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February 13, 2006 12:01 AM   Subscribe

Hors d'oeuvres vich must be obeyed at all times vithout qvestion!
posted by DirtyCreature (38 comments total)

 
(with apologies to our German friends)
posted by DirtyCreature at 12:03 AM on February 13, 2006


I hate it when my "w" and "u" key stop working. It make me feel like such a vanker.
posted by Mijo Bijo at 12:09 AM on February 13, 2006


Mein Fuhrer! I can walk!
posted by saraswati at 12:16 AM on February 13, 2006


I hate it when my "w" and "u" key stop working.

Oops forgot about those 20 somethings crowding this place out here. Let me educate you junior.
posted by DirtyCreature at 12:16 AM on February 13, 2006


I feel so educated now. *yawn* I've just never heard a "v" sound in the word question from any Germans, maybe you have a link to educate me on that, old man?
posted by Mijo Bijo at 12:24 AM on February 13, 2006


I've just never heard a "v" sound in the word question from any Germans, maybe you have a link to educate me on that, old man?

Here you go.

posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:40 AM on February 13, 2006


don't worry lads , you won't be in the tournament for long.
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:20 AM on February 13, 2006


NOT OK
[X] Don't mention the war

Double negative. Therefore I will mention the war. I'm a grammar Nazi.

I think all English people should be banned from football matches. Just to be sure.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:23 AM on February 13, 2006


VZF?!?
posted by NewBornHippy at 3:20 AM on February 13, 2006


NBH wins. If winning means anything.
posted by Acey at 3:27 AM on February 13, 2006


DIS-MISSED!
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:22 AM on February 13, 2006


slimepuppy, don't expect correct grammar from the Sun.

And I love this comment...

I’m sure Hitler and his cronies are looking up from hell and smiling. .

Yep, this row will surely take their minds off the ultimate agony of the flames of eternal damnation alright.
posted by magpie68 at 4:29 AM on February 13, 2006


Cops there say Nazi taunts are NOT funny and will NOT be tolerated.

Fiction becomes reality.

Nazi taunts? Fawlty Towers is all about the Brits taking the piss out of themselves - Basil Fawlty is an absolute idiot and a cringing embarassment to the Empire. When the German couple asks where to hire a car (in German), Basil looks at them with that perplexed look. When Polly explains they're Germans, Basil (blithering idiot that he is) looks at them and says “Oh German! I thought there was something wrong with you.”

That's the difference between Brits and Continentals. The British can laugh at themselves like no one else. The Germans, French, etc. take themselves so damned seriously. Lighten up guys. When a Brit does the funny walk during the World Cup, or orders a Prawl Goebbels, try laughing. Arresting them means you failed to get the joke.
posted by three blind mice at 5:27 AM on February 13, 2006 [1 favorite]


The English obsession with Nazism is fun. Every football game, it looks like the Brownshirts have risen and are embarking for Britain.

Then if you make clear they aren't welcome, it's just as bad. It's like a pet paranoia.

Zees Basil you speek of, he is quite popular here as vell, BTV.
posted by uncle harold at 5:36 AM on February 13, 2006


Shit, should be BZV.
posted by uncle harold at 5:39 AM on February 13, 2006


Yobs will be instantly banged up for TWO WEEKS if they

hahahah. UK is like the ministry of funny talkin'.
posted by rxrfrx at 5:45 AM on February 13, 2006


You'd think that any sentence that starts "Meanwhile, in the Netherlands..." can only herald something good, but:
Meanwhile in the Netherlands, the Royal Netherlands Football Association (KNVB) are eager to stamp out a craze which could see thousands of Dutch fans turn up for the finals wearing orange Nazi helmets. Free Time Products have sold 15,000 of the plastic helmets, bearing slogans like "attack", "there he goes" and "go Holland go" with designer Weno Geerts saying: "We just want to support our team and tease the Germans. Nothing else."
What, have we forgotten about the good General's evergreen adage, now?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:11 AM on February 13, 2006


Nice one, NewBornHippy! VZF, indeed!
posted by shoepal at 6:15 AM on February 13, 2006


sgt.serenity - It's all about being there though, isn't it? Isn't it?
posted by MrMustard at 6:49 AM on February 13, 2006


"Nazi taunts? Fawlty Towers is all about the Brits taking the piss out of themselves - Basil Fawlty is an absolute idiot and a cringing embarassment to the Empire. When the German couple asks where to hire a car (in German), Basil looks at them with that perplexed look. When Polly explains they're Germans, Basil (blithering idiot that he is) looks at them and says “Oh German! I thought there was something wrong with you.”

