Best Pervert Ever!

February 28, 2006 3:58 AM

Fresh is best. "It's like drinking their youth."
posted by Mayor Curley (48 comments total)

Best of the Web! Shiver.
posted by nostrada at 4:04 AM on February 28, 2006

"A Central Ohio man.."

Enough said.
posted by three blind mice at 4:04 AM on February 28, 2006

Fountain of youth?
posted by TwelveTwo at 4:06 AM on February 28, 2006

Well yuck, but what exactly is the crime he's in jail for?
posted by biffa at 4:08 AM on February 28, 2006

What biffa said. I'm also pretty appalled at the media publishing the full name and mugshot of someone who is obviously an individual in need of help.
posted by uncle harold at 4:20 AM on February 28, 2006

Just ... in ... time ... for the ... morning orange-juice.
posted by RavinDave at 4:44 AM on February 28, 2006

It doesnt say whether it works or not
posted by 13twelve at 4:49 AM on February 28, 2006

A rapist? I've met better perverts than that...
posted by pompomtom at 4:51 AM on February 28, 2006

Oh, it works.
posted by dong_resin at 4:51 AM on February 28, 2006

(insert "pissed off" snark here)
posted by TedW at 4:52 AM on February 28, 2006

I've heard of being full of "pith and vigor" or "piss and vinegar," but....
posted by kimota at 5:11 AM on February 28, 2006

Calling member 2035!
posted by TedW at 5:13 AM on February 28, 2006

Oh eew. This just has to be the first thing I read this morning...
posted by Meagan at 5:17 AM on February 28, 2006

Mayor, I'm sending you an email... nothing about urine sadly.
posted by Witty at 5:20 AM on February 28, 2006

"Paging Morarji Desai ... Morarji Desai to the urinal please"
posted by kcds at 5:30 AM on February 28, 2006

laugh out loud
posted by obeygiant at 5:31 AM on February 28, 2006

I feel run over. There was no warning this post was about something so awful. Yech.
posted by about_time at 5:32 AM on February 28, 2006

No. Never. Not in a lifetime of depravity.
posted by mrmojoflying at 5:37 AM on February 28, 2006

Urine big trouble, mister.
posted by jonmc at 5:38 AM on February 28, 2006

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
posted by Fezboy! at 5:41 AM on February 28, 2006

Pepsi Yellow?
posted by phirleh at 6:07 AM on February 28, 2006

On a scale from 1 to 10, urinate.
posted by sonofsamiam at 6:10 AM on February 28, 2006

Well yuck, but what exactly is the crime he's in jail for?

They might not have a name for what he does, but maybe they can show he is sexually excited about this stuff (if he is, of course). Even then, though, is it a crime to be excited?

In any case, hiding in a toilet stall and watching until a boy finishes peeing, then slipping out and drinking the stuff from a cup you've rigged under the short urinal, especially if you're already a registered sex offender, has to make officials nervous. There's a boy and a bare penis, there's a rapist peeping out of a toilet stall, and there's an elaborate scheme for fresh urine-guzzling involved. It's not like they're just going to chuckle and tell him to move along.
posted by pracowity at 6:13 AM on February 28, 2006

Well yuck, but what exactly is the crime he's in jail for?

Perhaps it's not a standard crime so much as some kind of violation of his parole.
posted by unreason at 6:18 AM on February 28, 2006

Mayor Curley posts something reminding us that bad people are out there and think of the children? Unpossible!
posted by McBain at 6:23 AM on February 28, 2006

Well yuck, but what exactly is the crime he's in jail for?

Voyeurism? He is listening to/watching kids pee.
posted by sonofsamiam at 6:24 AM on February 28, 2006

Mayor Curley posts something reminding us that bad people are out there and think of the children? Unpossible!

I hope you're NOT being facetious-- I only think of the children when I give thanks for cheap Nikes.
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:49 AM on February 28, 2006

I could have gone my whole life without hearing that.
posted by delmoi at 6:59 AM on February 28, 2006

posted by matteo at 7:15 AM on February 28, 2006

Balif, wack his pee pee!

