heh

January 11, 2006 11:35 AM

Newsfilter: Remember how Pat Robertson said god struck down Ariel Sharon because he divided Israel? Remember how Pat Robertson was going to build a $50 million dollar theme park in Israel with a Christian theme? Yeah. Not so much anymore.
posted by delmoi (58 comments total)

Avi Hartuv, a spokesman for Israel’s tourism minister, said: "We can’t accept this kind of statement. We will not do business with him."

The tourism minister continued, "I mean it's one thing to blame 9/11 on feminists and homosexuals or call for the assassination of a democratically elected foreign leader, but this is just beyond the pale."
posted by Armitage Shanks at 11:50 AM on January 11, 2006

"The attraction was expected to blow up one thousand pilgrims annually." NOT actually in the article
posted by spock at 11:51 AM on January 11, 2006

I believe the tourism minister also said, "I mean, I know he only supports my country because he thinks it'll bring about the End Times, and he expects us either to convert at the last minute or be ripped inside out by God's will and shot down to eternal hellfire, but this is ridculous!"
posted by brundlefly at 11:54 AM on January 11, 2006

The outside world probably sees this guy the way we see Crazed Islamic Mullahs. Although I'm not so sure I see much of a difference myself.
posted by delmoi at 11:56 AM on January 11, 2006

So Pat Robertson, last year's Foot in The Mouth prize winner (with his calling for the assassination of a foreign elected leader and intimidation of a small town Board of Education voters) is up for an early start this year? Who would imagine that...
posted by nkyad at 11:57 AM on January 11, 2006

JesusLand? Sweet! I hadn't heard of this. Damn! And I was so going to audition to be John the Baptist. Now there was one dirty, crazy motherf*cker.

Crazed Islamic Mullahs

delmoi just named my new band for me.
posted by psmealey at 11:59 AM on January 11, 2006

I think I could just type "Jesusland" all day long.

There's a party over here in Jesusland, f*ck you over there in DubaiLand!
posted by ImJustRick at 12:02 PM on January 11, 2006

Newsfilter: Remember how Pat Robertson said god struck down Ariel Sharon because he divided Israel?

It might sound bad but I got really excited reading that teaser sentence. Perhaps I expected some news about Pat Robertson having a stroke while performing a reach around on Jerry Falwell. Oh well, there's always next week.
posted by cloeburner at 12:03 PM on January 11, 2006

Gershom Gorenberg, author of End of Days:

“They don’t love real Jewish people. They love us as characters in their story, in their play, and that’s not who we are, and we never auditioned for that part, and the play is not one that ends up good for us. If you listen to the drama they’re describing, essentially it’s a five-act play in which the Jews disappear in the fourth act,” he says."
posted by kosem at 12:05 PM on January 11, 2006

delmoi : "The outside world probably sees this guy the way we see Crazed Islamic Mullahs."

We all have our nutjobs too. OK, they are usually confined to the "celebrity" circus and no one would turn to them for advise on anything serious. But I understand the "millionaire preacher", as Times call him, is also considered an important political figure. Now that is kind of scary.
posted by nkyad at 12:06 PM on January 11, 2006

Angell Watts, a spokeswoman for the preacher

Why does a professional preacher need spokespeople? Isn't that like a taxi driver hiring a chauffeur?
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:11 PM on January 11, 2006

Nice link kosem.
posted by OmieWise at 12:11 PM on January 11, 2006

Oh, and I wish this news were a bit more dire. Things are mostly just "in peril." Where's the fucking Mossad hit team?
posted by OmieWise at 12:12 PM on January 11, 2006

Damn! Now I'll never get to ride the Crucifixer Double Twister but it will live on in my imagination.

Let's pause to remember Robertson's other utterings:

Robertson to Dover, PA: "If there is a distaster in your area, don;t run to God, you just rejsted him."

"Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

"You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense, I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist."

“.. if [President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela] thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. "

More at WikiQuote.
posted by StarForce5 at 12:14 PM on January 11, 2006

good--i'd say it's karma ; >
posted by amberglow at 12:14 PM on January 11, 2006

Mr. Muntz, Mr. Nelson Muntz, white courtesy phone please.
posted by eriko at 12:18 PM on January 11, 2006

You know it's not that Pat is so batshitinsane that is scary. It is that so many people have given him money, apparently because they believe in what he is saying that freaks me out.
posted by Mitheral at 12:20 PM on January 11, 2006

From StarForce5's Wikipedia link:

"Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."

