Comments on: Little Alfredo Didn't Look So "Little" Anymore

Little Alfredo Didn't Look So "Little" Anymore

Sticherbeast — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 03:30:48 -0800

Bob developed his unique style of "dirty fighting" during his 40 years of formal training, bar brawls and street fights, bounty hunting and busting up narcotics gangs. He served his country well as a "hot-zone" combat soldier in Vietnam, worked as a private eye, a personal armed bodyguard to superstar rock groups (like Aerosmith, the Who and Led Zepplin), and a canine handler for 11 separate jurisdictions. He's also a recognized "Chi Master" - at an infamous Soldier of Fortune convention, he drove a steel rod through his forearm, tied it to a new Ford Mustang, and dragged the car 287 feet... without blood, without pain, without scarring. (Don't try this at home.)

By: A189Nut

A189Nut — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 03:36:51 -0800

This is a spoof right?

By: Joeforking

Joeforking — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 03:42:50 -0800

I bet he gets his ass handed to him by Metafilter.

By: Malor

Malor — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 03:50:25 -0800

And Chuck Norris, of course, made a shooing gesture and knocked him clean out of Texas.

By: qwip

qwip — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 03:57:51 -0800

Silly.

By: kcds

kcds — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:00:56 -0800

Hmm ... think maybe I'll just stick to my own patented techniques of power running-away™ or power staying-away-from-trouble™.

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:02:45 -0800

Simple "impaling" tricks GUARANTEED to stun and amaze you… But not as much as the guy with the paperclip embedded deep into his forehead from 16-feet away.

By: antifuse

antifuse — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:07:10 -0800

He should totally meet the One Red Paperclip guy. They could team up! "Not only can you kill a man with a paperclip, you can then turn that paperclip into a house!"

By: antifuse

antifuse — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:11:34 -0800

Also - somebody needs to buy these dvd's and rip them and release them on the internet, under the "Comedy" header. :)

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:15:26 -0800

I doubt he could handle Rex Quan Do. It was, after all, developed over two seasons of fighting in the Octagon.

By: allen.spaulding

allen.spaulding — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:15:43 -0800

Did Chuck Norris use his hands and his feet?

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:22:17 -0800

He should totally meet the One Red Paperclip guy. They could team up! "Not only can you kill a man with a paperclip, you can then turn that paperclip into a house!" If someone threw a house at you from 16 feet away, you'd be stunned and amazed. I guarantee it!

By: darkstar

darkstar — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:25:09 -0800

In my experience (having taught kung fu and co-owned a school) the most common Chi Gung employed by so-called "masters" is Exalted Bloviation. That's not to say Bob's not a Bad Mofo™, of course. But I would strongly advise kcds' suggested "power staying-away-from-trouble™" as the best form of self defense you can study.

By: biffa

biffa — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:25:30 -0800

You're laughing now but you won't be in 11 days when Bob destroys your package.

By: A189Nut

A189Nut — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:29:54 -0800

Yes, what the heck was all that about a package?

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:35:08 -0800

This monkey is not so much concerned with his package as with his peaches. This monkey doesn't want his peaches taken away.

By: darkstar

darkstar — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:39:35 -0800

"...during his 40 years of formal training, bar brawls and street fights..." Ever heard of Sun Tzu, Bob?

By: jonvaughan

jonvaughan — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:42:09 -0800

nice post.

By: sic

sic — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 05:06:58 -0800

God, I can't wait to impale all of your heads with paperclips. I can't freaking wait!

By: Toecutter

Toecutter — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 05:10:24 -0800

BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!!

By: chrid

chrid — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 05:11:40 -0800

Don't believe it? Well neither did I - until little Alfredo - my 5'7" 128-pounds staff editor - expertly shot and stuck a paper clip, (exactly like the one I've attached to this letter), into a rock-hard plaster wall — from across the office. I'm amazed how the guy managed to attach a paperclip to the internet!

By: moonbiter

moonbiter — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 05:14:14 -0800

Bob, meet Matt. Matt, Bob. FIGHT!!!

By: Fezboy!

