The $39 Experiment

March 4, 2006 8:54 AM

About ten hours(over the course of two days) and exactly two bloodshot eyes later, it was complete. I had 100 letters to 100 different companies — stuffed, sealed, stamped, and ready to go. I put all 100 letters into the mail on Friday, February 24, 2006 at 9 AM. Now all that was left to do was sit back and wait for a response (or two?) via
posted by Kwantsar (62 comments total)

The 39 Dollar Experiment... which actually cost 52 dollars. Only in America. :)

Still interesting, wonder if he'll get enough stuff to have been worth it?
posted by Malor at 9:00 AM on March 4, 2006

Well, that's disappointing. Almost nobody sent him free stuff. Businesses used to send out free samples all the time!

What happened to American business. It used to be cool.

American business: I'm still cool!

Nah, man. You've changed.
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:01 AM on March 4, 2006

It's $52 if his time is worth nothing, which I suspect it is, given that he has enough of it to beg via mail. How, exactly, is this different from panhandling - except that it's at least $52 more expensive and probably less fruitful?
posted by aberrant at 9:06 AM on March 4, 2006

When I eat your pita chips with my lunch, my teeth feel clean!

bahaha
posted by disclaimer at 9:10 AM on March 4, 2006

How, exactly, is this different from panhandling - except that it's at least $52 more expensive and probably less fruitful?

You're off to a good start without our help! Panhandling wouldn't be a very good experiment to find out if companies still give out free stuff, though, too.
posted by mendel at 9:13 AM on March 4, 2006

Very interesting experiment, although I'm not too surprised that he hasn't received as much free stuff as initially hoped. Too many of his letters are simply "Send me free stuff!" If he had crafted a more interesting story, perhaps, he might have received more stuff. I think that it might have helped if he had made reference to some minor problems, such as "the last batch of gum that I bought from you tasted odd," or maybe "the service that I received at Long John Silver's last week was not up to my usual high expectations of your company." Usually companies will take that extra step of coupons or freebies if you hint at dissatisfaction, rather than simply saying "Give me free stuff!"

Maybe he should try it again with new tactics.
posted by davidmsc at 9:14 AM on March 4, 2006

Publicly mocking the companies that don't buy into his little "experiment" is probably unwise.
posted by davebush at 9:14 AM on March 4, 2006

I had the opposite experience when I sent a complaint letter after having an unimaginably bad experience flying on American. After outling what all had gone wrong, I concluded the letter by saying that, instead of the vouchers airlines usually provide, I'd really like a hand-written note from the CEO indicating that he'd read my letter.

Didn't happen. They sent me vouchers without mentioning my request.
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 9:16 AM on March 4, 2006

Somebody should ask him if they can advertise on his site for free.
posted by davebush at 9:20 AM on March 4, 2006

I think he'd have better luck getting free stuff if he wasn't asking for it. I feel like letters that say "You're product is great, I use it every day, thanks!" would end up getting you more free stuff/coupons than "I love your stuff, send me some free".

Then again, I don't have four free cans of air duster.
posted by graventy at 9:20 AM on March 4, 2006

The reason why there are so few responses is that these letters were mailed out little more than a week ago. I'm actually surprised at how prompt some of the responses were.
posted by cloeburner at 9:20 AM on March 4, 2006

er...what davidmsc said.
posted by graventy at 9:20 AM on March 4, 2006

To be fair -- he sent out the letters last Friday, February 24, 2006 -- eight days ago. I supect there'll be numerous updates over the next few weeks.
posted by ericb at 9:21 AM on March 4, 2006

What cloeburner said!
posted by ericb at 9:22 AM on March 4, 2006

I think someone should ask the guy if they can advertise on his website at no cost.
posted by cloeburner at 9:24 AM on March 4, 2006

Oops, what davebush said.
posted by cloeburner at 9:25 AM on March 4, 2006

Almost nobody sent him free stuff. Businesses used to send out free samples all the time!

