January 3, 2006
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posted by nofundy at 11:26 AM on December 30, 2005