jiggly virtual b00b support

February 28, 2006 5:58 AM

The Shock Absorber Bounce-o-Meter is *definitely* NSFW, but sure is a lot of fun. Choose your cup size, then your level of activity, and you will be presented with naked breasts, breasts in a normal bra and breasts in the Shock Absorber bra side by side...all the while doing some exercise to get things jiggling.
posted by gren (53 comments total)

Sadly, it's not that useful for actually finding a bra, as the tool recommended a bra that didn't come in the size I had previously chosen.

Too bad, as I really need a new sports bra.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:09 AM on February 28, 2006

Falling panties, bouncing boobs, I just don't know how Metafilter could get any better.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:11 AM on February 28, 2006

I wish I wasn't at work.........
posted by LowDog at 6:13 AM on February 28, 2006

jacquilynne you checked the main section that has the cup/support chart?

The Sports Bra > Support Level links on the top navbar brings you there.

While this may be too personal, do you need a special size bra? Like something in between two sizes?
I must say tho, I do quite hate flash driven sites as they make direct linking quite difficult :(
posted by gren at 6:26 AM on February 28, 2006

For those of you at work, especially the ones that deal in 3D modeling of any kind, the wireframe option might let you get away with it..
posted by gren at 6:27 AM on February 28, 2006

If only they where *real* boobs.

The development teams costs for the project would of made an interesting read...
posted by 13twelve at 6:29 AM on February 28, 2006

Lame lame lame. They aren't even real boobies. (Not a lame post, but a lame website — I was hoping for so much more.)
posted by Brittanie at 6:31 AM on February 28, 2006

...oh yeah, the whole point of this site is to show how letting your breasts jiggle wildly during exercise is bad for you and that their product reduces said gyrations.

...the point of this post was to let all the female MeFites see some new sports bra technology.

...as per the men, well, its b00bies ;¬)
posted by gren at 6:31 AM on February 28, 2006

Gettin' jiggly wit it.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:32 AM on February 28, 2006

Falling panties

Where?
posted by grouse at 6:33 AM on February 28, 2006

You picked the biggest size first, right?

Don't lie.
posted by delmoi at 6:35 AM on February 28, 2006

I started with a respectable b cup and saved the FF for a closer.
posted by Jofus at 6:37 AM on February 28, 2006

Lame lame lame. They aren't even real boobies. (Not a lame post, but a lame website — I was hoping for so much more.)

What are you talking about? This is a huge advance in virtual boob technology! Real boobs would have been lamer (although more interesting) Plus, with like 10 different sizes, 4 activity levels and 3 bras doing real boobs would have required 140 combinations. (Well, I guess that's not that much, but whatever)

I'm just stunned that this kind of thing hasn't been used for porn first (well, maybe it has, I dunno).
posted by delmoi at 6:38 AM on February 28, 2006

delmoi: Yes, the biggest first.
and it HAS been used for porn... mostly weird creepy porn like aliens and robots... nope, never seen it. really! ok, maybe once, but boy it's disturbing...

plus, it's not nearly as advanced as this technology.

and my first response: Metafilter! How I love you...
posted by symbioid at 6:48 AM on February 28, 2006

I'm just stunned that this kind of thing hasn't been used for porn first (well, maybe it has, I dunno).

This *was* porn right?

never mind.
posted by NewBornHippy at 6:54 AM on February 28, 2006

I miss the teapot.
posted by CynicalKnight at 6:55 AM on February 28, 2006

So I tried my size and level of activity first, and was a little surprised at how much movement was possible even in their shock absorber bra. I think I'm just going to start crawling everywhere lest I injure myself.

But when, of course, I went to the largest size and maximum activity, the shortcomings of their modelling became sadly apparent. Only the nipples moved. There was no soft modelling and deformation of the mass of the breasts at all. They just look like the most hardened breast implants ever with remote controlled hyperactive nipples. This may be amusing, but it's not instructive.
posted by rosemere at 6:59 AM on February 28, 2006 [1 favorite]

much like mardi gras, I feed it the beads that it needs, and the tits never show (flash just sat there loading, ironic, I know).
posted by thanatogenous at 7:01 AM on February 28, 2006

This could quite possibly be the greatest thing ever.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:01 AM on February 28, 2006

"They just look like the most hardened breast implants ever with remote controlled hyperactive nipples."

I think this summarizes the early 21st century quite well.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 7:02 AM on February 28, 2006

Actually delmoi I started with the C cup and moderate exercise.

Very interesting, but of practically no use to me as my breasts don't bounce very much no matter what I do. When will they develop a garment to keep my pot belly from gettin' jiggly and drooping to my knees?
posted by davy at 7:03 AM on February 28, 2006

C cup, Light exercise, side view, Normal Bra. Those aren't breasts. Those are frogs. FROGS.
posted by kafziel at 7:08 AM on February 28, 2006

Falling panties
Where?
here
not nsfw..... (or is that a double negative?)
posted by TechnoLustLuddite at 7:11 AM on February 28, 2006

Hypnotizing.
posted by furtive at 7:18 AM on February 28, 2006

I'm with jacquilynne on this one. Furthermore, why would they have the option to view F / G cups if they do not actually make bras that cater for them? Other to give a few bored guys a bouncing boob fix, anyway.
posted by wookienookie at 7:24 AM on February 28, 2006

Just to weigh in as a woman who, gasp, exercises braless - there is no way my boobs move that much. I would totally have noticed by now if my breasts had whacked me in the face on the treadmill. And that's the B cup, front view: those babies are hopping, much much more than the real thing.
posted by mygothlaundry at 7:30 AM on February 28, 2006

While this may be too personal, do you need a special size bra? Like something in between two sizes?

