CIA Speaks. Cheney Speaks. Bin Laden ...
January 20, 2006 10:39 PM Subscribe
So, the Patriot Act seems to be on its rightful last legs but then a new message (audio-only, after all, a camcorder is just too hard to smuggle into Iran/Pakistan?) from Bin Laden appears. Suddenly Cheney is throwing off the cane and makes public the "logical" conclusion that Bin Laden will be caught with more monitoring of US citizens ... it must be Bin Laden. The CIA says so. They know everything ... and they've never been wrong (voice trails off) ... I mean, it's not like it's convenient for him to appear everytime the Patriot Act needs renewing ... I mean, you would need some amazing modern technology to find an Arabic speaker, record him in some distant cave using a portable tape recorder and then step it down a few times so it could be anybody ... it's a good thing the CIA has the techology to make a 100% certain match of a 7th generation voice recording ... but then why do we need the Patriot Act if the CIA can find match your voice print with practically an 8-track recording you drove a 1972 Plymouth over ... humm ... What to think, what to think ...
This post was deleted for the following reason: sounds like a post for a personal blog
I don't get it, is there a punchline you forgot? This isn't funny at all.
posted by fenriq at 10:51 PM on January 20, 2006
posted by fenriq at 10:51 PM on January 20, 2006
I hardly think the Patriot Act is or was on its last legs. Also, where did Cheney say that more monitoring would catch Bin Laden? His entire quote from that piece: I think a lot of people have sort of let down their guard and relaxed. This is a reminder that we can't afford to do that as a nation, that this is very much a very serious group of people doing their best to try to strike the United States, and we need to act accordingly.
posted by caddis at 10:52 PM on January 20, 2006
posted by caddis at 10:52 PM on January 20, 2006
Why do the Tinfoil People always write so much? Obsfucation?
posted by jsavimbi at 11:15 PM on January 20, 2006
posted by jsavimbi at 11:15 PM on January 20, 2006
Say what you will... I liked the FPP... tentative editorial and all.
posted by squirrel at 11:23 PM on January 20, 2006
posted by squirrel at 11:23 PM on January 20, 2006
Who needs conspiracy theorists? Actual events in real life are scary enough without interpreting them any further.
posted by nightchrome at 11:29 PM on January 20, 2006
posted by nightchrome at 11:29 PM on January 20, 2006
No, no, no. It's Get Your Own Blog, Fuck Wit. Or, in shorthand, GYOBFW. This should be in the FAQ.
posted by graventy at 11:59 PM on January 20, 2006
posted by graventy at 11:59 PM on January 20, 2006
It's not that the subject's not interesting - far from it - but this could have had far more to it than stream of consciousness-style musings. Background to the Patriot Act, examples of people monitored for no reason, even stuff on the psychology of "terror alerts" and so on.
posted by greycap at 12:03 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by greycap at 12:03 AM on January 21, 2006
Emmanuel Goldstein speaks, just as Dear Leader mounts the podium for the State of the State speech. And posters, please observe standard journalism guidelines for FPP's. A post should be like a pyramid, fer crissakes, and don't forget the five W's.
posted by telstar at 12:55 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by telstar at 12:55 AM on January 21, 2006
hey keswick, what is the tag for the blinking text?
posted by [expletive deleted] at 1:00 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by [expletive deleted] at 1:00 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:12 AM on January 21, 2006
Holy shit! Blink tags still work! I thought they got rid of those in like, 1998.
posted by Jawn at 1:42 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by Jawn at 1:42 AM on January 21, 2006
No, Jawn, sane people just stopped USING them in 1998. :)
posted by Malor at 1:49 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by Malor at 1:49 AM on January 21, 2006
They know everything ... and they've never been wrong (voice trails off)
Gotta give an "A" for effort. This post would have been better as a podcast.
posted by gsb at 2:13 AM on January 21, 2006
Gotta give an "A" for effort. This post would have been better as a podcast.
posted by gsb at 2:13 AM on January 21, 2006
I mean, it's not like it's convenient for him to appear everytime the Patriot Act needs renewing
Wait, although you've written this in supposed earnest, I just had a horrible thought: Do you actually mean the opposite? That is, did you write something that was incorrect by design (and not simply incorrect, but diametrically opposed to your actual view), in order to make some sort of sly point? I feel violatd.
posted by gramschmidt at 2:22 AM on January 21, 2006
Wait, although you've written this in supposed earnest, I just had a horrible thought: Do you actually mean the opposite? That is, did you write something that was incorrect by design (and not simply incorrect, but diametrically opposed to your actual view), in order to make some sort of sly point? I feel violatd.
posted by gramschmidt at 2:22 AM on January 21, 2006
I like editorial FPPs that have stage directions. And since I hadn't heard about this bin ...Laden, is it?... character, it hits for the trifecta.
posted by milquetoast at 2:40 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by milquetoast at 2:40 AM on January 21, 2006
it's like everyone just ignores the pissing elephant in the room.
posted by quonsar at 3:16 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by quonsar at 3:16 AM on January 21, 2006
what to think ...