Holy. Fucking. Shit.
posted by psmealey at 12:21 PM on January 11, 2006

Serves you well, exploiting the gullibility of religious people ! They turn into terrorists because they get that illusory shit.

Stop looking for Osama you need to deal with Pat Robertson and the pious hypocrites first.
posted by elpapacito at 12:26 PM on January 11, 2006

I think the mossad should be called upon to 'take him out'. Its only fitting.
posted by isopraxis at 12:30 PM on January 11, 2006

isopraxis : "I think the mossad should be called upon to 'take him out'. Its only fitting."

I think the people of Dover should award him a full-package trip to Venezuela, where Chavez can invite the Mossad in to "go ahead and do it" without creating much of an international incident. Maybe do it while he is attending a Episcopalian or Presbyterian or Methodist ceremony.
posted by nkyad at 12:36 PM on January 11, 2006

Crazy religious views are important and all, but obviously not more important than dollars.
posted by caddis at 12:41 PM on January 11, 2006

the democratic Congress, the liberal-based media?
Democratic congress? Liberals running the (corporate) media? Does the dude exist in some bizarro alternate reality to the rest of us?

More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.
So. The man's a Holocaust denier, then. Or, in his bizarro world, have millions of Christians been locked up in concentration camps, gassed and unceremoniously cremated recently and, y'know, somebody blinked and missed it? I don't normally resort to obscenity, but in this case I'm happy to make an exception : the man's a complete fuckwit.
posted by kaemaril at 12:46 PM on January 11, 2006

I'd go to somewhere called Jebusland. Or Heebeejeebeeland. But not BeeGeeland. Or Jesusland.
posted by i_cola at 12:52 PM on January 11, 2006

I consider it evil to wish personal tragedy on anybody, but I think I'd make an exception for Robertson. You can be a thoughtless shitheel (Bush), amoral schemer (Rove), grasping sleazebag (Delay), or duplicitous bully (Cheney) -- there's still a world of difference between these and someone who scavenges off of human suffering.

If there is an ironic God, or karma, or poetic justice -- and I believe there is at least one of them -- Robertson is going to balance his books somehow, and the dark parts of me are waiting in eager anticipation for that day.
posted by bjrubble at 12:52 PM on January 11, 2006

Does the dude exist in some bizarro alternate reality to the rest of us?

Yes. Read some of these essays for perspective.
posted by you just lost the game at 12:53 PM on January 11, 2006

Mr Hartuv left the door open to continuing the project but only with evangelists who disown Mr Robertson’s statements.

you know, because if you're going to give away the holy land to greedy megalomaniacs for the erection of a for-profit theme park, you might as well give it to people who only quietly agree with robertson but don't say so publicly.
posted by shmegegge at 12:56 PM on January 11, 2006

Now there was one dirty, crazy motherf*cker.

How do you stay dirty when constantly baptising?
posted by NationalKato at 1:02 PM on January 11, 2006

A Christian theme park in a largely Jewish/Islamic/Druze country? Instead Robertson ought to try to reopen Jim and Tammy Faye Baker's Heritage USA in Fort Mill, SC, and if he can't make it work, he's got a nice tax writeoff he probably wouldn't be able to get in an overseas venture.
posted by alumshubby at 1:03 PM on January 11, 2006

Aw, so you mean to say that there won't be a McDonalds on the site of the crucifixion?

I so wanted to enjoy a Big Mac where the Son of God spent his last moments on Earth. And afterwards, I'd repair to the restroom and have (literally) a righteous-ass, holy bowel movement.
posted by JHarris at 1:07 PM on January 11, 2006

shmegegge: You can't use the terms "holy land" and "erection" in the same sentence. Please try again.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 1:07 PM on January 11, 2006

So how are those permits going for Mohammedland in Utah?
posted by furtive at 1:07 PM on January 11, 2006

I'm still amazed they haven't tried to change the name of Goblin Valley, UT
posted by i_cola at 1:16 PM on January 11, 2006

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

The surprising thing isn't that Robertson thinks these things. A lot of right wing religious zealots in the US think likewise. What's surprising is that he says them out loud while the cameras are rolling. It's like when your eighty-nine year old grandmother who forgets that she's not supposed to refer to black people as "the coloreds" in front of an African American cashier at Wal-Mart. He forgets to censor what he says.

And my guess is that Robertson, like grandma, is suffering from some form of senility or dementia or even Alzheimer's disease.
posted by Clay201 at 1:32 PM on January 11, 2006

furtive : "So how are those permits going for Mohammedland in Utah?"

