*Meow meow HISS* Ah, yes. Needs tuning, madam.

March 1, 2006 7:05 PM

A piano. A catgut free piano. A catgut free piano that includes cats. Very angry cats.
posted by loquacious (36 comments total)

Sing us a song, you're the Piano Meow
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a meowlody
And you've got us feeling all right
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:09 PM on March 1, 2006

I tried making one but am lacking a soprano. Anyone know where I can find the "Meow Mix" cat?
posted by rob paxon at 7:10 PM on March 1, 2006

try a kitten
posted by thirteenkiller at 7:10 PM on March 1, 2006

That's a good idea. Kittens have a very quick turnaround time... you don't need to feed them and a new one is right around the corner.
posted by rob paxon at 7:13 PM on March 1, 2006

1. Make cat piano.
2. ???
3. Profit!
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:17 PM on March 1, 2006

goes so well with the monty python mouse organ:

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Ladies and gentlemen. I have in this box twenty-three white mice. Mice which have been painstakingly trained over the past few years, to squeak at a selected pitch. (he raises a mouse by its tail) This is E sharp... and this one is G. You get the general idea. Noe these mice are so arranged upon this rack, that when played in the correct order they will squeak 'The Bells of St Mary's'. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you on the mouse organ 'The Bells of St Mary's'. Thank you.
He produces two mallets. He starts striking the mice while singing quietly 'The Bells of St Mary's'. Each downward stroke of the mallet brings a terribly squashing sound and the expiring squeak. It is quite clear that he is slaughtering the mice. The musical effect is poor. After the first few notes people are shouting 'Stop it, stop him someone, Oh my God'. He cheerfully takes a bow. He is hauled off by the floor manager.
posted by lapolla at 7:19 PM on March 1, 2006

Yeah, but kittens change pitch quickly. Even hourly.

I strongly suggest starting a cattery to supply the piano with cats of various sizes and ages. On one end of the piano you place a kitten. At the other an old, fat and nasty tomcat. Arrange kittens and cats in a gradiated manner betwixt.

The problem with this method is that by the time the kitten has become an old, fat tomcat, it'll be well-poked, more then a little pissed off, and perhaps a little hoarse.

Frankly, I'm dubious that such a piano ever existed. You ever try to put an annoyed cat in a box? How about trying to bring together an annoyed cat and any object with moving parts? I'm thinking that the only music being made during all of this was well-sharpened cat claws singing merrily through soft hu-mon flesh. But bonus points for style and an inventive way to annoy cats should be awarded, regardless.
posted by loquacious at 7:25 PM on March 1, 2006

cat choir
posted by hortense at 7:25 PM on March 1, 2006

Carol of the Meows (iTMS link but the sample is sufficient to get the gist)
posted by smackfu at 7:26 PM on March 1, 2006

Thanks, lapolla, I'd forgotten about the mouse organ sketch.
posted by loquacious at 7:27 PM on March 1, 2006

cat sled
posted by hortense at 7:27 PM on March 1, 2006

you are welcome, loquacious... though, how could anyone, ever, forget the mouse organ?
posted by lapolla at 7:29 PM on March 1, 2006

Protocols expresses that catgut still present within cat gut
posted by thirteenkiller at 7:29 PM on March 1, 2006

Oh wow, the guys who did Carol of the Meows (Guster) actually remade one of their albums as a meow-mix and you can buy it on iTMS. How about that?
posted by smackfu at 7:30 PM on March 1, 2006

Thirteenkiller, must you continually wipe the balls of Protocols on request? Have you no self-respect?
posted by rob paxon at 7:36 PM on March 1, 2006

I like his balls and also I have self-respect
posted by thirteenkiller at 7:40 PM on March 1, 2006

That's OK -- I have enough self-respect for the both of us.
posted by rob paxon at 7:41 PM on March 1, 2006

I said I have self-respect!
posted by thirteenkiller at 7:48 PM on March 1, 2006

I like his balls and also I have self-respect

For this portion of the test, deconstruct and analyze the above sentence for self-contradiction. Use no more then one paragraph for your response. For 5 extra credit points indicate the typo.
posted by loquacious at 7:55 PM on March 1, 2006

Oh sorry Thirteen, I misread through your fiction right to reality. :]
posted by rob paxon at 7:57 PM on March 1, 2006

loquacious, are you trying to steal my thunder? Don't play Zeus like that.
posted by rob paxon at 7:58 PM on March 1, 2006

I have no idea how these people got their cats wedged into their piano, or why.
posted by mendel at 8:00 PM on March 1, 2006

The why is for the simple pleasure of it all. As for the how, I am currently googling for a step-by-step instructional.
posted by rob paxon at 8:02 PM on March 1, 2006

So that's where the idea for Marvin Suggs and his Amazing Muppaphone came from.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 8:03 PM on March 1, 2006

Today they use teenage poptarts instead.

Same effect though.
posted by HTuttle at 8:17 PM on March 1, 2006

Uh oh, catfight!
posted by loquacious at 8:53 PM on March 1, 2006

Rob you're just jealous.
posted by thirteenkiller at 9:02 PM on March 1, 2006

What the fuck are you guys talking about?
posted by papakwanz at 9:15 PM on March 1, 2006

It's all about thirteenkiller's self-esteem issues.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:22 PM on March 1, 2006

I was planning on posting this Kircher Society page later this week. Everyone: check out the rest of the blog. It's amazing.
posted by painquale at 11:02 PM on March 1, 2006

Here is that Meow Mix cat you were looking for, rob paxon... but I don't think she would appreciate a nail in her tail!
posted by Scram at 11:38 PM on March 1, 2006

Great post!
posted by onlyconnect at 3:32 AM on March 2, 2006

Cat's have cat guts. Just sayin'.
posted by OmieWise at 6:19 AM on March 2, 2006

mr_crash_davis: That song was only annoying before. Now it will be hilarious. Until the joke gets old. Thanks, I think.
posted by raedyn at 7:15 AM on March 2, 2006

I have been working on a new version of the "baby" grand piano. It's just difficult to get those babies to scream in tune.
posted by MotherTucker at 9:40 AM on March 2, 2006

That's why god made so many of them. You'll eventually find at least an octave's worth.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:01 AM on March 2, 2006