its not a tumor
January 17, 2006 10:42 AM Subscribe

Its not a tumor. Russian man has tumor removed from his back….but it’s really a 35-year-old embryo that should have been his twin brother.
posted by goldism (82 comments total)

i find that depressing.
posted by clyde at 10:47 AM on January 17, 2006

FarkFilter
posted by matteo at 10:47 AM on January 17, 2006

seriously, this was the plot line of a stephen king novel. i can't recall the name at the moment.
posted by quonsar at 10:49 AM on January 17, 2006

In Russia, dead twin embryo brother attach to YOU!
posted by brain_drain at 10:50 AM on January 17, 2006

seriously, this was the plot line of a stephen king novel. i can't recall the name at the moment.

The Dark Half.
posted by Skot at 10:51 AM on January 17, 2006

I was eating lunch just now.
posted by mds35 at 10:51 AM on January 17, 2006

That was one of my favorite X-Files episodes.
posted by Gator at 10:53 AM on January 17, 2006

The Dark Half.

*makes note with Berol Black Beauty*
posted by quonsar at 10:56 AM on January 17, 2006

He ain't heavy...
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:56 AM on January 17, 2006 [1 favorite]

That was one of my favorite X-Files episodes.

X files is the first thing that came to my mind. Love it.
posted by Sijeka at 10:57 AM on January 17, 2006

The Manitou (1978):

Imagine for a moment that you've got a strange bump on the back of your neck...
posted by cenoxo at 10:59 AM on January 17, 2006

I just thought of my favorite episode of Venture Brothers.
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 11:02 AM on January 17, 2006

I really hope the lump on my head is a true lipoma.
posted by mds35 at 11:03 AM on January 17, 2006

.
posted by wakko at 11:04 AM on January 17, 2006

I hope mine is an unborn twin. I've always wanted a brother.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:05 AM on January 17, 2006

Start the reactor. Free Mars.
posted by eddydamascene at 11:05 AM on January 17, 2006

seriously, this was the plot line of a stephen king novel. i can't recall the name at the moment.
posted by quonsar at 10:49 AM PST on January 17

A similar story was featured in an issue of Weird Tales back in the day; it's called "The Third Arm" or somesuch.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 11:06 AM on January 17, 2006

Seriously, though: Prenatal diagnosis of pygopagus tetrapus parasitic twin (with image thumbnails).
posted by cenoxo at 11:06 AM on January 17, 2006

The ad of a pretty brunette in a low cut dress only made this article more uncomfortable.
posted by boo_radley at 11:08 AM on January 17, 2006

wakko, that made me laugh.

eddydamascene, are you referencing quatto or riffing on the schwarzenegger in the post?
posted by shoepal at 11:11 AM on January 17, 2006

No matter where you go, there we are...
posted by cenoxo at 11:11 AM on January 17, 2006

Eww. Eww Ewww Ewwwwwwww.

Damn.
posted by Ynoxas at 11:14 AM on January 17, 2006

That's unfortunate and sad
posted by customrockworks at 11:15 AM on January 17, 2006

Worst family car trip ever: "Mom, Piotr won't stay on his side of the seat!!!"
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:16 AM on January 17, 2006

And that little-fetus-that-couldn't grew up to be... Philip K. Dick. And now you know, the rest of the story. Good DAY.
posted by dial-tone at 11:22 AM on January 17, 2006 [1 favorite]

eddydamascene, are you referencing quatto or riffing on the schwarzenegger in the post?

Kuato!
posted by eddydamascene at 11:22 AM on January 17, 2006

i'd like to add to the jaded been-there done that crowd: this isn't even unique. i watched a whole discovery ch show about an indian or possibly pakistani who had a huge belly and they couldn't explain it. but it was just his partially formed twin embryo living off of him.
posted by poppo at 11:25 AM on January 17, 2006

Intelligent design strikes again!
posted by glenwood at 11:27 AM on January 17, 2006

A recent case as seen on Oprah. Also strange are the documented cases of stone babies, or lithopedion. (There was a documentary about one on the Discovery Health Channel a couple of weeks back on an episode of "Mystery Diagnosis," but I couldn't find a link.)
posted by cass at 11:29 AM on January 17, 2006

I saw that too Poppo. I still shudder when I think about it. Thanks for the memories goldism.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:30 AM on January 17, 2006

Was this Russian man in advertising, perhaps?
posted by smrtsch at 11:33 AM on January 17, 2006

Russian man has tumor removed from his back….but it’s really a 35-year-old embryo that should have been his twin brother.

Was he harrassed by protestors on the way into the hospital? And did they put the doctor's name, address and phone number on a website?
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:37 AM on January 17, 2006

That was one of my favorite episodes of south park.

