Life Lessons From The ER

February 2, 2006 12:42 PM

Never, ever leave flashlights, shampoo bottles, beer bottles or any long, circular object on the floor because someday you will fall on it and it will somehow, work its way up your rectum. And other important life lessons learned by student doctors from their emergency room rotations.
posted by The Bellman (79 comments total)

Rectum, heck!

Blew'm all to hell!
posted by HTuttle at 12:44 PM on February 2, 2006

"Drinking Pine Sol diluted in a 5 gallon bucket, shared with 5 friends, is not a good way to get drunk."

Dang, there goes my Saturday night.
posted by CunningLinguist at 12:48 PM on February 2, 2006

If you are going to get into a fight, and have a prosthetic eye, make sure you take it out first.....and, for safe keeping, shove it up your vagina

Vaginas are just so damn handy. How do guys get by?
posted by jrossi4r at 12:52 PM on February 2, 2006

Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto bismol.

Heh.
posted by jasper411 at 12:54 PM on February 2, 2006

" No matter how annoyed you are at being incarcerated dont slash open your scrotum and shove razor blades up your urethra."

Gah!
posted by Smedleyman at 1:01 PM on February 2, 2006

Wow. Shades of "Appalachian Emergency Room".
posted by Miko at 1:02 PM on February 2, 2006

Damn near killed him.

jrossi4r, boys have got the chocolate vagina. But its problematic.
posted by fenriq at 1:03 PM on February 2, 2006

My mother is a nurse, and she once had a patient who came into the hospital regularly complaining that he couldn't pee. Each time the doctors would relieve his pains with a catheter, and send him on his way.

After several visits he returned once more with a new problem. Thinking he could relieve himself and save a trip, he tried the procedure on himself at home with a pencil, which subsequently travelled up his urinary tract and got stuck.

And of course, she's heard plenty of "I fell on this broomstick" stories...
posted by Robot Johnny at 1:03 PM on February 2, 2006

When your 15yo daughter gives precipitous delivery to a bleating, underweight infant 30 minutes after presenting to triage c "gas pains", you should run around the department loudly yelling, "I don't know what y'all did or who that baby is, but my lil' girl warn't pregnant when she come in here"
posted by jacquilynne at 1:06 PM on February 2, 2006

link dead. boo
posted by lemonfridge at 1:06 PM on February 2, 2006

There's 36 pages of them, some quite horrifying. Thanks. Even though I bailed at page four
posted by alloneword at 1:07 PM on February 2, 2006

Comedy gold. Comedy freakin' gold. Makes me wanna go to medical school just for the ringside seats to this psycho parade.
posted by frogan at 1:07 PM on February 2, 2006

a popular article that was passed around medical school was one titled "Rectal Foreign Bodies," which is referenced here. NSFW, if x-ray images of dildos will get you into trubble.

while the catalog of various items found lodged through the rectum may be humorous and amusing, it is important to consider rectal foreign bodies as potentially life-threatening. as the GI tract from the mouth to the poopchute is technically "outside" the body, it is populated with a bacteria that isn't found inside the body. items inserted up and into the GI tract can cause obstruction and perforation, resulting in hemorrhage and introduction of bacteria into the peritoneal cavity and bloodstream.

especially dangerous, apart from quick-dry concrete as mentioned in the link above, are light bulbs. extraction of broken light bulbs lodged past the rectum is time-consuming and emergently necessary, as all pieces of the light bulb must be found, lest a small shard of glass or metal cut/pierce/penetrate the delicate mucosa. extraction should have the goal of reconstructing the entire light bulb, including the filament. testing to see if the bulb works is not necessary, but success may get you published.

because such cases can be life-threatening, it is always important to obtain a thorough history and perform a complete physical examination in every patient. one must be sensitive and frank to elicit truths that may be embarrassing. at the same time, remember the maxim that "common things are common." if, during the course of a patient interview, the muffled ringing of a cell phone interrupts the conversation and is accompanied by a bemused look by the patient, think "rectal foreign body," not zebras.
posted by herrdoktor at 1:08 PM on February 2, 2006 [2 favorites]

I guess this should lay to rest the opinion that "ER" has jumped the shark.
posted by beagle at 1:11 PM on February 2, 2006

There's 36 pages of them, some quite horrifying. Thanks. Even though I bailed at page four
posted by alloneword at 1:11 PM on February 2, 2006

My brother is a radiologist and told me they made copies of the dumbass x-rays of people with stuff stuck in their butts. Who thinks to shove a flippin' lightbulb up their butt? That just seems ridiculously stupid.