His first free stuff just came in two days ago, and he only sent the letters a couple of weeks ago. I suspect, just based on the ratio of free stuff to nos thus far that he'll end up with quite a lot more free stuff in the next few weeks.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:25 AM on March 4, 2006

His letters read like jokes. I'd imagine many companies just assumed that it was a prank.
posted by glider at 9:25 AM on March 4, 2006

Publicly mocking the companies that don't buy into his little "experiment" is probably unwise.

this post-9/11 mindset brought to you by CorpCo™
posted by quonsar at 9:28 AM on March 4, 2006

quonsar - I was thinking of this guy's future. Google, job hunting etc.
posted by davebush at 9:32 AM on March 4, 2006

I doubt the companies thought they were pranks. I doubt the people reading such letters really pay attention to the contents -- they sort them out as "complaints of types x,y,z.../compliments" and then send out a form letter.

I'll bet he'd have gotten exactly the same responses if he'd sent a letter saying simply, "I really like your product."

This is a bad project. It promotes consumerism, surely something that needs no promotion. It's boring because of its triviality, its impersonality and its lack of detail. No one learns anything revelatory, deep, useful, unexpected or moving. Please post better material next time.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 9:38 AM on March 4, 2006

Dear Sir or Madam:
Please send me a free sample of every Kraft product made. If you are hesitant to send highly perishable items like cheese, I fully understand. I'll take whatever you have. Thank you.
Tom Locke, food enthusiast

HAHAHAH. Food enthusiast.
posted by delmoi at 9:39 AM on March 4, 2006

Reminds me a little of the Lazlo Letters. Fr. Guido Sarducci, AKA Lazlo Toth, AKA Don Novello. From a Web review..."he wrote to dignitaries and corporations from 1973 to 1976. The punchline was always in his letters, so it hardly mattered if or how anyone replied. Lazlo was classic because he created a character that bordered on unbelievable but never crossed the line where you couldn't imagine your nutty uncle at the typewriter. His book opens, for instance, with a letter to President Nixon that simply reads, "Fight! Fight! Fight! I'm with ya!" and is signed "Lazlo Toth, voting for Richard Nixon since 1952!" Later Toth wrote to Mobil Oil to thank them "for all that the oil companies have done for this country." And even the most vile dictators seemed pleased to hear that Lazlo was a lifelong fan."

In most cases the letters were responded to straight, sometimes the recipient 'got it' and replied in kind.
posted by Gungho at 9:41 AM on March 4, 2006

I think someone should ask the guy if they can advertise on his website at no cost.

Well, they basicaly are. Although I don't quite get the point of sending out free air-duster. The guy already uses air-duster. *shrug*
posted by delmoi at 9:42 AM on March 4, 2006

lupus: that's the kind of corporate mentality corpotypes appreciated ..dull, gray, insignificant , praising products and laudating bottom line.

And it's BAD advertising ! Boo oohh bad corporate ! Bad ! We buy products, tons of product, A LOT OF IT and not even some samples ? Boooooohh it is true that corporate are avid bloodsuckers.

Forget about asking me about one extra minute of work :-< for the misery you will not pay anyway.
posted by elpapacito at 9:47 AM on March 4, 2006

From his metatag keywords: "beg,begging,poor,bum,slob,mooch"
posted by davebush at 10:05 AM on March 4, 2006

This reminds me...when my brothers and i were little, we found that a can of Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs only came with 1 meatball in it--my little brother wrote to them, and we got an apology and 4 cans in the mail. Things really have changed, but i wonder whether his responses would have been better if he had emailed from the corporate sites--i'm thinking he would have gotten coupons at least, instead of nothing.
posted by amberglow at 10:23 AM on March 4, 2006

It's not panhandling because he actually did some work.

Jerry Seinfeld did a book similar to the Lazlo Letters. It was written under the name Ted L. Nancy.
posted by thendisc at 10:24 AM on March 4, 2006

I'm not sure why this is getting any publicity, to be honest. This is hardly original - you see ads all over the Internet advising you about how to write into companies for free stuff. Some of the sites etc even give you templates to use which sound a lot better than what this guy has written.
posted by Zinger at 10:26 AM on March 4, 2006

90% of the products in my bathroom were made by either Colgate-Palmolive or Procter & Gamble, and most of the stuff in my kitchen was made by Kraft, Nestle, or Hershey.
posted by docgonzo at 10:42 AM on March 4, 2006