You are an insightful genius of global caliber. I thank you sincerely for your well reasoned and objective thoughts. You must have pondered deeply upon these words for days or weeks on end before coming to this astounding, Earth-shaking conclusion. What an intellectual giant! What fantastic nuance! Why aren't you working for Rand?
posted by loquacious at 3:23 AM on January 21, 2006
You are an insightful genius of global caliber. I thank you sincerely for your well reasoned and objective thoughts. You must have pondered deeply upon these words for days or weeks on end before coming to this astounding, Earth-shaking conclusion. What an intellectual giant! What fantastic nuance! Why aren't you working for Rand?
posted by loquacious at 3:23 AM on January 21, 2006
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you quonsar, taint topologist extraordinaire!
Discover your inner genus! Master the enumeration of your surface manifolds for business or pleasure! Confirm the normative nature of your numerous membranes.
Or not!
Perforated perineum?
Pother no more! Perplexing passageways plumbed perfectly! Fistulas mapped masterfully!
Only five pence! Inquire within!
posted by loquacious at 4:18 AM on January 21, 2006
Discover your inner genus! Master the enumeration of your surface manifolds for business or pleasure! Confirm the normative nature of your numerous membranes.
Or not!
Perforated perineum?
Pother no more! Perplexing passageways plumbed perfectly! Fistulas mapped masterfully!
Only five pence! Inquire within!
posted by loquacious at 4:18 AM on January 21, 2006
quonsar: mastering the enumeration of your surface manifolds since 1953
posted by quonsar at 4:21 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by quonsar at 4:21 AM on January 21, 2006
Remind me again why we should try and keep editorializing out of front page posts, I thought this one was fun.
posted by dabitch at 6:01 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by dabitch at 6:01 AM on January 21, 2006
Regardless of whether we should try and keep editorializing out of front page posts in general, this one is a piece of shit. Short, ignorable editorializing:
So we hear from Osama again and suddenly we have to monitor everybody. Coincidence? You make the call.
Blathering, insufferable editorializing:
So, the Patriot Act seems to be on its rightful last legs but then a new message (audio-only, after all, a camcorder is just too hard to smuggle into Iran/Pakistan?) from Bin Laden appears. Suddenly Cheney is throwing off the cane and makes public the "logical" conclusion that Bin Laden will be caught with more monitoring of US citizens ... it must be Bin Laden. The CIA says so. They know everything ... and they've never been wrong (voice trails off) ... I mean, it's not like it's convenient for him to appear everytime the Patriot Act needs renewing ... I mean, you would need some amazing modern technology to find an Arabic speaker, record him in some distant cave using a portable tape recorder and then step it down a few times so it could be anybody ... it's a good thing the CIA has the techology to make a 100% certain match of a 7th generation voice recording ... but then why do we need the Patriot Act if the CIA can find match your voice print with practically an 8-track recording you drove a 1972 Plymouth over ... humm ... What to think, what to think ...
Think twice before posting diarrhea, that's what to think.
posted by languagehat at 6:14 AM on January 21, 2006
So we hear from Osama again and suddenly we have to monitor everybody. Coincidence? You make the call.
Blathering, insufferable editorializing:
So, the Patriot Act seems to be on its rightful last legs but then a new message (audio-only, after all, a camcorder is just too hard to smuggle into Iran/Pakistan?) from Bin Laden appears. Suddenly Cheney is throwing off the cane and makes public the "logical" conclusion that Bin Laden will be caught with more monitoring of US citizens ... it must be Bin Laden. The CIA says so. They know everything ... and they've never been wrong (voice trails off) ... I mean, it's not like it's convenient for him to appear everytime the Patriot Act needs renewing ... I mean, you would need some amazing modern technology to find an Arabic speaker, record him in some distant cave using a portable tape recorder and then step it down a few times so it could be anybody ... it's a good thing the CIA has the techology to make a 100% certain match of a 7th generation voice recording ... but then why do we need the Patriot Act if the CIA can find match your voice print with practically an 8-track recording you drove a 1972 Plymouth over ... humm ... What to think, what to think ...
Think twice before posting diarrhea, that's what to think.
posted by languagehat at 6:14 AM on January 21, 2006
all the federales say they could have had him any day ...
posted by pyramid termite at 6:37 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by pyramid termite at 6:37 AM on January 21, 2006
He's hiding in Cleveland?!
posted by felix betachat at 7:07 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by felix betachat at 7:07 AM on January 21, 2006
Forget editorializing, let's keep ellipses off the front page.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:41 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:41 AM on January 21, 2006
Or anything else beginning with e.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:41 AM on January 21, 2006
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:41 AM on January 21, 2006
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posted by mediareport at 10:48 PM on January 20, 2006