America, you so bad!

March 2, 2006 11:17 AM

Sex in an online game? It's about time. Naughty America: The Game is the first of its kind: A massively multiplayer online world that allows players to do what they've always wanted to: be naughty. Check out the trailer.

All links NSFW. Site contains cartoon nudity. Oh, Flash and crappy music abound. You have been warned.
posted by purephase (58 comments total)

See also. :)
posted by Gator at 11:22 AM on March 2, 2006

This is like every 14 year-old's dream come true.
posted by Mach3avelli at 11:23 AM on March 2, 2006

I don't get the appeal. Why not just watch some porn?
posted by nuclear_soup at 11:29 AM on March 2, 2006

i think they missed the memo that sex in online games has been around for a while, and done much better, though i suppose since i think its all pretty creepy, i'm not much of a good judge.

this just pisses me off because its just another example of "game makers" taking some terrible game engine but putting something "scandalous" in because thats what the kids reallllly want. it bugs me even more when the game takes off because of it. coughmortalcombatcough.
posted by teishu at 11:32 AM on March 2, 2006

Just take thegame out of the first URL, and you'll find that Naughty America makes that too, nuclear_soup.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:32 AM on March 2, 2006

*Down, Down-Toward, Toward, LowPunch*

/freezes teishu
posted by iamck at 11:35 AM on March 2, 2006

Side note: No links to teh pron site, or explicit mention of it, besides the site names.
Aren't they the clever viral marketers.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:39 AM on March 2, 2006

Finally! I always wanted an outlet to cyber with 45 year old hairy men, and I have it at last!

*gets ready to create schoolgirl character*
posted by antifuse at 11:43 AM on March 2, 2006

From the trailer, it seems there's no foreplay in Naughty America.
posted by me & my monkey at 11:44 AM on March 2, 2006

I've long postulated that MMO creators don't give a rat's ass about game experience once a steady revenue stream comes in.

This just cuts through the crap of creating a game in the first place, getting the drool-worthy MMO revenue from nothing more than a visual skin for cybering. Toss in virtual pixel dress-up and home-building for extra real life money, profit abound!

Until they realize that even with the guys who play as underaged or barely legal girls, it'll still be a virtual sausage fest, and you gotta supply your own booze. Bummer.
posted by Saydur at 11:55 AM on March 2, 2006

coughmortalcombatcough

Excuse me? Mortal Kombat was groundbreaking in its day, particularly in the implementation of the combo system, as well as its creative input commands. John Tobias and Ed Boon are also to be lauded for their use of photographed actors instead of drawn sprites, an artistic technique which had never been used before in a head-to-head fighting game. It certainly didn't hurt matters that the cast of Mortal Kombat were largely professional martial artists and stunt players, including Daniel Pesina, Richard Divisio, Elizabeth Malecki and former WMAC title-holder Ho Sung Pak. Mortal Kombat II only improved on the formula, by featuring sharper graphics, smoother animation and larger character sprites, as well as new cast members including Tony Marquez and Katalyn Zamiar. Unfortunately, contract disputes regarding console distribution led to hostilities between much of the cast and the producers, and the resulting walk-outs (primarily led by Pak and Zamiar, who were dating at the time) surely were a factor in the pronounced all-around poorness of Mortal Kombat 3.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:57 AM on March 2, 2006

Will I have to play interior decorator each time I play, or will I be able to jump straight to the doggy action?
posted by itchylick at 12:04 PM on March 2, 2006

Sex in online games has been around almost as long as, well, online games. This is news? Never really appealed to me, but whatever floats your boat.

And yeah, it isn't all far 40 year old guys. It's actually quite popular with the ladies.
posted by Justinian at 12:07 PM on March 2, 2006

"fat" 40 year old guys. They are indeed all far away, it is devoutly to be hoped.
posted by Justinian at 12:08 PM on March 2, 2006

From the trailer, it seems there's no foreplay in Naughty America.

Clearly, you've never seen their videos...

*cheesy dream transition*

An office setting, somewhere in America.

Woman: My husband doesn't satisfy me.
Man: That's a shame.
Woman: (Undresses man and performs oral sex on him.)

