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Call them bum wines, street wines, fortified wines, wino wines...
March 7, 2006 11:39 PM   Subscribe

Bumwine.com: "Call them bum wines, street wines, fortified wines, wino wines, or twist-cap wines. Whatever you call these beverages for the economical drunkard, this page explores the top five. So curl up on a heating duct and enjoy..." I stumbled (sober, honestly) across Bumwine.com while researching the right beverage to enliven a fictional description of lewd drunkenness in an email to a friend. It's an informative, sometimes humorous, reference site--historical and otherwise--to the world of inexpensive wines with useful links to other sites and articles, like this one (including a tutorial) from the Michigan Daily.
posted by josephtate (52 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
Earnest...Julio?? no...Gallo?
posted by hortense at 11:58 PM on March 7, 2006


Is it worrysome that I've read over both those sites before?
posted by Mitrovarr at 12:02 AM on March 8, 2006


The obligatory self link.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:30 AM on March 8, 2006


And let's not forget the wine of choice for chavs everywhere - Buckfast!


posted by twistedonion at 12:59 AM on March 8, 2006


ooops - probably should have looked in the 'others' section where it's listed.
posted by twistedonion at 1:05 AM on March 8, 2006


Where's the goon? Goon is wine for the discerning bum.

(Goon means wine in a box for you yanks)
posted by Serial Killer Slumber Party at 1:11 AM on March 8, 2006



And let's not forget the wine of choice for chavs everywhere - Buckfast!


Buckfast has spread to England? Or the term 'chavs' has spread to Scotland?

Oh, never mind, I see you're in Northern Ireland. Please don't tell me that 'chavs' has replaced 'spides', it was my second fave term for the tracksuited underclass after 'scallies'.

Back on topic: white cider beats tonic wine for serious cheap drinking leading to aggressive behaviours.
posted by jack_mo at 3:28 AM on March 8, 2006


Jack_mo's right - White Lightning is de rigeur for the self-respecting (is that an oxymoron?) street drinker (pdf).
posted by patricio at 3:44 AM on March 8, 2006


Used chav as I though it was a better known word. they're all the same breed whatever you call em!

I much prefer spide, steek, kev or my personal favourite - Fleckies.

Agree with you on the white cider too.... standing in fields with a 2 lt of white lightning that only cost a couple of pounds.... those were the days. Now I'm stuck in a club on a saturday night drinking pints of Magners at four times the price.
posted by twistedonion at 3:52 AM on March 8, 2006


What's the word? Thunderbird!
posted by telstar at 4:00 AM on March 8, 2006


Mad Dog 20/20 - The Wine of the Century

(Does it still say that on the bottle?) A friend of mine from years ago, The Original Bad Bob, kept his Mad Dog in the freezer until he was ready to imbibe.

Nasty.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 4:38 AM on March 8, 2006


I can't let a discussion about (ahem) fortified/tonic wines pass without mentioning Buckfast, Concorde and El Dorado. Neds from the west to the east of the central belt in Scotland lap that shit up.
posted by bouncebounce at 4:53 AM on March 8, 2006


What about Cold Duck?

"Cold Duck is best served chilled. Although most sparkling wines are served in flutes, Cold Duck is best served in a circle chug format."

I was once in an "English Pub" in Sweden...the Prince Albert or King George or somesuch...and they had a big promotion for Mad Dog. They had all the flavors spelled out in different colored chalk on their chalkboard and they served it in regular wine glasses to the young bar-hopping crowd. Don't know if it ever really took off.

And the bumwine site is right. There is some sort of mystery mind-altering ingredient in Cisco. That crap gave me the worst hangover I have ever had. Give that stuff a wide berth.
posted by Otis at 5:09 AM on March 8, 2006


I must have chugged too much Wild Irish Rose this morning...I'm seeing double.
posted by Otis at 5:14 AM on March 8, 2006


"Used chav as I though it was a better known word. they're all the same breed whatever you call em!"

Haha!! And I thought classism was dead in the UK.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 5:30 AM on March 8, 2006


I fondly remember the techicolor vomit days of the late 60s drinking Ripple Pagan Pink......
posted by Pressed Rat at 5:46 AM on March 8, 2006


at $0.89 a bottle BTW....
posted by Pressed Rat at 5:47 AM on March 8, 2006


if you like to smell your hand after pumping gas, look no further than Thunderbird.

I've read through the site a number of times (it's been up for years) and that line has never failed to make me laugh a little.
posted by clevershark at 6:12 AM on March 8, 2006


Haha!! And I thought classism was dead in the UK.

It's true. Since the New Labour revolution, we're all scallies now.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:33 AM on March 8, 2006


I second the nomination of White Lightning. Some of my more self-abusing friends drank that stuff in uni.

