Comments on: Hello, my name is...

Hello, my name is...

littleme — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:29:21 -0800

OK, so some professional sports players have less-than-usual first names. Certainly not ones that are likely to appear on the top ten list. But if you really want weirdness in names (and, quite possibly, other things) you need to head over to Utah. (Frameset page; click on 'The Cream of The Crop'.) Personal favorite: VulvaMae

By: lalochezia

lalochezia — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:33:47 -0800

Are these real?

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:35:52 -0800

Yes, these are real. Really real. Far too real. For realz.

By: gurple

gurple — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:37:50 -0800

Sweet! I spent high school surrounded by LaNaes and Brodins and such... this page brings back memories. There was a girl a few years ahead of me in my suburban Utah high school named Crystal Lear. Middle name: Shanda No shit, really.

By: mathowie

mathowie — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:38:17 -0800

VulvaMae sounds like an all-girl roller derby star player.

By: kittyprecious

kittyprecious — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:41:57 -0800

Ahhhh...I first saw this Utah Baby Namer thing ten years ago, but I lost the link soon after and couldn't seem to find it again; though I kept trying to explain the bizarre appeal of it, people just shook their heads at me sadly. Thanks for finding this. I had no idea it was still being updated. (Heh. "Bimberly.")

By: The Jesse Helms

The Jesse Helms — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:42:40 -0800

There's an entire chapter on this in Freakonomics.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:44:33 -0800

Acel, I'd like you to meet Blessing Ream.

By: horsewithnoname

horsewithnoname — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:47:12 -0800

I stopped looking at the boys' names in the last link when I got to "Stockton Malone." Beautiful.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:48:03 -0800

BeDae LOLZ

By: teece

teece — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:51:52 -0800

I have relatives from Utah (OK, I'm from Utah, too, but left when I was young). My wife calls them my "children of the corn" family, because she thinks their names, and the names of their town (and streets et al.) are scary, like that bad movie with Malachai.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:52:41 -0800

PEACHES GELDOF CALLS FOR END TO SILLY NAMES (not an Onion link)

By: SteveInMaine

SteveInMaine — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:55:39 -0800

These names would never fly in Germany.

By: scratch

scratch — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:58:01 -0800

Regarding pro athletes, it's not the names per se that bug me, it's the illiterate rendering of some: Antwone??? Come on. Isiah? Sheesh. Dontae? Ugh. I had no idea they were so creative in Utah. Here are some non-Utah names I've noticed over the years: Trellis, Quovadis, Yvette (pronouned "why vette," talk about illiteracy), and Chevelle. I also remember reading somewhere about a girl child named "Sexilyn" and called her "Sexy" for short, which sent me into a black pit of feminist despair.

By: togdon

togdon — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:58:34 -0800

From today's Daily Dime: Matt (Boston): Where did you get the nickname "Smush"? And what's the best nickname in the NBA? Smush Parker: My nickname came from my mother. It was given to me when I was a baby. The No. 1 nickname in the NBA is Smush. It doesn't get any better than that. Real name: Willam. As to "best" (ie. most easily mocked) nicknames, self annointed or otherwise, I'd have to go with his teammate Mamba. I hate the Lakers, and am ashamed to admit that I know any of this...

By: scratch

scratch — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 09:59:29 -0800

pronounced ... Now who's illiterate?

By: Foosnark

Foosnark — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:04:09 -0800

These sound like names that would get rejected from most MMORPGs.

By: chris24

chris24 — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:05:57 -0800

Went to college with a girl named Beige Brown.

By: Meaney

Meaney — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:07:15 -0800

My favorite sports star is God Shamgod

By: Oyéah

Oyéah — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:09:03 -0800

Rayola and Clydene top my list for Utah feminine names. More people than you might realize are named Donetta in Utah. Apparently there are a lot of Dons that didn't have sons. La Verkin takes the prize for twisted Utah place name.

By: tweak

tweak — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:09:59 -0800

Cashley A boy's name?? Why don't they just name him "Trannygigolo" and be done with it.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:12:00 -0800

Watch out, Latrina, here comes D'Loaf! Best of D'net.