The couple then proceeds to have intercourse in various aggressive, male oriented possitions, ending with a facial, clearly what every woman in America is complaining her husband isn't giving her. And the overdubbed satisfaction is, uh, badly acted and not always appropriate for what's on screen.

Why would the game be any different?
posted by sequential at 12:10 PM on March 2, 2006

I was dissapointed that "Junk Size" did not appear to be an option, though I'm sure they'd only need "python" as an option.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 12:13 PM on March 2, 2006

Excuse me? Mortal Kombat was groundbreaking in its day, particularly in the implementation of the combo system, as well as its creative input commands. John Tobias and Ed Boon are also to be lauded for their use of photographed actors instead of drawn sprites, an artistic technique which had never been used before in a head-to-head fighting game. It certainly didn't hurt matters that the cast of Mortal Kombat were largely professional martial artists and stunt players, including Daniel Pesina, Richard Divisio, Elizabeth Malecki and former WMAC title-holder Ho Sung Pak. Mortal Kombat II only improved on the formula, by featuring sharper graphics, smoother animation and larger character sprites, as well as new cast members including Tony Marquez and Katalyn Zamiar. Unfortunately, contract disputes regarding console distribution led to hostilities between much of the cast and the producers, and the resulting walk-outs (primarily led by Pak and Zamiar, who were dating at the time) surely were a factor in the pronounced all-around poorness of Mortal Kombat 3.

if you think mortal kombat was a good fighting game, you were obviously 12 when it came out and thought it was "bad ass" to be able to pull some dudes heart out after you button mashed him to death. being the age that i am, i too was interested at first, but then realized what a terrible game it actually was.

terrible hit detection, choppy fighting flow, poor control, vastly uneven characters, the list goes on.... try comparing it to something like street fighter II and see how it stacks up.

and you only further illustrate my point, since everything you mention has very little to do with actual game play, and everything to do with bullshit flash and sparkle. ohhhh real actors wow. i bet you think night trap ruled the school too.
posted by teishu at 12:22 PM on March 2, 2006

Justinian writes "This is news? Never really appealed to me, but whatever floats your boat."

It's not really intended as news. It's just supposed to be funny (in a pathetic sort of way). The claim that they "were the first" was their own, not mine. I should have added italics. ;)
posted by purephase at 12:33 PM on March 2, 2006

thought it was "bad ass" to be able to pull some dudes heart out after you button mashed him to death.

Yeah, I loved that. Especially the "GET OVER HERE!" before the big rip-job. Makes me nostalgic for the old Sega Genesis.

Sigh.
posted by washburn at 12:33 PM on March 2, 2006

It is clear that teishu is older and wiser than Faint of Butt. Heh heh - FoB (once a 12 year old! Holy shit!) didn't even know that he was further illustrating teishu's point! Laugh... out... loud...! Puh-owned or something!
posted by palinode at 12:35 PM on March 2, 2006

I'm gonna second teishu. Mortal Kombat is not a very good game. Not only does it have poor controls, but the fact that it used photographed actors instead of drawn sprites makes it worse, not better. The graphics were pretty bad. Not only that, but it wasn't the first game to use photographed sprites. Pitfighter came out in 1990 (2 years before) and Narc came out in 1988 (4 years before) and both were terrible with bad control as well.

I am of the opinion that Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
posted by kookywon at 12:40 PM on March 2, 2006

How did you nerds take a perfectly good thread about sex and turn it into an argument about Mortal Kombat vs. Street Fighter II? Have any of you ever actually kissed a girl?

(Ladies, feel free to answer that last question as well.)
posted by Gamblor at 12:43 PM on March 2, 2006

This game just seems old hat. I've been having computerized sex with 65-year-old men pretending to be nubile young women since email was invented.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:47 PM on March 2, 2006

You're posting in a thread about video game sex, right?
posted by kookywon at 12:48 PM on March 2, 2006

Has Mortal Kombat really aged that poorly? You're right, of course, that it fails to measure up to Capcom's or SNK's best efforts (which enjoy regular play around the Faint of Butt household), but I recall the control and hit detection as being at least adequate, and as I mentioned before, the input commands were certainly creative, particularly as regarded characters such as Raiden and Kano, who possessed special moves that were performed via joystick maneuvers only. It is true, though, that I enjoyed the character design and mythos more than the actual gameplay, which I suppose is also a major factor in my bitterness over the direction the design took in MK3 (Robots? Phaugh!). I don't suppose I'll ever be able to convince you that it wasn't merely the violence that appealed to me, though, especially because I was, yes, twelve years old in 1992.

