Anti-Valentines: We met drunk and we abandoned each other drun

February 14, 2006 8:17 AM

Anti-Valentines: "She said, 'I've been tapping my foot under my desk so that you'll be my friend again.' Then she started crying."
posted by Mo Nickels (56 comments total)

Ummm... wow. And I thought *I* had heard some crazy ex stories.
posted by antifuse at 8:42 AM on February 14, 2006

I wish there were more - I really enjoyed some of these.
posted by pinky at 8:55 AM on February 14, 2006

Gotta love the anti-miscegenation flair (and over-all racism) of that last one (hurricane katrina, by Dana)
posted by delmoi at 8:57 AM on February 14, 2006

What I like best about it, though, is that it is a bookend to the litany of Eating Holidays that begin with Thanksgiving and don't fucking end until, well, today.

The author obviously isn't invited to many shrove tuesday pancake suppers or Easter brunches.

Gotta love the anti-miscegenation flair

Only if you assume that Katrina and Dana are white. Maybe Dana is just a classicist and xenophobe?
posted by Pollomacho at 9:06 AM on February 14, 2006

Sounded like it wasn't the fact the guy was black in the last story, but that he came from a country where aids is a rampant problem. On top of that, he had a subpar poverty level job and lived in horrible conditions. Its not racism, its class warfare, duh.
posted by Atreides at 9:11 AM on February 14, 2006

Well, I think you can be racist against Africans, but not African-Americans, I mean a lot of Japanese people are racist against Koreans and most people can't even tell the difference.

Plus, she described the baby as 'funny looking', which is what really pissed me off.
posted by delmoi at 9:15 AM on February 14, 2006

I'd guess it depends on how you related the "funny looking" comment. Funny looking because its the product of a "possible" white/black couple (which is kinda racist) or simply, its funny looking for being funny looking. I've seen some funny looking babies in my time, it just happens and you don't mention it to the parents. You just hope they grow out of it. Ahem.

Ironically, I knew a girl once named Katrina who was cajun down in the New Orleans area. She wanted to be an astronaut last I heard. She was also crazy at times.
posted by Atreides at 9:21 AM on February 14, 2006

Hmm. You're all assuming someone with Aids from Africa is black...she never even mentioned what his ethnicity was. Your inference is in itself kinda racist, don't you think? Also, if you have unprotected sex with someone from an area where, sadly, the vast majority of people have Aids, am I racist for thinking you're an idiot? Where exactly are you guys coming from on this one? If Dana's a racist, I'm the High Commisioner of Mesopotamia, and that is unfortunately not the case.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 9:26 AM on February 14, 2006

Oh, PS, hairy babies are funny-looking. Whether they be white, black, or purple with green dots. Come to think of it most babies are funny-looking. The hairy ones especially.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 9:27 AM on February 14, 2006

I think that I would probably describe a really hairy baby as "funny looking". But then again, I was raised in a society that is prejudiced against hair.
posted by billysumday at 9:28 AM on February 14, 2006

Dammit, dormant gorilla, you beat me to it!
posted by billysumday at 9:29 AM on February 14, 2006

All mentions of race don't make a written work about race: it's a sad story about two people dreadfully unprepared for the responsibility of a child about to have one anyway.

So there's nothing racist in that paragraph. Or classist. Or xenophobic. Or anti-African. Or anti-biracism.

It surely has some kind of strong anti-stupid sentiment, however, which the posts in this current thread also need.
posted by Mo Nickels at 9:31 AM on February 14, 2006

Ah, but I'm prejudiced against babies. Small sub-humans with seeping face-holes full of germs.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 9:31 AM on February 14, 2006 [1 favorite]

Well, I think you can be racist against Africans, but not African-Americans

What?

As the author, I wanted to address you, delmoi, by saying that the crux story has nothing to do with the fact that the dude was from the Ivory Coast. He could've been a former junkie, or Ryan freakin' White. My point was that I think having unprotected sex with someone you don't know very well from a high-risk demographic is a Supremely Bad Idea.

And the baby was funny looking. It had nothing to do with his race. He was really furry. I don't know whose genetics caused this. (I think the fur fell out eventually.)