By: GhostintheMachine

GhostintheMachine — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:13:00 -0800

"Sterile"? Come on, now. "Dull"? "Friends Forsaken"? And to think we mocked a friend with "Royal" as his middle name...

By: TunnelArmr

TunnelArmr — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:16:04 -0800

Wow, this link is amazing. I was totally unaware of this phenomenon and now I'm going to waste hours at work researching it further. Thanks littleme. You passed over some of my favorite athlete first names, though. I'd say LaDainian Tomlinson ranks pretty low on the weird name list. Plenty of guys have him beat in that department, like: D'Brickashaw Ferguson Laveranues Coles God Shammgod (funny from beginning to end) Speedy Claxton (not his real first name but, like Smush Parker, it's listed as his first name in media guides and stuff) Jeremetrius Butler Wonderful Monds Dontarrious Thomas Peerless Price Zeron Flemister Odartey Blankson Earthwind Moreland There are so many more. The NFL is a gold mine for completely ridiculous names that would doom people to a lifetime of embarassment if they weren't making millions of dollars a year as pro athletes.

By: poppo

poppo — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:17:17 -0800

I knew a Bliss when I was about 19. Always assumed her parents were hippies. But maybe they were just from Utah.

By: TunnelArmr

TunnelArmr — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:17:22 -0800

Oops, on lack of preview, Meaney beat me to God Shammgod.

By: nadawi

nadawi — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:17:38 -0800

One of my customers is a little boy named Don-Tay. My (mormon) uncle uses the letters of his name for the first letter in each child's name. J-James, A-Amanda, M-Melissa, E-Emily, S-Steven, and then the first initial of his last name B-Bonnie. Not weird names, but that's only because they never got to the O or the X.

By: booksandlibretti

booksandlibretti — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:20:46 -0800

Is this the thread where everyone has to bring up the urban legend of the kid your friend's bigger sister's classmate's cousin knew, no really, who was named Shithead?

By: teleri025

teleri025 — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:21:36 -0800

My dad, a former cop, often tells the story of a gentleman he often picked up for public drunkenness. Legitimate Carver. Nice man, had two older brothers John and David. Daddy always said that you couldn't blame his momma for being proud. Although getting called Leggy your whole life might explain the frequent public drunkenness.

By: JekPorkins

JekPorkins — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:24:58 -0800

Given the number of mormon mefites, I'd be surprised if there weren't a few Utahnic names floating out there among mefite children. I'm betting nobody will volunteer that info, of course ;-)

By: ramix

ramix — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:25:26 -0800

Odartey Blankson is actually a Ghanaian name...don't see what's so funny about it!

By: aardvarkratnik

aardvarkratnik — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:27:28 -0800

Oyéah: I lived in La Verkin in the early '80s. Strange little town with most of the population being polygamists, rather than Mormons. Kind of a Twilight Zone existence there...

By: effwerd

effwerd — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:28:45 -0800

Not Utah related but my favorite stoned-parents name has got to be Morty Coil.

By: Uccellina

Uccellina — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:28:55 -0800

Desdedididawn? An excellent name . . . for conjoined triplets.

By: Gungho

Gungho — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:30:14 -0800

My favorite NBA name has been Anfernee (Anthony?) Hardaway. Maybe his mom should have waited for the anaesthesia to wear off before he told the doctor.

By: karmaville

karmaville — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:31:52 -0800

High school in the late eighties, early nineties gave me classmates of Buffy (male) and Muffy (female) that were the uber-couple on campus. Don't know how far past graduation they were together though. Yes, I went to a rich suburban high school in the South, so what?

By: anda L.

anda L. — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:33:06 -0800

My favorite is El Myrrh (Elmer). I've taught children named Hardeisha, Dollah, Quayvonne'Asia, U'Neke (Unique), Lil'Warren, N'Dea (India), Cashmere and Nemesis (a five-year-old!) This was in Virginia, not Utah, and are just a few that spring to mind.