Fezboy! — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 05:30:26 -0800

What Toecutter said.

By: theorique

theorique — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 05:32:07 -0800

It's that big.

By: mrmojoflying

mrmojoflying — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 05:35:24 -0800

Heh...sensai turn a paperclip into a deadly weapon? Sensai be prosecuted and convicted for attempted murder by paperclip.

By: alumshubby

alumshubby — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 06:08:07 -0800

I wonder if this is the same guy I saw an article on in SOF back in the early 80s who liked to prove what a badass he was by lying down and letting somebody drive a jeep over his midsection so he could demonstrate how toned his abs were. Yawn. My foolproof method of dealing with tough guys in bars is to look 'em right in the eye and say, "I think I'm about to puke." They always back off. Nobody wants to wind up wearing someone else's vomit.

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 06:16:20 -0800

But alumshubby is it projectile vomit, accurate up to 20 feet?

By: splice

splice — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 06:20:41 -0800

I love guys like this. They're regularly exposed and made fun of over at bullshido and e-budo. Heck, here's a thread from the latter about Bob Pierce/TRS. Including a review of a pamphlet they put out. Pretty entertaining. He would tremble before the might of the Shogun of Harlem, though.

By: lodurr

lodurr — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 06:26:11 -0800

Well, I have to confess. I actually googled "Dead-Eye Power Throwing" to see if I could see what this "power throwing" thing was all about, and I found this from a critique of a NewsMax ad block found on a "War on Christmas" page:

Next, hop to the advertisement on the bottom. This one is an animated graphic, so you're seeing just one of its several panels here. Yet, its message is pretty clear: The advertisers expect that NewsMax readers are likely to be sexually frustrated men who are frequently rejected by women. Just wait until you hear what comes after the initial message appealing to men who hate rejection by women. The advertisement quickly flashes to another panel, which advises NewsMax readers that they can "discover forbidden attraction secrets the liberal media does not want you to know". No kidding. Not only are the advertisers on NewsMax betting that a lot of right wing activists are sexually incompetent, they're also pushing the claim that there is a secret sexual conspiracy by the liberal media elite to keep right wing men from learning the secrets of being sexually attractive to women. I don't have to make it up, because NewsMax broadcasts this sad truth straight its readers: Many right wing males really believe that the only reason that they aren't having as much sex as they want is that the liberal media elites are keeping the art of picking up women a secret. Stop and think about that for a second. According to this advertisement accepted by NewsMax, if it weren't for the liberal media, right wingers all across America would be going out and having lots of promiscuous sex. Therefore, according to this strange conspiracy theory, the liberal media is all that stands between America and a right wing free love movement. To fix the problem, NewsMax is endorsing a campaign to spread the word about how have all the sex you want. If it feels good, do it, right?

[/derail]

By: Sticherbeast

Sticherbeast — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 06:37:35 -0800

lodurr: You may find it somewhat amusing that NewsMax - can't even remember how I wound up there - is precisely where I found this website. Gotta say, that psychotic banner ad is awfully effective.

By: splice

splice — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 06:38:13 -0800

Wait, quick impalement tricks? Do you think Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey was a student?

By: splice

splice — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 06:39:14 -0800

Ack, sorry I didn't check my link: Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey

By: delmoi

delmoi — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 06:53:36 -0800

Newsmax. LOL. I think it's pretty sad that someone could be so deluded as to believe that liberals are effecting their sex lives. On the other hand I suppose many liberals believe that Conservatives are preventing society from being as promiscuous or gay-friendly as they would like, and that the typical 'straw woman' feminist is somewhat anti-sex, as bad as Ashcroft when you get down too it. But anti-sex feminists are only a tiny segment of the VLWC with no real sway.

By: sourwookie

sourwookie — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 07:16:52 -0800

"Sweep the leg, Johnny!"

By: Optimus Chyme

Optimus Chyme — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 07:23:01 -0800

I'll listen to that nutcase once he lasts sixty seconds against Fedor Emelianenko.

By: stilgar

stilgar — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 07:57:53 -0800

seems at least some people are able to throw needles through glass...