"when my brothers and i were little, we found that a can of Chef Boyardee spaghetti and meatballs only came with 1 meatball in it--my little brother wrote to them, and we got an apology and 4 cans in the mail"

My daughter and I had the same result with a nearly-empty bag of Butterfinger BBs that came in a box of candy we bought. We've also gotten free Hamburger Helper coupons for pointing out a mistake in the instructions on a box. For some reason, it seems companies are usually quite responsive to notifications of errors.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:01 AM on March 4, 2006

This is a bad project. It promotes consumerism, surely something that needs no promotion. It's boring because of its triviality, its impersonality and its lack of detail. No one learns anything revelatory, deep, useful, unexpected or moving. Please post better material next time.


Thats the funniest thing I've read here all day.

Fun little project. It'll be interesting to see how it progresses over the weeks. Thanks for the post, Kwanstar.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:03 AM on March 4, 2006

I wonder how much stuff he would have received if he mentioned that he was making a web site about it? I'm sure their attitude would change really quickly if they were aware of that fact.
posted by Mijo Bijo at 11:10 AM on March 4, 2006

It's boring because of its triviality, its impersonality and its lack of detail. No one learns anything revelatory, deep, useful, unexpected or moving. Please post better material next time.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 12:38 PM EST on March 4 [!]

Not exactly deep.
posted by stavrogin at 11:27 AM on March 4, 2006

Dear Sir or Madam:
I currently use Trojan Magnum XL condoms, and while they are the proper size, they don't offer me the sensation that Durex condoms do. Does Durex have an extra large condom available, comparable to the Trojan Magnum XL? Please send me a few samples if such a condom exists. I need that Durex sensation without unnecessarily strangling my member in a smaller-sized condom. Thank you well in advance,
Tom Locke, intercourse enthusiast

*snicker*
posted by brain_drain at 11:30 AM on March 4, 2006

Publicly mocking the companies that don't buy into his little "experiment" is probably unwise.

Yeah, he don't ought to be gettin' uppity now!
posted by Drexen at 11:41 AM on March 4, 2006

Dear Sir or Madam:
I hate the way that the harsh winters make my lips crack like a caffeinated mobster under a heat lamp. Please send me a free stick of your most powerful ChapStick, as I have yet to find anything that soothes my sore, aching lips. Thank you well in advance,
Tom Locke, smooth lip enthusiast
posted by mecran01 at 11:48 AM on March 4, 2006

For some reason, it seems companies are usually quite responsive to notifications of errors.

About two years ago I was eating Turkey Hill ice cream and bit into something quite hard and fairly unidentifiable. After calling Turkey Hill's customer service line, they not only sent me a couple coupons for free ice cream, but asked me to send the offending object to them in a padded mailer bag — some weeks later, I got a note from their 'lab' indicating that the object in question was part of branch from the peanut harvesting processes.
posted by rafter at 11:51 AM on March 4, 2006

Gungho writes "Reminds me a little of the Lazlo Letters."

Except that was much, much more funny.
posted by krinklyfig at 12:29 PM on March 4, 2006

What I found interesting is the difficulty he had finding 100 unique addresses. This is if nothing else an object lesson in the consumer shell game. Good luck to anybody trying to actively boycott a large conglomerate like Proctor and Gamble.
posted by ilsa at 12:29 PM on March 4, 2006

thendisc writes "Jerry Seinfeld did a book similar to the Lazlo Letters. It was written under the name Ted L. Nancy."

Yeah, I wish he hadn't done that. It wasn't that great. Jerry Seinfeld is funny without having to imitate Don Novello.
posted by krinklyfig at 12:33 PM on March 4, 2006

delmoi writes "lthough I don't quite get the point of sending out free air-duster. The guy already uses air-duster."