I like the excuse that they "fell" on the item and it just happened to hit them right in the poophole which just happened to be well lubed up. Ooops.
posted by fenriq at 1:13 PM on February 2, 2006

I always figured these were standard memes. I distinctly remember a friend told me after his first year of residency about the patient he had that came into the ER. He complained about something wrong and they did an x-ray. They couldn't tell what the thing was because it was blurry. So they asked the guy. His story was that he was painting his ceiling naked, and that he somehow fell off his ladder and landed on a prone vibrator. The reason why the x-ray was blurry was because it was "on."

It smacked of urban legend, but I let my friend enjoy the thought I believed the story.
posted by dios at 1:13 PM on February 2, 2006

When attempting a self-circumcision do not use dry ice to numb the area... and when the dry ice sticks to the... a.... area, do not attempt to remove the ice with boiling water.

I couldn't un-read it, but sharing is the next best thing.
posted by apodo at 1:13 PM on February 2, 2006

If you are a 70 year old man with COPD, and you want to clean the toilet really well, go ahead and mix the ammonia and bleach. Most of us learned not to do this before the onset of pubescence, but give it a try regardless!

Hah! See, AskMe was wrong! A pre-med says A-OK!



This is a sarcasm meter calibration target. The preceding was sarcasm. Don't do this. You'll die horribly. And you'll deserve it.
posted by loquacious at 1:14 PM on February 2, 2006

It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one...
posted by gyc at 1:17 PM on February 2, 2006

"don't allow someone with a known poorly controlled seizure disorder to perform oral sex on you..."

They really need to put out a book.
posted by CunningLinguist at 1:18 PM on February 2, 2006

I got through p1.
Of 36.
I guess I run with the wrong crowd to have missed out on the following measure of man:
He was a hard livin' kind of guy (tooth/tatoo=0)
posted by Aknaton at 1:18 PM on February 2, 2006

"Drinking Pine Sol diluted in a 5 gallon bucket, shared with 5 friends, is not a good way to get drunk."

Heh, I actually knew someone who did that when he was in jail. They bribed the janitor to leave the pinesol behind after cleaning. I think that he and his associates drank it with koolaid. I heard this story back when I was working as a house-painter during one of those, "share your jail/prison story" lunch break discussions. I had nothing to contribute to the conversation.
posted by octothorpe at 1:20 PM on February 2, 2006

if, during the course of a patient interview, the muffled ringing of a cell phone interrupts the conversation and is accompanied by a bemused look by the patient, think "rectal foreign body,"

I'd have put it on vibrate first.
posted by NationalKato at 1:22 PM on February 2, 2006

Dr. House: You think it's going to come out on its own? ... You're gonna rip something, which, speaking medically, is when the fun stops.

Young Man: How did you--?

Dr. House: You've been here for half an hour and you haven't sat down; that tells me its location. You haven't told me what it is; that tells me it's humiliating. You have a little birdie carved under your arm; that tells me you have a high tolerance for humiliation, so I figure it's not hemorrhoids. I've been a doctor twenty years, you're not going to surprise me.

Young Man: It's an MP3 player.

Dr. House: Is it . . . is it because of the size, the shape, or the pounding bass line?
posted by booksandlibretti at 1:23 PM on February 2, 2006 [1 favorite]

...they made copies of the dumbass x-rays of people with stuff stuck in their butts.