By: Plutor

Plutor — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:33:51 -0800

JekPorkins: "Given the number of mormon mefites, I'd be surprised if there weren't a few Utahnic names floating out there among mefite children. I'm betting nobody will volunteer that info, of course ;-)" Jek Porkins? Jek? Jek? *leers intently*

By: slogger

slogger — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:35:43 -0800

Jennyfivetina I just can't get over that. Jennyfivetina Jennyfivetina Jennyfivetina Jennyfivetina Jennyfivetina

By: karmaville

karmaville — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:36:21 -0800

Gungho, Hardaway wasn't the best name at the University of Memphis. A decade earlier, when the school was called Memphis State, a star player was Baskerville Holmes (great name, tragic end). His mom saw the movie while in labor and liked the name.

By: JekPorkins

JekPorkins — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:37:52 -0800

Lol. My name was invented a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. Where all parents are strong and wise and capable, and all children are happy and beloved. I don't know. Maybe it was Utah.

By: Hands of Manos

Hands of Manos — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:41:50 -0800

My wife is a school teacher in a more ethnic area. One of her students is named: Lacackameshia and no, I'm not making that up.

By: Listener_T

Listener_T — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:41:51 -0800

There is apparently a similar tradition of naming in Hong Kong. On another note, I overheard a mother in NYC call her daughter across a playground "Shebarbra, get your ass over here!" Made me think if I had triplets I would name them Chamois, Chenille, and Chambray.

By: Creosote

Creosote — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:42:07 -0800

Where's "Urethra"? I knew someone who swore that she once taught a class with a student by that name enrolled. Though anyone I've ever mentioned this to figures it's a FOAF story and discounts it...

By: wah

wah — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:43:29 -0800

My name is Roy, after my grandfather. One of my (many) aunt's name? Royleen. (she's from Utah, my mom escaped before I showed up)

By: mrgrimm

mrgrimm — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:43:50 -0800

The NFL is a gold mine for completely ridiculous names that would doom people to a lifetime of embarassment if they weren't making millions of dollars a year as pro athletes. some "classic" MLB names: Johnny "Ugly" Dickshot, Urban Shocker, Cannonball Titcomb, Seems Studley ...

By: The Jesse Helms

The Jesse Helms — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:48:13 -0800

Baby gonna name her "Lexus Mercedes."

By: Dormant Gorilla

Dormant Gorilla — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:52:04 -0800

I went to high school with a guy named Sal(vatore) Minella. But you know...there are so many diseases that sound like they'd be pretty names for girls. Chlamydia, Diptheria...

By: Hands of Manos

Hands of Manos — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 10:54:55 -0800

Of course there's Richard Cheese

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:00:06 -0800

Don't forget former West Georgia College professor and frequent Newt Gringrich-era interviewee Richard Dangle. Yes, he went by Dick.

By: JeffK

JeffK — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:00:26 -0800

K-8 Now why the hell didn't I think of that when my daughter was born? She could have been K-8K.

By: CrunchyFrog

CrunchyFrog — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:00:33 -0800

A: You know sometimes nowadays they give ballplayers peculiar names. C: You mean funny names. A: Nicknames, pet names, like Dizzy Dean - C: His brother Daffy - A: Daffy Dean - C: And their cousin! A: Who's that? C: Goofy!

By: schoolgirl report

schoolgirl report — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:01:18 -0800

Had a high school acquaintance named Nylora. Her mom's name was Carolyn, so they reversed it and dropped the C. Also, a Cuban friend of mine told me that Usnavy -- pronounced oos-nah-vee -- is not an uncommon name for children of Cuban refugees. He might have been lying.

By: zerokey

zerokey — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:02:53 -0800

I don't know if she was from Utah, but I once knew a woman named Female - pronounced Fem-ah-lee.

