Comments on: It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

five fresh fish — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 22:42:34 -0800

You are the President. It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 22:55:06 -0800

Get torch N D D D D Search Get hookers and blow Inhale hookers Fuck blow Start shit in oil rich country fulla Godless brown people Press shiny red button

By: Balisong

Balisong — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 22:57:56 -0800

He did all that without a nasty looking knife, a length of rope and a sandwitch? I call BS.

By: newfers

newfers — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 22:59:19 -0800

Beautiful post! Loved it loved it loved it! It makes me want to dig out my copy of Zork and play, and also makes me want to move to Canada.

By: Hat Maui

Hat Maui — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 22:59:22 -0800

It is pitch black in the watergate hotel. you are likely to be eaten by agnew.

By: IshmaelGraves

IshmaelGraves — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 23:07:03 -0800

> XYZZY
A hollow voice says, "Fool".

By: loquacious

loquacious — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 23:08:46 -0800

Hat Maui: Heh, I thought of that, too. That's probably the best one liner on MetaFilter, ever. Thanks, P_G, wherever/whomever you are.

By: Malor

Malor — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 23:19:21 -0800

I think P_G was later banned for hacking, wasn't he? Bit of a shame... a miscreant that made good comments.

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 23:23:33 -0800

Anyone know of other good Zork-like scripts? I thought this one was particularly well-done for the genre.

By: Protocols of the Elders of Awesome

Protocols of the Elders of Awesome — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 00:06:44 -0800

I've got my black t-shirt. bigfont smallfont.

By: cribcage

cribcage — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 00:32:26 -0800

I voted for him, and that was pretty damn funny.

By: longdaysjourney

longdaysjourney — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 00:32:32 -0800

I love the addition in the comments: > GET WMD I don't see that here! > LEAVE IRAQ You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all the same. Great, great post. Thank you, fivefreshfish!

By: jeremy b

jeremy b — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 00:49:47 -0800

my state is glowing with a faint blue glow.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 00:50:19 -0800

Well-played by our very own (can we still call people who almost never post here any more 'our very own'? Sure, why the hell not!) shadowkeeper.

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 01:47:18 -0800

Good stuff, cheers.

By: hoverboards don't work on water

hoverboards don't work on water — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 02:16:41 -0800

Awesome. Now do it with nethack!

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 02:19:54 -0800

I've always seen Bush as more of a Leisure Suit Larry kinda guy. Instead of trying to get laid, he's trying to be validated by his father and God. With hilarious concequences!

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 03:06:25 -0800

1. the agnew comment was the single best comment ever made on this site, even if he was a douchebag. 2. You are running for the office of President of The United States. The results declare you the loser after Florida goes to Gore. >Call Jeb. Jeb Bush cheats for you, assuring you the undeserved victory in Florida. >Remember to cheat again in 4 years. You tell Karl Rove to remember to cheat again in 4 years for you. >_

By: Meredith

Meredith — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 03:16:47 -0800

Brilliant! *fires up ADVENTURE on emulator*

By: graventy

graventy — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 03:23:53 -0800

That Matthew Baldwin is one funny bastard.

By: Tommy Gnosis

Tommy Gnosis — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 05:21:27 -0800

I voted for him, and that was pretty damn funny. >Look for hope. There is no hope to be found.

By: eriko

eriko — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 05:25:01 -0800

> GET WMD I don't see that here! >BLAME DEMOCRATS The media duly reports that the Democratic Party hindered the search for WMD. >BLAME IRAN The media duly reports that Iran hindered the search for WMD. >CLEAR BRUSH Cleared. My, this ranch looks clean now!

By: Dr. Wu

Dr. Wu — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 05:25:17 -0800

This is really exceedingly clever. Excellent stuff.

By: Miko

Miko — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 05:46:27 -0800

Wow. Mind is blown. I just forwarded this to my Dad, who got me playing Zork at the age of 8. This was akin to some sort of medieval apprenticeship in fantasy problem-solving, which has stood me in good stead in my adult life. Not only did I know I wasn't the only one until today, I'm excited about the T-shirts. Gift idea .

