The Anti-Cute

January 18, 2006 1:50 PM

The Anti-Cute "Oh it is mother fucking on. Round up the troops. Arm yourselves. It's time to show your loyalty to JALG and fight for once in your puny little life goddamnit. Some very popular blogs which shall remain nameless(boingboing and metafilter) have recently posted to some bullshit cute "animal" blog. I'm not going to embarass anybody here by telling you what this bullshit blog is. It's cuteoverload [previously], more like overload of bull." Compare and contrast with the ultimate in cute.
posted by ereshkigal45 (45 comments total)

Be_gentle_first_FPP.macro
posted by ereshkigal45 at 1:51 PM on January 18, 2006

16 baby pandas! *faints from teh cute.*
posted by dabitch at 1:55 PM on January 18, 2006

Mrs. Latham (right) lifts her dress, squats and ejects a pacarana for her 14-year-old son Billy!
posted by quonsar at 2:07 PM on January 18, 2006

In Communist China, powerball winners get double pandas:


posted by skallas at 2:23 PM on January 18, 2006

I don't get it. What the heck is going on here?
posted by Malor at 2:26 PM on January 18, 2006

Ah, the cut-throat world of cute baby animal blogs...
posted by clevershark at 2:26 PM on January 18, 2006

Cute animals + Foul-mouthed shithead = good internets.
posted by Corpus Callosum at 2:28 PM on January 18, 2006

My gosh, they all look so tasty.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 2:31 PM on January 18, 2006

Here's the anti-cute.
posted by MikeKD at 2:33 PM on January 18, 2006

My gosh, they all look so tasty.

I have long held to the understanding that the cuter the animal, the better it tastes. Chickens are cuter than turkeys. Cows are cuter than chickens (sort of). Pigs are cuter than cows. Lambs are cuter than pigs.

I predict that river otters are absolutely the most delicious animal on the planet, and that real gourmets will fight over the face.
posted by solid-one-love at 2:38 PM on January 18, 2006

Okay, skallas it's been five minutes since I read that and i'm still giggling. Good job.
posted by dame at 2:45 PM on January 18, 2006

"Peep his left arm. It's got this stiff upperclass thing going on as if he's remarking on the state of London. This coming from a fucking squirrel whose ass is hanging waaaay off the back of the stick he's perched on."

Very nice.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 2:53 PM on January 18, 2006

Wow! Like tentacle porn with pandas!
posted by zerokey at 2:55 PM on January 18, 2006

First FPP huh?
Seriously, I'm looking forward to your second FPP.
And then, maybe you'll tell me your PIN Number for the ATM Machine and the ISBN Number of your favorite book. We could do it on IRC Chat. I can tell you about RAS Syndrome.

I keeeeeed with the nit-picking. It was a good link.
posted by seanyboy at 2:55 PM on January 18, 2006

Uh, seanyboy... The 'F' stands for "front".
posted by mr_roboto at 2:58 PM on January 18, 2006

So it does.
Now who feels stupid.
posted by seanyboy at 3:01 PM on January 18, 2006

Chickens are cuter than turkeys. Cows are cuter than chickens (sort of). Pigs are cuter than cows. Lambs are cuter than pigs.

But but...I like turkey better than chicken, and chicken better than beef. And lamb is meh. So I guess river otter is right out for me.
posted by Hildegarde at 3:03 PM on January 18, 2006

Cute animals + Foul-mouthed shithead = good internets.

Word.
posted by gleuschk at 3:05 PM on January 18, 2006

The 'F' stands for "front".

Oh, the snap heard 'round the world.
posted by CynicalKnight at 3:07 PM on January 18, 2006

Now who feels stupid.

*raises hand, squats, ejects pacarana*
posted by quonsar at 3:24 PM on January 18, 2006

That would be stooped, quonsar.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:27 PM on January 18, 2006

I can't see the squirrel. This upsets me.
posted by dame at 3:29 PM on January 18, 2006

Compare and contrast with the ultimate in cute.

OK now, I acknowledge that pandafix is pretty damn cute, but "the ultimate"? I think you're forgetting a little thing called Kitten War.
posted by rkent at 3:30 PM on January 18, 2006

Try this, dame.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:32 PM on January 18, 2006

How did you know that was a pacarana, q? I know because when I was a kid my grandma gave me a National Geographic collection spanning 1950-75, and I remember that photo...
posted by Heywood Mogroot at 3:35 PM on January 18, 2006

Cuteoverload is way cuter that that dude's site.
posted by joegester at 3:36 PM on January 18, 2006

That's it - you've summoned BUBEES!

posted by dabitch at 3:49 PM on January 18, 2006

This supposed "anti-cute" sure looks cute to me. Is that how it works?
posted by nobody at 3:57 PM on January 18, 2006

Dear god.