(And confidential to Gamblor, my fiancee and I are getting married in August. Sometimes even the nerdiest of us get hot chicks.)
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:52 PM on March 2, 2006

I played Second Life for a few weeks (and wrote a few blogs about it here (self link... some pix in the entries themselves probably nsfw)). I can say with certainty that there is plenty of MMO sex going on already. Maybe even the occassional MMOrgy (also probably nsfw. duh.). Why would anyone want to pay for MMO cybersex when they can find pretty much whatever their perverted hearts may desire in Second Life for FREE? Phooey.
posted by hypocritical ross at 1:24 PM on March 2, 2006

I enjoyed MK at the time, but it has aged very poorly, and revisiting it shows that it is indeed a bad fighting game. It doesn't come close to whatever Street Fighter 2 version it was competing with at the time.

Naughty America? *Yawn.* Um...a little doggystyle with a couple of ass spanks is freaky? Really?
posted by graventy at 1:25 PM on March 2, 2006

EFFORT TO BRING THREAD BACK TO TOPIC

Face it. All you Mortal Kombat haters really Liu Kang to get it on with Sonya Blade. All that energy wasted on fighting when they could have been fucking each other blue for months.
posted by ed at 1:26 PM on March 2, 2006

try comparing it to something like street fighter II and see how it stacks up.

Comparing anything of the era to SFII is grossly unfair. It is perhaps the best fighting game ever constructed. No other game had the combination of elegance and balance.
posted by Ynoxas at 1:42 PM on March 2, 2006

*yawn*

Been done, and done much better.

Second Life is a gushing sticky fountain of perversion all its own. They even have a lively and lucrative prostitution industry.

I recall browsing through an "escort vending machine", and finding several professionals that offered your choice of in-game or real-life services (within a certain geographic area).
posted by xthlc at 1:47 PM on March 2, 2006

Don't forget Slustler, the in-game porno mag (shot and distributed in game and complete with advertisements for in-game sex shops and escorts) for those poor saps who can't even score any VIRTUAL action.

P.S. Save your Lindens - it's not worth $150... um... or so I've heard.
posted by hypocritical ross at 1:55 PM on March 2, 2006

In other videogaming news --

Praise the Lord and Pass the Joystick -- The makers of "Left Behind: Eternal Forces," a game that contains biblical messages and lessons, hope to convert non-Christians into fanatical players.
posted by ericb at 1:57 PM on March 2, 2006

this game isn't just hot - it's toasty!

down+start to do smokeing hot babes!!!
posted by soma lkzx at 1:58 PM on March 2, 2006

Praise the Lord and Pass the Joystick -- The makers of "Left Behind: Eternal Forces," a game that contains biblical messages and lessons, hope to convert non-Christians into fanatical players.

1991 called. it wants its game back. zing!
posted by hypocritical ross at 2:03 PM on March 2, 2006

hypocritical ross: liked your reporting on Second Life. Made me smile.
posted by sharpener at 2:04 PM on March 2, 2006

My great crashing cosmonaut of a many-faced goatgod, this is lame. I mean, leprosy pancakes, fellas, is this what the Internet has come to?

Big leaping mounds of pain! Yankee doodle-fuckin'-doo is this booooooooring! And I thought sex with my wife was bad. HooooooooooooooooooooooooIgottamillionof'em!
posted by ford and the prefects at 2:05 PM on March 2, 2006

And I thought sex with my wife was bad.

