F'd Metal

January 5, 2006 9:26 AM

Philip J. Kaplanis probably best known as the founder of Fuckedcompany which chronicled the bustiest parts of the dot-com boom Fewer, perhaps, recognize him in his guise as power-glam-rocker Beef Savage. Beef has been silent for years, but has now been (barely) reinvented as The Metalizer. "I take regular songs (that suck) and turn them into heavy metal songs (that ROCK)."
posted by grumdrig (26 comments total)

He also started adbrite, no?
posted by jikel_morten at 9:31 AM on January 5, 2006

Perhaps he's not aware that "The Locomotion" wasn't originally by Kylie Minogue? You'd think she could've taken a moment from her labours and let him know.
posted by stinkycheese at 9:34 AM on January 5, 2006

My ears are bleeding. *holds lighter in air*
posted by alteredcarbon at 9:35 AM on January 5, 2006

Sorry, Children of Bodom already set the standard for metallizing Britney. And I'm not even mentioning the Heavy Metal Tribute to ABBA.

The 'J' is for johnny-come-lately.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:37 AM on January 5, 2006

Perhaps he's not aware that "The Locomotion" wasn't originally by Kylie Minogue?

Juice Newton's Angel of the Morning was a cover as well. At least Britney is a true original.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 9:45 AM on January 5, 2006

Juice Newton's Angel of the Morning was a cover as well.

I wonder if this is a generational thing. Most GenX'ers I know, myself included, obssess about musical/pop cultural trivia minuitia like the Juice Newton thing, and the fact that "Kim the Waitress" was not a Material Issue original, but a cover. Most whatever-the-name-of-the-generation-that-comes-after-gen-x-is-ers (pud is just 30) seem to be blissfully unaware, or just don't care to know which songs are covers and by whom. /ot
posted by psmealey at 9:54 AM on January 5, 2006

pud is only 30?
posted by dabitch at 10:27 AM on January 5, 2006

Metalizing songs is an essential service for those who can't hear pop music. It's a shame he's just not any good at it. He's not metalizing anything. These are pretty straight forward covers sung in a bad Axl impression. Now Beatallica on the other hand...
posted by team lowkey at 10:40 AM on January 5, 2006

I take regular songs (that suck) and turn them into heavy metal songs (that ROCK).

So kinda like Pat Boone in reverse? It sounds an awful lot like South Park parody.

And is it just me, or is there a concerted effort by conservatives/libertarians to reclaim "gay" as a perjorative? I've noticed it thrice recently. /OT
posted by mrgrimm at 10:51 AM on January 5, 2006

pejorative (i think)
posted by mrgrimm at 10:53 AM on January 5, 2006

I remember when I visited fuckedcompany as regularly as I now visit metafilter, which is to say constantly. And yet, this post is the first time I've even thought of that site in at least a year.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 10:53 AM on January 5, 2006

I take regular songs (that suck) and turn them into heavy metal songs (that ROCK)."

I just looked up 'LAME' in the dictionary and, sure enough, they had that quote there.
posted by HTuttle at 10:54 AM on January 5, 2006

He also started adbrite, no?

Yep. I used to get checks from pud. That was fun.
posted by thanotopsis at 10:56 AM on January 5, 2006

not funny. not well done. meh.
posted by quonsar at 11:21 AM on January 5, 2006

"Beef Savage" is such a way-better name then "The Metalizer."
posted by tpl1212 at 11:32 AM on January 5, 2006

Yeah, "The Metalizer" sounds like something you'd see a half-hour infomercial for at 3am.
posted by stinkycheese at 12:20 PM on January 5, 2006

This makes about the 37th band, artist, whatever, doing exactly this - taking "suck" songs and making them into songs that "rock". It seems to be a major trend, at least in these parts.
posted by TeamBilly at 12:22 PM on January 5, 2006

I guess some people know their limitations and maximize their talents ...
posted by clearlynuts at 12:26 PM on January 5, 2006

This makes about the 37th band, artist, whatever, doing exactly this

Are you kidding? Back in 1991, a local Oshawa-area band named Voodoo Chicken (that's right) had quite a career going for themselves doing just this sort of thing - the lead singer is now involved with White Cowbell Oklahoma, if that rings any bells for anyone.

I'm guessing it's more like the 37,000th time - this kind of joke is very, very old indeed.
posted by stinkycheese at 12:32 PM on January 5, 2006

It doesn't have to be a joke, though; strong songwriting thrives when it is borrowed, reused, translated into new genres. I mean, to take a well-known example, Richard Thompson didn't cover Oops! because he thought it was trash and it'd be cool & ironic to make fun of it; he did it because it's a fundamentally solid song that'd show up well even in the extremely transparent medium of solo acoustic guitar and voice.

This guy is taking songs that he doesn't have any respect for (maybe reasonably so) and just trying to make a different kind of trash out of them, which is not so thrilling.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:38 PM on January 5, 2006

Bah. That's OK but not nearly as good as a grungy Local H cover of Britney Spears "Toxic".
posted by StarForce5 at 12:49 PM on January 5, 2006

i haven't gotten an fc sporadic in years. they used to come every few days before pud published his tell all book.
posted by 3.2.3 at 2:02 PM on January 5, 2006

link to Richard Thompson 'Oops!'
posted by kookywon at 2:21 PM on January 5, 2006

I'll look forward to hearing what Kaplan has to say when he no doubt shows up as one of those sad personalities on VH1's Look Back at 2006, which should start airing sometime in November.
posted by troybob at 3:21 PM on January 5, 2006

Heh, I do just the reverse. I arrange metal songs for the banjo, playing a little more classical/folk style than bluegrass. I like to think that the songs I cover started out Rokken and continue to be Rokken and possibly Totally Rokken when regenred.
posted by Jawn at 7:44 PM on January 5, 2006

I'll have you all know that the best cover of Toxic is the one that crosses it with Dr. Who... *goes back to lurk*
posted by rmm at 10:39 AM on January 7, 2006