By: stilgar

stilgar — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 07:59:11 -0800

ps. i saw that episode the guy really could get them to stick in glass, however he used needles and i doubt would be able to do the same with a paper clip or plastic fork. it was pretty sweet to watch. it could be used for assassinations i guess if the needle was poisoned.

By: ab3

ab3 — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 08:07:35 -0800

Even little kids who can't tie their own shoes can use this to stick a weapon deep into targets. now that's a good visual.

By: tcobretti

tcobretti — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 08:08:43 -0800

My question is whether or not he studied with Count Dante.

By: wakko

wakko — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 08:18:24 -0800

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 08:35:04 -0800

I PROMISE TO TEACH THIS TECHNIQUE TO ANYONE WITHOUT A BASIC UNDERSTANDING OF NEWTONIAN PHYSICS!

By: craven_morhead

craven_morhead — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 08:40:20 -0800

Damnit. I'm too slow to run away but too weak to fight people. I'll have to stick with curling up into a ball.

By: hypocritical ross

hypocritical ross — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 09:04:26 -0800

I wonder who would win in a fight... Bob or Marc Animal MacYoung. If they were having a sweet tank top fight, I'd have to put my money on MacYoung.

By: CynicalKnight

CynicalKnight — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 09:14:43 -0800

Metafilter: right wing free love

By: fixedgear

fixedgear — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 09:18:53 -0800

Paper clip? Needles? Ricky Jay could put a playing card through your skull. Oh, yeah, best use of the bold tag on the front page in ages.

By: chemoboy

chemoboy — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 09:58:54 -0800

Over 80 improper uses of the quotation marks. That has got to be some sort of punctuation record outside of Archie comics.

By: emelenjr

emelenjr — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 10:22:15 -0800

Metafilter: I will simply destroy your package.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 10:54:29 -0800

"a personal armed bodyguard to superstar rock groups (like Aerosmith, the Who and Led Zepplin" Lemmy worked as a roadie for Jimi Hendrix....he'd kick this guys ass.

By: jalexei

jalexei — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 11:16:27 -0800

I'll have to stick with curling up into a ball. I utilize this method along with expanding my quills.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 11:29:58 -0800

Wait, there isn't a liberal conspiracy to prevent right wing jackasses from having all the sex they want? I thought it was called "feminism." Seriously, though, isn't feminism all about empowering women so that they aren't forced to live a life subjected to the will of some right wing jackass? That aside, I'd like to see this guy try to stop a bullet with his chi.

By: Zack_Replica

Zack_Replica — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 11:44:33 -0800

FEAR NO MAN! I'll make you a MASTER of LLAP-Goch, ...the Secret Welsh ART of SELF DEFENCE that requires NO INTELLIGENCE, STRENGTH or PHYSICAL courage. (geocities link - best i could find, so far)

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 12:44:44 -0800

"That aside, I'd like to see this guy try to stop a bullet with his chi." - posted by Pollomacho Ah, so you're a practitioner of 'ching-ching'.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 12:48:24 -0800

You know it's really, really odd, but my wife's name is Qing Qing (pronounced "ching-ching") so I suppose, yes, I am a practitioner.

By: nlindstrom

nlindstrom — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 13:41:51 -0800

Pollomacho: LOL!

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 14:02:22 -0800

That’s even happier than carrying a warm gun Pollomacho

By: pompomtom

pompomtom — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 16:57:02 -0800

He should've just learned Ekky Thump and saved himself all that trouble...

By: FormlessOne

FormlessOne — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 03:14:00 -0800

This link made me cry with laughter. Seriously, I immediately distrust anyone who thinks that the only way I'll understand them is if they highlight the salient portions of their huckster's spiel.

By: tdismukes

tdismukes — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 14:57:22 -0800

The linked advertisement seemed to be based on the abilities of the supervillain Bullseye. Who knew that Daredevil's greatest nemesis learned his skills through a video course? I looked at the main page of the site, and the guy seems to be selling other videos by Paul Vunak. Mr. Vunak is a legitimate instructor who has to be embarrassed at the ridiculous advertising for his work.