By: fungible

fungible — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 05:55:10 -0800

Funny. I'd forward it, but I don't know anyone who played Zork besides me.

By: mrbill

mrbill — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 06:52:48 -0800

For people who don't get it, see Colossal Cave and Zork. Ahh, the memories...

By: SisterHavana

SisterHavana — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 07:11:06 -0800

That is great!

By: blahblahblah

blahblahblah — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 07:36:36 -0800

Because someone (might have) asked, here ore is some more non-political text game humor, as Hamlet the Text Adventure is sadly shut down: Lowbrow: Gold Key (fake transcript) Highbrow: Modernism (text adventure of Waiting for Godot and No Exit) [partial transcript here]

By: I Love Tacos

I Love Tacos — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 08:02:52 -0800

Two thumbs down, way down. On the plus side, that comment by Pretty_Generic was pretty funny.

By: briank

briank — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 08:49:43 -0800

[this is good]

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 09:31:30 -0800

I had absolutely no idea that this spoof was written by one of our own! Yay, Shadowkeeper -- you should post more often here on MeFi, you're quite the wit!

By: FormlessOne

FormlessOne — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 10:43:51 -0800

Funny post.

By: Shadowkeeper

Shadowkeeper — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 11:03:45 -0800

Hey, thanks everybody!

By: BlackLeotardFront

BlackLeotardFront — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 11:47:52 -0800

Ahhh, this is great, simultaneously good on its own and reminding me of my MUD-ing days. Jesus Christ! I need to find out which MUD I was on back then, I've got a hankering now.

By: davejay

davejay — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 11:50:24 -0800

[this is even better than that] A nice reminder that the quality and tone of the writing in those old text adventures was fantastic. It was always the understated delivery of critical information that made me laugh the most, and the author perfectly captured it here: > STAY COURSE The situation in Iraq deteriorates. Some insurgents arrive. There is a small number of insurgents here. I remember playing some text adventure years ago, and I was sitting in a little boat, and a bunny swam over and entered the boat. There was a nice description of a fuzzy little rabbit with white fur, et al -- but it was only when I typed "look" several turns later that this description came up: There is a killer bunny here. At the time it startled the hell out of me, as if I'd actually been sitting in a boat with a killer bunny without realizing it. I can't wait to show these games to my children when they're old enough.

By: Citizen Premier

Citizen Premier — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 15:16:16 -0800

I hate games like those, but this was damn funny. PET SEAL was the best part.

By: uni verse

uni verse — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 16:34:29 -0800

Nice thread(s).

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 16:49:48 -0800

It needs a lot more TAKE VACATIONs.

By: LeLiLo

LeLiLo — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 18:57:58 -0800

This is brilliantly done, Shadowkeeper. And the comments: > > GET WMD I don't see that here! >>LEAVE IRAQ You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all the same. are perfect. Sad to say. (Those twisty little passages were always where I got stuck in the game 25 years ago, and gave up.) The combination of computer game nostalgia and present-day disaster makes me think of Neil Postman's book Amusing Ourselves to Death.

By: shoepal

shoepal — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 19:54:21 -0800

Shadowkeeper, were you inspired by P_G's comment?

By: arto

arto — Wed, 18 Jan 2006 20:57:38 -0800

I guess I'm the only one here who thought it was only about one-sixteenth as funny as the IKEA walkthrough.

By: I Love Tacos

I Love Tacos — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 00:06:00 -0800

arto: no, you aren't. I thought it was tired, predictable and included one good joke (PET SEAL).

By: I Love Tacos

I Love Tacos — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 00:06:20 -0800

(that IKEA walkthrough is going to come in handy. Thanks!)

By: Shadowkeeper

Shadowkeeper — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 09:54:49 -0800

Yeah, well, I wrote the IKEA Walkthrough too, so nyah.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 16:54:45 -0800

Bwahaha! I actually had the thought of clicking through to it to check the byline (because I had some tinkly inkling that it was you also), so I could slap arto and Taco in the face with my your weiner, but then I got distracted by a shiny thing and forgot.