By: Samizdata

Samizdata — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:04:20 -0800

My stepfather taught three brothers who were a year apart... Hermin, Thermin, and Vermin. I was also good friends with a Clifford Leeper. Three kids I knew OF (via my parents) - Truly Gold, Justin Copper and Shirley Silver. Someone my (soon to be) exwife went to school with was Sharon Dick. Her parents confessed, had she been a boy, she would have been Harry. There's more, sadly... (I'm a little partial to LaDanian Tomlinson. This is how I get my own jersey. )

By: p3t3

p3t3 — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:04:54 -0800

Early 90's, Ann Arbor, there was a high school kid named Jamaican Honkey. Never saw or met him though since I was at the neighboring HS.

By: JekPorkins

JekPorkins — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:06:23 -0800

The coolest NASCAR driver name ever: Dick Trickle

By: funkbrain

funkbrain — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:06:58 -0800

Mulva.

By: LeLiLo

LeLiLo — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:07:06 -0800

OK, so some professional sports players have less-than-usual first names... Wonderful Monds... The outfielder Wonderful Monds was actually named Wonderful Terrific Monds III. The third! He apparently never made it in the majors; I heard about him when he played with the minor league Harrisburg Senators, where my friend Jim works the scoreboard. I love this subject (and this post). Some time back I did a roster check of the 64 teams in that year's NCAA basketball tournament, and came up with some incredible first names. p.s. Speaking of sports names, we discussed the parents who named their kid ESPN many years ago.

By: horsewithnoname

horsewithnoname — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:07:33 -0800

I had a TA in college named Jenny Talia. not a True story!

By: sciurus

sciurus — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:10:49 -0800

Onomatopoeia Jones

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:12:44 -0800

Snopes' take on some of these names is interesting.

By: AaronRaphael

AaronRaphael — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:13:24 -0800

Oyéah: I lived in La Verkin in the early '80s. Strange little town with most of the population being polygamists, rather than Mormons. Kind of a Twilight Zone existence there... Having grown up in the town about a mile away (Hurricane, UT) and not having *ever* heard of or known any polygamists from there... are you sure you're not thinking of Colorado City? Total polygamist enclave as you're describing, about a 20 minute drive from Hurricane/LaVerkin.

By: mikrophon

mikrophon — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:13:40 -0800

I'm with Slogger. I never, ever LOL, but I fucking LOLed at Jennyfivetina. Holy shit.

By: chrisubus

chrisubus — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:14:13 -0800

My grandfather's name was Harold and they named my aunt Harolyn (and that was after they had 2 boys with non-Harold related names!).

By: LeLiLo

LeLiLo — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:14:24 -0800

To cap this post off (sports names/Utah), here's part of a Dave Barry column about the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City: Among the Olympic athletes whose names we should not find amusing are (I am not making these up): Momo Skokie, Assen Pandov, Angel Pumpalov, Radek Bonk, Meelis Aasmae, Marku Uusipaavalniemi, Dagny L. Krisjandottir, Gatis Guts, Ganbat Jargalanchuluun, Frode Estil, Irina Slutskaya, Peter Pen, Beat Hefti, Miroslav Satan, Assol Slivets, and, of course, Picabo Street.

By: Space Kitty

Space Kitty — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:21:40 -0800

Overheard in Target: Du Jour Former co-workers name: Babyruth My daughter insists to this day she had a classmate named Bonequeshia but I refuse to believe her. (self-links to prove I didn't make this shit up just for this thread)

By: davejay

davejay — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:21:50 -0800

In high school, I went on a date with a girl named "Candy Hull". No kidding. It went about as well as you'd expect.

By: trip and a half

trip and a half — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:21:55 -0800

I suppose I should mention that I had an aunt named "Metta Mae".

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:22:00 -0800

My parents went to school with Robin Hood (female) and Donald Duckworth. And I once encountered a woman with the mellifluous name of Toshiba.

By: bardic

bardic — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:23:30 -0800

Frostee Rucker. (Which would be even more perfect if he was a rugger, but go figure.)

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:24:03 -0800

I've met Republican lobbyist Winthrop Cashdollar.

By: GhostintheMachine

GhostintheMachine — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:27:57 -0800

No, honestly. How could anyone name their kid "Treasure Cocaine"? Please, someone explain...