The Governor of Utah said that "The contract is still open - just not with Mr Laden. If there are other Islamic leaders, they are most welcome to sign a contract to bring Islamic tourists to the State of Utah."
posted by nkyad at 1:39 PM on January 11, 2006

"in an attempt to salvage his $50 million plan for a biblical theme park in Galilee."

I'd think the last thing on earth any genuinely religious person would want would be a theme-park treatment of their faith. I've seen it on a limited basis before. I'm not a big fan. The medium does modify the message, and the world doesn't need more Carnival Christianity.
posted by weston at 1:49 PM on January 11, 2006

thumpers and zionists depend on each other too much for this little snit to make much difference.
posted by telstar at 1:50 PM on January 11, 2006

"There were plans for food outlets at Tabgha on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, the scene of the feeding of the 5,000."

My favorite line! But, really, if they have to stop after they feed 5,000, they could just set up a bar-b-q, throw on some brats and call it a day. No point in putting up a whole Micky D's just for that..

and, as for Pat ... meh....an idiot, a dangerous idiot, but he'll find that out someday himself!
posted by HuronBob at 1:54 PM on January 11, 2006

its about time this guy paid for the shit that comes out of his mouth. while this is not nearly all he deserves, at least he finally gets a taste of what he is itching for, namely "god's judgment". or as i like to call it "fate's sense of humor"

every time he says something about "god's judgment' , i wish god would give him double helpings.
posted by nola at 2:04 PM on January 11, 2006

It was always a somewhat dicey proposition in Israel, despite the huge amount of tourist dollars that would be flowing into a economically depressed part of the country, for two reasons. One is that the Galilee, despite Judiciaztion efforts, remains mostly Arab, with a high % of Christians to boot. Israeli officials were worried about too much fraternization between the local Arab Christians and the Evangelicals, who have been programmed to support Israel and Israelis, even against their ofte-ignored 'Christian brothers'. This is part of the reason that while the main church and museums were to be in the Galilee, the big hotel would be located some distance away, in a more heavily Jewish town. Special bus routes would shuttle the tourists back and forth. The second is that, as mentioned above, the Evangelicals love of Israel and Jews is largely viewed as suspect by most Israelis, and there is a natural conflict in a country where evangalizing non-state Religion is illegal, and a group of... evangelicals.
posted by cell divide at 2:08 PM on January 11, 2006

HuronBob : "My favorite line! But, really, if they have to stop after they feed 5,000, they could just set up a bar-b-q, throw on some brats and call it a day. No point in putting up a whole Micky D's just for that.."

More to the point, if I remember it correctly the Jesus guy fed the 5000 for free, just because they were kind enough to go hear what he had to say. Would Pat's "food outlets" distribute free food?
posted by nkyad at 2:10 PM on January 11, 2006

posted by Clay201 my guess is that Robertson, like grandma, is suffering from some form of senility or dementia or even Alzheimer's disease.

On the day Pat Robertson dies, I shall mourn a bit--not at his passing, but because he routinely exposes himself, his movement, and his followers to be filled with bigotry, greed, and hatred. I can't think of a better spokesman for his movement--he's a fraud, a bigot, and a buffoon, and he's widely regarded as such. Keep up the good work, Pat.

posted by weston the world doesn't need more Carnival Christianity.

Sometimes I think we do--only after we have giant McChurches on every corner and pictures of Jesus in public classrooms with audioanimatronic Pat Robertsons preaching the gospel will we finally get off our collective asses and rid ourselves of this idiotic scourge to humanity.

"So how are those permits going for Mohammedland in Utah?"

Maybe we could name it Sikh Burkas Over Mecca.
posted by fandango_matt at 2:32 PM on January 11, 2006

I noticed Robertson's line about Sharon suffering a stroke because he gave up a bit of Israel, and thought it was just the usual BS. Then, a couple of days later, this.

Tony Banks, former sports minister and Labour MP, apparently ALSO divided the land of Israel. Who knew?
posted by athenian at 2:42 PM on January 11, 2006

kaemeril, the line about the liberal congress was from back in 1992, when the Dems indeed were starting on the glorious project to subjugate the religious in charge of Congress.

