‘I am,’ I said, to no one there, and no one heard at all, not even the chair.

January 12, 2006 2:43 PM

Neil Diamond’s long, serious career: Whether rockin' the sold-out Garden, sitting alone writing his lyrics, or among his 19,033 friends at MySpace, Neil Diamond might be more serious than most people give him credit for. (previous thread)
posted by nevercalm (39 comments total)

My personal experience of him actually left me feeling like he was quite serious, and more than a little neurotic.

I worked a television show on which he played as a guest...we had just finished hanging some very gaudy, sparkly fabric all over the performance space which was then lit with purple and green lights. He walked into the studio with his assistant, took one look around, and very quietly (and worriedly) leaned over and asked her "What do I have that doesn't clash with this?"
posted by nevercalm at 2:45 PM on January 12, 2006

I physically ran into him twice in Westwood in a one-week period. The first time he was very gracious, the second time very confused. Seemed like a nice fella.

Had I not been so flustered, I would have asked him about how he got into college. From what I hear, it was on a fencing scholarship.

Love his writing for The Monkees, by the way, and "Red Red Wine."
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:55 PM on January 12, 2006

I find 12 Songs to be a bit on the boring side, with a couple of notable exceptions ("Save Me A Saturday Night" is tailor-made for the next Wes Anderson movie). Still, it's nice to see that there's enough Rubin trickle-down cred. leftover from Johnny Cash to give Neil a modicum of the respect he deserves from the "straight" press.

A friend once remarked that the chorus of "Daydream Believer" is about as good as pop choruses get.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 2:59 PM on January 12, 2006

I made the mistake of getting on his MySpace friend's list. I wish he's stop trying to push his webcam on me.
posted by sourwookie at 3:08 PM on January 12, 2006

While I live his greatest hits, he deserves to be flogged for Red Red Wine... And the hollywood album.
posted by o2b at 3:15 PM on January 12, 2006

What's the story behind his appearance and apparent friendship with members of The Band in The Last Waltz? I say "apparent friendship"--it couldn't possibly be collaboration, could it?
posted by scratch at 3:16 PM on January 12, 2006

"And I wrote this one about the time I killed a drifter just to get an erection."
posted by bardic at 3:24 PM on January 12, 2006

What's the story behind his appearance and apparent friendship with members of The Band in The Last Waltz?

Robbie Robertson produced Neil's 1976 album Beautiful Noise. That's probably the weakest moment in The Last Waltz.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 3:26 PM on January 12, 2006

I love Neil Diamond, even if I do find "Save Me a Saturday Night" kinda whingey, and 12 Songs self-conciously lacking in the orchestral bombast that graces my favorite Diamond songs. But there's no doubt the man's a legend, an artist, and a heck of a Storyteller (SNL, NSFW, Embed .MOV)
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 3:29 PM on January 12, 2006

Damn you, bardic! I will slap you in the mouth!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 3:31 PM on January 12, 2006

You know, I Googled that, and no one has ever written it before. Well met.
posted by nevercalm at 3:38 PM on January 12, 2006

<3 neil. em>SWEEEEEET CAROLINE... BOM BOM BOM
posted by keswick at 3:38 PM on January 12, 2006

Personally, I can never tell the difference between him and Barry Manilow.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:45 PM on January 12, 2006

My wife enjoys going to see Nearly Neil with her girlfriends, coming home drunk and claiming that he's better than the original.

I'm ashamed to admit I've seen him on occasion too. He does do a v. good Cracklin' Rosie.
posted by Keith Talent at 3:48 PM on January 12, 2006

and a heck of a Storyteller

That's the first time I've ever seen a clip from SNL that's made me laugh out loud.