By: emelenjr

emelenjr — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:37:42 -0800

I knew of a Shrylnee' Johnson in college. No, not "Shrylnée", as someone who knows a little French might think — feminine name, double e, so acute accent on the first e. Shrylnee', with the apostrophe. Another name I remember from college was Peaches Blades.

By: elquien

elquien — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:38:25 -0800

My mom has three cousins (brothers) named Tom, Dick and Harry. Which wouldn't be so bad, but their last name is Bump. I swear to god, I've met these men. And the Harry Bump is a Jr.!

By: wavespy

wavespy — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:39:49 -0800

This makes the the 2 guys named ELVIS in my high school seem downright mainstream! God I miss the south....somewhat.

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:41:49 -0800

I knew a guy named Elvis, too, wavespy!

By: mbd1mbd1

mbd1mbd1 — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:42:55 -0800

Don't forget the basketball playing Mapp brothers - Scientific and Majestic.

By: wavespy

wavespy — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:44:05 -0800

Did I mention the OB-GYN in Northern Virginia named Harry C Beaver?!?! You can look him up in the phonebook there.

By: afflatus

afflatus — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:44:06 -0800

I went to highschool with a guy named Warren Burrow. Apparently he had never really thought about it because he was taken aback and then fairly pissed off when I started calling him "rabbit hole rabbit hole".

By: kika

kika — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:44:32 -0800

My godfather's name is Harry Prick. Can you understand why he uses his middle initials?

By: bardic

bardic — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:45:38 -0800

mdb1mdb1--Ahh, Majestic Mapp. I remember when he was supposed to save the Cavs, along with that short sweaty coach guy. But the real question is this: What would their pornstar and rockstar names be? (Pornstar being name of first pet + mother's maiden name, rockstar being middle name + name of street one grew up on, as I've been told.)

By: luftmensch

luftmensch — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:48:09 -0800

I've met Republican lobbyist Winthrop Cashdollar. Then there's Republican candidate (can't recall for what) Rich White.

By: Zack_Replica

Zack_Replica — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:51:58 -0800

This is an excellent and funny post - thanks littleme. Everyone I've forwarded the links to is dumbfounded.

By: davebush

davebush — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:59:01 -0800

PEACHES GELDOF CALLS FOR END TO SILLY NAMES Her daddy doesn't understand her...he always said she was good as gold.

By: Eddie Mars

Eddie Mars — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:08:16 -0800

Years ago I came across the perfect name in my company's directory: Guy Savage. It was such a crushing blow when I found out he was a tax attorney and not a big game hunter/gentleman adventurer.

By: Zack_Replica

Zack_Replica — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:12:18 -0800

A friend of mine just wrote to me about the names... "I went to school with a Stormy Weather and Candy Rabbit (her dad's name was Peter)."

By: ktoad

ktoad — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:14:36 -0800

Clearly some of these parents have forgotten that their offspring will have to make it through the hell of childhood and shcool before reaching adulthood. Half of these Utah names are future legal excuses for patricide and matricide.

By: ktoad

ktoad — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:15:19 -0800

("shcool" above should be "school")

By: TunnelArmr

TunnelArmr — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:16:40 -0800

mrgrimm - you forgot my favorite MLB name ever: Rusty Kuntz. karmaville - I just read about Baskerville Holmes yesterday, actually. I think that, as far as men's basketball names go, he's in a dead heat with Napoleon Lightning and Longar Longar. luftmensch - I think you're referring to Rick White, former congressman from Washington state. I suppose there's a reason he doesn't go by Rich...

By: punilux

punilux — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:17:37 -0800

I've worked with a Richard Soles, but my favourite comes from a supermarket in Liverpool. An angelic wee girl ran past me, followed by an anguished, broad Scouse cry from Mum. 'Oy! Aphrodite, fookin' get 'ere'. tweak : I'm a male Ashley. I am not, nor have I ever been, a tranny, thanks.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:19:27 -0800

That does it. I'm naming my kid Frankenstein.

By: xthlc

xthlc — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:21:27 -0800

My dad, having taught high school for almost fifty years, has quite a few good ones. My favorites were two second-generation Vietnamese-American kids he had a few years ago: Donald and Daphne Duc.