Besides, true hardcore motherfuckers drink pruno. Though, ironically, making it is a lot more expensive than buying a 2 litre bottle of WL.
posted by slimepuppy at 6:34 AM on March 8, 2006


Or the term 'chavs' has spread to Scotland?

IIRC, the true Buckfast-drinking variety are generally termed Neds
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:37 AM on March 8, 2006


Also, if it wasn't self-evident, thanks for the link. I'm dying of laughter reading these reviews.
posted by slimepuppy at 6:38 AM on March 8, 2006


How can they not mention Boone's Farm Kountry Kwencher?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:56 AM on March 8, 2006


I'm really just posting out of a sense of name obligation. The last time I drank Cisco (orange) there was a rather serious problem with mysterious splatterings of lurid neon vomit and a four hour unaccounted gap in memory. Good times.
posted by Divine_Wino at 6:56 AM on March 8, 2006


White Lightning with a dash of Ribena is actually quite palatable. At least I thought so when I only had two quid a night to get drunk on. So, who's going to be the first to admit to a youthful enthusiasm for solvents?


IIRC, the true Buckfast-drinking variety are generally termed Neds


Also popular with the 'bam'. I wasn't being classist so much as bemoaning the increasingly widespread adoption of the term 'chav' (originally 'charver', a term which, oddly, seems to be common in both the North East and the South East) which is always an insult, and always mealy-mouthed and snobbish (unlike, say 'scally', which can be a near-compliment) and threatens the rich diversity of regional terms for such folk.
posted by jack_mo at 7:01 AM on March 8, 2006


four hour unaccounted gap in memory..

Now THAT's drinkin'

I used to work for Denver Cares riding around in a white van. We'd go up and down Larimer street picking up passed out dudes and bring them to detox. The wine of choice back then, was Night Train but I did learn the chant:

"What's the word?
"Thunderbird!"
"What's the price?"
"Fourty twice!"
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:12 AM on March 8, 2006


t'was me who was being classist I think. Nothing to do with class though, unless emo kids and goths are a class too. But yeah, "breed" was probably a bad choice of words... they chose to be insolent little wankers - makes it even worse


Ever try Half Tennents (or Stryker if you were really poor), half white lightning and a dash of Ribena.... Purple snakebite or something like that?
posted by twistedonion at 7:14 AM on March 8, 2006


just remembered... Purple nasty - snakebite was just cider and beer
posted by twistedonion at 7:15 AM on March 8, 2006


oh, and who checked the numbers on their bottle of bucky?
posted by twistedonion at 7:15 AM on March 8, 2006


Three of us st down in Panama one afternoon with a bottle of night train. "went away for while" came to with sickly grins and drank another bottle to try and work out what it was all about. Fucking idiots.
posted by adamvasco at 7:21 AM on March 8, 2006


And to quote the great John Belushi (didn't he die in early March? - mentioned twice in one week on MF...)

"Man that Night Train's a mean wine" [smashes botle on ground].
posted by Sk4n at 7:32 AM on March 8, 2006


What about Cold Duck?

Do you mean Malt Duck? The combo of malt liquor and cold duck? My friends and I drank this back in the 70s, it was made by National Brewing Co. in Baltimore, Md. A bum wine for sure.
posted by QuestionableSwami at 7:37 AM on March 8, 2006


I'm from London and when I was a kid it was Strongbow (US=hard cider) and Thunderbird. Perhaps that was why I "couldn't take my booze" until I was 16 (which coincides with when I made the switch to beer.)

Great site, btw...
posted by ob at 7:50 AM on March 8, 2006


Ever try Half Tennents (or Stryker if you were really poor), half white lightning and a dash of Ribena.... Purple snakebite or something like that?

Twistedonion, yeah, I have actually. The most insidious drink known to man, Snakebite 'n' black is (that's what I've heard it called mostly). Doesn't really matter what cider/beer/juice you use, that stuff will mess you up good and proper. Tastes like blackcurrant and you don't even feel drunk until you inexplicably wake up underneath a kitchen table in an unknown student flat.