I get the feeling you could have sent Forbes anthrax and you would have recieved four free dusters. Easier to just send out free product for each letter than actually parse the contents of the letter.
posted by Mitheral at 1:04 PM on March 4, 2006

Way back when in the pre-internet days, my mom was a huge letter of complaint writer. This required a walk to our local library, where she would look up corporate points-of-contact in the Thomas register. Being too frugal to spend a nickel on a photocopy, she would carefully copy the information. Then we'd walk home, where she would type - using carbon paper for a for-real carbon copy - a nicely worded letter on her Royal typewriter. Her batting average was amazingly high, and she frequently got coupons and nicely worded letters in return.
posted by fixedgear at 2:00 PM on March 4, 2006

aberrant: It's $52 if his time is worth nothing, which I suspect it is, given that he has enough of it to beg via mail.

Why the hate? He didn't send off all those letters for free stuff, he sent them out so sites like Metafilter would link to him! It worked, and I'm glad he did.

davidmsc: I think the idea was just to see how many would respond without having to do anything dishonest. Allow lying mix and I'm sure he could have a much better free product rate, but it'd essentially be scaming. (Not the same as scaming individuals, but still a scam.)

Of course, that didn't prevent his letters to Subway and Quiznos from being mutually exclusive. "I hate Quiznos", "I hate Subway."

davebush: Publicly mocking the companies that don't buy into his little "experiment" is probably unwise.

Maybe. Doesn't mean we shouldn't do it (and any other companies we can find), and whenever possible.
posted by JHarris at 3:53 PM on March 4, 2006

If nothing else, I hope he succeeds in at least his Mercedes request:

I'm going to be honest with you. I am a poor slob who drives a bike. Not a motorcycle – a bicycle. Please send me a Mercedes Benz keychain, so I can at least pretend to have some class when I'm around people.
Thank you in advance, Tom Locke, self-esteem enthusiast
posted by chronic sublime at 4:11 PM on March 4, 2006

I run a very small business, where we offer free samples to interested parties.

A while ago, some helpful soul posted our website details to a `FREEBIES' site. Sample requests went from a few per week, to ten a day. I would have spent all my time packing samples, and some of the requests were blatant enough to say `I don't care what I get, I just want free stuff!', or they'd tick the box for EVERY type of product we had (which nobody who really is interested in the product does).

I also had three requests come in simultaneously for the same suburb under different names (a small suburb, interstate)

I just stopped sending them out. It was crazy.
posted by tomble at 4:56 PM on March 4, 2006

Wow! This is quite funny. I did this *exact* same thing a number of years ago. When I was in high school, all my friends began receiving free Mach 3 razors from Gillette, however I never did. So I wrote them a letter asking if I could get one for free and mailed it off:

Dear Sir or Madam:

Over the course of the past year and a half, every friend I know has received a Gillette Mach 3 razor soon after they had reached the age of eighteen. I turned eighteen in January and was anticipating the arrival of my very own Mach 3 razor. For weeks after my birthday, I came home from school with much anticipation hoping to find a box addressed to me from Gillette.

However, nine months have now passed since my eighteenth birthday and I still have not received a Mach 3 razor. I do understand that Gillette most likely does not have the resources to send a brand new Mach 3 to every male who turns eighteen in America, but I do feel left out since every single one of my friends was fortunate enough to receive such a fine product.

In fact, it has come to the point that my friends now hold this against me! At lunch, I may ask to borrow some money, but it seems as if owning a Mach 3 razor is the password to enter some exclusive club. I end up getting a reply such as "Sorry, I only loan money to people who have Mach 3 razors." I suppose that I could very well go out and buy my very own, but there is still a hope deep down that Gillette will find my name in the bottom of one of their mailing lists and send me a Mach 3 for free!

I am hoping that the fine people of the Gillette Company will understand my difficulties and take pity on my life without a Mach 3. I dearly hope that you will grant my wish of sending me a Mach 3 razor so that I will once again be recognized as an equal among my peers. Thank you so very much!

Unfortunately, I never got a response. :(

(Perhaps I should have put "Shaving Enthusiast" after my name when I signed the letter? Then again, I couldn't even grow hair back then...)
posted by RockBandit at 5:09 PM on March 4, 2006

I just stopped sending them out. It was crazy. -- tomble

I had the same thing happen. It was insane. I still send samples and freebies, but I include them in the boxes of people who've ordered other stuff.
posted by dejah420 at 5:39 PM on March 4, 2006

This is a bad project. It promotes consumerism, surely something that needs no promotion. It's boring because of its triviality, its impersonality and its lack of detail. No one learns anything revelatory, deep, useful, unexpected or moving. Please post better material next time.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 9:38 AM PST on March 4 [!]