By: punilux

punilux — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:21:31 -0800

Pronounced Fronkensteen?

By: X4ster

X4ster — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:23:24 -0800

Conveniently having a Federated States of Micronesia telephone directory handy; here are some of the more unique names listed. These are all first name - last name format.
Badly Andon
Berdon Berdon
Eddie Beyond
Tender S Haser
Velveeta Irons
Collback Josha
Kind K Kanto
Forget Kom
After Ludwig
World Park
Grace Serious
Open Walter.
And there's also my esteemed friend Sleeper Sared.
Many FSM citizens serve in the US military and then return home after utilizing there GI education benefits. I picture Drill Instructors having dificulties with recruits names like Jack K Jack, Zorro George, Charley Jim and Scanner Peter.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:26:08 -0800

Fronkensteen will be her middle name.

By: Aknaton

Aknaton — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:29:20 -0800

I am told that the head mathematician at the NSA used to be Dick Shaker. "Hi, I'm Dick Shaker!" "I prefer hands!"

By: DieHipsterDie

DieHipsterDie — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:29:37 -0800

In the NFL, Alge Crumpler always had a nice ring to it. Oh yeah, don't forget Hines Ward and Plaxico Burress. There was a running back with the name Ivory Lee Hunter. The all time great name goes to former Detroit Lions defensive lineman Harry Colon. Never Henry or Hank, but Harry Colon.

By: Lord Kinbote

Lord Kinbote — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:35:45 -0800

I once worked with a guy named Dick Palm. I guess if your name is Richard Palm, you're better off making the joke yourself, rather than waiting for someone to make it for you... My dad once claimed to have known a woman whose married name was Nancy Ann Seancey.

By: SoulOnIce

SoulOnIce — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:39:33 -0800

I went to school with a kid named Sterling Bone and my brother had a teacher named Mrs. Titball.

By: BlackLeotardFront

BlackLeotardFront — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:42:35 -0800

That was fantastic, but none still touch my favorite name of all time, which happened to come up last night at a bar: Precious Bootay. It imght actually be Boute with an accent but that is her name. This list is off the chain, though...DuWhitVandeeOn? NaLa'DeLuhRay? Phakelikaydenicia? Walkasheaqua? La?

By: littleme

littleme — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:48:26 -0800

[littleme blushes with quiet pride that his first FPP hit 100 comments]

By: me3dia

me3dia — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:49:18 -0800

I don't know if she was from Utah, but I once knew a woman named Female - pronounced Fem-ah-lee. A friend of mine who's a French teacher in Chicago Public Schools had a girl in one of her classes named Female. Pronounced it as you showed. I interned with a woman named Pepper White. We mustn't forget the lesson of Winner and Loser Lane (2nd story on that page).

By: LooseFilter

LooseFilter — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:49:54 -0800

Guy in my hometown, real name: Seeman Glasscock III. Swear it's true--we used to look it up in the phone book in high school for laughs. They like the name so much, they've used it for at least three generations!

By: ewagoner

ewagoner — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:55:58 -0800

The accountant at my parent company is named Penny Nichols, though she says, "I'm not an accountant. I'm a bookkeeper!"

By: notbuddha

notbuddha — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 12:57:02 -0800

a woman whose married name was Nancy Ann Seancey Could he have been thinking of Nancy Ann Cianci, wife of former Providence,RI mayor Buddy Cianci?

By: mosk

mosk — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 13:13:35 -0800

Fantastic list; thanks! FWIW, I went to middle school with a kid named Bunker Hill, and Bunker was his real first name, not a nick.

By: redteam

redteam — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 13:15:30 -0800

This kid at my school in Southern California was named Brain. WTF? But pronounce it: Brah In. You know, like Brian. Bra in. Brain!

By: DieHipsterDie

DieHipsterDie — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 13:24:41 -0800

I once shipped a package to a Penny Farthing. That's her real name. Not a punk name.

