Woman marries dolphin
January 1, 2006 5:24 PM   Subscribe

Woman marries dolphin
posted by soiled cowboy (41 comments total)
 
Hilarity ensues.
posted by knave at 5:29 PM on January 1, 2006


He's 35, she's 41, it'll never work out...

but, it might last longer than this thread...! :)
posted by HuronBob at 5:31 PM on January 1, 2006


This is the part where someone links to the dolphin dildo.
posted by puke & cry at 5:34 PM on January 1, 2006 [1 favorite]


Rick Santorum was right.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:36 PM on January 1, 2006


And that first someone is you.
posted by parallax7d at 5:36 PM on January 1, 2006


Coming soon to FOX!
posted by soiled cowboy at 5:43 PM on January 1, 2006


Something fishy about this thread.


oh, come on, you know you wanted to hear it said...
posted by CynicalKnight at 5:43 PM on January 1, 2006


She did it on porpoise.
posted by hal9k at 5:47 PM on January 1, 2006


Nothing fishy about a dolphin, though.

Anyway, I always thought marriage generally meant a mutual commitment.

Cue the social conservatives in 3...2...1...
posted by darkstar at 5:48 PM on January 1, 2006


What would happen if this woman marked "married" on some government form she had to fill out?
posted by Citizen Premier at 5:54 PM on January 1, 2006


You know dolpin's have prehensile... you know what, nevermind, that's nice, I hope they are happy.
posted by phrontist at 5:54 PM on January 1, 2006


Dolphin sex.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 6:01 PM on January 1, 2006


The original article on the Israeli news-site has more detail. It amused me that they put it in their 'singles' section.
posted by Flitcraft at 6:02 PM on January 1, 2006


Damn Dolphins! First they grow opposable thumbs, now they're coming for our women! It aint right I tells ya! It aint right! Why didn't anyone tell this dingbat woman to stifle herself???
posted by Effigy2000 at 6:13 PM on January 1, 2006


Well... I mean the woman's other choices would be to marry an English guy or an Israeli. Can you really blame her?

(waiting for the flame war to start)
posted by huskerdont at 6:15 PM on January 1, 2006


blowholes are so hot.
posted by mathowie at 6:47 PM on January 1, 2006


Proof that some people have more money than common sense.
posted by dejah420 at 6:55 PM on January 1, 2006


I watched this on reuters on Friday. (the oddly enough video section)
posted by Busithoth at 7:05 PM on January 1, 2006


"Dad, what are blowholes for?"

"I'll tell you what they're not for, son, and then you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World."
posted by dgaicun at 7:19 PM on January 1, 2006


This thread is going to be worth it for the comments alone.

(Nice one dgaicun!)
posted by maryh at 7:39 PM on January 1, 2006


Chumscrubber?
posted by pmbuko at 7:52 PM on January 1, 2006


I'm just glad it's a male dolphin. Otherwise, it'd be weird.
posted by horsewithnoname at 8:07 PM on January 1, 2006


Hopefully the Israelis and Palestinians will join together in the spirit of gross-out.
posted by Protocols of the Elders of Awesome at 8:09 PM on January 1, 2006


I have two questions: 1) Does Jessica Simpson know about this? 2) Who knew Israeli dolphins had drag names?
Mazel tov, you crazy mammals!
posted by rob511 at 8:13 PM on January 1, 2006


Hibbert : Troy McClure? I thought he disappeared after that scandal at the aquarium.
________________________________
Louie : Hey, I thought you said Troy McClure was dead.
Tony : No, what I said was: "He sleeps with the fishes". You see...
Louie : Uh, Tony, please, no. I just ate a whole plate of dingamagoo...
________________________________
Selma : Are you gay?
Troy : Gay? I wish! If I were gay they'd be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all cost. You see...
Selma : Stop!
posted by Jikido at 8:30 PM on January 1, 2006


Gay marriage caused this.
posted by Krrrlson at 8:38 PM on January 1, 2006


Could be worse of course.


posted by Protocols of the Elders of Awesome at 8:42 PM on January 1, 2006


Ayy! My pasta fazool!
posted by maxsparber at 9:34 PM on January 1, 2006


Gah, thanks PotEoA... NOT.

I'm just going to copy over my Linkfilter comment on this story, wholesale:

Part of me wants to point at this "Jewish millionaire" and go, waaa hah hah, what a weirdo. Her comment, "I made a dream come true, and I am not a pervert," is laughable, probably has its origins in her own denial, and goes to show what I have long suspected: that reality distortion fields have less to do with being Steve Jobs, and more to do with having a big-ass pile of cash lying around.

But on the other hand, why do we care? Isn't this post, and our reaction to it, just another example of that great whispered voice echoing thoughout our world, insisting "CONFORM, conform?" In two hundred years, will people look at this news story as a compelling example of when our civilization finally lost it and began crashing around us?

Or will that example have something to do with President Bush?

posted by JHarris at 10:10 PM on January 1, 2006


She's not perverted, she's just exercising her right to cross species love. You take your prudish perversion claims and go to the observation lounge.

I like how things seem to wonderful in your head but, in reality, you're just a freaking knobjob putting all your little loonie eggs in one basket. Lady, you married a flippin' dolphin, did you really expect people to celebrate it?
posted by fenriq at 12:32 AM on January 2, 2006


A male dolphin named Cindy? Geez.
posted by alumshubby at 5:59 AM on January 2, 2006


Wow! Talk about marrying the first guy that shows up with a ring...
posted by planetkyoto at 6:48 AM on January 2, 2006


Heh. Reminds me of the King of the Hill where Hank swims with the dolphins and is sexually harassed.

King of the Hill is the best:


[Hank is teaching yoga to Enrique and Joe Jack]
Hank: That jackass at the yoga center calls this one "Sun Salutation", but I prefer "Modified Roger Staubach."

Enrique: Hey, Hank! I feel like I'm one with everything now.

Joe Jack: I just felt my chakra open, Honey.

Hank: Now we're going to move into something I call "Fertilizing the Lawn."

posted by craniac at 7:08 AM on January 2, 2006


PotEoA - Why is that man holding a plastic bag in his right hand?

No. Wait. Don't answer that.

Please don't answer that.
posted by fuzzbean at 8:32 AM on January 2, 2006


wtf
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:11 AM on January 2, 2006


Welcome back, dnab!
posted by deborah at 6:12 PM on January 2, 2006


the internet has revolutionized the ability of completely irrelevant and inane stories to reach my ears (and eyes)
posted by ba3r at 6:53 PM on January 2, 2006


I was so aghast at the godawful Windows vulnerability thread—why do people think that's a good way to run a computer?—that I almost didn't click on this post.

Boy, am I glad I did: now I can go to bed amused. (That's amused, not aroused, thank you very much.
posted by ancientgower at 8:23 PM on January 2, 2006


They TOLD you that gay marriage thing would lead to this.
posted by HTuttle at 11:10 PM on January 2, 2006


That CAN'T be kosher.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 7:47 AM on January 3, 2006


Next thing you know we will have... oh wait, that IS the worst thing I could think of.
posted by veryvera at 3:30 PM on January 4, 2006


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