Not really, my size is just larger than they get up to. They do hit my cup size in their 4th level support bra, but without high enough band size range. I suppose fat chicks aren't supposed to exercise.

I just thought it was kind of funny that I could pick my cup size in the simulator and then it recommended a bra for me, but the bra it recommended didn't come in the cup size I chose.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:34 AM on February 28, 2006

Total crap. The breast supported with a normal bra looks more out of control than the completely naked one.
posted by piratebowling at 7:35 AM on February 28, 2006

Also, the wirefram view is very creepy. Kinda like that scene in Weird Science, but worse.
posted by piratebowling at 7:36 AM on February 28, 2006

I'm just stunned that this kind of thing hasn't been used for porn first
posted by growabrain at 7:51 AM on February 28, 2006

hilarious.
posted by fungible at 7:59 AM on February 28, 2006

When will they develop a garment to keep my pot belly from gettin' jiggly and drooping to my knees?
This might do the trick. Oh, for the days when girdles were still fashion nouveau and there were still commercials on TV. Like for the "I can't believe it's a girdle" girdle.
posted by DonnieSticks at 8:01 AM on February 28, 2006

On another note, sometimes it not so bad to check your sex related spam email.
posted by PHINC at 8:21 AM on February 28, 2006

Breast of the web!
posted by bhance at 8:27 AM on February 28, 2006

I have a mini bill oddie (from the BBC website) lurking about on my screen complete with binoculars. it looked as if he were enjoying the spectacle.
posted by Stars Kitten at 8:30 AM on February 28, 2006

Mezmorizing!!
posted by Balisong at 8:39 AM on February 28, 2006

So, the lesson learned here is that women with big, big, big boobs should not go running naked? Who knew skin could stretch so far?

Damn, it looks like they took down the bouncing butt from my old post! It was about as "educational" and alot more entertaining.

PHINC, try the Liberator site, better quality and animal prints too!
posted by fenriq at 8:41 AM on February 28, 2006

Breastacles?

Why are we wearing bras on our heads?
posted by loquacious at 8:43 AM on February 28, 2006

As someone who has studied his share of breasts in motion, I challenge the physics of the c-cup in running mode. Their model suggests breasts that are over-weighted at the nipples. Then again, maybe the average woman has subdermal steel nipple implants, and I just haven't kept up. Kids today, I tell ya.

Thanks for the fun little flash.
posted by squirrel at 8:47 AM on February 28, 2006

The breast supported with a normal bra looks more out of control than the completely naked one.

Maybe the breasts are fighting wildly against patriarchy, piratebowling. Free the Springfield two!
posted by squirrel at 8:50 AM on February 28, 2006

bhance wins.
posted by spock at 8:55 AM on February 28, 2006

On preview, what resemere said.
posted by squirrel at 8:57 AM on February 28, 2006

I was doing some reasearch on personal protective equipment (PPE) for female workers who deal with aggressive kids. I found this.

I have yet to hear about anyone who actually has one.
posted by Danf at 9:11 AM on February 28, 2006

Considering the level of tech for 3D rendering these days this is rather disappointing. Novel, but the execution is sagging.
posted by ryoshu at 10:35 AM on February 28, 2006

Metafilter: Now with remote controlled hyperactive nipples.
(Sorry. I couldn't resist.)
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 10:55 AM on February 28, 2006

FF+EXTREME Horseriding= CRAZY DELICIOUS!
posted by sexyrobot at 12:11 PM on February 28, 2006

As a flash developer, I am so, so, so, jealous of whoever got this contract. I'll bet they did it for free.....
posted by lumpenprole at 2:02 PM on February 28, 2006

You know, I'd happily absorb those shocks.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:25 PM on February 28, 2006

see, THIS is why I pay that internet account every month! I KNEW if I just hung around long enough I'd find SOMETHING I liked as much as MeFi.

Well, so long boys! You won't be seeing much of ME around here any longer, now that I've found this!
posted by TheStorm at 2:30 PM on February 28, 2006

I was doing some research on personal protective equipment (PPE) for female workers who deal with aggressive kids. I found this.

I have yet to hear about anyone who actually has one.
posted by Danf at 9:11 AM PST on February 28 [!]

When I took a fencing class I had to use something similar to protect my chest, basically a pair of metal bowls that slipped into a pocket inside my suit. The instructor referred to them as "rice bowls".

I haven't clicked the link in the FPP yet though because my roommates are around and they think I'm strange enough as it is.
posted by kosher_jenny at 5:10 PM on February 28, 2006

In Utah, this is porn.
posted by basilwhite at 5:47 PM on February 28, 2006

dude... that was hypnotic. all it needed was a good bass drum beat in the back and i would have been in a trance.



...buh dumda dum dum dahdum bah dumda...
posted by Doorstop at 6:27 AM on March 1, 2006

I showed this to a female friend. She said it was the equivalent of me watching a guy get kicked in the nuts repeatedly.
posted by grouse at 12:54 PM on March 1, 2006