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 13:31:05 -0800

And, of course, don't forget the fun hyphenated names: Sue Savage-Rumbaugh Betty Chafin-Rash

By: Gungho

Gungho — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 13:47:45 -0800

Top Secret (Paraphrasing) Hillary: What's your name Nick: Nick Hillary: That's nice how did you get that name? Nick: My father thought it up while shaving.

By: Gungho

Gungho — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 13:49:25 -0800

Wolf Blitzer. It just occured to me how funny that name was about 1991.

By: Lord Kinbote

Lord Kinbote — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 14:05:16 -0800

thanks, notbuddha! I always assumed he made that up as a joke, but I just googled Nancy Ann Cianci and you're my new god!

By: davebush

davebush — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 14:07:54 -0800

I once saw a local obituary for a man named Seeman Pus.

By: Biblio

Biblio — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 14:12:16 -0800

I once knew a girl named Phoebe Summersquash. In Providence RI, home of Nancy Ann Cianci. So there.

By: doozer_ex_machina

doozer_ex_machina — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 14:28:54 -0800

Phoebe Summersquash? The female lead in Small Factory?

By: 5MeoCMP

5MeoCMP — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 14:40:26 -0800

Once upon a time, mid-eighties, there was a man in the Sydney (Australia) phone directory by the name Fred McGuerkinsquirter. It may also have been spelled McGherkinsquirter. I always assumed that it was some wag taking advantage of an automated name submission system; or some kind of copyright-enforcement code. Perhaps it was real after all...

By: 5MeoCMP

5MeoCMP — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 14:48:23 -0800

Oh, and I swear that this is the truth: another employee of my employer called Cumbum Rangarag

By: ozomatli

ozomatli — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 15:02:57 -0800

There was a bball player at k-state named Belvis Noland... also Jeremetrius Butler went to ksu too! other notables: Paco May Askia Jones Cephus Scott

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 15:36:10 -0800

The Mayor of Austin is named Will Wynn.

By: sninky-chan

sninky-chan — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 15:52:32 -0800

Let us also not forget Bad Baby Names.

By: arcticwoman

arcticwoman — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 16:25:08 -0800

I know a woman named "Honey Munsch." I also know a few people with some of the more colourful Utah names, but I live in North Utah (otherwise known as Southern Alberta).

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 16:35:08 -0800

My dad dated a psycho hillbilly named Amy Dangler. Her dad's name is Harry Dangler.

By: Meredith

Meredith — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 16:45:33 -0800

Does this make it okay for me to name my first child Boston Lee Thunderfists?

By: Aknaton

Aknaton — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 16:51:06 -0800

[littleme blushes with quiet pride that his first FPP hit 100 comments] This is an excellent FPP. Best of the Web, and very clear what it's about.; you had me at VulvaMae. But look up mushroom before you take pride in what is really the wrong metric.

By: dangerousdan

dangerousdan — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 16:51:31 -0800

Fans of NSW politics may remember Richard Face(ex-minister for gaming) - Dick by name and by nature by all accounts (at least the corruption report seems to say so). And of course the International Olympic Committee anti-drug spokesman,Dick Pound.

By: glycolized

glycolized — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 16:53:26 -0800

Near the top of the Utah female list is "Aarikkaa". "Thanks mom and dad, for a lifetime of me correcting people!"

By: rob511

rob511 — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 16:56:17 -0800

I'm surprised L. Hat hasn't weighed in yet, because in the Soviet Union, kids were saddled with names intended to honor the heroes and noble goals of the workers' paradise (especially in the USSR's early years). Names such as Трактор (Tractor), Нинел (Lenin backwards) and Пятилетка (Five-Year Plan) were not uncommon, but the truly creative parent might come up with monikers such as Даздраперма (an acronym based on the phrase "Да здравствует Первое Мая!"). Little Dazdraperma probably had some 'splainin' to do; an English-language equivalent might be Alhamada (All Hail May Day). My best (worst?) American name was on a huge button sported by a drugstore worker: "Hello. My name is La Trina." Swear to G-d.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 17:51:57 -0800

I went to school with Candice Kane. And I knew the druggist Hyman Doodlesack.