(actually, I hated that episode, I just wanted to be trendy!)
posted by delmoi at 11:45 AM on January 17, 2006

Just a more differentiated chimera, or an incompletely vanished twin Not that uncommon.
posted by Peach at 11:47 AM on January 17, 2006

Here's another case, reported last June.
posted by SisterHavana at 11:49 AM on January 17, 2006

A chimera? That was one of my favorite CSI episodes!
posted by Gator at 11:52 AM on January 17, 2006

That's pretty nasty. But I like that he took his little brother home and wouldn't let the hospital "research" it further. I'm sure they had alot of catching up to do.
posted by fenriq at 12:00 PM on January 17, 2006

Sounds like the end of a joke. "That is not a tumor, that is my brother!"
posted by TwelveTwo at 12:06 PM on January 17, 2006

posted by wakko at 12:17 PM on January 17, 2006

Also.
posted by cribcage at 12:25 PM on January 17, 2006

whaaaat. and yes, x-files came to mind!
posted by londontube at 12:26 PM on January 17, 2006

Amateurs, Harlequin Babies are by far the scariest of nature's screw ups.
posted by geoff. at 12:29 PM on January 17, 2006

Alfred Bester covered this material fictionally long before King et al.
posted by edgeways at 12:33 PM on January 17, 2006

mr. gaspode is a pathologist. He's seen a few of these. Very freaky and cool.
posted by gaspode at 12:39 PM on January 17, 2006

A Russian news story expands on the last bit of the linked article:

When he discovered that they wanted to make an educational exhibit of his unborn brother, Igor Namyatov objected: "Ekh, he should have been taken and buried right away. Well, actually the doctor suggested it, but I'd just had the operation and didn't know which end was up. I thought, why do I need that thing—let it stay in the hospital. But now my wife and I have talked about it and decided to take it. Who needs an exhibit!"

posted by languagehat at 12:42 PM on January 17, 2006

Mosnews is only one step above the Weekly World News
posted by JJ86 at 12:51 PM on January 17, 2006

poppo, pollomacho and cass are all referring to the same story of the Egyptian twins. The surgery was successful -- the fully formed twin survived -- but she may have some serious developmental delays now. The Oprah summary is much rosier than the Discovery show's account.
posted by maudlin at 12:56 PM on January 17, 2006

Amateurs, Harlequin Babies are by far the scariest of nature's screw ups.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
posted by BobFrapples at 1:19 PM on January 17, 2006

This explains some of the things I saw in the market butcher case when I was working in Moscow!
posted by wavespy at 1:30 PM on January 17, 2006

Yet another case, apparently.
posted by soyjoy at 1:42 PM on January 17, 2006

The Dark Half.

*makes note with Berol Black Beauty*

That was quite a high-toned response.
posted by davejay at 2:20 PM on January 17, 2006

Teratoma!
posted by monocyte at 2:22 PM on January 17, 2006

Nobody's mentioned Basket Case?!
posted by Aknaton at 2:30 PM on January 17, 2006

There are not words for how jealous I am of zerokey right now.
posted by kalimac at 2:36 PM on January 17, 2006

Damn you, geoff.
posted by sellout at 2:44 PM on January 17, 2006

kalimac - there's nothing to be jealous of - my brain ate him :(

Stupid undeveloped-twin-eating brain
posted by zerokey at 2:56 PM on January 17, 2006

In the US, would this qualify as an abortion?
posted by lodurr at 2:59 PM on January 17, 2006

"So, I had a twin..in my brain!" "Cool!" "But my brain ate it!" "Sad!"

Actually, I think that's the perfect capper. Your brain eats undeveloped twin babies!

Run!
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:44 PM on January 17, 2006

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little brother.
posted by mr.marx at 3:47 PM on January 17, 2006 [3 favorites]

A few years ago, I decided to have an MRI to check up on my lil bro. He was gone. Apparently my brain absorbed it. To be honest, it made me kind of sad. No more creepy friend in my brain.

Sure, you say that you're zerokey and that your brain ate your undeveloped twin. But that's just what you would say, isn't it?

Me, I think you *ARE* zerokey's undeveloped twin, and that you slowly grew through zerokey's body until you replaced him and took over his life.

Perhaps you should go into advertising. Are you ashamed of your false teeth?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:06 PM on January 17, 2006

shhh!
posted by zerokey at 6:08 PM on January 17, 2006

uh... mr. marx wins.
posted by lapolla at 6:40 PM on January 17, 2006

In the late 80s, I had an MRI to investigate the cause of my cluster migraines. The doc found a dermoid cyst in the left side of my brain. He said it was an undeveloped twin.

I thought this was the coolest thing ever! I had a twin in my brain! It made for awesome stories in high school. I even named him.

For a few minutes I got all excited, thinking you were my old friend from high school, a guy we called Swisher who had an absorbed fetal twin he called Timmy or Jimmy or something. I was going to email you to see if you were he, but I called my friend Jill first to make sure it was in his brain.