Mate of mine was a big fan. He was really boring at parties though, because while everyone else was just getting going on just regular beer, he had passed out two hours ago in some undisclosed location.
posted by slimepuppy at 7:54 AM on March 8, 2006


Snakebite 'n' black was known as "Diesel" too. It was replaced in the affections of the get-drunk-as-quick-as-possible crowd by the introduction of "Red" into the union bar which was just as sweet and alcoholic (and red vomit inducing) but had the added 'benefit' of being caffeinated too. That way you could get utterly twatted and dance like loon without falling asleep like slimepuppy's mate. Aaah, good times at Top Banana.
posted by patricio at 7:59 AM on March 8, 2006


ha ha ha - Snakebite 'n' black. Snakebite 'n' Blackout would be very appropriate!!
posted by twistedonion at 7:59 AM on March 8, 2006


I've gotten drunk on just about every bum wine (the American ones anyway) mentioned on the site (even the legendary Ripple) and I have to say Night Train is probably the pick of the litter, T-Bird being the worst (smells like carb cleaner and gives the most wicked of hangovers). When I was in the Air Force we would have the occasional "cheap wine night", six guys in a circle passing six different fortified wines around until the bottles were gone. I get a headache just thinking of the headaches I used to get.
posted by MikeMc at 8:01 AM on March 8, 2006


Once in college we made a punch with grape MD 20/20, grain alcohol and grape Kool-Aid. Stir with arm; takes weeks to recover.
posted by kgasmart at 8:03 AM on March 8, 2006


night train is teh awesome. i had many a great night while getting blitzed on that stuff back in college. its funny to carry it around in a paper bag (of course) and watch the look on peoples face when they ask what you are drinking and you remove the bag.

its so awesome guns and roses wrote a song about it.

however, be aware that drinking more than one bottle at a time will, in my experience, cause a run-in with the cops, and expulsion from your university.

also, stay away from a wine called 'orange driver'. i came across this garbage at a ghetto store in raleigh, nc. it seemed ingenius because it had something like 20.5% ABV and had an awesome name. i drank the whole bottle and went on a rampage in my own bedroom and destroyed half my stuff. no drink has ever created random rage in me before or since.
posted by kneelconqueso at 8:44 AM on March 8, 2006


There was an early-90s NC band called Orange Driver (scroll down in this link). Never knew where the name came from. They make a lot more sense now.
posted by nflorin at 8:50 AM on March 8, 2006




Boone's Farm Apple Wine?

The numbing effect described in the link is, I think, ether that rides along on the fractional distillation.

I've heard that these things can involve tankers of juice with yeast added that ferment on the railways en route to the bottler.
posted by StickyCarpet at 9:23 AM on March 8, 2006


What's the word? Thunderbird.
What's the price? Fourty twice.
How's it sold? Good and cold.

Thunderbird!
posted by togdon at 9:54 AM on March 8, 2006


In high school we used to see how many bottles of Boone's Farm we could drink in a night.
My record was six.

At least, there were six bottles in my pile on the morning after.

All I remember is watermelon. ah...watermelon.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 9:59 AM on March 8, 2006


what? no red dagger?
posted by 3.2.3 at 11:17 AM on March 8, 2006


Gadzooks! I am chagrined. Good work, Otis, for catching that. I thought my pre-posting searches for doubles was thorough. I'll do better next time around. But in the context of this thread, I can't help but ask: Otis Campbell, are you at all related to this Otis Campbell?
posted by josephtate at 11:39 AM on March 8, 2006


Champipple
posted by LinusMines at 11:46 AM on March 8, 2006


Although not exactly a fortified wine, does anyone remember Kamikaze, a pre-mixed thing that went for about three bucks (central Ohio, mid-1990's)?

It was our poison of choice in college. I think we came up with a song/ritual for it, but I forgot most of it (go figure). The decision to drink it was tantamount to saying tonight, boys, females will have nothing to do with us for the next 24 hours.

Had to take a friend to get his stomach pumped because of that stuff. He lived though. Good times.
posted by bardic at 11:51 AM on March 8, 2006


Ah, college.

"I like Mad Dog! I like Mad Dog!"
"So pound it! So pound it! So poooound it!"

Nowadays I'm more likely to just pass out in front of the TV with a forty of Steel Reserve.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:01 PM on March 8, 2006


Joseph,
On the Internet, no one knows you're a fictional town drunk. Unless you make it your user name. And no need to be chagrined, I only point out the other thread for additional information and edification. I've enjoyed this thread. It's been a little walk down lost-memory lane.

Ah Cisco, the wine that "Takes You by Surprise."
posted by Otis at 12:18 PM on March 8, 2006


Strongbow, ob? Yummy but soooo expensive (here in Canada) - I'm considering u-brewing up a huge batch of hard cider.

Booze pricing is really wierd here; the cheap stuff is marginally less expensive than middle-of-the-road stuff, and the expensive stuff is marginally more than the middle-of-the-road while the exotics (rare scotches and brandys) are astronomical.

I've drunk more cheap booze at frat parties when I was in college (in the US) than in highschool or after undergrad.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 12:25 PM on March 8, 2006


Wild Irish got me through many a performance of RHPS. I was always proud that I could drink 3 on average and 5 when i was being challanged.

I was such an idiot at 18.
posted by nadawi at 4:14 PM on March 8, 2006


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