Caveat: it doesn't really show in the UK. It screened for a while during one of it's weak periods and died a death.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:09 PM on January 12, 2006

I'm a Neil Diamond fan, and I didn't like 12 Songs much. Nothing to even compare to something like Soolaimon/Brother Love, let alone Kentucky Woman, let alone Girl, You'll Be a Women Soon, etc.
posted by mrgrimm at 4:11 PM on January 12, 2006

I don't know how significant 19033 friends at myspace is. I have 730 friends for a persona I adopted who plays kazoo covers of pop songs
posted by herting at 4:22 PM on January 12, 2006

Neil Diamond fan here, too. Fantastic songwriter and performer. Although The Jazz Singer tops my list of worst films ever made. I mean, I really can't believe how bad it is. If you haven't seen it, you must, just for the sheer shock value of how bad a movie can be. It's like seeing goatse or tubgirl for the first time.
posted by 3.2.3 at 4:26 PM on January 12, 2006

It's kind of interesting that no one bought into his big comeback. I guess he's no Johnny Cash.
posted by smackfu at 4:44 PM on January 12, 2006

Yeah, he's serious. A roommate of mine was working at a venue that Neil was performing at, and an assistant for Neil came out and said "Mr. Diamond doesn't like to see stagehands when he is coming onto stage, so could I get you guys to go into this room for a few minutes". Then everyone was moved into a side room so he wouldn't have to look at anyone as he made his entrance.
posted by NickO at 4:55 PM on January 12, 2006

I don't doubt that Neil Diamond is very serious. He is Mr. Seriosity himself. The problem is he's utter shlock. I mean, Rod McKuen was serious too. So was Jonathon Livingston Seagull. The man's like a serious smell of musk aftershave.
posted by argybarg at 4:56 PM on January 12, 2006

is there someone on the planet who thinks of Neil Diamond as funny or something?
posted by shmegegge at 4:58 PM on January 12, 2006

Neil Diamonds fans can be funny.
posted by zoinks at 5:21 PM on January 12, 2006

Diamond's. Heh.
posted by zoinks at 5:22 PM on January 12, 2006

I appreciate a man who can laugh at himself.
posted by tizzie at 5:33 PM on January 12, 2006

hasn't anyone noticed that the first picture on his myspace page shows some girl doing lines of cocaine that spell out 'happy new year.' that is by far the best thing about this post!
posted by huffa at 6:06 PM on January 12, 2006

Neil Diamond fan here, too. Fantastic songwriter and performer. Although The Jazz Singer tops my list of worst films ever made. I mean, I really can't believe how bad it is. If you haven't seen it, you must, just for the sheer shock value of how bad a movie can be. It's like seeing goatse or tubgirl for the first time.
posted by 3.2.3 at 4:26 PM PST on January 12 [!]

I loved that movie! I'm insulted that you dissed it so bad! You pissed me off so much, I'm tearing the lapel off my sport coat right now!

Then again, last time I saw it I was 12.

But seriously, do Jewish people really tear their clothes when someone has really pissed them off?
posted by SwingingJohnson1968 at 6:28 PM on January 12, 2006

"I am, I said to no one there and no one heard, not even the chair"
"Did you ever read a story about a frog who dreamed of being a king and then became one?"
"Porcupine pie, porcupine pie, porcupine pie, vanilla soup, a double scoop"
"Gitchy goomy, gitchy gaddy...goggin noggin, papa's rockin'"
"Bring home my name on the wings of a flea"
"I got worries by the ton, gettin' cancer's only one. Overtaxed and alimonied, tired of eatin' fried baloney"

I won't quote anything from Lonely Lady #17 because it would summon demons.

I would rather eat bags of sugar, rot my teeth, have a blind and spastic dentist perform root canals through my eyes with a blunt, rusty corkscrew and no anesthesia while he stands on my nuts than listen to lyrics written by Neil Diamond. The tunes are pleasant, I like Diamond's voice, but God kills kittens in revenge for the lyrics.
posted by forrest at 6:53 PM on January 12, 2006

In ancient times, when people heard the news of the death of a loved one, they rent their garments as an expression of grief. Today, that custom is preserved by pinning a black ribbon to the lapel or clothing of the mourners (defined above) and permitting them to tear the ribbon. - Rabbi Scheinerman

If I could only get Heartlight out of my head now.
posted by ?! at 6:55 PM on January 12, 2006

forrest, You need some fruity blue cheese. Stat.
posted by Ohdemah at 7:12 PM on January 12, 2006

Well. And I thought MeFi pod people would be like me in their shuddering dislike of this man and his music.