That's the difference between Brits and Continentals. The British can laugh at themselves like no one else. The Germans, French, etc. take themselves so damned seriously. Lighten up guys. When a Brit does the funny walk during the World Cup, or orders a Prawl Goebbels, try laughing. Arresting them means you failed to get the joke."


Let's not forget that Basil has also taken a sizeable bump to the head earlier that episode...

“We did not start it!” “Yes you did, you invaded Poland!”
posted by stenseng at 8:07 AM on February 13, 2006


Good thing Denmark isn't in this tournament, or they might provoke a soccer war.
posted by beagle at 8:43 AM on February 13, 2006


I hate to defend this kind of boorish, tedious and unfunny behaviour... but it seems that what we're talking about here is using laws that are designed to prevent glorification of Nazism to stop people making fun of Germany's past. That's just stupid. By all means, throw people out of the stadium, but three years in prison?
posted by teleskiving at 8:49 AM on February 13, 2006


You can get locked up for saying "Don't mention the war"?
So don't mention "Don't mention the war."
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:52 AM on February 13, 2006


This used to be the city of the Nazi rallies but is now famous as the city of human rights. We do not live in the past.

Human rights like, say... free speech?

If anything, this sounds more like the beginning of historical revisionism. I mean, how can the Germans simultaneously say "never forget" and "never bring it up"?
posted by squirrel at 8:58 AM on February 13, 2006


What about referencing to Hogan's Heroes?
posted by TwelveTwo at 9:40 AM on February 13, 2006


Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
posted by kika at 9:55 AM on February 13, 2006


What about referencing to Hogan's Heroes?

I know nothing!!!
posted by wendell at 1:24 PM on February 13, 2006


I mean, how can the Germans simultaneously say "never forget" and "never bring it up"?

They don't. What they say is "don't make light of it".
posted by uncle harold at 2:13 PM on February 13, 2006


"Nazism isn't funny."

Except when it is. Humor is funny like that. You can't legislate it. In fact, legislating against things can make doing them even funnier (I think it's called irony). It would be highly amusing to see someone dressed up as a German polizei officer goose-shtepping around und handink out zhe fake citations to passers-by for alledged Nazism. NAZISM IST VERBOTEN, ENGLISH SVEINHUND! MACH SCHNELL MIT DU PAPIEREN!

You know what, Germany? You fucked up. Denying it won't make it go away. Just admit it, laugh, and move on. In fact, laughter is the most effective way to take the piss out of someone who wears Nazi regalia unironically. Imagine if Hitler had been laughed off the stage/podium at earlier rallies. "Look at hiss silly musstasch! I can mimic zhat with eine plashtic comb! Vitness!"

[Full disclosure, I'm 1/4 German! OH NOS LINE UP AGAINST ZE WALL ALL OFF YOU! ANYVON WHO DOES NOT LAFF IS A CRIME ANIMAL.]
posted by Eideteker at 2:14 PM on February 13, 2006


Ach, du scheisse. "with" = "mit". Ich bin ein dumkopf (und Ich verstehe kein Deutsche).

My grandmother taught me the German gut before she vent kaput!
posted by Eideteker at 2:17 PM on February 13, 2006


I'd quite like it if the england fans all sang "springtime for hitler" at the games .....i would actually be quite supportive of the english team , were it not for that awful fanny john motson , if you got rid of motson things would be different.
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:54 PM on February 13, 2006


VE HAVE MEAT IN - ZE - BUILDING!