Lighten up bra. This made me happy for a few lousy minutes of my hideous, anti-consumerist existence. So it's good.
posted by recurve at 5:42 PM on March 4, 2006

RockBandit

i remember the free mach 3s! i got one as well... sorry to hear you were left out. twice. i think i also got a free sample of that anti-acne stuff with the sailboat on it... something called clear skin or clear sail or clear-a-sil-ish. did you at least score some of that stuff? i think it was ultimately scented everclear with a handy flip top cap.

this whole post reminds me of mr. show. did anyone see the one where david cross is writing to globochem and requesting free products?

search for "dear globochem"

good times. =)

thank you in advance, narwhal, best of the web enthusiast
posted by narwhal at 5:58 PM on March 4, 2006

a free sample of that anti-acne stuff with the sailboat on it

Ah, Sea Breeze^TM astringent.
posted by ericb at 6:38 PM on March 4, 2006

ericb that was it! =)
my hero...
posted by narwhal at 8:05 PM on March 4, 2006

For a long time I've used shaving brush + mug soap instead of canned shaving cream. A couple of years ago it occurred to me to write the company that makes Williams Mug Soap and let them know how pleased I am with their product: good value, environmentally friendly, works well. Why not brighten the day of someone who might not realize that by manufacturing shaving soap they actually make other human beings happy?

I got back a nice letter and coupons for shaving soap and Aqua Velva from the parent company...
posted by Creosote at 8:50 PM on March 4, 2006

one time i got some old m&ms and i called the comments line and they asked for the number on the bag and then they sent me a coupon for free m&m's.


that guy shoulda saved his $39 and just made phone calls.
posted by obeygiant at 10:58 PM on March 4, 2006

As a young girl, I was very impressed with a story told to me by a friend. She and her dad had complained about some chocolates and had then received a whole carton of assorted chocolates in the mail by way of apology. A whole carton... The idea of a whole carton of free chocolates winging their way to me in the mail consumed me as a child.

And then it happened! I had something to complain about! I bought a Gheradelli chocolate bar which had been infected with pantry moths. Oh frabjous day, my dreams were about to come true.

I spent my meager little 12-year-old allowance on a manila envelope and stamp and I mailed that gold ticket off to the Gheradelli company. I feverishly counted the days and spent all my time imaging just how big that carton would be-- how many different kinds of chocolate would be inside.

What I got was a slap in the face (or it felt like one anyway.) It was a curt note informing me that the Gheradelli Company was not to blame, and hereafter I should take any complaints to the store where the purchase was made. Inclosed was a coupon for two free candy bars-- which coincidentally exactly matched the price of the original inedible bar plus the price of postage.

That happened 36 years ago, and I never lost my feeling of resentment towards the company for being so curt with me.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:11 AM on March 5, 2006

Anyone notice he's now mocking MeFis in his updates at the bottom?
posted by Amanda B at 2:11 PM on March 5, 2006

Yeah, but they deserve mocking.
posted by fixedgear at 5:02 PM on March 5, 2006

I got a bad bag of doritos once. We called the 800 number, told them when and where we got them, and what was wrong. A few days later we got coupons for a few free bags of doritos. Sweet!
posted by inigo2 at 9:11 AM on March 6, 2006

Hmm. I got a free bottle of vitamins as a result of this.
posted by grateful at 10:51 AM on March 6, 2006

I can't wait to see what else he gets.
posted by OmieWise at 10:54 AM on March 6, 2006

"That happened 36 years ago, and I never lost my feeling of resentment towards the company for being so curt with me."

But they gave you free stuff!
posted by agregoli at 11:27 AM on March 6, 2006

Mercedes sent him a keychain, after he wrote to the firm stating that I am a poor slob who drives a bike. Not a motorcycle – a bicycle. Please send me a Mercedes Benz keychain, so I can at least pretend to have some class when I'm around people.
posted by Kwantsar at 7:53 PM on March 9, 2006