Sometimes I wonder if Pat Roberston isn't in fact a punishment that some extra-us force (God? Karma? The Trilateral Commission?) is visiting upon us for being such a dysfunctional society.
posted by mmahaffie at 3:01 PM on January 11, 2006

So, according to Pat, "carving up the land and giving it away" is bad, but leasing the land (at no cost, according to the article), putting a wall around it, charging entry, and selling fish sandwiches on the shore of the Sea of Galilee is good?
posted by Pinback at 3:05 PM on January 11, 2006

What an angry, vengeful, evil little god he must believe in. It boggles the mind.
posted by sacrilicious at 3:06 PM on January 11, 2006

where [in Isreal] evangalizing non-state Religion is illegal

very interesting, cell divide.

Got a cite by any chance?

And sacrilicious, a brief perusal of a few books of the Old Testament may show you that Robertson is kinda mild compared to his blood-soaked hero YahWeh.
posted by telstar at 3:25 PM on January 11, 2006

Pat Robertson reminds me of my erstwhile neighbor Arnie. He seemed like a nice enough guy until he started to talk -- then the numerous references to "sp*cs and n*ggers" would start flowing and suddenly you were embarassed to be in the same goddamned zip code.
posted by clevershark at 4:17 PM on January 11, 2006

This little nugget sums it all up:

"There were plans for food outlets at Tabgha on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, the scene of the feeding of the 5,000."

I think the chances that Pat Robertson has read Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash are pretty low, and I don't think this is in there or in any other SF book, but Jesus! Talk about the world becoming a parody of itself.
posted by zardoz at 4:19 PM on January 11, 2006

See, thinking about Pat Robertson actually makes me kind of hope he's right. That, when we die, there is a heaven and hell and God casts judgement. Because I know for damn sure he and his follower's aren't heading upwards.
posted by Jimbob at 7:30 PM on January 11, 2006

OMG, Christians are tacky!
posted by ParisParamus at 8:07 PM on January 11, 2006

ASIDE: The next headline down on the Times site is amusing in its use of unintentionally ambiguous grammar:

Irony of extremist
checked only by clerics

posted by nobody at 8:31 PM on January 11, 2006

LOL!!1! teh 1efteez R pwned!!

Yeah, PP -- we're really irked by their esthetics. We just wish Pat Robertson and those tacky Christians would stop wearing poly-cottons and take those vinyl covers off the sofa. Then all their smiley you're-gonna-burn dispensationalist bilge would be just fine.
posted by vetiver at 10:21 PM on January 11, 2006

Sorry, but tacky isn't skin-deep, and isn't limited to aesthetics. All things are connected, and i see a direct relationship between people who see God in a childish, comic book-like manner, and people who would patronize a religious theme park.
posted by ParisParamus at 10:48 PM on January 11, 2006

Jesusland, or even the existence of a desire to build Jesusland, is proof that Christianity has well and truly jumped the shark.

Then again, if anything's gonna bring about the apocalypse it would be Jesusland. If that doesn't make our Lord & Savior(TM) come back to kick some ass, I don't quite know what will...

What a word as well. Jesusland.
Jeeesuuuuslaaaand...

I want to work on the ad-campaign.
posted by slimepuppy at 3:38 AM on January 12, 2006

There were plans for food outlets at Tabgha on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, the scene of the feeding of the 5,000.

Lurleen and Floyd already put a down payment on a Bible Daze: Holi Land Holi Days Tour Package. Their son, Christian, is out of work right now so he can watch the wiener dogs. Their daughter Christall, divorced mother of 14-month-old Joshua and 5- month-old Josef, was able to use her WalMart employee discount to buy her mother a Tee shirt that says "Jesus 'N Me, Best Friends Forever." (They were sold out of the purple in the XXL so Lurleen got yellow.) So they are good to go.

Floyd did have some concerns about being around "those kind of people" and having to eat funny food, but his Pastor assured him that the tour was set-up so Floyd and Lurleen would spend most of their time around other American tourists. And by the way, they got funnel cake at the Sea of Galilee.

"Watching the animatronic Jesus feed the crowd can give you quite an appetite, but they got corn dogs, deep fried pies, fudge, and chicken tenders with three sauces just like home. And you can git you a sit down dinner at the re-enactment of The Last Supper. I remember the all-you-can-eat fried chicken was pretty good. It comes with a biscuit, coleslaw, potato salad and mashed potatoes and gravy. And you can git grape juice or sweet tea. I got the grape juice in the commemorative cup.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:08 PM on January 12, 2006

I love you Gravy, what's your secret?
posted by furtive at 6:59 PM on January 12, 2006

Robertson apologizes to Sharon's family for stroke comment
posted by Otis at 8:49 AM on January 13, 2006