Oddly enough, I remember Eric Idle once mentioning that he and Cleese visited Germany and found that Germans, in general, have absolutely no sense of humor.
posted by Football Bat at 3:30 PM on February 13, 2006


The English obsession with Nazism is fun.

I agree. See also Heil Honey I'm Home!
posted by milquetoast at 3:36 PM on February 13, 2006


Ah, zhat old sillyness again ...

1. We all love Basil over here and the "German" episode is one of the best. Hogan's Heroes has been dubbed and some Germans even liked it ('though it can get old fast.) Indeed Nazi jokes can be very funny. I dearly love the "Juergen" skits from my harry Enfield CDs (Zhe Busses were never late under zhe Nazis!)

2. Nobody but maybe our own equivalent of the SUN reacted badly when Prince Harry went to a costume party as a Nazi. The Brits themselves were embarassed.

3. Everybody here hates O'Reilly, but is instantly happy to jump onto the SUN's bandwagon ??!?

4. Yes Nazi regalia are verboten indeed. But not if it is educational, satire, art, reporting, free speech, etc. etc. I think it is not unreasonable to think that some elements of the English soccer fanbase might get a little overenthusiastic with the "jokes". (German fans can be bad, too.) And saying it's just a joke, even though you really are looking for a fight is quite lame. (I know it's obscure, but somehow the old, old 80's movie Soulman comes to my mind which features such behaviour).

5. In this respect Germans cannot behave right, anyway. If we ourselves mention the war too much, we're called uptight. If we don't mention it, it's forgetting it. If Neonazis march the streets of Germany, the SUN sees the next invasion coming, holocaust and all. If Brits do the same, it's all in good faith. That's double standards for you.

6. I predict that not a single soccer fan will be locked up for two weeks for doing the Hitlergruss. So don't worry. A large number of fans with plastic helmets, coordinated marching, shouting Nazi things, that might be considered a public disturbance, indeed.
There is a German equivalent to "COPS" on TV right now. I like it, but you probably would be bored to death, because of how calm, nice, polite, deescalating and plain friendly German police can be. (Don't worry there are dickheads around, too).

7. Good German, Eideteker :-)

Yuk! This post has become way too long, supporting all prejudices about thin skinned, unfunny, belly gazing Germans, AGAIN! Aaaaaaarrrghh I zimply cannot escape mein heritage! And now everypody back in line! Nichts to see hier.

Gute Nacht. I vill now go and perfekt my Dr. Frankenstein impersonation.

Ja, ja.
posted by mmkhd at 4:01 PM on February 13, 2006


I vill now go and perfekt my Dr. Frankenstein impersonation

That's Fronk-en-steen, right? BLUCHER!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:24 PM on February 13, 2006


stein is more like sh-tine the i as in "mine"
posted by mmkhd at 4:36 PM on February 13, 2006


Fer jeebus' sake, this is the british tabloids... look at the ads in the side bar: "Danni, aged 19, from Coventry See loads more girls on our super cyber site" Cheeky! Jeebus.

Seriously. How many of you have been to Germany or met Germans born after 1950? Fess up. Not all that many of you. Now, guess what? They are not all Nazis. In fact, amongst Europeans, Germany stands out as those most vocally disgusted by Nazism. The crimes of the Nazi era were taught in their school curiculum that for fifty years. I'm a Jew and I work as an artist all over Europe, and it is time to cut the krauts a break - they are the people most definitively aware of their role in the holocaust and WWII of any people in Europe. You want to hold the kids responsible for their grandparents at this stage? Have you looked at other European nations' histories? And most Europeans - disregarding Brit football hooligans - recognize this.

Should we be all steamed up that a bunch of football hooligans are not encouraghed to act offensively because - as we all - know John Cleese if funny, or should Germans have the right to finally tell the rude, drunk brit yobs that there is a thing called rule of law in their country?
posted by zaelic at 5:16 PM on February 13, 2006


mmkhd: Danke, mein Freund. I think perhaps you have missed Young Frankenstein, though (see memorable quotes).
posted by Eideteker at 5:30 PM on February 13, 2006


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