The whole thing was meant to be a pithy story. If you think it's racist, you're entitled to your opinion, but why don't you just accuse me of being unfunny rather than trotting out an accusation that's better reserved for, y'know, weightier issues than blog posts?
posted by cowboy_sally at 9:35 AM on February 14, 2006

Babies are only funny looking if you find creepy alien lizard-humans to be "funny."
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:36 AM on February 14, 2006

crux of the story
posted by cowboy_sally at 9:38 AM on February 14, 2006

We're all missing the truly important issue here, which is that the mother of the baby dotted her i's with a heart. In many countries this is grounds for summary execution and should certainly disqualify one from becoming a parent.

And come on-if people couldn't randomly level self-righteous and unfounded accusations of racism at strangers, Metafilter would be...um...one page long.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 9:41 AM on February 14, 2006

Well, they're waiting for us now:

you got FPP'd on metafilter. expect a perfect storm of bitter assholes to appear. sweet! maybe "dios" will show up with his 40-foot strawman and raging persecution complex!

Posted by: reeves at February 14, 2006 12:14 PM
posted by patricio at 9:50 AM on February 14, 2006 [1 favorite]

Fair's fair...
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 9:53 AM on February 14, 2006

Anyhow, I graduated and left town before the baby was born. A few months later, she sent me a photo in the mail of a really funny-looking kid. On the back she had written his name and birthweight and height, and then, underneath, Yes, he really is that hairy!

And that little boy grew up to be...Vin Diesel. And now you know the rest of the story!
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:54 AM on February 14, 2006

Great post, I too wish it were longer. (I also wish there were more accusations of racism. Reminds me of my shitty liberal arts college days.)

I propose that we post hastily assembled and poorly edited un-valentines of our own?

What say you, mefites? Lets turn the blue to red, for just one day...
posted by dobie at 9:59 AM on February 14, 2006

I mean a lot of Japanese people are racist against Koreans and most people can't even tell the difference.

I... don't really know what to say to that.
posted by gd779 at 10:00 AM on February 14, 2006

I thought Japanese people WERE Koreans. Is that like being a self-hating Jew?
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 10:01 AM on February 14, 2006

Babies aren't a separate race, you silly persons. Once they grow up a little you realize that they were human all along.
posted by tizzie at 10:02 AM on February 14, 2006

you got FPP'd on metafilter. expect a perfect storm of bitter assholes to appear. sweet! maybe "dios" will show up with his 40-foot strawman and raging persecution complex!

Posted by: reeves at February 14, 2006 12:14 PM

The funniest part of this is that Reeves has been lurking here for years, and keep saying that he's tempted to pay the five bucks if only to say something snide about Dios and then leave. And now he got to do it for free. Clever boy.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 10:23 AM on February 14, 2006

"keeps", that is. My fingers are frozen.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 10:24 AM on February 14, 2006

I mean a lot of Japanese people are racist against Koreans and most people can't even tell the difference.

I... don't really know what to say to that.

I don't know why you're so stunned; it's pretty much true. Most people in the world can't distinguish between Korean and Japanese people on sight. There is also an unfortunate amout of anti-Korean sentiment in modern Japan. The sad irony comes about when racist Japanese people can't even tell the difference, and suddenly start hating someone they've gotten along with for years just because they've learned that this person is or Korean descent.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:24 AM on February 14, 2006

My fingers are frozen.

I blame babies.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:32 AM on February 14, 2006

Babies are to blame for everything. I have proof that they caused the stock market crash of '29 and the great Cheese Whiz disaster of '04. Call me. I have it on videotape.
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 10:39 AM on February 14, 2006

Metafilter: it's not racism, it's class warfare
posted by feloniousmonk at 10:42 AM on February 14, 2006

But these aren't "anti-valentines". I was expecting something along the lines of :

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Just found I have Aids
Now you do too.
posted by notmtwain at 10:44 AM on February 14, 2006

A valentine's day haiku for the crowd:

The palm fronds glisten
Leaves flutter slowly to earth
You are a racist
posted by Dormant Gorilla at 10:53 AM on February 14, 2006

Hmm. You're all assuming someone with Aids from Africa is black...