Jill: "In his brain?"

Me: "Yeah, wasn't it? I think I just found him posting on Metafilter."

Jill: "Meredith... you know that was all a joke, right? That we all just said Swisher had a fetal twin living in his belly and that's why he was so fat. It was the excuse he used for eating family-sized buckets of Popeye's for lunch"

Me: "It wasn't real?"

Jill: "...No."

Me: "Oh. Man. 'Night then."
posted by Meredith at 6:55 PM on January 17, 2006

This happened to a girl I know. She had a 'tumor' in her stomach, and it turned out to have hair, teeth, etc. Her twin sister.
posted by signal at 7:14 PM on January 17, 2006

I'm not he.

My fetal twin's name was Spot.
He had a British accent.
Until my brain ate him.
posted by zerokey at 7:30 PM on January 17, 2006

This is actually pretty common, a friend of mine had a tumor the shape of a neck rest pillow wrapped around his spine. When they removed it, it was hard, covered in hair, with a couple teeth sticking out, a twin his body absorbed in the womb. Pretty creepy still.
posted by highgene at 8:38 PM on January 17, 2006

Comedy gold.
posted by soyjoy at 8:41 PM on January 17, 2006

zerokey, that's gotta be the best conversion stopper ever.

Bill O'Reilly: So, Mr Zerokey, you think you're smart, huh?

zerokey: Well, Bill, let me put it this way. My brain devoured my unborn brother.

*silence*
posted by maryh at 8:54 PM on January 17, 2006

(conversation)
posted by maryh at 8:54 PM on January 17, 2006

actually, been there, done this, and it did not go well:

i'm female and from the age of about 12 to 15, i experienced some tremendously awful pain in my stomach area. i seriously contemplated suicide, it was that bad. it would literally knock me off my feet. sometimes, i'd even lose control of my bladder and become incontinent of feces, so bad was the pain. i'd also vomit. everyone was convinced that i was either making it up for attention or if i really had pain, it was all in my mind.

when i was about 13, my stomach grew very large in a short period of time. now, i was only about 4 foot 8 or so, and quite thin. i also appeared to be about 10 years of age. imagine waddling down the street looking like you were pregnant with twins or triplets while being very small and looking very young. they were too stupid to realize that any gestation period was longer than that of an elephant.

i was called all sorts of names and treated very badly. i'm also Black, and some of the screams and statements about my apparent morals included some seriously racist taunts. all this was very devastating. and of course the pains continued. i also attended Catholic school and those nuns sure didn't believe that i was not pregnant. neither did my own mother.

of course, i had medical tests. not that anything showed up that they could understand. now i know that they were FUCKING IDIOTS. anyway, my mom often beat the shit out of me, trying to get "the truth" out of me, so much so that if i had been pregnant, i would have miscarried, and i ended in the children's aid. she told them i was 'defiant and unmanageable'. nice label and not helpful in a system that is geared towards kids who have problems. i was subjected to a lot of psychological abuse because of my 'attitude'.

finally, i went for what i think was some sort of ultrasound. the man doing it was practically a boy, a very recent graduate from his training program. he did one extra test, technically unsanctioned, and it saved my life. i was in the hospital and on the table the next day.

turns out that i had the largest ovarian dermoid cyst that the medical team had ever seen. and there were serious complications. some of the stuff inside it included teeth and underdeveloped body parts, probably a twin, they said. the surgeon told me later that he was amazed. it was the size of a medicine ball, and he was sure that it would have ruptured within a day or so, poisoning my system and probably killing me.

i arrested on the table, but was successfully revived. the surgery included the removal of an ovary and the connected fallopian tube, and my appendicts, and some fiddling around with intestines and stuff. they left one barely functioning ovary and tube because they said they thought i might like to have kids - WRONG - even though it was unlikely that i would ever be able to get pregnant due to the damage done.

my period started at age 16, quite late and was a nightmare for a decade, completely debillitating as a result, a super heavy 7 day flow, and only two weeks between each time it happened. and vomiting and still both sorts of incontinence.

i only grew to 4 feet 11.5 inches, and they think that this whole thing retarded my growth. all of my brothers and sisters are taller and my parents are not short. it threw off my metabloism and i have a lovely scar from between the the top of my breastbone to the top of my pubic bone, and no normal stomach muscle, so think nice little beer belly on a teenager cause they didn't repair the distension caused.

you know, i received not one word of apology from the assholes at the schools i went to and was kicked out of for being a bad influence, not from my mother, no one. i spent my teen years in the children's aid as a ward of the court, bouncing from group home to foster home, until i was kicked out at age 18 - due to the law - with no resources and was put on welfare.