Yep, a friend of mine is an X-ray tech, and they definitely keep a copy of the entertaining ones. From time to time, he'll whip out a batch for us. He enjoys seeing our faces when we figure out what's on the film:

"Dude, is that a Snapple bottle? WTF?!?"
posted by Gamblor at 1:24 PM on February 2, 2006

The Law of Inverse Value: the less you contribute to society, the greater the trauma you can sustain with minimal to no physical sequelae ...

Too true! Good post, though it has triggered my eeeeeek!
response into overdrive.
posted by madamjujujive at 1:32 PM on February 2, 2006

Gamblor, horny people do really, really stupid things. Which is good entertainment for the rest of us.
posted by fenriq at 1:34 PM on February 2, 2006

"Doc: What meds are you on?
Pt: Peanut butter balls.
Doc: What?
Pt: Peanut butter balls! Peanut butter balls, for my seizures!
Doc: Do you mean phenobarbital?"
posted by CunningLinguist at 1:38 PM on February 2, 2006

Which is good entertainment for the rest of us.

It's also good entertainment for the people doing them.
posted by NationalKato at 1:39 PM on February 2, 2006

Well, until they finish rubbing one out and snap back to the reality of their situation.
posted by wakko at 1:59 PM on February 2, 2006

*scribbling furiously*

"Don't cut off...balls...penis... OK. Got it."
posted by graventy at 2:02 PM on February 2, 2006

Well, until they finish rubbing one out and snap back to the reality of their situation.

Isn't that the truth...
posted by NationalKato at 2:13 PM on February 2, 2006

I once learned from a patient that, if you're addicted to heroin and you happen to have to get a PIC line inserted into your heart to deliver antibiotics, you shouldn't decide to later use that line to shoot up.

Instead, you should shoot the heroin directly into your penis, and inject straight whisky into the PIC.
posted by dsword at 2:32 PM on February 2, 2006 [2 favorites]

if you're 90 and gonna get a hooker, pay up...amazingly, the slash through-and-through both esophagus and trachea along with at-the-door full arrest was survived and he went home trached, never to speak or eat again...hope she was worth it.

had no idea hookers had a propensity for such vicious violence over 'billing issues'. they need to put that in more movies or somethin'.
posted by Firas at 2:32 PM on February 2, 2006

I don't WANT to be exposed to rectum
posted by matteo at 2:33 PM on February 2, 2006

Awesome!
posted by Balisong at 2:37 PM on February 2, 2006

They really need to put out a book.

Here you are.
posted by ilsa at 2:53 PM on February 2, 2006

"If you are going to get into a fight, and have a prosthetic eye, make sure you take it out first.....and, for safe keeping, shove it up your vagina"

Then see a doctor.
posted by hal9k at 3:07 PM on February 2, 2006

What do you know, I can still be surprised by stuff on the internet:

Originally posted by AznTrojan-MS

not an ER story.. but i have a good one from non-trauma surg..

when you get tired of vaginal or anal sex.. try transverse colon.. there are individuals out there who will pay 1000 bucks a pop to screw a colostomy patient (yes.. the colostomy).. more amazingly is there are prostitutes who sell their colostomy..

Hey, we had that in our ED! A gay dude that ended up with rectal CA, and got a colostomy - then ended up with the clap in his colostomy!
posted by Mitheral at 3:10 PM on February 2, 2006

I work ER/Trauma. If it can be done, it will be done. There are few limits to human ingenuity.

I get the hilarity, especially a compilation like the one posted, but I'd like to reiterate what herrdoktor said. Every single one of those people (at least to their face) gets treated with the gravity of the situation in mind. A lightbulb in your ass may be funnier than hell, but if it breaks, it'd better not be on MY shift.

When I was 16, I saw a man fall off the roof of a warehouse and land on a shovel. The handle impaled him. I always keep that in mind when someone tells me they "fell" on the barbie doll.
posted by reflecked at 3:14 PM on February 2, 2006

Fantastic stuff.

