Jack Bauer in Japan

January 16, 2006 1:02 PM

Jack Bauer is back... in Japan, and he wants some Calorie Mate. Watch Kiefer Sutherland maintain character in a series of Japanese snack food commercials (with hour by hour backstory). Parts one, two, and three.
posted by bobo123 (50 comments total)

Nic Cage shills for pachinko
posted by Rothko at 1:16 PM on January 16, 2006

It's not limited to live-action stars, either.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:24 PM on January 16, 2006

Advertising is now the best of the web?
posted by Cranberry at 1:36 PM on January 16, 2006

Jack Bauer is the best of the web.

This is merely a medium with which to convey more Jack Bauer, and by association it becomes the best of the web.
posted by heeeraldo at 1:48 PM on January 16, 2006

Well, the simpsons also does butterfinger ads and I'm pretty sure I saw the flintstones advertising brake pads or something. And celebs shill for japanese products all the time, I guess the thing about this one is that he's in character.
posted by puke & cry at 1:48 PM on January 16, 2006 [1 favorite]

oh and btw, 24 is a great show.
posted by puke & cry at 1:49 PM on January 16, 2006 [1 favorite]

For me to poop on.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:50 PM on January 16, 2006

No, in this case the web is the best of the web because ten years ago, idiots like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sean Connery were shilling for big bucks overseas safe in the knowledge it would never ruin their credibility back home as we never got to see the ads. Nowadays we can. They can't hide.

I hope he got seven figures for this, otherwise it wasn't worth it.
posted by tapeguy at 1:51 PM on January 16, 2006

24 is stupid goofy plotlines and shit blowing up and Kiefer going NOOOOOOOOOOOOO every twenty seconds. How's it still on?
posted by xmutex at 1:57 PM on January 16, 2006

Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris.
posted by craniac at 1:59 PM on January 16, 2006

24 is stupid goofy plotlines and shit blowing up and Kiefer going NOOOOOOOOOOOOO every twenty seconds. How's it still on?

But this season it's Muslim separatists from Russia!
posted by Rothko at 2:02 PM on January 16, 2006

What gives? Those two guys obviously weren't caucasian, yet they remained conspicuously un-tortured for the entire duration of the episode.
posted by coach_mcguirk at 2:03 PM on January 16, 2006

Advertising is now the best of the web?

Do you feel better now?
posted by NationalKato at 2:03 PM on January 16, 2006

Advertising is now the best of the web?

seriously, if this is your contribution to the discussion, just consider keeping it to yourself next time.

This was nine flavors of awesome, bobo, thanks. Love the fact that Keifer is still being Jack Bauer in this goofy campaign, not just shilling the product as Keifer, but as the ficticious character from his own show. I bet the creators of 24 get some royalties from this somehow...
posted by jonson at 2:25 PM on January 16, 2006

24 is stupid goofy plotlines and shit blowing up and Kiefer going NOOOOOOOOOOOOO every twenty seconds. How's it still on?

Perhaps you are unaware of the "action" genre?
posted by danb at 2:27 PM on January 16, 2006

it's still on because its the awesomest show that ever there was, if last night's premiere is any indication of the upcoming season. So, back on topic for the post, what the hell is this calorie mate? It looks suspiciously like Soylent Green.
posted by jonson at 2:35 PM on January 16, 2006

Things I learned from 24:

1) Every part of the greater los angeles area is no more than 12 minutes from any other part.
posted by Justinian at 2:37 PM on January 16, 2006

beep, beep. beep, beep. beep ...
posted by 31d1 at 2:46 PM on January 16, 2006

24 is stupid goofy plotlines and shit blowing up and Kiefer going NOOOOOOOOOOOOO every twenty seconds. How's it still on?

actually Kiefer usually goes "damnit!" or "sonovabitch!" then he goes and triangulates some shit or sets up a "hard perimeter."

24 rules.
posted by hypocritical ross at 2:50 PM on January 16, 2006

xmutex, maybe you're viewing the encrypted video instead of the unencrypted video. Give me your IP address and I'll upload a decryption program to your screen.
posted by emelenjr at 2:59 PM on January 16, 2006

xmutex, maybe you're viewing the encrypted video instead of the unencrypted video. Give me your IP address and I'll upload a decryption program to your screen.

Do you think you could also find the time to transfer $7,500,000 to my account?
posted by xmutex at 3:10 PM on January 16, 2006

Heh. I love it when this place gets surreal.
posted by craniac at 3:20 PM on January 16, 2006

"put it on my screen" is my favorite recurring bit of 24 techno bs. Anything (satellite video in real time, triangulated locations of enemy combatants, etc) can be accessed by any computer, and can then be sent anywhere in the world to a PDA, or occasionally directly to a cell phone.
posted by jonson at 3:23 PM on January 16, 2006

and can then be sent anywhere in the world to a PDA, or occasionally directly to a cell phone.

I hope he bought the unlimited data plan, because if he's paying by the megabyte, he's gonna have a nasty surprise next Verizon bill!
posted by Ynoxas at 3:28 PM on January 16, 2006

It's good to see Jack eating something for a change.