despite the risk factors of being in care - i chuckle at that phrase - and then dumped on welfare, i never got involved in drinking or drugs or hooking and bad things like that, including sexual promiscuity. i did a few bad things like shoplifting as a juvenile, but i think that was a reaction to being categorized as a worthless little slut - a category i was still put into even though it was shown that i was ill. once you are a file at the children's aid, they assume that you are a problem. i also never tried to off myself even when things were at their worst and the thought crossed my mind. plenty of kids i knew did all of the above and are in prison or dead.

i could have become a negative statistic, but i was determined not too. i managed to keep my sanity, even though everyone told me i was an evil little lying shit who would burn in hell. like i said, often wards of the state are considered total scum, however they ended up there.

it took me until about 22 to finish high school on my own while working full time at shitty minimum wage jobs and puking/pissing/pooping out my guts until i was about 28, until i got that fixed too, thanks to a doctor in a walk in clinic who finally made the connection between my teen health problems and the fact that it had thrown my reproductive hormones out of whack. i had exploratory surgery and they saw the damage done inside, but weren't really able to fix it. medication got my hormones but not my metabolism on track.

20 years after the whole thing started, i'm still playing catch up on my life, including school. hopefully, i'll eventually finish university, and make it through law school. better late than never.

my birthday is Jan 19th and i'm glad to be alive. and relatively healthy (took up body-building and have a 17" arm - not bad for a girl). i wonder what my twin would have been like.
posted by TrinityB5 at 10:54 PM on January 17, 2006 [9 favorites]

holy shit
posted by Optimus Chyme at 12:38 AM on January 18, 2006

The ad of a pretty brunette in a low cut dress only made this article more uncomfortable.

You're lucky -- all I got was bush smoking the hookah:

posted by NewBornHippy at 12:50 AM on January 18, 2006

Trinity, you win. Everything. Gawd damn. That's the worst story I've ever heard. If i knew who and where you were I'd give you the biggest hug. I'd ever given anyone.

You need to send that story to Oprah, she just might pay for your schooling. Christ. Wow.
posted by Dome-O-Rama at 1:46 AM on January 18, 2006

This has been an episode in just about every single medical drama I've ever watched on TV.
posted by antifuse at 2:21 AM on January 18, 2006

Only on Meta - a post that starts out Fark and ends with a tale from the heart, incredible.. Good luck TrinityB5
posted by brettski at 3:16 AM on January 18, 2006

Was the embryo calcified? Or just fatty?
posted by Modem Ovary at 8:33 AM on January 18, 2006

Touche, geoff
posted by Modem Ovary at 8:39 AM on January 18, 2006

Only on Meta - a post that starts out Fark and ends with a tale from the heart, incredible.. Good luck TrinityB5
posted by brettski at 5:16 AM CST on January 18 [!]

That should be some sort of slogan.

Also tagging Trinity's post in hope for a sidebar listing.
posted by Ynoxas at 8:43 PM on January 18, 2006

thanks everyone.

i'm not sure what came over me and made me post all that. talk about verbal diarhea. it's not something i usually talk about. oh well. maybe it's good getting it out. i left out some of the nastier stuff, just too much drama, but you know what? shit happens to everyone. hopefully mine's all out of the way, and things will go relatively ok from now on.

if i wrote a memoir, for sure i'd have to market it as fiction (hello James Frey) because it's just too horrid to believe that it all actually happened to someone, well, me and my brother actually. everything really sick and bad - and then some - that can happen to kids happened to us. anyway, we grew up, and we survived.

my philosophy is that things could have been or could now be worse. and you know what they say: "i used to cry because i had no shoes, until i met someone who had no feet." the good news is that today is my birthday and i'm feeling pretty good about myself, and have a lot to be thankful for:
- i don't live in Iran or Afghanistan
- i have a job being a moderator for an online game (doesn't pay much - but it's a pretty good one and i like it) and will be getting benefits since i passed probation and can keep it while at school since i work at home
- i have my university and my courses picked out and am saving up tuition and am doing prep-study stuff to ensure success
- i have a great cheap apt and a decent landlord who didn't freak out the times i wasn't working and couldn't pay him
- i have started an online business to do with mobile computing and i write articles on that subject for a leading magazine, both in print and on its blog
- and just for fun, i'm trying to learn new cool stuff like juggling and origami
posted by TrinityB5 at 10:39 PM on January 18, 2006

hm, that should read: - i don't live in Iraq or Afghanistan (and yes Iran - now that i think about it some more, where they hang teen girls and boys from cranes on street corners, after flogging them a few hundred to a few thousand times...)
posted by TrinityB5 at 11:59 PM on January 18, 2006

Metafilter: starts out Fark and ends with a tale from the heart

sorry, you know SOMEBODY had to say it
posted by antifuse at 1:38 AM on January 19, 2006

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its not a tumor January 17, 2006 10:42 AM Subscribe

its not a tumor
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