Works both ways, though. I once had a student doctor mutter 'fucking hypochondriac' under his breath at me. Two minutes later, what do you know, the resident doctor confirmed that... my lung was collapsing after all! And my request for oxygen was actually quite reasonable! And only a couple of months ago, I was angrily told by a triage nurse to wait in a queue behind a woman with ankle pain and a smackhead who was bibbling incoherently, despite shaking like a leaf, coming close to passing out, and resorting to showing off my collection of chest tube and operation scars and, what do you know... my lungs were collapsing after all! (I don't blame the doctors for this, given the nutters they have to deal with, and a very thin person complaining of sever pain probably looks suspicious, but still... hospital staff can be dangerous fucking idiots too.)
posted by jack_mo at 3:57 PM on February 2, 2006

This one time, at band camp....
posted by Smedleyman at 3:58 PM on February 2, 2006

I’d love to hear some military ER stories. I’ve had some docs that were callous as hell. I tore my rotator cuff doing something, went to the ER later and they gave me motrin.

Couple days without sleep later I head back to the ER and request some actual help. The OD tells me he’s pretty tired too and he was planning on heading home.
So, after the MPs pulled me off him, a flight surgeon noticed that I was delivering blows in such a way that suggested I had a torn rotator cuff. He gave me some Pethidine and my old buddy Diazepam and he became my new best friend. He even gave me a chit for some time off and some light duty, which was mighty nice.

I know civilian ER docs are all business, but some of the military hospitals I’ve been in (away from forward areas) weren’t that great. I’ve heard some horror stories too.
(Although almost every Filipino doctor or nurse I’ve seen or heard about have been very professional - anecdotal)
posted by Smedleyman at 4:16 PM on February 2, 2006

I know for a fact I made the rounds at the water cooler for my stunt when I was 18...

I was wearing bowling shoes, and hopped onto the hood of my friends Suburban, shoes planted on the steel bumper. He started moving, I slipped off. I was out of consciousness for hours, and they almost life flighted my ass to a special hospitcal for head wounds. Worst part was for my mom, because she works for a hospital nearby.

"Ok, so my son is stable and being taken to ***** then."
"No, his head injury is so severe he has to be taken to a hospital on the other side of town, 30 minutes out."

Yeah.... fortunately it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. Brain was bruised and hairline fracture in skull. People say I calmed down a lot after that.
posted by Dean Keaton at 4:17 PM on February 2, 2006

I used to know house surgeons who would cheerfully give themselves a half litre saline after a hard night out on the piss - rehydration cures your hangover.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 6:02 PM on February 2, 2006

"Oh if you come in with a salsa jar in your rectum, don't give the staff a fruit cake as a thank you present."

Words to live by.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 6:11 PM on February 2, 2006

God this page is addictive. Now on p20 of 36.
Occasionally it gets as hardhearted as a Freeper forum, making fun of people for acting irrationally when e.g. they need an amputation or their child dies.
But then there's these:

If you are a dirtball who is abusing the system for freebies and you've decided to go with the "I'm gonna kill myself 'n I wanna dinner tray" rouse you will look like a total moron when you try to elope after dinner and wind up in 4 points [restraint] with a butt full of Haldol screaming that you didn't mean you wanted to be put on a legal hold, you just wanted dinner.

The funniest thing about this goof ball was that one of the more experienced psych malingerers was laughing his ass of at him saying "If you tolds 'em you gonna kill youself you gots to stay. If all you wants is dinner you shoulda said you gots chest pains." Then the old guy looks at me and says, "Doc, he jes don know whats what. That's all." I almost peed myself.

posted by Aknaton at 6:27 PM on February 2, 2006

never leave your last refill of percocet in plain site after your docs office closes if one of these 3 friends is coming over for dinner:
1. some dude
2. my friend
3. that bitch


true, that
posted by docpops at 6:43 PM on February 2, 2006

"Have you ever met a proctologist? They usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. Never. It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way... 'It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one.' "