I ended up liking a few of his songs because once you play them a few dozen times in a cover band, you can't help but come to like them to remain sane.

"I'm a Believer" is a good song, though. And I came to like it through the Monkees. Jesus God.
posted by kozad at 8:47 PM on January 12, 2006

Neil Diamond is behind for one of the fondest memories in my life. Two buddies of mine and I were on our first trip to Europe together, we'd recently discovered English beer and pubs, and we were on a road trip across England.

We had this groovy map that represented the size of towns by hash marks, and we'd figured out how many hash marks a town had to have to have a decent pub (3 or 4, I think).

We stopped in a 3-hash-mark town in the middle of nowhere in northern England around noon one Sunday. There was one church and one pub on the town square. Everyone in town was in church; we went to the pub. When church let out, everyone in town came to the pub, and they were delighted when they found out we were Americans. (Probably because they'd never met an American before.)

To make us feel at home, everyone in the pub, and therefore everyone in town, sang "Sweet Caroline" for us. I've liked Neil Diamond and that song ever since.

p.s. He wrote that "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon" song from Pulp Fiction.
posted by kirkaracha at 8:47 PM on January 12, 2006

The tunes are pleasant, I like Diamond's voice, but God kills kittens in revenge for the lyrics.

I thought Cracklin Rosie being about a cheap bottle of wine was sort of clever.
posted by DirtyCreature at 10:16 PM on January 12, 2006

Dating WAY back to my early youth, when I had very little accessto serious popular music, "Walk on Water" was a favorite of mine, and I still quite like it.
posted by Goofyy at 12:35 AM on January 13, 2006

I love Neil. Love love love him love him.... Re: his lyrics., there's a lot there that you can miss. To take a slighly pretentious instance:

"I am, I said to no one there and no one heard, not even the chair"

I believe that "I am" is sometimes given as part of the literal meaning of the word Jehovah (I am I am). Neil is crying out to his god in his desperation and his cries are not even being heard, not even by the very furniture in the room around

Like, dude, there really is some deep and heavy shit in there for the down and lonely who still believe in love.... [sobs gently but only on the inside]

Red, red wine
Go to my head
Make me forget that I
Still need her so

Red, red wine
It's up to you
All I can do, I've done
But memories won't go
No, memories won't go

I'd have sworn
That with time
Thoughts of you
Would leave my head
I was wrong
And I find
Just one thing
Makes me forget

Red, red wine
Stay close to me
Don't let me be alone
It's tearing apart
My blue, blue heart


Don't diss the Diamond.
posted by Mr Ed at 5:42 AM on January 13, 2006

Whoops... the room around HIM.

Was too busy trying to find the live version of "Girl, you'll be a woman soon" to type properly...
posted by Mr Ed at 5:44 AM on January 13, 2006

Hopefully, soon people will also realize what a beautiful genius Sonny Bono was. "Pammy's On a Bummer," man.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:17 AM on January 13, 2006

Neil Diamond is a Jewish guy who sings Christmas songs.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 11:53 AM on January 13, 2006

Neil Diamond is a Jewish guy who sings Christmas songs.

Barbara Streisand, Kenny G, Phil Spector, Carly Simon, and Barry Manilow have all recorded Christmas albums.

Carole King, Simon & Garfunkel, Sammy Davis Jr., and The Ramones have all recorded Christmas songs.

Neil D. may be Jewish, but he's also an entertainer of the old school and those cats knew what an easy buck Christmas records were (are).
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 1:44 PM on January 13, 2006