By: theredpen

theredpen — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 18:29:57 -0800

I always thought my favorite "Mycroft" was off the list as too close to "Microsoft." Actually, it still is, but wow! could have been much, much worse. I can't stop thinking Nancy Ann Cianci now. Nancy Ann Cianci. Nancy Ann Cianci. Like a horrible mantra. It just gets weirder and weirder. Plus my name is Nancy. I hope I can get something else stuck in my head soon.

By: TimeFactor

TimeFactor — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 19:10:46 -0800

What was that tennis player's name? Damn, I can't remember. Somebody help me out here. Oh yeah! Guy Forget! Yes, I know, it's pronounced Ghee for-Zhay.

By: arto

arto — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 19:57:21 -0800

I once worked with a guy named Phil Zenzen. The whole time I had to fight back the urge to ask him, "What is the sound of two hands clapping?"

By: melissa may

melissa may — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 22:17:17 -0800

There are many wonderfully named scientists in the world, but the beautiful and talented Loveday L. Conquest is my favorite. I just wished she worked in marriage and family studies. (Also, I am fairly shocked that no one's yet cited the glory that is Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing. Diana Goodman's a hoot, and she makes the nicest purses too. My kind of gal!)

By: lapolla

lapolla — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 23:05:27 -0800

oh, chinchilla zest is the best. wow. i had a great-uncle named beast. my father wanted to name me zozo - thank god my mother forbid it or i'd have been taunted with "bozo" my entire childhood.

By: breath

breath — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 01:39:21 -0800

Sataporn Pornpromlikit from Bangkok, Thailand (search page to find his thesis) I never met you, Sataporn, but may your star continue to rise, because you are awesome. (no, really, I know people who know him, and they say he is a great guy)

By: fet

fet — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 07:33:51 -0800

We got this far and no one has mentioned football player Craphonso Thorpe?

By: bratcat

bratcat — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 08:17:00 -0800

I once worked with a woman named Starlett Ship. She went by the name Star, although we all called her Space Craft.

By: Protocols of the Elders of Awesome

Protocols of the Elders of Awesome — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 09:22:08 -0800

SEMON KHOKHLOV yes, semen cocklove

By: PhatLobley

PhatLobley — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 09:41:44 -0800

Has anyone else ever met someone named Adolf? Because there's a fifth-grader at my school who carries that around every day.

By: unrepentanthippie

unrepentanthippie — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 10:18:11 -0800

Years ago, a woman chasing kids through the grocery store, April, May, June, and Tony. I used to work with a woman named Simple, but it was OK, her family was not from around here.

By: tristeza

tristeza — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 16:06:30 -0800

I can't stop thinking Nancy Ann Cianci now. Nancy Ann Cianci. Nancy Ann Cianci. Like a horrible mantra. It just gets weirder and weirder. Good lord, I was lying in bed this morning trying to go back to sleep but COULD NOT because all I could hear in my head was "nancyannciancinancyannciancinancyanncianci..." SO evil! I know someone named Persephone Rizzuto. There's someone at my university named Bootie Reckin (!)

By: zadcat

zadcat — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 16:36:22 -0800

The thing that puzzles me about some of these boys' names is that the parents never noticed that "La" is a feminine indicator, at least in most Romance languages.

By: JekPorkins

JekPorkins — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 16:59:41 -0800

Maybe the "La" prefix evolved as a result of misspellings of names like "LeGrand" and "LeRoy." Or maybe it began by someone using a "La" last name as a first name, and then others creating new "La" first names.

By: mmoncur

mmoncur — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 22:36:34 -0800

Can I just say I've lived in Utah most of my life and have never encountered the vast majority of those names? No? Okay then.

By: candyland

candyland — Mon, 23 Jan 2006 06:44:35 -0800

My (nick)name is Candy, and I had a classmate in grade school named Cinnamon, and we were usually seated next to each other because our last names started with the same letter. In 6th grade our teacher was Ms. Chiquita Raspberry. I also have younger cousins named Sandy and Brandy. (Did I mention that I'm originally from the South?)