- Kramer, in "The Fusilli Jerry"
posted by fungible at 6:50 PM on February 2, 2006

Holy crap. I got to page 10 (after a ridiculous amount of time reading, and googling things) and only then checked how many pages there were. I kept thinking, since the nav links on the bottom don't show the full length, that I was near the end. VulcanMike needs to read the comments before clicking. And he most certainly needs a nap.
posted by VulcanMike at 7:42 PM on February 2, 2006

And another:

If you are having rough intercourse, and your partner likes to insert foriegn objects while in the act, make sure he uses a 6ft long RCA cable, folds it in half and twists it so it has the characteristics of a foley catheter. This way, he can insert it directly into your urethra. Make sure it goes most the way in so that it can roll into a ball in your bladder. After the post coital euphoria wears off, you realize that you can't remove it, so you go to the ER wearing nothing but a short skirt. So now when you do the walk of shame down the ER hallway with the connecter ends of the cable dangling between your legs, don't wonder why all these people are looking at you funny!

As for her partner, make sure you send her to the ER alone so you don't have to deal with all of the embarassment...

This is a true case from when I was a ER tech. The whole ED staff stood in a silent jaw dropping stupor around the xray box while looking at the coiled up wire in her bladder....

The urologist came in, sedated her, did a hail mary and just pulled it right out. The ED doc thought that was kinda ballsy since we were not sure if it tied itself into a knot while it was coiling up...It would be kinda like pulling a foley with the balloon still inflated. Luckily for her, it was not.
posted by Mitheral at 7:47 PM on February 2, 2006

(I don't blame the doctors for this, given the nutters they have to deal with, and a very thin person complaining of sever pain probably looks suspicious, but still... hospital staff can be dangerous fucking idiots too.)

A person I know who did emergency and urgent care work once told me something very true: "Even hypochondriacs sometimes get sick." That means that you have to treat every patient as if they actually have something wrong with them until proven otherwise. Obviously the doctor in your case failed.

I mean seriously, what doctor wants to be sitting in front of a jury stammering "but he looked like just another nutcase seeking meds!"
posted by ilsa at 7:57 PM on February 2, 2006

"When attempting a self-circumcision do not use dry ice to numb the area... and when the dry ice sticks to the area, do not attempt to remove the ice with boiling water."

I think I'm going to lie down in a corner for a while.
posted by Ndwright at 8:05 PM on February 2, 2006

"when you get tired of vaginal or anal sex.. try transverse colon.. there are individuals out there who will pay 1000 bucks a pop to screw a colostomy patient (yes.. the colostomy).. more amazingly is there are prostitutes who sell their colostomy.."

Okay, now I'm unconscious.
posted by Ndwright at 8:45 PM on February 2, 2006

If you come to the ER (by EMS of course) with 2 days of priapism which you've had before and I aspirate and inject your penis with phenylephrine and it starts to go down don't sit in your bed and stroke yourself until it gets hard again (not making this up).

This made me laugh out loud...
posted by clevershark at 9:10 PM on February 2, 2006

Best. Link. EVAR.

Up to page 21 - this is possibly the MOST addictive thread I've ever encountered.

I'm learning quite a bit too, as having to search for random medical terms & slang to make sense of some of them - fascinating.
posted by crocos at 10:39 PM on February 2, 2006

The next time I come down with a headcold I shall arrange myself on the fainting couch and proclaim that I've been stricken with a case of the Smiling Mighty Jesus.

This is hilarious and educational -- and *usefully* educational, since I'm looking up new words.
posted by cmyk at 11:00 PM on February 2, 2006

I once knew an ER nurse in Yokohama, Japan, who said guys showing up late at night with things lodged in their rectums was not all that uncommon. There were even some repeaters, she said.

Her favorite was a guy who had a can of hairspray way up in there, for the second time in a couple of months. When they pulled it out and showed it to him, he for the first time looked a little sheepish, and mumbled, "But when I put it in, there was . . . um . . . a cap."
posted by Absit Invidia at 12:11 AM on February 3, 2006

Wow. Thanks for this.
posted by mediareport at 12:23 AM on February 3, 2006

Quote:
Originally Posted by oompaloompa
Unfortunately true...........