But seriously. So the poor guy has this thing. The courts have ruled our garbage is abandoned and free game. How much more so our not-so-precious bodily fluids?

Bucha no, somthin has gotta be rong, so its ok to lock him up. Yup. And no, there ain't no complaint forms, not for pervs, anyway.
posted by Goofyy at 7:23 AM on February 28, 2006

And no, there ain't no complaint forms, not for pervs, anyway.

To complain about what? "All the jerks in this town who feed their kids asparagus," maybe.
posted by Mayor Curley at 7:29 AM on February 28, 2006

"...it's like listening to a crack or cocaine addict. He's addicted to children's urine," Fithen said.

Maybe he's on to something here. If it's really anything like crack, it might just be worth a try.
posted by Gamblor at 7:43 AM on February 28, 2006

I know everyone is tempted to try this immediately! But be warned:

Chinese Association of Urine Therapy1 warns that

Common symptoms include diarrhea, itch, pain, fatigue, soreness of the shoulder, fever, etc. These symptoms appear more frequently in patients suffering long term or more serious illnesses, and symptoms may repeat several times. Each episode may last 3-7 days, but sometimes it may last one month, or even worse over 6 months. It is a pity that many give up urine therapy because of such bad episode [sic]. Recovery reaction is just like the darkness before sunrise. If one persists and overcomes the difficulty, one can enjoy the eventual happiness of healthy life.

from skepdic on urine therapy
posted by skallas at 7:47 AM on February 28, 2006

Can three million Chinese be wrong?
posted by skallas at 7:52 AM on February 28, 2006

Balif, wack his pee pee!
Props to Goofyy for the Cheech and Chong drop!
posted by Thorzdad at 7:52 AM on February 28, 2006

If you're Italian when you're in Italy, and German when you're in Germany, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
posted by S.C. at 8:15 AM on February 28, 2006

what are you when you're in the bathroom?
Bathist?
posted by Thorzdad at 8:18 AM on February 28, 2006

I'm sorry, why is this on MetaFilter?
posted by fenriq at 8:50 AM on February 28, 2006

S.C., that joke's all wrong. Fresh from the mouths of my mother's third-grade class, here it is in all its glory.

What are you when you enter the bathroom?
You're Russian!

What are you when you're in the bathroom?
European!

What are you when you leave the bathroom?
You're Finnish!
posted by booksandlibretti at 8:57 AM on February 28, 2006

I'm sorry, why is this on MetaFilter?

A few doors down, there's a thread about Indonesian archaeology and the impact of global climate catastrophes on recent human history, if that's more your bag. Right next to that is a thread about jiggling boobies. Different strokes, I guess.
posted by Gamblor at 9:00 AM on February 28, 2006

He's been minding his pees and cues.
posted by obol at 9:14 AM on February 28, 2006

"Investigators said he shuts off the water to the child-level urinal and puts a cup in the bottom."

Technical point: Don't old people use the child-level urinal too? Wouldn't drinking their urine be like drinking senescence itself?
posted by dontoine at 9:41 AM on February 28, 2006

In other news, the hidden-in-the-shitter guy got off.
posted by If I Had An Anus at 9:59 AM on February 28, 2006

Coulda been worse

"If you boys don't drink semen, you won't grow big," a Sambian elder tells prepubescent initiates. "You should not be afraid of eating penises ... it is just like the milk of your mother's breast. You can ingest it all of the time and grow quickly. A boy must be ... inseminated... If [he] doesn't eat semen, he remains small and weak."

posted by Blue Stone at 11:34 AM on February 28, 2006

That's DISGUSTING. A normal, healthy man would only do this with women's urine.
posted by Decani at 3:21 PM on February 28, 2006

And thanks for that link, Blue Stone. "Semen Warriors of New Guinea" is now the name of my new band.
posted by Decani at 3:22 PM on February 28, 2006

Oui oui, the history of pee drinking.

In relation to the Patton case, maybe a good reason to know about this?
posted by nickyskye at 11:39 PM on February 28, 2006

The crime itself sorta is punishment.
posted by Smedleyman at 10:06 AM on March 1, 2006