Now if he could just get a bathroom break...
posted by jca at 3:32 PM on January 16, 2006

I ordered this shirt last night.
posted by Meredith at 3:40 PM on January 16, 2006

It's also good to see Chloe getting laid, apparently. Stupid DVR cut off the last 10 minutes or so because the football game ran long...damn thing is set to clock, not to event. Ugh.
posted by TeamBilly at 3:41 PM on January 16, 2006

"put it on my screen" is my favorite recurring bit of 24 techno bs. Anything (satellite video in real time, triangulated locations of enemy combatants, etc) can be accessed by any computer, and can then be sent anywhere in the world to a PDA, or occasionally directly to a cell phone.

Don't be dissing Chloe!
posted by bawanaal at 3:50 PM on January 16, 2006

Same thing happened to me, except it wasn't my DVR, it was the local Fox affiliate... since the premiere started late, they just cut the last 10 minutes out to get the news started on time.

Because of the massive volume of rage directed at them last night and today via phone calls and emails, they're showing the second hour again tonight before the two new episodes. Though I already went to TWoP to find out what I missed.
posted by Meredith at 3:59 PM on January 16, 2006

He's inhaling those things like he hasn't seen food in a ... oh. Right.

Translations: part 2 and part 3 (source)
posted by Aster at 4:02 PM on January 16, 2006

Now if he could just get a bathroom break...

Duuh..... That's what the commercials are for. He also snarks down a couple of power bars chillin' on the throne.
posted by jalexei at 4:13 PM on January 16, 2006

I got into 24 the first three or four episodes, but it became so immediately predictable:

- His stupid-as-shit squealing daughter get's kidnapped every fifteen minutes.
- Every emaciated chick knows kung-fu (excepting seemingly his daughter and wife).
- The bad guys never just blow Bauer's brains out and maniacally monologue their far too complicated schemes in the same 007 style cliche.

Eventually the "real-time" gimmick simply being carried by constant cell phone conversations "under fire" could not sustain any believability or suspense for me anymore.

It all just became another dip-shit soap opera with a torture kink.
posted by tkchrist at 4:13 PM on January 16, 2006

It really is amusing, some of the hilariously stupid crap the big-name stars do over here in commercials. One of my favorites was when Bruce Willis was shilling for a local gas company, all dressed up in Armageddon-style outfit, pumping gas like it was saving the world.
posted by nightchrome at 4:18 PM on January 16, 2006

its weird to see Jack eating something. Don't think ive EVER seen that before.
posted by lemonfridge at 5:00 PM on January 16, 2006

gravitas
posted by super_not at 5:07 PM on January 16, 2006

I'll weigh in on the side of "24 sucks balls".
posted by fenriq at 5:12 PM on January 16, 2006

Lost in translation.
posted by zaelic at 5:28 PM on January 16, 2006

It all just became another dip-shit soap opera with a torture kink.

AND THEN HIS WIFE GOT TEH AMNEISA OH NOOES!
posted by xmutex at 5:42 PM on January 16, 2006

For those who are wondering what Calorie Mate tastes like, imagine orange rind flavored chalk and you're pretty close.
posted by mexican at 6:21 PM on January 16, 2006

I'M JACK BAUER! HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER AND WHY CAN'T I STOP SHOUTING?!
posted by DonnieSticks at 9:09 PM on January 16, 2006

if you don't like 24 you're boring
posted by shoos at 11:23 PM on January 16, 2006

I got utterly fed up with the stupidity of 24 during series 4, so I won't be watching series 5. The world Jack Bauer lives in is a Fox News executive's wet dream.
posted by salmacis at 1:04 AM on January 17, 2006

A bigger problem is that the show is obviously written by committee... and a committee that doesn't trust it's audience at that. The characters are constantly doing or planning something and then they have to stop and say out loud what they are doing or planning. The writers don't trust the audience to be able to follow a simple plot without constant expository hand-holding.
posted by Justinian at 1:34 AM on January 17, 2006

On the other hand, I misused "it's", so what do I know?
posted by Justinian at 1:34 AM on January 17, 2006

I wish someone who reads Japanese would translate the backstory for us. (If I'm understanding correctly, the website has a full 24 hour story to go with the commercials. At least, that's what it looks like.)
posted by litlnemo at 2:06 AM on January 17, 2006

24 is the dirty burger to my West Wing roughage.
posted by klaatu at 6:41 AM on January 17, 2006

awesome post. posted it over on the board for my school, and it is good stuff.
posted by virga at 8:07 AM on January 17, 2006

I hope he bought the unlimited data plan, because if he's paying by the megabyte, he's gonna have a nasty surprise next Verizon bill

Perhaps he has "fair and flexible" on that Treo. Wonder how much that product placement cost. Which brings up another question: what customizable ring-tones does a counterterrorism field specialist use?
posted by soda pop at 9:12 AM on January 17, 2006

I watched the first half of the first season. Then the ridonkulousness of the whole thing became too much.

I tuned in briefly last season, and found fairly revolting levels of racism had been added in as well.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 10:02 AM on January 17, 2006

posted by quonsar at 12:03 PM on January 17, 2006