In some neighborhoods they should put up signs in pet stores saying those little white mice are not intended for your sexual enjoyment.
Especially if you are a 350 pound woman and your many folds and orifices constitute a veritable maze. Ugh, it would have been kinder to feed the mice to a snake.......


So here's what this post did to my brain...obese woman --> mice --> maze --> cheese --> vagina --> dead mice in the cheesy maze of an obese woman's vagina

Thanks I'll be getting that job at Blockbuster now....

And mice...plural?!

Gah. Must. Stop. Reading. But. Can't.
posted by loquacious at 1:13 AM on February 3, 2006

my SOs boss told him of an experience in the ER 40 years ago (this is while my SO was doing his ER rotation 15 years ago). 17 year old (one week married) woman comes in with a suppurating wound where her belly button was supposed to be, and peritonitis. She and her 17 yr old husband hadn't known where it was supposed to go and her mother told her it was supposed to hurt so they took a knife...... Neither tested with learning difficulties..... She survived. Ignorance kills.
posted by Wilder at 1:46 AM on February 3, 2006

The ED doc thought that was kinda ballsy since we were not sure if it tied itself into a knot while it was coiling up...It would be kinda like pulling a foley with the balloon still inflated.

When I was an intern and on call one night I was called by a nurse to see a patient. I arrived in the room to see a tall, naked, and clearly agitated man standing beside his bed speaking rapid fire Swedish with blood seeping from the end of his penis. I realized what the problem was when I looked over at the bed and saw a Foley catheter with the balloon still inflated.

For those unfamiliar, a foley catheter is a latex tube that is inserted up the urethra into the bladder to allow urine to drain into a bag. Once it has been inserted one uses a syringe to inject about 5 ccs of air, which blows up a balloon about the size of a ping-pong ball at the business end inside the bladder. This is normally sufficient to prevent withdrawal of the catheter...
posted by Turtles all the way down at 2:25 AM on February 3, 2006

here is the audio version...'snippets' is pretty darn funny....
posted by sexyrobot at 2:49 AM on February 3, 2006

I like the excuse that they "fell" on the item and it just happened to hit them right in the poophole which just happened to be well lubed up. Ooops.

Wait...wwwaaait...
Doesn't everyone leave barstools upside down and lube up mops, torch/lava lamps, doorknobs and the like at their homes?

Hey, my ceiling does look like it could use a fresh coat of chartreuse...

Aside from the stupidity of this course of action this girl also had a weird affect so I asked if she was developmentally delayed. This thoroughly annoyed the girl and her mother but the dad said, "Well I can see why you might think that but no."*snicker*
posted by hyperlith at 3:00 AM on February 3, 2006

There's some really funny stuff in here, but some times these people are just assholes, and/or stupid.

A lot of these are either "people come in for trivial stuff" or "people don't come in until a lot later even if they have something serious", which isn't really funny, it's just people being ignorant. Not everone is a doctor, which is why hospitals exist, I would assume.

And a guy on heroin that goes berserk and requires 8 people to hold him down? I don't think so.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 6:19 AM on February 3, 2006

And a guy on heroin that goes berserk and requires 8 people to hold him down? I don't think so.

Do you mean "I don't think so" as in you don't find it funny or "I don't think so" as in people on heroin generall don't go completely nuts and dangerous?

One of my first scary experiences in the ER was in my first week when a guy was brought drugged up on heroin with pinpoint pupils and a bullet in his butt cheek. He was naked, and strapped to a stretcher and screaming bloody hell at everyone and everything and throwing his body around, with the stretcher. I don't think I had ever seen anyone so delirious.