What's her screenname?
posted by Ynoxas at 2:09 PM on March 2, 2006

zing!
posted by Suparnova at 2:26 PM on March 2, 2006

Sex in an online game? How pathetic.
posted by crunchland at 2:31 PM on March 2, 2006

My boyfriend had the same idea about two years ago. (Sort of self link - it's a group blog)
posted by Lotto at 3:26 PM on March 2, 2006

I love how fucking is reduced to a contextual menu item.
posted by mkultra at 4:10 PM on March 2, 2006

Reduced? In my case, it's expanded!
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:15 PM on March 2, 2006

ABACABA
posted by danb at 4:39 PM on March 2, 2006

I'll see your Naughty America, and raise you Super Monkey Poop Fight.
posted by fandango_matt at 5:23 PM on March 2, 2006

I blame religous extremists.
posted by Balisong at 5:27 PM on March 2, 2006

Down the slippery slope....
posted by semmi at 6:32 PM on March 2, 2006

I am of the opinion that Donkey Kong Robotron 2084 is the best game ever.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:08 PM on March 2, 2006

Man, all the fucking fucking I do in real life, I need me one of these dork aggregator emporg dealies where I can just sit in a damn low-ass beach chair with my giant abraided chorizo in a bucket of iced down Baileys Irish cream and all you twitching virgin stile project addicts can gather 'round while I explain what it feels like to hold a real titty and occasionally hoot softly to myself while I chainsmoke Kool milds.

I'd call it, Is that the new Belle & Sebastian? Jesus Christ no wonder your girlfriend still calls me.
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:31 PM on March 2, 2006

48 comments and not a single konami code cunnilingus joke.
posted by thecaddy at 10:14 PM on March 2, 2006

48 comments and not a single konami code cunnilingus joke.

"Oh, baby -- oh, up! Up!! Ohhhhhh....down....DOWN! Ohhh B-B-B...A-A-Aaaah...Oh! Ohh!"

Couldn't get start in, and the "B A" was a little forced. But there ya go.
posted by ford and the prefects at 10:24 PM on March 2, 2006

There's no way this can live up to the sexpectations set by the ne plus ultra of naughty video games, Custer's Revenge.
posted by Guy Smiley at 10:25 PM on March 2, 2006

Touch clitoris

> Cannot find "clitoris"!
posted by vbfg at 1:24 AM on March 3, 2006

Donkey Kong? Pretty good. Robotron 2084? Very excellent.

From that era, I also like Zoo Keeper and Mr. Do!, but my vote for the best has gotta be Rampart....

Wait, have I said this before?
posted by JHarris at 2:21 AM on March 3, 2006

Hardly the first or only major virtual world devoted to sex. Ren Reynolds at TerraNova rounds up seven here.
posted by grimmelm at 6:27 AM on March 3, 2006

"Oh, baby -- oh, up! Up!! Ohhhhhh....down....DOWN! Ohhh B-B-B...A-A-Aaaah...Oh! Ohh!"

You forgot "left... right... that's it....left, oh yeah, right..."

God, I feel so dirty...
posted by mkultra at 6:33 AM on March 3, 2006

Nothing beats Donkey Kong.
posted by Peter H at 9:35 AM on March 3, 2006

Nothing beats Donkey Kong.
posted by Peter H at 11:35 AM CST on March 3 [!]

Except Donkey Kong's abusive boyfriend.

(I hear Mario hits him with a hammer.)
posted by Ynoxas at 1:31 PM on March 3, 2006

Has Mortal Kombat really aged that poorly? You're right, of course, that it fails to measure up to Capcom's or SNK's best efforts (which enjoy regular play around the Faint of Butt household), but I recall the control and hit detection as being at least adequate, and as I mentioned before, the input commands were certainly creative, particularly as regarded characters such as Raiden and Kano, who possessed special moves that were performed via joystick maneuvers only. It is true, though, that I enjoyed the character design and mythos more than the actual gameplay, which I suppose is also a major factor in my bitterness over the direction the design took in MK3 (Robots? Phaugh!). I don't suppose I'll ever be able to convince you that it wasn't merely the violence that appealed to me, though, especially because I was, yes, twelve years old in 1992.

(And confidential to Gamblor, my fiancee and I are getting married in August. Sometimes even the nerdiest of us get hot chicks.)


like i said, i fell under the spell of ripping peoples hearts out or burning them into skeletons (block up up, the easiest of the fatalities), however after a little while even at that age i realized it was all glitz, and revisiting it now, you really see how poor a fighting game it is.

and awesomely enough, i too am getting married this summer, though we're going to be in july. and shes hot too.
posted by teishu at 8:39 AM on March 4, 2006