No, I'm assuming that an immigrant from the Ivory Coast who works in a convince store for $2/hr is black. There are a few white people in Africa, I've never heard of a poor White African. Out of 17 million people, there are about 14,000 French. In a random sample, there would be less then a 1 in 1000 chance that the person would have been white.

...Your inference is in itself kinda racist, don't you think?

There are some people who claim that making any assumption about a person's race, like assuming a poor person from Africa is black is racist. Generally these people only make these statements. It happens almost exclusively when someone else says something is racist, with the implication that it's only possible to call someone else a racist if you are yourself racist.

It's a juvenile rhetorical deflection at best, but since you phrased it as a question, I'll answer. No, I don't think so.

Also, if you have unprotected sex with someone from an area where, sadly, the vast majority of people have Aids, am I racist for thinking you're an idiot?

No, but there is definitely something wrong with you if you think 7% counts as "vast majority". The worst kind of idiot is the kind who chastises others because they don't share his or her misconceptions. How that statement applies to you is an excursive left to the reader.

Also, while it's not all that likely he was of French extraction, it is possible he got an AIDS test at some point after coming to the US.

Where exactly are you guys coming from on this one? If Dana's a racist, I'm the High Commisioner of Mesopotamia, and that is unfortunately not the case.

Well, there was only one of me posting, but since you have such a weak grasp of statistics I'll answer for all of me so you don't have to hurt your head thinking too much. You right, there was a 1 in 1214 chance that the guy was white, so there is only a 99.92% chance that Dana is a racist, and not just a xenophobic class warrior. Are you happy now?

(And that's assuming a completely even distribution of wealth between different social groups in the Ivory Coast.)

but why don't you just accuse me of being unfunny

I never said it wasn't funny. I laughed, but as I thought more about it, I got more pissed off.

Also, was the guy black? I'm just assuming he was but maybe you clarify this for Dormant Gorilla, who seems so hung up on it.
posted by delmoi at 12:09 PM on February 14, 2006

ugh, damnit 'exercise' not 'excursive'
posted by delmoi at 12:10 PM on February 14, 2006

Wow, dormant gorilla posted 10 comments in this thread based on a whole two of mine. Must have touched a nerve.
posted by delmoi at 12:18 PM on February 14, 2006

From the comments: Who doesn't like a little self-righteous indignation and condescending moralistic sermonizing every now and then?

It hurts because its true.
posted by punkbitch at 12:27 PM on February 14, 2006

I mean a lot of Japanese people are racist against Koreans and most people can't even tell the difference.

delmoi: stop being such a fucking dick.
posted by tweak at 12:41 PM on February 14, 2006

delmoi: stop being such a fucking dick.

I'll take your suggestion under consideration. Thanks.
posted by delmoi at 12:55 PM on February 14, 2006

I'll take your suggestion under consideration. Thanks.

Great. Cheers.
posted by tweak at 12:57 PM on February 14, 2006

Delmoi, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I have to say that using statistics to note the high probability that Dana might be racist is hilariously disingenuous... Then you go on to make generalizations about "most people" not being able to tell apart Japanese and Koren people.

Because if you were talking about "most people", you would have to include the roughly 2 billion Asians in the world who might not have such a difficult time differentiating between the two, or are you saying that "most people" are white...? ;)

Is this just your schtick?
posted by dobie at 12:57 PM on February 14, 2006

I don't know why you're so stunned; it's pretty much true. Most people in the world can't distinguish between Korean and Japanese people on sight.

What are you talking about? I can, and everyone I know can, particularly Koreans and Japanese people.
posted by iamck at 12:58 PM on February 14, 2006

What are you talking about? I can, and everyone I know can, particularly Koreans and Japanese people.

And so can I. You and I are educated, socialized Americans with multicultural exposure, which is why we have enough education to make that distinction. Most people in the world don't have sufficient contact with Japanese and Korean people to even know the differences between the languages, never mind the ethnicities.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:35 PM on February 14, 2006

I can, and everyone I know can, particularly Koreans and Japanese people.