Some of the most interesting stuff I've seen has probably been in orthopedics though... lots of "how... just HOW?" with fireworks. Also, one brilliant guy who had seen casts be taken off before with a cast-saw (which can't cut through flesh) decided he could do it at home... with a drill. He was brought to the ward with the drill in his ankle. Let's just say he was kicking himself when we told him a vinegar soak would do the trick.
posted by degnarra at 8:00 AM on February 3, 2006

I prefer to remove my cast with ammonia and bleach.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:04 AM on February 3, 2006

I am rapidly falling in love with the acronyms used in this thread. SOCMOB (Standing On Corner Minding Own Business) is great.
posted by Spatch at 8:15 AM on February 3, 2006

great thread ... makes me really wonder about people
posted by pyramid termite at 8:53 AM on February 3, 2006

degnarra writes "One of my first scary experiences in the ER was in my first week when a guy was brought drugged up on heroin with pinpoint pupils and a bullet in his butt cheek. He was naked, and strapped to a stretcher and screaming bloody hell at everyone and everything and throwing his body around, with the stretcher. I don't think I had ever seen anyone so delirious. "

I've personally seen a little guy[1] who used to do some general labour for my parents destroy[1] a police cruiser with his bare hands while a half a dozen mounties stood around watching. The mounties were standing around because they were waiting for a female mountie to show up. When she got there he calmly walked over when asked by her, was put into cuffs and escorted into the back of her car. And he wasn't on any kind of drugs at the time.

The reason all the male mounties were just standing around is they'd had a run in with the guy a few months earlier. That time he put three mounties in the hospital before they found out he wouldn't hit a woman.

[1] He was about 5'1" and 200lbs of solid muscle (I saw him put three bundles of ashpalt singles on his shoulder and then climb a ladder two stories with them). His shortness was because of his legs, his upper body was that of a 5'10" guy. Hence his nickname Bulldog.

[2] Every body panel bent several times; windows smashed out; tail, head, marker and emergency lights broken; hood ripped open and the underhood wiring harness pulled out.
posted by Mitheral at 9:12 AM on February 3, 2006 [1 favorite]

I am rapidly falling in love with the acronyms used in this thread.

I always enjoy reading a whole bunch of stuff from some subculture where some acronyms are too common to need spelling out (except to me). They do spell out HBAS (HomeBoy Ambulance Service) but not GSW (which I presume is GunShot Wounds). I never did figure out AMA, though it's obviously some hospital version of "released on one own's recognizance". Anyone?
posted by Aknaton at 9:15 AM on February 3, 2006

AMA = Against Medical Advice
posted by lovecrafty at 9:38 AM on February 3, 2006

ED = Emergency Department. Which sounds really wierd to my ears becuase we have Emergency Rooms.

It's interesting that the HomeBoy Ambulance Service can be just as or even more effective than waiting for the EMTs
posted by Mitheral at 10:22 AM on February 3, 2006

Still can't figure out "NPO" and "AKA."

This is ridiculously fun to read.
posted by contessa at 1:30 PM on February 3, 2006

After you bring your 775 lb body to the ED to w/u a foul odor from your rectum and upon examination (with one person holding up the left buttocks with all his might) a lost television remote is found abscessed inside your gluteal fold, by all means, ask if you can have it back because you were tired of changing channels with your cane and by throwing objects at the television. Really, there is no need to question just how or why the remote is there.... True story from my MS-III days......definitely propelled me into EM

I jokingly asked my attending if he thought passing gas would change the channels. Now that would be confusing for the patient

*Grasps toilet bowl rim*

HHHOOOOOOOoUURRRRLLLP
posted by Scoo at 6:05 PM on February 3, 2006

NPO = Non Per Os, or "don't let anything in his mouth."
AKA = Above the Knee Amputation, commonly.
ED = an unfortunate acronym for Emergency Department, as mentioned above, and Erectile Dysfunction.
posted by herrdoktor at 2:47 PM on February 7, 2006

Is it just me or have they "disappeared" that thread in their forums?
posted by deborah at 5:46 PM on February 8, 2006

They've moved it due to traffic.
posted by deborah at 6:24 PM on February 8, 2006