"Elation as giant pandas mate for the first time time"

Newlywed panda couple Xuang Xuang and Lin Hui, on loan to a zoo in Thailand from China for the next 10 years, decided to mate yesterday.

"Lin Hui, the female, was particularly explicit in her overtures as she kept walking by Xuang Xuang and turning her rear toward him.

But it seemed the male panda was not in the mood in the morning as he kept pushing her away with his paws."

Such male panda disinterest is standard.

"There was some movement and after awhile Lin Hui let out a humming noise, but Xuang Xuang showed little reaction. After a few minutes, the two parted, ending their first romantic encounter."

You may (or may not) recall that zoo officials had the two pandas married in a ceremony this past November. “Start making children soon. Don’t let me down,” Chinese Consul Peng Ren Dong told a couple dressed as pandas — which are notoriously difficult to breed in captivity — during a colourful tea ceremony which is part of Chinese wedding rites.
posted by jokeefe at 4:04 PM on January 18, 2006

How did you know that was a pacarana, q?

Maybe because it's IDed that way on the linked page? Or, I mean, it could just be his leet pacarana-identifying skills.

I linked to baaaaabyanimals on the previous post. I'm doing it again, dammit. I figure it's okay because the title link was also posted in a comment on the previous.
posted by booksandlibretti at 4:07 PM on January 18, 2006

Skunks! I want a skunk for a pet so badly. unfortunately, while they supposedly made good pets, caring for them can be complicated, and they're illegal as pets in my state. Alas.
posted by kosher_jenny at 4:32 PM on January 18, 2006

"Inocently enough, I decided to find some pictures of baby beavers. Needless to say it didn't go as planned. I don't know if you've ever been on the internet before but it's full of porn!" Heh.
posted by Gator at 4:40 PM on January 18, 2006

That's it - you've summoned BUBEES!

I see your Bubees, and I raise you one tiny bunny with its tongue sticking out.


posted by clevershark at 4:44 PM on January 18, 2006

I like Cuteoverload's layout better. They also have a lot of the same images. Perhaps the same folks submit to both? If one could combine the copywriting of JALG with the visual ease-of-use of Cuteverload, we'd have a winner. Kittenwar be p0wnd.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 4:55 PM on January 18, 2006

Anti-cute? pppht. This (safe mefi link talks about really NSFW website) is anti-cute.
posted by Extopalopaketle at 5:41 PM on January 18, 2006

...and I raise you one tiny bunny with its tongue sticking out.

Kyooot. Is that bunny saying "Gee, I wonder if his wire here is electri*ZAP* gaaah!" right at the moment the picture is taken?
posted by dabitch at 7:57 PM on January 18, 2006

ps - kyoot animals with their tongues sticking out are somehow kyoot squared.
posted by dabitch at 7:59 PM on January 18, 2006

I still say the imaginary friend patty-cake bunny trumps all other cuteness.
posted by Gator at 8:01 PM on January 18, 2006

The rarely seen Kitten Frog rises off his fat little belly in protest.


posted by Mo Nickels at 8:20 PM on January 18, 2006

Anti-cute? pppht. This (safe mefi link talks about really NSFW website) is anti-cute.

Yeah. I realized after I posted that it's really not so much Anti-Cute as Alterna-Cute.

Also, thank you all for not completely reaming me on my first front page post*.

*Hi, seanyboy.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 8:20 PM on January 18, 2006

If you don't want the real anti-cute don't search for the comment about harlequin babies from the other day. Heart-wrenching little bundles of misery.

I'll take piles of pandas and little furry animals with cute little sticking out tongues every single day of the week.
posted by The Monkey at 10:19 PM on January 18, 2006

I personally think KittenFrog isn't cute. Here's why:

Cats have incredibly sensitive hearing, and they rely on it heavily, more than on their eyesight in many situations. You can see this if you watch a cat for any length of time; they'll often just move their ears round rather than actually look to assess a situation. Covering their ears up is a pretty mean thing to do, it's rather like blindfolding them.

Also, dressing your pets up is seriously lame. Just get on with it and have babies already.
posted by tomsk at 3:41 AM on January 19, 2006

What's lame about the KittenFrog is that the frog part is Photoshopped in.
posted by litlnemo at 4:21 AM on January 19, 2006

Hmm. You could be right there...
I've see so many other similar pics that definitely aren't Photoshopped I just automatically jump on my high horse nowadays. Sorry.
posted by tomsk at 4:32 AM on January 19, 2006

Awww! I think tomsk's high horse is the cutest thing in this post! I lurve it when the ponies do the junk!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:51 AM on January 19, 2006