Oh, really?
posted by Pollomacho at 1:36 PM on February 14, 2006

I can tell them apart -- Japanese people are the ones with the funky clothes and hair, right?
posted by psp200 at 1:40 PM on February 14, 2006

I'm Korean, and everyone thinks I'm Chinese. This is useful when I go into a Korean restaurant in K-town and don't feel like speaking Korean. I just look up at the waiter or waitress with my best 'ABC' look before ordering in a southern accent.
posted by psp200 at 1:42 PM on February 14, 2006 [1 favorite]

What are you talking about? I can, and everyone I know can, particularly Koreans and Japanese people.

How well do you score on this test? When it was posted before people posted their scores and I seem to remember that many people weren't able to do that well. I know a Laiotian girl who said most people guessed that she was Chinese/Korean/Japanese, although I guessed correctly. I don't think many empirical studies have been done on the ability of people in general to tell the difference, so I'm going to continue to base my assumption on personal experience and what I remember of a couple metafilter threads rather then your baseless (though impassioned) assertion. Although when I said "most people" I meant most Americans, I have no idea otherwise.

I've read enough about Japan to know about the somewhat second-rate status of Koreans, even people who were born in Japan, had families there for generations, etc, and still can't become full citizens. I also know that many Koreans living there "pass" as Japanese in their daily lives. If you're going to argue that there is no racism in Japan, you're off your rocker. Here is a bbc article, and racism towards Koreans is mentioned in passing as being pretty bad.

I'm honestly a little confused about why people would have a problem with me mentioning racism in Japan towards Koreans. My point was that if someone can be racist against Japanese but not Koreans, they can be racist against African Immigrants, but not long-standing African Americans. Maybe I should have used Hutus and Tutsis. Also no one has explained the problem, only called me a dick for mentioning it.

Delmoi, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I have to say that using statistics to note the high probability that Dana might be racist is hilariously disingenuous...

That was the point. I was playing off the Dormant Gorilla's statement that because I assumed a poor African Immigrant was black, I was a racist, and that if he was white then cowboy_sally couldn't be a racist. I responded by saying that, okay, my original statement was only operative if the guy was black, of which there was a 99.92% chance. I asked cowboy_sally to clarify, but she's chosen not to.
posted by delmoi at 1:52 PM on February 14, 2006

they can be racist against African Immigrants, but not long-standing African Americans

I'd call that bigotry, but not racism.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:57 PM on February 14, 2006

Yes, delmoi, the dude was black. Black as pitch! Blacker than the chambers of a dead nun's heart! Blacker than Spinal Tap's Smell the Glove, even.

I wasn't ducking your question, I just thought it was rhetorical. I said he was a refugee--he had been a soldier.
posted by cowboy_sally at 1:57 PM on February 14, 2006

(He said he'd been a soldier, but I have no idea if this was true.)
posted by cowboy_sally at 1:58 PM on February 14, 2006

Ah, thanks. I was right, does Dormant Gorilla still think I'm a racist?

FYI cowby_sally, The story just pissed me off when I read it, but no hard feelings or anything.
posted by delmoi at 2:20 PM on February 14, 2006

If I had feelings they'd be assuaged if you were to take back the "fuck you" comment you left.
posted by cowboy_sally at 2:27 PM on February 14, 2006

delmoi: "Well, I think you can be racist against Africans, but not African-Americans"

I read this as saying that one can be racist against Africans, but one can't be racist against African-Americans. Had me scratching a hole in my head.
posted by squarehead at 3:09 PM on February 14, 2006

Reading this thread is the most fun I've had all day.
posted by S.C. at 3:21 PM on February 14, 2006

I read this as saying that one can be racist against Africans, but one can't be racist against African-Americans. Had me scratching a hole in my head.

Ah, I see how that could be parsed that way.
posted by delmoi at 3:32 PM on February 14, 2006

delmoi, I think it's time to quit while you're behind.
posted by fleacircus at 5:38 PM on February 14, 2006

Awesome derail.
posted by intermod at 8:16 PM on February 14, 2006